AN: Thanks to my beta, WaffleOfMusic, for whipping my renegade commas into shape.
It frustrates me sitting in here and hiding, so much some days I cannot take it and tuck myself away in a corner of the house where I know James will not find me and I cry.
I cannot stand this, the not knowing, the not helping, the just sitting while the only people that I love are out there fighting something so terrifying.
Harry always finds me then, while I sit shaking with my knees curled up against my chest and tears trail down my cheeks. I hear him coming, soft thumps as he crawls across the floor, and then a little head with James' messy black hair and my own fierce green eyes peeks around the corner.
"Mama?" he whispers, the word so garbled as he has just learned to talk that only James and I can make out what he is saying. He crawls into my lap and my body uncurls and folds itself around him as he pats my wet cheeks with his chubby baby hands.
It is Halloween tonight.
The sky is dark and James and I have just put Harry to bed. His first Jack-o-lantern lies on the kitchen table. James has carved broomsticks and snitches onto it for him and charmed them to fly across the pumpkin's orange skin.
James is with me now, curled up on the small crimson couch in the living room. I still fit against him perfectly and with his chin tucked up gently against my head and his arm around my waist I feel as safe as I have not felt in a long time.
Since we learned the monster wanted our baby.
A fire crackles in our fireplace and the atmosphere in the little house right now is not so oppressive as it normally is. In fact if I close my eyes for a second I can almost feel normal again.
"Lily," James says softly, pushing his face against my hair.
"Yes?" I say.
"Your hair smells absolutely wonderful, did you know that?"
I grin and chuck a pillow and my enormously silly husband but suddenly there is a sort of scraping at the door and we freeze.
Every fiber of my body knows what it is outside that door and coming for my baby, my darling Harry and my blood runs cold but James is already up off the couch, pulling his wand out of his robes.
"Lily, I love you," he says, looking at me desperately. In my mind I am thinking Oh James, James I love you so much, but I am still frozen on the couch in horror.
"Lily, take Harry and go!" James yells, breaking me out of my trance. Harry, yes, Harry. I need to save my baby. "It's him!" James yells again. "Go! Run! I'll hold him off –"
I stumble from the room as fast as I can on legs that can barely hold me, my brain so numbed from terror I can hardly think.
Harry is sleeping peacefully in his cot, soft golden light falling gently across his chubby face and my heart fills with fierce love for my child.
A powerful strength I have never known suddenly fills me and I stand protectively in front of my son, reaching in my pocket for my wand.
My hand brushed fabric and emptiness and with a sick feeling in my stomach I realize my wand is downstairs, lying on the kitchen counter.
A laugh. I hear James's brave voice, and then a dull thud.
James is dead, James is dead, James is dead, and my eyes fill with tears as a dull feeling overwhelms me but suddenly the door bursts open and I am filled again with that fighting, powerful strength and I narrow my eyes and glare at the familiar face in front of me.
The monster's slanted red eyes bore into my own and I see that he is enjoying this, he enjoyed killing my husband and he is going to enjoy killing me.
It is oddly quiet and the quiet presses in around us but I hold my ground. This is all so surreal it feels like an ordinary night except he is here, again, and I am the only thing standing between the monster and the life of my son and there is no James…
The monster laughs, then. It is high pitched and strikes terror into my heart but I stand my ground. I will protect my baby boy with the last breath I have in my body.
My mouth opens of its own accord and suddenly I am speaking to the monster.
"Not Harry, please not Harry, please not Harry!"
"Stand aside you silly girl…stand aside now."
"Not Harry, please no, take me, kill me instead –" I am begging the monster, wanting so violently for him to kill me, if only he will spare my son.
The monster looks at me and his cold red eyes glint in the dim nursery light. I catch a glimpse of my son's face and he is awake now, just stirring from his sleep.
Oh I will die, I will do anything, just to save my son.
"Not Harry!" I yell desperately. "Please…have mercy…have mercy…" My voice breaks.
The monster laughs. The sound sends chills running up and down my spine. He lifts his wand and I feel as though I am in a dream, everything is so slow and foggy.
I think I see green light but the floor is peeling away from me and I am falling somewhere, falling falling, everything fades…
Before I die, I feel something deep within me and I know.
I have saved my son.