Author's Note: Sorry if I'm not exactly getting Edward right but I am trying. This is my first attempt at his POV so it will be awhile until I get the hang of this.

Disclaimer: You are just plain thick if you think I own Twilight.

Depression

We had packed all night and were out driving out of town by dawn. I drove in the Volvo by myself, wanting to get some peace and quiet to carve the wonderful memories of this place into my heart. It would be the only thing that keeps me alive for the rest of eternity.

I knew that there will never be another creature that meant this much to me as she did, and I will never be able to forget her smile or any part of her. I missed her dearly and it's only been a couple of hours. I have grown so hopelessly dependent of having her company that I was lost without it. The rest of eternity will be sheer torture for ruining the innocence of an angel.

I drove my car into the Denali's driveway and parked it with the others before taking off into the nearest forest. I heard someone call my name but ignored it and continued running.

In my whole life, the most memorable pain was my transformation but I would rather go through that pain again just for this feeling to cease. This feeling was emptiness, I was missing a very important piece of myself and I will never get it back again.

My thoughts drifted back to Bella. I wondered what she was doing now, is she okay? Did she miss me? Of course not, she wanted me to leave. She would be much happier without me. Did she know that I missed her so? I pitied myself, I was a pathetic creature who lusted after a heavenly creature and got exactly what I deserved.

How was I to spend the rest of my day like this? I had no answer to my own questions. What happened to the always collected Edward Cullen? What happened to the Edward who was always right about everything? What happened to the Edward that was never swayed by emotions and found his life fulfilling inside himself? He disappeared when he met Isabella Swan. He learned that there was more to life. He learned the bittersweet feeling of love. Too bad he is a complete and utter wreck now.

I suddenly felt myself envy the humans. For them, death was so easy to accomplish and almost painless at times. I wished my own existence could end so easily. I wished to feel nothing at all, ever again. That would be pure bliss. Then maybe I be the wind that blows her hair or the sun that gives her warmth.

In reality, I had let her go and I may never get her back. I was lucky to be able to ever catch sight of her one more time. I sat there, drowning in my own misery for hours on end. I lost count of the hours that passed in a blur and the colors of the sky seemed to just be gray and nothing more.

I heard rustling in the trees and it snapped me out of my thoughts.

Edward, I have something important to tell you.

What else could possibly be important to me right now? I wanted to tune out again but knew that Alice wouldn't disturb me unless it was an emergency. I tried to dig into her thoughts for what she wanted me to know but she blocked me completely.

Edward, please stay calm.

She seemed reluctant somehow. I was getting a bit impatient. She came into sight a few moments later and she walked over to where I sat never meeting my eyes once. I grew suspicious and a bit panicky. What could cause her to act this way?

"Alice, tell me what's going on," I pleaded my voice wary. I wasn't sure how much more emotional blows I could take but I couldn't deny my curiosity. She reluctantly lifted her face and met my eyes for the first time and sat down.

"I just had a vision," she paused, her voice low and devastating. I tried once again to get it out of her thoughts but she placed a wall where the entrance leaving me clueless of her vision. I grabbed her shoulders and shook it gently.

"Alice, spit it out," I demanded. She broke free of my gasped and took in a deep breath.

"I saw Bella's house caught on fire and Charlie crying," she said slurring the words slightly as if she was trying to just get it over with. I froze with shock. No, Bella can't be.

"Alice, how long ago?"

"Just a few minutes ago," she answered returning her eyes to the ground. I jumped up wanting to return to Forks but she grabbed me and shook her head.

"Carlisle already called. We received news that the house burned to the ground and Bella was in there. Charlie invited us to her...funeral," Alice croaked. I shook my head in disbelief.

No, Bella couldn't be dead. She was perfectly fine when I left. She was supposed to live happily for the rest of her life. She can't leave me. I can't exist in a world where she doesn't exist.

"It's true, Edward. I can't see her anymore. I've tried so many times but it's like she has no future or...no longer alive."

I sank to my knees in quiet sobs. If I hadn't left her, this would've never happened. She would still be living if I hadn't left her alone. I promised to protect her and I failed. Why couldn't my life end instead of hers? She was so full of life and the most beautiful creature that ever walked this earth, why did her life end so soon?

"Alice, I want to go back to Forks," I stammered weakly. She nodded and helped me to my feet.

"I'm so sorry, Edward," I heard her say while we walked slowly back to the house. My angel was gone. What reason do I have for continuing this life?

Does anyone know the pain of having to attend your love's funeral when she laid in your arms just a few days ago? Does anyone know the regret of not being able to be there for her those last few moments? She must've hated me those last moments. I do not blame her, I hate myself as well.

Can anyone return my angel to me?