The night before the fellowship departed, Bilbo helped Frodo get ready for the journey. They were getting things together when Bilbo told Frodo he had some things to give him. He first gave him a thimble that he confessed to have stolen from Frodo a few years ago, but then gave him some more interesting items…

"Here," he said, handing Frodo a sheathed sword. "My old sword Sting. The blade glows blue when orcs are near. Although if you're not looking at it, you're hardly gonna know when an army of orcs is on their way to kill you, know what I mean, my lad?" He chuckled and Frodo forced a smile, not feeling all that comforted by the point Bilbo just made. "And…this." Bilbo held up a shiny (SHINY!) white shirt. "Mythril. As light as a feather, but as hard as dragon scales. Let's see you put it on."

Bilbo handed the Mythril vest to Frodo who began to unbutton his shirt. As he did, the ring came into view. Bilbo noticed.

"Ahh…my old ring," he said lovingly. "I should very much like to hold it again."

Frodo eyed his uncle warily and began to button his shirt. Suddenly, Bilbo's face went all freakish and he yelled, "RAAAAAAHH!" as he lunged for the ring. Frodo hopped backwards shouting, "Oh my God!"

Bilbo suddenly went back to normal, turned away, and began to cry.

"You can't fool me, Bilbo," Frodo smiled. "I know you're only pretending, you silly gazelle."

Bilbo sobbed harder.

"Bilbo?" Frodo frowned.

"I'm so sorry, Frodo!" he wailed. "I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry I stole your thimble; it was your special thimble; I remember how you would cuddle it. I'm sorry you must carry this burden!" Then, so Frodo couldn't see, Bilbo mouthed, "Yes!" and jerked his arm down in a triumphant gesture.

"It's okay, Bilbo."

"Thank you, Frootloop."

"Um…my name's Frodo……"

"Yes, but I like Frootloop better. What kind of a name is Frodo, I've always said."

Meanwhile, Aragorn and Arwen were giving each other a farewell in an area of woods; Aragorn had Bill perched on his nose.

"Do you still love me, Arwen?" Aragorn asked quietly.

"Yes, of course," she said in a not-so-convincing way. "Why do you question my love for you?"

"Well, you seem to have been hanging around Glorfindel a lot lately, ever since I sent you two to deliver Frodo here. And when I knocked on your door last night, you had a bed sheet wrapped around you, yet you were not covered with water the way you would be if you had been taking a shower, but you were obviously naked, and I thought I saw a head of blond hair flash across the room. You aren't having an affair with me, are you, Arwen?"

"Uh…no! You saw that I don't get along with Glorfindel, remember?"

"Yes, I did, but now you both seem to have fond feelings for each other. For all I know, you two could have hooked up on the way here."

"I don't know what you're talking about, Aragorn. You know I only love you…" Arwen began to look around nervously as if hoping to find an escape route.

"Hello, Arwen, my love!" called a jovial voice. Aragorn and Arwen turned to see Glorfindel striding into the woods, holding a package. Aragorn looked at Arwen, who groaned, and raised an eyebrow at her.

"His love!" he whispered incredulously. "His LOVE!"

"I'm going to get out of here, shall I?" said Bill and he quickly flew off of Aragorn's nose and flew swiftly from the woods.

"I bought you a present for our one week anniversary!" Glorfindel said as he stopped next to Arwen, apparently oblivious to Aragorn standing there, looking mutinous.

"Glorfindel!" Arwen smiled with clenched teeth. "What-are-you-talking-about?" She jerked her head pointedly at Aragorn.

"Aah, but love, it's only Aragorn!" Glorfindel said, barely glancing at Aragorn, who was now massaging his knuckles. "You said you already dumped him. What do we have to worry about? Here's your present! It's a thong!"

Arwen looked at Aragorn, horrified. Aragorn was looking as if he would like nothing better than to charge at Arwen and Glorfindel, seize them by the necks, and toss them into the river that ran by.

"It's very flexible! And it's made of hot pink leather," Glorfindel continued brightly. "You wanna go try it on and show me how it looks on you?" he grinned suggestively.

"Um-um-um-" Arwen stammered, glancing from Aragorn to Glorfindel.

Well, what do you know! Aragorn did just what he looked like he wanted to do. He charged at Arwen and Glorfindel with a snarl, grabbed both of them by the necks, and began dragging them through the woods.

"Aragorn, what ARE you doing!" Glorfindel yelped from the ground.

"Aragorn, I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" Arwen screamed.

"What?" Glorfindel asked, confused. "You mean you didn't dump him yet! Arwen, you told me you dumped him three days ago!"

"I lied; I hadn't gotten around to doing it yet!" Arwen choked.

Aragorn was muttering incoherently, but no doubt angrily, as he dragged them out of the woods.

"Why?" he breathed menacingly. "WHY!"

"Well, he's really hot, and he's awesome in bed," Arwen gagged.

"Aragorn, where are you taking us?" Glorfindel asked, scared.

Aragorn: Mumble, mumble, grrr.

"What was that?"

Aragorn walked up to the edge of the small cliff, below which was the river, and tossed Arwen and Glorfindel into it. They both screamed as they fell, then landed in the river, where their heads bobbed as they began to float down it. Aragorn picked up the thong that Glorfindel had dropped and catapulted it at Arwen. With perfect aim, it landed on her face as she floated along, yelling obscene things up to Aragorn. He flicked them off, brushed the palms of his hands against each other as if to rid them of dirt, and walked away.

The fellowship left Rivendell early the next morning. Bill was trying to cheer up Aragorn from his nose as they walked. It turned out the pony they were taking was also named Bill. Bill the butterfly gave up on Aragorn for a bit at that point and fluttered onto Bill the pony's large nose.

"Hey, Bill," said Bill.

"Hey, Bill," said the other Bill.

Everyone in the fellowship tried to cheer up Aragorn, but to no avail. Frodo stood in front of him and said, "Look, my bowtie's so straight! See, Ara-OW!"

Aragorn had not been cheered by this at all and had elbowed Frodo in the nose.

"I'm hungry," he growled angrily. "I think I'll just eat an apple."

The rest of the fellowship stopped in their tracks and faced Aragorn, looking petrified. Then, they all ran at him as he rose an apple to his mouth, yelling, "NOOOOOOOOO!"

They all jumped on him dog pile fashion right as Aragorn allowed his teeth to sink into the apple, and pull a piece into his mouth. Everyone scrambled back to their feet. They all looked around sharply. Nothing happened and Sam said, "Hey! It didn't work this ti-"

ROOOOAAAARRRR!

"-Oh never mind!"

A dragon was flying towards them at full speed.

"A DRAGON!" Boromir yelled incredulously. "You have GOT to be kidding me!"

They all ran as fast as they could. Aragorn dropped his apple and scooped up Frodo. Legolas picked up Sam; Boromir seized Merry; and Gandalf grabbed Pippin. Gimli looked around at the hobbits being carried jealously as he ran. Was he not short too! He decided to jump on Bill the pony's back.

They ran quickly, the dragon gaining on them, then spotted a den of some kind ahead of them. They all dove into it, sliding down a wide, but long tunnel and landing in a cave.

As they sat there, panting, they could hear the loud and angry roars of the furious dragon. Eventually, they died away.

"Aragorn," Gimli growled (he had fallen off of Bill during the slide down the tunnel). "We're all sorry about the thing with Arwen, but you don't have to try to get us all killed!"

Aragorn mumbled darkly.

"Yes, Aragorn," Gandalf said. "Please don't allow your feelings to make you do something rash like that again."

"So where do we go from here?" Pippin asked.

"Well, we should continue forward and try to find another way out of this cave besides the way we came in," Gandalf explained. "We don't know for sure if that dragon has left yet and I don't want to take any chances if we do not have to. But from whatever end of this cave we come out, we will journey to an area near the base of a mountain I know of and we will stop there for a while."

"Oh no! Where's the ring!" Frodo exclaimed.

"You LOST IT!" Boromir yelled. Frodo began to laugh.

"No, I was just kidding. It was quite funny to see the look on all of your faces." Everyone sat there, glaring at Frodo for a moment. Legolas chucked a pebble at him.

"Anyway!" Gandalf said sharply, scowling at Frodo for a moment. "We must get going."

It took them no more than ten minutes to find the opposite end of the cave, during which, Sam, who was behind Frodo, kept trying to push him forward so he would go faster. He seemed to be claustrophobic.

"Gandalf, let me out first!" Sam said desperately when they reached a round hole. "This space is too small and crowded!" As Gandalf moved aside and Sam scrambled out of the hole, Gandalf said darkly, "Try having an M.R.I."

After everyone was out of the cave, Gandalf lead the others until they came to the area he had described. It was a little higher elevation and was quite rocky.

"Ooh! Ooh!" Merry said excitedly once they got there. "Who wants to do the hokey pokey? Can we do the hokey pokey? Please, please, please!"

Everyone stared at him, shook their heads, and then hastily changed the subject.

Gandalf and Gimli were sitting there, discussing what route they should take from where they were. Legolas was up and about, walking around, hopping from rock to rock. Aragorn sat there, smoking, while he watched Boromir teaching Merry and Pippin how to swordfight. Frodo and Sam were sitting next to each other, eating.

While teaching Merry, Boromir accidentally gave him a small cut on his finger.

"Sorry!" he said hastily. Merry kicked him and he and Pippin began to wrestle with him, knocking him on his back. Boromir just laughed and began to wrestle back. Aragorn laughed too. "Ooh, this if fun! Hobbits are so cuddly!"

This made Aragorn stop laughing.

Legolas stood on a certain rock and looked off into the distance.

"I see something," he said.

"What can you seeeeeee?" Gimli sang.

"On the horizooooon!" Gandalf joined in.

"Why do the white gulls caaaaaaaaaaaaaal?"

"Would you two stop singing!" Legolas snapped.

"It's just a whiff of clouds," Gimli said, looking in the direction Legolas was.

"Moving fast…against the wind," Boromir speculated, ceasing his wrestling match and standing up to get a look too.

"Crebain, from Dunland!" Legolas pronounced.

"Hide!" Aragorn shouted.

The fellowship scattered, darting behind bushes and under rocks. They all lay where they were, holding their breath. Within a few short seconds, they could hear the sound of birds flying above.

"They think they can outsmart us!" one of the birds squawked. "We already saw them and we know where they are. That's all Sauruman wanted to know."

Legolas slipped out from behind his bush and shot one of the birds. It fell to the ground, landing right in front of him with a squawk. After all of the Crebain had passed, the rest of the fellowship came out from their hiding places.

"Legolas!" Boromir said reproachfully.

"Hey, they taste good, alright?" Legolas countered. "And they already know we're here so it wasn't as if I was giving us away."

Legolas packed the dead bird.

"We must make for the pass of Caradhras," Gandalf said glumly. They all turned their gaze to the mountain before them. Climbing it did not look like fun.

"This looks like fun!" Pippin said cheerfully.

Well, to the others, it didn't look like fun.