Frodo woke up, feeling dazed. Sitting up gingerly, he realized he was lying in a bed somewhere he did not recognize. Looking at his beautiful surroundings, he realized that he must be in Rivendell. He was bandaged from where he got stabbed and he still felt a little soar, but for reasons he could not explain, he felt at peace.

Turning over, Frodo noticed that Sam was lying next to him on the bed, asleep and snoring loudly. Frodo felt slightly unnerved and slowly got out of bed. Standing up, he was able to see that the buttons on his trousers were undone. He looked back at Sam, feeling even more unsettled. He was not a bright hobbit, but Frodo was able to put two and two together pretty much…

With a startling flash of purple smoke, an old man appeared in the room, coughing. Frodo hopped back into the bed and pulled the covers up to his chin in fright. The purple smoke cleared, however, to reveal that the old man standing there, still coughing, was Gandalf.

"Gandalf!" Frodo exclaimed excitedly. "Why-how-you-I-who-where-when-what-but-"

"Shut-" Gandalf said, but stopped to take another choking cough, "up!" Frodo fell silent immediately. Sam rolled over in bed and sat up.

"Ah, Frodo, my love, you've awakened!" he said happily. Then, a look of terror came upon his face. "Oh no…you've……awakened…that's………bad………………………"

"Why are you coughing so much, Gandalf?" Frodo asked, ignoring Sam.

"Well, what do you expect to happen when you're enshrouded in smoke, especially purple smoke?" Gandalf replied impatiently. "How are you feeling?"

"Better, but how did you know…when did you get here…?"

"A couple of days ago."

"I've been out cold like this for days!" Frodo asked, horrified about what kind of things Sam might have done during all this time Frodo was unconscious.

"Yes, you have," answered Gandalf, not noticing Frodo's fear.

"How did you know I was awake?" Frodo questioned.

"I was watching you from over there," Gandalf responded, pointing to a gap between two pillars and across a small valley to an area of woods. "With these," he added, holding up a pair of binoculars. "And let me tell you," he laughed, "Mr. Samwise here put on quite some shows with you, very entertaining…"

"But, why didn't you meet us in the inn, Gandalf?" Frodo interrogated, trying to ignore the mounting annoyance building up inside of him.

"I was…delayed……"

"'Delayed'? What does that mean?"

"Well you see, I went to the wizard Sauruman after stopping at a club I like, called 'The Bare Ostrich' if you're ever looking for a place to go. Sauruman has always been a good wizard, an ally, but, well…let's put it this way, he's not anymore…"

"Why so?"

"Well, he decided it would be smarter to join Sauron, aid him willingly, all that bull crap. He even tried to persuade me to join him. I refused point blank of course, but Sauruman wouldn't listen. So, he stole my staff and threw me around his tower, cackling (I hate his cackle; it's like a damn hyena's!). Then he threw me up through the roof of the tower, and man that hurt like a mother, and decided to continue to try to persuade me. He's way too ambitious and determined; I always hated that about him. But then, just when I thought I was going to die, I saw…a moth! Yes, Frodo, a moth. I distracted Sauruman for a moment by telling him to look at the giant panda that was walking into Isengard, and while he was looking away, I whispered some stuff to the moth. The moth came back later with an eagle. Sauruman is so near-sighted, and I've been telling him for years to get glasses, but he didn't notice the eagle fly past. I managed to distract him yet again by telling him a giant, living marshmallow was attacking Isengard and while he looked the other way, I jumped on the eagle and escaped to freedom!"

"Huzzah!" Frodo exclaimed, raising his arms triumphantly.

"Yes, thank you, Frodo," Gandalf smiled.

"So is everyone else here as well? Strider? Merry? Pippin? Bill?"

"Yes, all are here. And you're lucky to be here. Another few days and you would have been beyond our reach. But thanks to the healing skills of Lord Elrond, you're beginning to mend."

At this, Gandalf looked over his shoulder and a tall elf with long brown hair and a constantly furrowed brow walked in. He smiled down at Frodo.

"Welcome, Frodo," Elrond said. "What's your favorite color?"

"Sorry?" Frodo said.

"Your favorite color, what is it?"

"Um…brown, I guess."

"Okay, you are no longer welcome. To be welcome here, you're favorite color must be azure blue. You are the weakest link. Goodbye!"

"Elrond, Frodo must stay; you know this," Gandalf said sternly.

"But his favorite color-"

"Elrond, you know perfectly well that at least half of the people here do not favor azure above all other colors; they only tell you that so you won't throw a hissy fit! My favorite color, for instance, is gray."

"And EVERYONE knows that, my Lord Elrond," Sam piped up.

"FINE! Disrespect the sacred color that is azure! I hope you all die and rot in Hell!" Elrond raged, stomping out of the room.

"Is he always like that?" Frodo asked.

"Pretty much," Gandalf frowned. "But do not worry. Knowing Elrond as I do, he will probably convince himself later that everyone's favorite color is azure and that they are only lying to anger him. He'll be fine."

Later on, Frodo was up and about, walking and talking, pretty much healed. He and Sam found Merry and Pippin who greeted him enthusiastically (Merry a little overenthusiastically). There also was a surprise for Frodo.

"Bilbo!" he exclaimed when he saw his dear uncle walking up to him, beaming.

"Frodo, my lad!" Bilbo said cheerfully as he gave Frodo a hug.

"Bilbo! It's great to see you again! Wow, your fro is getting very poofy!"

"Yes, yes! Thank you!"

The next day, men, elves, and dwarves from other lands rode into Rivendell for a secret but not-so-secret council. Elrond greeted them at the gate before turning savage and accosting all of them of their favorite colors. He ran from person to person, waving a finger in their faces, shouting madly, and allowing spit to fly from his mouth. All of the newcomers did their best to run away from him, but Elrond was insistent and chased them into Rivendell. Elrond took to tackling and pouncing upon his guests that he managed to catch up to, but there were no deaths and only a few minor injuries. By the time it was time to hold the meeting, Elrond had calmed down to an almost normal level.

"You have been summoned here today," he growled whilst he sat in a chair, "to discuss the matter of the One Ring, and some rather conspicuous apples."

Frodo looked at Strider who shifted rather uneasily in his chair.

"Bring forth the ring, Frodo," Elrond instructed, gesturing at a plinth in the middle of the circular courtyard they were in. Frodo stood up and slowly walked over to the plinth, upon which he placed the ring. Many people in the council stared at it and gasped. "I could say many things about this ring-"

"It is a gift!" one man interrupted. "It is a gift to the foes of Mordor! Why not use this ring?"

Strider stood up.

"You cannot wield it," he said. "None of us can. The One Ring answers to Sauron alone. It has no other master."

"And what would a ranger know of this matter?" the man snapped, taking a step toward Strider who stood his ground. An elf with long blond hair then stood up.

"This is no mere ranger!" the elf said. "He is Aragorn son of Arathorn. You owe him your allegiance."

Frodo stared at Strider. Aragorn? What was up with this?

"Aragorn?" the man said. "This is Isildur's heir?" he laughed slightly.

"An heir to the throne of Gondor!" the elf barked. Frodo watched Stri-Aragorn-in shock. He was a king? Dude!

"Havo dad, Legolas," Aragorn told the elf in Elvish. Legolas resumed his seat.

"Gondor has no king," the man sneered. "Gondor needs no king!"

At this, Aragorn sat down, but eyed the man with dislike etched all over his face. The man too sat down.

"Yeah, well, anyway!" Elrond spluttered angrily. "You have only one choice: the ring must be destroyed."

Everyone sat there silently, with baited breath, until an elf sitting next to Legolas farted loudly. He shifted in his seat in the same way Aragorn had and cleared his throat.

"What are we waiting for?" a dwarf with thick brown hair and a thick brown beard growled. He stood up, raising his axe. Elrond shrunk into his chair, getting into a fetal position. The dwarf rose the axe over the plinth and brought it down upon the ring. Nothing happened to the ring whatsoever, but the dwarf was knocked to the ground.

"It cannot be destroyed, Gimli son of Gloin, by any craft that we here posses. It must be taken to the very fires of Mount Doom. Only there can it be unmade. One of you must do this."

"Why can't YOU do it?" the man who had taunted Aragorn said. There were murmurs of assent around the circle.

"Because I am special and YOU are not, Boromir son of Denethor."

There was a silence after this in which Aragorn spent his time shooting spitballs at Boromir while he wasn't watching.

"So…who's going to do it?" Gandalf asked. Boromir stood up and opened his mouth to say something but before he could speak, everyone other than Frodo, Aragorn, and Elrond stood up and began to argue among each other, very loudly. Aragorn was blowing spitballs at Boromir more rapidly and Elrond had suddenly fallen asleep in his chair. Frodo looked at the ring and voices filled his head instantly. He stood up with his hands over his ears.

"Who's talking to me!" he yelled, but was heard by no one.

"Ash nazg durbatuluk," said the voice in head. "Ash nazg gimbatul. Ash nazg thrakatuluk. Azg burzum-ishi krimpatul."

"I WILL TAKE IT, DAMMIT!" Frodo yelled so that everyone could hear him. Everyone stopped arguing and looked at him. Aragorn had stopped shooting spitballs at Boromir and Elrond woke up. "I will take it. If it will get the voices out of my head, I will take it. But just so you guys know, I do not know the way. Heh, heh."

"I will help you bear this burden, Frodo Baggins, as long as it's yours to bear," Gandalf smiled, walking up to Frodo. Aragorn pocketed his straw and spitballs and stood up.

"By my life or death, I can protect you. I will." He walked up to Frodo too. "You have my sword."

"You have my bow," Legolas said, striding over to Frodo, Gandalf, and Aragorn.

"And my ass-uh-I meant axe," Gimli said, blushing, as he joined the group.

"You carry the face of it all, little one," Boromir said, walking over to Frodo. "If this is indeed the word of the council, then Gondor will see it done." He stood next to Legolas and muttered only to him, "And hey, I might be able to get some hobbit action too, if you know what I mean."

"Don't talk to me," Legolas murmured embarrassedly.

There was a shout and Sam jumped out from behind some bushes.

"And Mr. Frodo's not going anywhere without me!" he said defiantly, standing next to Frodo and in a would-be-casual way laced his fingers through Frodo's. Frodo blushed; he felt for a moment like he would like to slap Sam, but he also found he was rather attracted to him…oh God………

"Oi! We're coming too!" called Merry's voice. He and Pippin were running over from behind two pillars. "You'll have to send us home tied up in a sack to stop us!"

"Anyway, you need people of intelligence on this sort of mission…quest……thing!" Pippin added.

"Well that rules you out, Pip," Merry said.

Elrond looked at the group of people standing there.

"So be it," he said. "You shall be the Fellowship of the Ring!"

"Great!" Pippin said. "Where are we going?"

"Pippin, we're going to Mordor," Frodo said.

"Oh. Okay. I can't say I know where that is, but I'll go!"

"And you said we needed people of intelligence on this sort of thing?" Aragorn asked wryly.

"Everyone, everyone, we still have another matter to address," Elrond announced. When everyone looked confused he added, "Aragorn's apples!"

Everyone nodded and said, "Ohh," like they knew that all along.

"Yeah," Elrond said. "Aragorn here has apples. He doesn't know why, but he never runs out and can always find one whenever he wants one."

At this, Frodo looked at Aragorn and whispered, "I thought you didn't want anyone to know?"

"I didn't," he answered. "But I talked to Bill, he's very smart you know, and he said I should tell Elrond so we could figure this out."

"These apples, however," Elrond continued, "have proven dangerous. Every time someone eats one of his apples, that person is attacked. The attacks on these people have grown more and more fatal. Wee little Frodo here has already been stabbed due to an attack after a bite from one of these apples. It almost killed him. The point is, Aragorn is thinking that he is beginning to lose control of these said apples. He told me that sometimes they just pop up even when he didn't want one, and it makes itself try to get into his mouth. This has, according to him, only started occurring within these last few days. I think that these apples-" he took a deep breath for dramatic effect, "are the work of Sauron."

There was a lot of muttering around the council all of a sudden.

"Yes," Elrond nodded wisely. "I do not know why; I do not know how, but I think these apples will play a big part in our battle against Sauron, like the ring. Now, our fellowship, you will leave tomorrow. Be careful. Do not underestimate the apples…

"Our council is over. Thank you all for coming."

Everyone not in the fellowship stood up and left, then Elrond followed them. The fellowship was left standing there. All nine companions looked at each other, then followed suit.