Hidden under a Smile
Disclaimer: a.) Not mine
b.) Mainly about Fai, his past and Kurogane
c.) written post 121, before 122 was released.
d.) No native english speaker
e.) Enjoy! -
IV. The Last Feather
And then he'd suddenly been standing in front of Princess Tomoyo once more and the manju bun declared that only one feather was left. Tomoyo smiling happily, if not somewhat mysteriously, before dragging Sakura off to get her outfitted.
Syaoran had been left stuttering in the dust, bewildered, but he'd been less tense than at other times. Relief, that only one feather was left, perhaps also a bit wistful.
Kurogane astonished that their quest had come to a conclusion. No more dimension hopping, no more weird worlds, awkward moments or strange confrontations. He wouldn't exactly miss it – the thought of resettling into his former, comfortable life was tempting indeed – but it felt strange.
"There's a feather nearby." said Mokona a few days later, face scrunched in deep concentration. A pregnant pause had them all holding their breath, leaning forward. Then the white bun opened its eyes, uncommonly grave and serious. "The last one."
And while Sakura squealed with delight and everyone sighed in relief, Syaoran couldn't help but feel a deep, old ache rising.
Tomoyo gave them a knowing smirk. "It has been awaiting its rightful owner for a long time."
"Finally." Fei Wang breathed, watching Sakura receive her last feather "Finally my plans can come into fruition."
"What is going to happen, now?" black Mokona questioned from its perch on Yuuko's shoulder. The dimension witch didn't look exactly happy, a deep frown etched on her face.
Hitsuzen would be decided, now and then.
Either Fei Wang would achieve his goal and consequently unsettle the entire universe, or nothing would happen. Sakura would never remember Syaoran, both would return to Clow and resume their usual lifes…
There was something else, itching deep within her, but she couldn't quite grasp the idea. She had a feeling that somehow she missed an important part of the picture.
Both, Syaoran and Sakura cried that night, each on their own.
Sakura, because she couldn't remember Syaoran, even though all feathers had been collected. But she still felt incomplete, as if a huge part of herself was missing, and it hurt beyond everything she had previously experienced.
Syaoran cried, because he couldn't help feeling he had failed. He'd damned Sakura to remain incomplete forever, to life with a gaping hole in her soul and there was nothing, anybody could do about it.
"It's cruel." Kurogane said to his silent companion.
Fai's lips barely twitched. "It's Hitsuzen."
"I know." Kurogane replied "Still, it's bloody unfair. Look at them, they deserve happiness more than anybody else I know and what do they get?"
Darkness shadowed Fai's face. "I don't like Hitsuzen very much myself."
Leaning back, Kurogane muttered what should become fateful words: "I wonder, if Hitsuzen can't be altered… You know, if those two were doomed from the beginning or if … if fate can be altered."
"No, never altered…" Fai murmured, before descending into thoughtful silence. Kurogane entirely missed the strange determination settling across the wizard's features.
Tomoyo woke up in the middle of the night. Blue light was dancing, whirling around on of the castle's towers and she couldn't help but stare in wonder. Her own senses were prickling, awed by the incredible amount of power displayed, even though it filled her heart with dread.
"What?" muttered Yuuko, pulling herself upright, barely awake. A shudder went down her spine and her eyes flew up "What the hell!"
The next morning was a dreary affair.
Time had come to say goodbye, Sakura and Syaoran prepared to return to Clow, but nobody found the right words. Kurogane watched silently, how the two avoided each other, wallowing in their respective misery. Nobody had addressed the issue of memories, but it hung heavily in the cold morning air, oppressing and suffocating.
Almost everbody had already said goodbye, when Fai entered the scene, pale like a sheet but grinning like an idiot.
"Jaa, Sakura-chan." The fool's smile firmly back in place, attention turned towards the princess.
"You wondered why you can't remember Syaoran-kun, even though all the feathers have been gathered, ne?"
Kurogane shuddered at the bluntness.
Both, Syaoran and Sakura nodded, confusion evident on their faces. A faint glimmer of hope in the princess' eyes, while Syaoran's betrayed bewilderment and a small amount of fear.
"What are you…?" Syaoran started, confused.
"Well, that'd be because Mokona-chan was mistaken. One feather does remain…"
Kurogane's eyes widened drastically, Syaoran gasped in shock and Sakura in delight. Caught by sheer disbelief, Syaoran started spluttering, almost blurted out that this wasn't possible. Those memories were gone, taken as payment by that uber-powerful witch, there simply shouldn't have been a way.
Though Fai's smile suggested otherwise.
"Where is it?" asked Sakura, bouncing with happy anticipation, while Kurogane frowned in suspicion. Mulling it over – the weird storm last night, the magician's shaking hands – somehow the impossible had been realized.
"A price once paid can not be returned."
Or whatever the witch had said. Those hadn't been empty words. And judging by all else that went, they were true. Even princess Tomoyo held Yuuko's powers in highest esteem – so what the hell had that … that waif of a man done to undo the dimension witch's work?
Had he fooled them all?
"Ah, you needn't search for it." yes, this devious spark glittering in those blue eyes did indeed sing of suppressed mirth – they'd all been had; hitsuzen included.
"It's my goodbye present for you."
And without further words Fai opened his hand to reveal a softly glowing feather resting on his palm.
Frightened disbelief on Syaoran's face and even Kurogane felt uneasy. A set-up of this size wouldn't end here; too little was accounted for.
But there it was, a single, pink feather floating towards its rightful owner. Sakura squealed in happiness and all of a sudden the sun seemed to shine twice as bright.
Somewhere in another dimension, Fei Wang angrily tossed his wineglass to the floor, helplessly and full of outrage. Eyes fastened to the screen, glaring at the actors, glaring at that foolish magician that had dared to interfere.
By all rights, he shouldn't have been capable to return those memories. Power like this – only Clow himself had held those gifts. And while Celes Royal Magician had been powerful on his own, he hadn't possessed any of Clow's abilities.
No, not the magician.
And it dawned on Fei Wang Reed how it all had become possible.
The magical item which had brought clone Syaoran "alive", the one that had previously belonged to Clow himself… It hadn't been there, when the clone dissolved, had never been seen again and Fei Wang had believed it forever lost.
Though, obviously, somebody had picked it up. Along with his second eye, Fai had gathered a piece of Clow's magic. And known exactly what use to put it to.
Ironical, how exactly the person he had considered the least danger for a complete lack of goals, had foiled all his intentions. Fai had always seemed to him like a man who was looking for a good opportunity to die, somebody, who didn't care much for living, yet didn't want to die without a reason at all.
For all his capabilities, his magic and mind, the royal magician of Celes lacked the spirit to actively step up and start pulling strings for his own sake. It was always for somebody else, thus, as long, as everybody in the wizard's vicinity behaved according to plan, nothing would happen.
Thus, he had thought. Held all the pieces in his hands but failed to come up with a picture.
Ashura-ou's broken doll had never seemed very dangerous at all.
It was quite a while later than originally planned, that Sakura and Syaoran left for home. There'd been a lot of tears cried from happiness, a lot of real laughter and a feeling of general contentment. The sun had risen high, banished the fog and the world around them had been perfect for a while.
Tomoyo had been laughing, Sakura trembling with suppressed mirth, Syaoran had finally relaxed and joined the insanity. They'd been talking a lot, exchanging well-wishes, and so many unsaid words had burst out.
The impossible happy ending had become reality.
Yuuko watched the proceedings, though by now her frown had evened out. She'd clearly underestimated the magician, but even if she had been betrayed in some sort of way, she didn't really feel offended.
It was more a matter of astonishment, that, yes, by some incredible trick, hitsuzen had been swayed and another future than expected had come to pass. With her memories complete Sakura was out of danger from Fei Wang, thus she herself too had one thing less to worry about.
Yet it felt strange. That fate could have been tricked – she'd never have believed it possible, hadn't she witnessed it with her own eyes.
Of course, this small success had come at a high price, yet…
She couldn't help smiling, glad for Sakura and Syaoran. Happy, because she experienced an odd sensation she hadn't felt in a long time.
Hope.
Hope, because the future wasn't yet decided.
Kurogane had been wondering why princess Tomoyo had seemed to be happy and sad at the same time when Fai revealed the feather. It was a strange expression, somewhat misplaced among the general happiness.
Needless to say, it had him on the edge. Tomoyo never did anything without a reason and if she did look onto the scene with a quite profound sadness in those dark eyes, he needed to find out why. Though nothing obvious had come to his mind – the kid, the princess, and everybody else gathered, even the damned magician, they'd all been smiling and laughing for real that time.
Perhaps, because this all shouldn't have happened. Perhaps the magic performed had been some obscure, forbidden kind – as far as Kurogane knew Tomoyo was strict where dark magic was concerned.
Anyways, Fai had some explaining to do.
Kurogane turned around to find the wizard in front of a small pound, staring out at the lush greenery, blooming cherry trees and deep blue sky. Most people had by now retreated inside, the sun slowly gaining heat and the travellers gone.
The smile on the pale face was as honest as it was wistful and Kurogane only noticed, that Fai was swaying gently on his feet, blue eyes wide and somehow unfocused, before he fainted.
Holding the lithe body, Kurogane wondered how he had failed to notice the dark smudges underneath closed eyes, how the smooth was just a shade too pale, just a tad too cold. Laboured breathes and shaking hands, and nothing but thin, delicate bones to be felt underneath the voluminous robes.
"Oi!" Kurogane leaned forward, but Fai didn't even flinch, not even, when he slapped him.
The stillness scared him and Kurogane remembered Ashura, remembered tales of famine and eternal cold in Celes. A certain magician collapsing under the strain – Kurogane wondered, if Fai had been the same back then, too light, too white, too close to death.
Ashura must have felt similar to Kurogane, watching worriedly. He'd have to have known, back then, that the demand for magical warmth would kill his magician sooner rather than later.
While killing others might save him.
Yes, Kurogane reflected grimly, he'd probably have done the same as Ashura. Killed another, killed those, perhaps, who were indirectly trying to kill what he intended to protect. He'd never have chosen another world; no, if he'd been Ashura, he'd started with those neighbouring kingdoms turned battlefield opponents and attackers.
A rustling of robes brought him out of his contemplations and he saw Tomoyo hurrying towards them, followed by Souma and several others, two of whom Kurogane recognized as the royal physicians.
Though the remorseful gaze Tomoyo bestored on the scene indicated that their attendance was superfluous.
"I'm sorry." she said and there were tears glistening in her eyes "I'm sorry this has to happen."
Incredulous, Kurogane stared up at her, unwilling to believe what those whispered words are implying. He is left gaping like a fish, far too aware of the trembling body in his arms. There is honest fear in his red eyes, a silent plea to tell him, that, yes, everything is going to be alright.
Souma, unable to bear it, tore her gaze away, instead her eyes focused on a still, fine-boned hand resting on green grass and grief welled up in her heart.
This cannot be undone, this cannot be changed… This time there is nobody with a final trick up his sleeve, this time no magic will work. No matter, how unfair it is, no matter, what they're wishing for.
"What?" Kurogane gasped, voice unusually small, and Tomoyo felt her heart crying out.
"Your friend…" she began, slowly "has performed a kind of magic nobody should have been capable of. Restoring those lost memories to Sakura-chan … he had to trick Hitsuzen, something nobody ever thought possible."
"But it is, huh?" Kurogane replied.
"Yes.", Tomoyo said, "At a terrible price."
"How long?"
"Not even until sunset."
The odd note of finality in her voice left little doubt. Her lips quirked upwards in a sad little smile.
"Even so it is amazing, what he accomplished. I thought the best possible outcome had already been reached and nothing more could be done. Few would have the courage to challenge fate…"
Yuuko, later that day, when Kurogane finally managed to contact her, said basically the same.
"Nothing can be done. It's a wonder the spell didn't kill him on the spot, though I suspect the feather had something to with this."
"Perhaps something like the feather could…?"
"But nothing like it exists. Even if it did, I doubt it would work. Tricking Hitsuzen is something, I believe, you can do only once in your life and Fai-san did it on quite a scale. There's a lot of calculations that need to be redone right now, though I won't complain."
Seeing Kurogane was completely taken aback, Yuuko, for once, gave an explanation.
"No matter how unfair it might seem to you, Kurogane-san, on a larger scale it isn't as bad. If fate can be changed, the future isn't set yet. It means nothing is fixed, nothing lost can't be brought back and that there always is hope."
Thank you for reading ( and reviewing). Hope you enjoyed it. -
Next (and last) chapter is called: "Smile for me"
P.S: Noted the stolen quote?