Summary: The kiss at the hospital has surprising results.
Warning: One – vague spoilers mentioned. Two – Author is on temporary leave from the Star Wars universe. As may be evidenced by a particular Qui-Gon like sentiment within the text – and the well known Han Solo response towards the end.
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Not sure who all these characters really belong to, only that it's not me. But my, oh my! – Who knew they grew 'em like Brandon Routh in Iowa. (Yes, this is an edit. I had originally thought he was from Ohio for some odd reason) Oh, well :)
Lois squeezed the small hand that rested within hers reassuringly. Jason looked up at her curiously, as if wondering who the small touch of comfort was really meant for. She smiled at him tenderly, moved by his intuitiveness. Even as a baby Jason had shown an uncanny ability in interpreting her emotions. She squeezed his hand again, a little firmer this time, silently acknowledging her own need for comfort.
"In here, Ms. Lane."
She hesitated before entering, eyes closing briefly. From the moment she'd stumbled into Lex Luthor upon The Gertrude, her emotions had been in overdrive. There had been little time in the aftermath that followed to deal with them. Her hold was fragile at best – but she dare not break. Could not – for innumerable reasons.
Instead, she did her best to lock them all away. She would deal with her feelings later – on her own terms. For now, she would simply have to endure.
Together, mother and son stepped into the dimly lit and sterile room. Lois froze just inside the door, momentarily incapable of taking another step.
"Is he going to be okay, mommy?" Jason asked. The small worried voice seemed to snap her out of her paralysis.
"I don't know." She answered honestly.
"I hope so." Jason responded earnestly. "I like him."
The innocent comment brought a genuine smile to her delicate features. "Me too."
Jason pulled away from her, drawn to the only splash of color in the otherwise white room. The red and blue uniform was carefully draped over a chair by the window. Its silky material looking remarkably drab without the man inside to bring it vibrantly to life.
Outside, the afternoon was overcast. The day dreary and cloudy – as if the sky itself were in mourning for it's fallen hero. Yet despite the horde of well-wishers below and the activity of the hospital all around them, it was quiet. So quiet that she could hear her heart beating to a fast and steady cadence and feel its wild flutter against her chest as she went to him.
Each step closer touched an icy blade of fear to her spine as she was confronted with the very real possibility of losing him. He won't die. He can't. We need him. I . . . need him.
Lois reached the edge of the bed and sat softly at its edge, half afraid to touch him. His appearance, so uncharacteristically vulnerable and . . . human, startled her. He looked pale and weak – stripped of all that defined him as the Man of Steel. She glanced around at the various array of medical equipment that beeped and blinked at his bedside, causing her to briefly wonder what exactly would be considered normal life signs for such a man. She surmised that no one, not even the doctors, were really sure. Still, she found the low steady hum of the machines to be reassuring all the same.
"Can you hear me?" She asked quietly, surprised at how steady her voice sounded. "They say that sometimes . . . people can hear . . ." Lois trailed off, feeling a bit foolish, as if she were talking to herself. Yet she needed to say it – even it were only for her benefit. She leaned closer.
"I need to tell you . . ." While her voice was pitched low, she turned to gaze at Jason. Her son held a corner of the crimson cape between his fingers, reverently stroking the fabric.
With her heart in her throat, her gaze returned to the man in the bed. He needed to know. If anything were to give him the will to live – this would be it. Gently, her lips grazed the whorls of his ear.
Please, don't go. I need you. She took a deep trembling breath. Your son needs you.
He'd not known of course. Had left before she'd had the chance to tell him. And while many an unresolved feeling still churned at his perceived abandonment, the only thing that mattered now was that he live. She could and would forgive anything – if only that he should live.
Until now, she'd never spoken the truth of Jason's paternity to anyone. Not even Richard. Richard. The thought of him brought a new level of pain and a fleeting sense of betrayal to her senses. She locked it away with everything else to be dealt with later. For now - she wanted only to live in the moment. This moment.
Her hand settled lightly on his chest, so blessedly warm as it continued to rise and fall beneath her touch. Another look back at Jason showed the boy had moved to the window to gaze at the crowd below. Very patiently, he was giving her the time and privacy she needed. Her heart could not help but surge with motherly pride and affection.
Lois' gaze returned to the man in the bed, and she allowed her eyes to caress the handsomely carved features before leaning closer. His lips, so soft and full, were unresponsive to hers. Still, she lingered as if willing her kiss to wake him from his sleep. While Lois recognized the absurdity of the fairy tale like thought, it didn't alter her intimate proximity in the least. Instead she pressed a little more firmly against him and ran the tip of her tongue ever so lightly across his bottom lip.
Slightly startled by her behavior, she would have pulled away were it not for the tentative response it evoked. His lips slowly parted beneath hers and he made a faint sleepy inquiry at the back of his throat. Encouraged by his timid response, Lois deepened the kiss, sweeping her tongue into the moist cavern of his mouth.
She could feel him fighting for consciousness, even as she began to lose herself in the sweet, languid, drowsiness of his kiss. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she knew she shouldn't be doing this, not with Jason only a few feet away. It was working though; he was rousing more each second, responding to her in a way that made her heart flutter uncontrollably.
Another weak sound, more of surrender, and his tongue moved shyly against hers. Yielding completely to the moment, Lois let herself be carried away as well – lost in the unique taste of him and the faint scent of ocean breeze that still clung to his skin.
Yet as a sudden feeling of deja-vous stirred within her - Lois felt an odd sense of displacement. Weightless and adrift, she swayed, pulling out of the kiss. Fragmented images, puzzle pieces of dreams – or memories - fluttered chaotically behind darkened lids. An unmistakable wave of motion sickness had her reaching for the bedside rail, gripping it tightly.
She took a deep steady breath and let it out slowly as the images inside her head played themselves out in stunning clarity - heedless of the emotional turmoil that would soon follow. Niagra Falls. Clark. Superman. That horrid pink suit. Dawning suspicions. Tossing herself over the rail into the falls. Nearly drowning. Clark. Feeling foolish. The Honeymoon Suite. The bearskin rug. Clark. Tripping. Hand. Fire.
Denial.
Acknowledgement.
And ultimately – Truth.
The memory of that day and all that followed slammed into her with such force that she gasped, the realization leaving her in shock and panting for air.
"Clark." A sobbing whisper, barely audible. Oh, Clark. Her mind was still spinning with the revelations of suppressed memories when she heard a familiar voice.
"Lois?" Her eyes flew open and she stared deep into concerned pools of liquid sapphire. "Are you alright?"
Shock delayed her response, and she stared at him mutely, unable at first to formulate a coherent reply. That is, until her emotions caught up with the rest of her.
"Yes." Was the automatic response. "No." Was the more truthful response. "Damn you." Was the only response accurate enough to completely cover the wide range of emotions cursing through her at the moment. Tears trickled down over her cheeks, the hurt in her voice evident. The concern in his eyes turned to alarm and she was torn between soothing him and hitting him.
"Mommy?" Lois nearly jumped. Wiping her eyes and face quickly with her hands, she turned to her son.
"Yes, honey?" He stood on the other side of bed regarding her worriedly.
Her heart in pieces and her emotions scattered to the winds, Lois pushed aside her conflicting feelings and focused on Jason.
"It's okay, sweetie." She smiled at him lovingly. "Come here."
Her attempt at a calm composure went a long way in easing the child, and Jason approached the bed without hesitation.
"Hi." He said in a small voice to the man on the bed.
Superman gave a tired but genuine smile as he looked at the boy. "Hello, Jason."
"Are you gonna be okay?" Asked Jason.
Mother and son both looked to him at this question. Lois noting that his beautiful blue eyes flickered to her in uncertainty – as if she had some small say in the matter.
"I think," His hand reached to graze the side of the child's face. "I'm going to be just fine."
Jason's face dimpled in a relieved smile. "I'm glad." He said. The discussion at this point moved in a decidedly male direction and Lois sat quietly while the two discussed a variety of important information.
What does one do in kindergarten?
Exactly how fast is a speeding bullet?
What is your favorite food?
Do you need to eat?
Can you ride a bike?
Do you fly in Space – or do you float?
Briefly excluded from the conversation, Lois began to collect her wits about her and calmly examine the implications of all that had been revealed. Were it only herself to consider, she would say to hell with the complications that were certain to arise. But it wasn't just her anymore. It hadn't been for some time now.
Jason would always be her first priority. Her wants, her needs were now second to his. And while she'd managed to keep thoughts of him at bay thus far – Richard deserved her consideration as well. Jason had a life, a family . . . a father – in Richard. Could she take that all away? From both of them? She knew, with a sinking heart, that she could not.
"Okay, munchkin." Lois chimed in at a lull in the conversation, her voice strained as she swallowed past a large painful lump in her throat. Needing desperately to distance herself from the situation, she said, "It's time to go. Richard's waiting."
"Can we come back, mommy?" Jason asked hopefully.
A small pause. "Sure." Lois answered decidedly. "Maybe tomorrow, after school?" Never would she purposefully keep them apart.
Jason seemed happy with her answer and stood waiting for her expectantly.
"Could you give mommy a minute, sweetie?" She asked.
He nodded dutifully and headed for the door. After only a few steps the boy hesitated. Lois watched as he sprinted back to the bed, hopped up, and planted a kiss on Superman's forehead. It was a surprisingly sweet and heartbreaking gesture that left her eyes watering.
She watched him go and waited until he was out of hearing distance before turning back to the man in the bed. There was so much she wanted to say – and so little that it would change. He saw the anguish in her eyes and she knew that it cut him deeply as well.
"I have to go." I don't want to, but I must.
"I know." His voice trembled, but his words were firm.
Unable to stand the breaking of her heart any longer, Lois turned to leave. His hand gently grasped hers, stilling her movement.
"I'm so sorry." His eyes watered and she was torn to pieces anew. "I never would have left . . . had I known." His gaze strayed meaningfully to Jason as the boy waited quietly by the door.
Swiping quickly at a runaway tear, Lois responded. "I know." And she did. Even as she now understood why he'd had to go. "You needed to find your family."
Quite suddenly she realized that she'd never asked him, that night on the rooftop. She'd been entirely too angry with him for leaving in the first place. "Did you?"
His eyes were sad, but the smile he graced her with was sincere. "You're my family now, Lois. You and Jason."
"I . . ." She didn't know what to say to that. The words simultaneously brought forth such an abundance of both joy and pain.
He squeezed her hand in understanding, and then let go. Between them lay the unspoken acknowledgment that their time had passed. They could never be together.
Lois walked away, but like Jason had done only moments before, she hesitated. Visibly composing herself, she turned back to him, shoulders squared – as if daring him to stop her.
"I love you." The words were quiet, but fierce.
His eyes closed, and a single tear finally broke free. "I know." To say more would be too much.
"Goodbye, Lois." It wouldn't be the last time they saw each other, but by silent agreement, it would be the last time that either of them acknowledged their love.
She left silently, without farewell. Richard was waiting.
End.
A/N: This is the first fandom in five years of writing that has managed to lure me away from the Star Wars universe. I may write more, but I'm not entirely sure. Right now I'm enjoying being able to read all the wonderful new fics being posted. My hat is off to those of you who can crank out quality 10, 12, 15, and 18 chapter fics.
--shan