I forgot a disclaimer. I am so ashamed of myself.

Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist. If I did, I could have all the DVDs for FREE! And there would be changes. It would not be called "Fullmetal Alchemist", it would be called "Flame Alchemist", with much of the story line focusing on Colonel Mustang, who, incidentally, I do not own. And I must add this in (I read it in someone else's disclaimer, and I sat there staring at it for hours, going "what does it MEAN?"

"FMA: Fun to play with, not to eat."

A/N: You may very well ask me, 'Why is Wrath here?' Well, Wrath is here because Ilove him. He's so evil, but so cute!

Wrath: :glares: "I amnot cute! Evil, yes. Cute, NEVER!"

Jade: "You are if I say you are, now shut up!"

Wrath: :sulks:

Anyway, as I was saying before, I love Wrath, but have really no plot point for him as of now. He just kinda got dragged in here kicking and screaming.

Wrath: "Don't forget biting."

Ahem, yes, dragged in kicking, screaming, biting, clawing, etc. Happy? Anyway, if anyone has random ideas they would like to send me concerning my favorite Homunculus, or anyone else for that matter, review, e-mail, PM me. Please? I still have nothing for the Elrics to do, either.

Edward: :pouts:

Alphonse: "KITTY!" :runs away:

Yeah. I'll shut up now. Onto the story!

Wrath. One of the Homunculi, he had sworn to kill Edward Elric.

This would be why he was standing outside the Military Headquarters, waiting for his opportunity.

The secretary sitting at the desk looked at the time, sighed, and got up. Wrath didn't care why, and as soon as she was out of sight, he dashed into the building. He considered elevators pure evil (a strange thought for a Homunculus, but ever since he'd had that one dream where Gluttony had eaten through the bottom of the elevator car...), so he ran for the stairs.

BIG mistake.

For as we all know, Mustang and Hawkeye were making out at the foot of the stairs.

But Wrath being Wrath, he was sprinting toward the stairs with no hope of stopping once he saw the two. He tried to swerve to go around but it was too late, and he bowled them both over. Oops.

It would have been comic if poor little Wrath wasn't in danger of being simultaneously shot and burned. He lay flat on his back and stared at his impending doom.

The normally calm and collected Lieutenant Hawkeye was, well, not. The only good thing, Wrath thought, was that with Riza's blouse unbuttoned by an irreverent Colonel, he could see straight down her-

A gloved fist slammed down between his eyes. "Off-limits, pal," Mustang said.

Wrath started to cry. "I just want my mommy back!"

"Shut up!" Mustang looked at Riza. "You know, if I were in a particularly evil mood, I would put Fullmetal in the same room as this... thing."

"Shouldn't we just kill it, sir?" Hawkeye had moved a few steps away and retrieved one of the Uzis. She pointed it at the Homunculus with one hand, the other re-buttoning her shirt.

Wrath was sobbing pathetically. "Edward Elric killed my mommy..."

"Self-defense. And in case you forget, she was wearing the face of our mother." Edward was walking down the stairs. "Wrath. I thought I heard your distinctive whine."

Wrath's eyes blazed with anger. "I'll kill you, Elric!" he shouted hoarsely.

"Try it."

"Brother, le me try."

"He's all yours, Al." Ed gestured.

"Wrath, we know you want to kill us. You want Brother's body."

Wrath just glared, saying nothing.

"You know we are looking for the Philosopher's Stone to get our bodies back to normal. So are you." Then Al stopped stating the obvious and dropped the proverbial bombshell.

"We have basically the same goals. Why don't you work with us?"

A profound silence filled the lobby. Even Hawkeye had lowered the Uzi, mouth open.

Now, Wrath could have taken the opportunity to attack then and there, but very uncharacteristically began to think. A partnership with the Elrics... this could prove useful. Once they have the Stone and recover their pathetic human bodies, I can kill them and take the Stone for myself! Then, I can take my revenge for being ridiculed by the rest of the Homunculi! "Alright, Elric. I'll work with you and your military dogs. Do we have a deal?"

"Sir!" Hawkeye was staring angrily at Alphonse as she addressed Ed. "A word? Colonel, Alphonse, you too."

"But what about him?" Mustang asked, looking at Wrath.

Wrath did his best impression of an innocent smile. It still came out malevolent.

Hawkeye hefted the Uzi. "You move, you die. Got it?"

"Completely." Wrath shrunk away from the powerful woman.

The four moved over against a wall, trusting in Hawkeye's threat to keep Wrath immobile. The Homunculus didn't even dare to sit up for fear of having his head blown off.

"With respect, Alphonse, what were you thinking?" Hawkeye demanded.

Al sounded proud of himself. "Well, now we have a Homunculus on our side. That'll be good in our fight against the other. And if he's with us, he can't hurt anybody else." He suddenly sounded crestfallen. "I was just trying to help," he added softly. "Did I do something wrong?"

"It would be nice if you would consult with us first before making executive decisions like this," Mustang said sternly.

Al looked down. "I'm sorry."

"But I think it was a good decision. We can have this Homunculus where the Military can keep an eye on him."

"Good job, Al." Ed gave his brother a playful swat on the arm.

"You can get up now, Wrath," Hawkeye said.

Wrath stood up as fast as he could. The normally obstinate Homunculus seemed rather good at following orders Riza gave him.

"Shall I escort him to Holding, sir?"

"Yes, Riza."

"Hawkeye, sir."

Now it was Mustang's turn to sound crestfallen. "No first names?"

"Not in public, Colonel." Riza was blushing prettily.

"Shall we go somewhere private later then, Lieutenant? Say... dinner?"

Hawkeye blushed fiercer. "I'll think about it, sir." She grabbed Wrath by the arm and led him away.

"Where are you taking me?" Wrath asked.

"Holding," she answered roughly. "It's somewhere where you won't get in any trouble."

"Don't you trust me?" Wrath tried to look hurt.

Hawkeye snorted and jerked his arm. "Don't try it with me, Wrath. You may look like a child, but you're nowhere near innocent. Mess with me, and I'll show you why my own co-workers fear me when I'm angry."

Wrath shut up. It seemed like the smart thing to do.

-xXx- Later –xXx-

It was almost the end of the day before the Elrics had retrieved enough sugar. Almost everyone had cleared out of the building.

"What're you going to do with it all, sir?" Al asked as he dropped the huge container on Mustang's desk.

The Colonel smirked. "If I told you, I would have to kill you."

"Can we go now?" Ed whined.

Mustang thought about it. "Well, I have nothing else for you to do, so I suppose you can go."

"Yipee!" Edward dashed out of the office as fast as his little legs could carry him.

Alphonse inclined his head to Mustang, then ran after Ed. "Brother, wait for me!"

Roy looked at the sugar and laughed evilly. Since he had lost his sanity, no one was going to be safe... but that was a task for tomorrow. Right now, he had a certain lieutenant to call.

"Oh, shit."

In all the chaos that had followed Wrath's defection to the Military, he had forgotten to ask her for her number.

"Sonofabitch!" Mustang grabbed the phone book and leafed through it. "H... H... H... Hawkeye!" His shoulders slumped at the length of the list of names.

Roy sighed, grabbed the phone, and started at the top.

"Hello? May I speak with Riza Hawkeye?"

"What? Speak up!" a woman shouted.

"Riza Hawkeye!"

"No reason to shout! You have the wrong number."

Mustang put down the phone, sighed again, and dialed the next number, crossing off the first with a black marker as he waited for someone to pick up the phone.

"Hello? May I-"

"GEORGIO, MY BOY!" A male voice declared.

"Umm, no-"

"HOW HAVE YOU BEEN GEORGIO? YOU NEVER CALL YOUR UNCLE ANYMORE SINCE I WAS ADMITTED TO THE HOME-"

Click. Another one crossed out of the book.

-xXx- Much later –xXx-

Riza put the bag of dog food away. "There you go, Black Hayate. If you spill it all over the floor again, I'm locking you outside."

Black Hayate barked, wagged his tail, and started to eat.

"Good boy. Keep it in the dish, how hard can it be?" The phone rang, and she leaned over the counter to pick it up. "Hello?"

"Is Riza Hawkeye there? Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye?" The Colonel sounded tired and frustrated.

"Yes, Roy, this is she."

"Riza? Riza! Riza!" Strange thumping sounds could be heard over the phone, and Hawkeye hoped he wasn't jumping up and down. That would be very undignified, if rather amusing to watch. "Thank GOD it's you! Do you have any idea how many Hawkeyes are in the phone book?" Mustang demanded. "I must have talked to every nut in Central!"

Hawkeye laughed. "I left my number on top of your paperwork. But I guess you didn't even look there, did you?"

(If this were anime, I could play the music that gets played when the characters do something stupid. Unfortunately, this is fanfiction, so you just have to use your imaginations.)

Mustang groaned. Sure enough, on the paperwork he had organized into the pile he had labeled 'Aren't due for another week... feel free to ignore these' there was a small slip of paper with a phone number on it.

Hawkeye could hear muffled banging over the phone. "Sir, please don't hit your head off the desk. The thickness of your skull could break it."

The banging ceased, and Riza shook her head. What would the Colonel do without her?

A/N: Whoo, here's the end of yet another chapter. Sorry this one is not as funny, but 'twas necessary to include. The next chapter includes something that involves lots of sugar, and I must decide whom to give the part to: Havoc, or Wrath? I personally think it would be funnier with Wrath, but...

Havoc: "Pick me! Pick me! I haven't been in this story yet!"

Jade: "Yes you have."

Havoc: "Shut up! It was only like three paragraphs long!"

Wrath: "IF YOU READERS PICK ME, I WILL RIP YOUR ARM AND LEG OF! LOOK WHAT I DID TO THE ELRICS!"

Jade: "WRATH! I'm WARNING you, if you scare off my reviewers, I'll SLAP YOU WITH A FISH!"

Wrath: "What?"

Jade: "Did Sloth give you no classical education at all? Monty Python's Flying Circus? The Fish-Slapping Dance? Ring any bells?" :sigh: "No classical education, you Homunculi should be ashamed."

So, Wrath or Havoc? :cheesy commercial voice: YOU decide!

Also, thanks for all the reviews for the last chapter! NOW DO IT AGAIN :)