Blinding Darkness

Sutoomu

Finally, I have gotten the tenth chapter up. I am SO sorry to all my readers for taking so long, but I had internet connection problems for my labtop, and I only now got it fixed. There's one good thing about that, though. I had tons of time to write. Which means, I have updates for nearly every fic, and two brand new fics written. I've got a few updates for this story, which I will psot if I get reviews for this one.

Thank you to Traumatic Kage for helping me figure out something with a review. I completely agree. There are some problems in my first chapters. They're written kind of sloppy. Which means, if I ever get around to it, I'm going to repost the story, which I fixed up. For now, please forgive me for any confusion I may have caused or anything and enjoy what I'm posting now.

Enjoy, please, and review!

MAJOR THANK YOU'S TO EVERYONE WHO HAS REVIEWED AND STUCK WITH ME! I ADORE YOU!

Warning: this is a major chapter. A lot of stuff happens in this chapter. I hope you like what I chose to do...

"I hate this, I hate this, I hate this...," Duo chanted softly, his cheeks defined by faint tracks of tears. He was sitting on his bed with his knees under his chin, trying to forget about the nightmare he had just had. As usual, someone was on the floor. This time it was Heero, but, surprisingly enough, Duo had managed to somehow wake up from an incredibly awful nightmare without waking the very attentive boy up. So now Duo was trying to regain his wits about him so he could try and fall back asleep. He desperately craved the TV right now, to distract him, but Heero deserved a full night's sleep for once. He was always so busy and, even if he didn't show it, Duo knew he exhausted himself every now and then. If Trowa wasn't extremely good at pulling him off his labtop at night, he'd be a brainless computer zombie by now.

Duo choked back another sob as he closed his eyes and immediately opened them, too afraid to take the chance of seeing those images behind his eyelids again. It had been about the Maxwell Church Orphanage, and Solo...oh, god, it hurt!

Duo moved and caught his breath just in time as his emotional pain was distracted by the physical pain of moving his injured leg. It had been a week and a half since he had stabbed himself in the leg, and it was much better, though it throbbed when he stood for too long. He thought he had been holding up pretty good lately. He hadn't had any blackouts he knew about, and he was keeping up a good bout of happiness so as not to worry Quatre or Wufei to death. He hadn't managed to be able to take up his annoying mind-sense yet. The random thoughts which used to fuel his constant chatter just weren't there. And he couldn't find it in himself to smile truly anymore.

Duo glanced at Heero, then reached over to his bedside table and took his sketch book in hand. He pulled out a clear page, found his very tiny penlight so he wouldn't wake Heero, and took his pencil in hand, the light in his mouth. It was hard to see the page clearly, but Duo really didn't want to risk turning on his small lamp. Even that would likely wake Heero up. As he drew out his dream, the sadness he had felt began to turn into a sense of utter annoyance and stress.

He was incredibly thankful to Quatre and the others for trying to help them, but they were getting on his nerves. He could accept the fact Heero had burned up his smokes. It was a bad habit and he had to quit anyways. And he could understand why they took the razors and such out of his bathroom, since it took away the temptation. But the fact that he wasn't allowed to shave alone was beginning to grate on his nerves, as well as the fact that he wasn't allowed to use any bathroom except his own, the only one empty of razors. He wasn't allowed to take pills when he had a headache, he wasn't allowed to go anywhere alone, and, though he hadn't let Quatre know he'd noticed, the plastic cutlery was kind of extreme. They were all kind gestures, and Duo understood somewhat why they wanted to do all this, but it was driving him literally insane. He hadn't gone past the gate of the house since they'd found out. He couldn't hold a private conversation with anyone since one of them was always there. He was never alone! Sure, he liked all his friends, and even loved two of them, but he needed peace! He needed to be left alone, for even five minutes! He was the kind of person who didn't like to show negative emotions in front of others, and he felt trapped with everyone always there. He couldn't get any privacy, for pity's sake.

Duo blinked as his pencil tip snapped and chuckled inside. He had been so deep in his thoughts he had forgotten what he was doing. As he looked at his drawing, his face fell. It was of Solo, the last time he had seen him. Solo had been so sick, and he hadn't been fast enough. Duo shoved the paper inside the sketchbook, threw it, the light, and the broken pencil on the table, and dragged a hand over his weary face. He groaned, and quickly stopped as Heero shifted in his sleep, turning over. Duo held his breath as Heero calmed again and began to snore. Who knew Heero could snore? But the snoring assured Duo that Heero really was asleep. No doubt the perfect soldier could pretend to be asleep without a fault.

Duo's eye caught a glint of metal, and he blinked curiously. Moving with the most stealth he had used in the past year, he silently reached a hand under the blanket on the side of the mattress Heero had just vacated. Pulling the object out, Duo's mouth fell open as he stared at it. It was a gun...

OOOOO

Heero's eyes opened and he stared at the door he was facing for a moment as his eyes adjusted to the darkness. Something felt wrong. Very wrong. It was a sense of danger, the kind that had developed over years of being the perfect soldier. The kind you couldn't grow out of or get rid of. A useful tool, to be sure. Heero's hand moved for his gun, and the moment he noticed it was gone he sat up sharply, looking instantly for Duo. Duo's bed was empty, and a movement caught Heero's eye. He looked over to the middle of the floor, where Duo was standing, looking very curiously at Heero's gun.

Duo looked up and met Heero's eyes. "It's funny how such a little thing," he whispered. "Can bring so much destruction and pain." Duo set the barrel of the gun to his temple and grinned at Heero. "Should I?" he asked in a daring tone.

Heero's hand moved for his other gun. He had just closed his hand around the cool metal of the smaller gun and pulled it out when Duo pulled the trigger. Heero grunted as the bullet entered his upper arm but held onto his gun. He looked at Duo, who stood with the guns till aimed at Heero, slightly smoking from the bullet he had just fired at Heero.

"Hurts, don't it?" Duo choked out. "See what I go through every day?" He lifted the barrel back up to his temple and closed his eyes.

Heero did the only thing he could do. He raised his gun shakily and fired. Duo gasped and fell to the floor as the bullet entered his ankle's flesh, the gun falling away from his hand. Heero breathed heavily for a moment, staring at Duo's limp form on the floor and the gun that had been at his temple a moment before. Heero dropped his own gun and let into his own pain, clasping his hand around the bullet entrance. He did not like this emotion that was in him. He did not like it at all, this feeling, this sense of fear. Fear for Duo. He didn't want Duo to die!

"Oh, Allah help us!"

Heero heard Quatre cry out and saw him and Wufei kneel beside Duo. Trowa came to him, but did not panic in the slightest bit over him. The emerald eyed boy simply placed his own hand over Heero's bloody one on the wound and set his forehead against Heero's, sighing in relief Heero was alive and relatively okay.

"I'm afraid," Heero whispered shakily. "I don't know what's happening."

"I know," Trowa simply whispered. "Just give me a moment, love." Trowa quickly went to the washroom and grabbed Duo's aid kit. He brought it out and began to tend to Heero's bullet wound. Heero had gotten control over himself again, and he stared with stony eyes at Duo, whose violet eyes were fluttering open.

Duo looked up at quatre and Wufei's face hovering over him and groaned, closing his eyes again. "It happened again, didn't it?" he said in a resigned voice. "My ankle is killing me. Do I want to know why?"

"Heero?" Quatre looked at him, asking two things with his eyes.

"I'm fine," Heero lied, hissing in pain as Trowa dug the bullet out. He waited until Trowa was done with the extracting of the most annoying piece of metal before recounting what had happened, from how he woke to what Duo said and how they had both recieved bullet wounds. Duo sat up sharply when Heero explained how he had been shot.

"I shot you?" he asked with an incredulous look. "Again?" Heero nodded and gritted his teeth as Trowa tightened the bandage and tied it off.

"You," Wufei pointed at Duo. "Shot him," he pointed at Heero. There was a moment of silence, then Wufei stood up and threw his hands into the air. "I don't understand you!" he yelled at Duo, who cringed instinctively. "You talk about him all the time, you obsess over him, you call him Hee-chan, and then you shoot him? What kind of love do you have for him? You shoot the man you love. I don't understand! What's happening to you? God, you're driving me insane! You shot Heero..."

Duo blinked as he realized what Wufei was ranting about, and some deep hidden feeling of defense rose up in him. Loved Heero? Is that what Wufei thought? "No, wait, stop," he said, but Wufei didn't hear him and continued. "I don't...stop, stop! Wufei, I...I don't love Heero, I love you and Quatre, you baka!" Duo shouted, tears threatening to fall from his eyes, trying to shut Wufei up. It worked. Wufei stared at Duo in shock, like a deer caught in headlights. Duo's brain caught up with his mouth a second later and he instinctively backed up, tears now falling down his cheeks. Out of the frying pan and into the fire, as he liked to say, only this time it didn't sound amusing at all.

"You...you love us?" Wufei forced his mouth to work.

"Yes!" Duo shouted, that defensive feeling still prominent. "Are you happy now? God, why can't you all just leave me alone," he sobbed.

"Why didn't you tell us, Duo?" Quatre asked.

"Because," Duo swallowed, his eyes closed tightly. "Everyone I love dies. They all died! I can't love. It's a curse."

"Duo," Quatre took Duo into his arms and held the sobbing boy to his chest. "That is not true. You have to stop believing that. It's not true!"

"Duo, I...," Wufei faltered. He had perhaps just made the biggest mistake in his life. "I...I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't...I thought... Oh, god...," Wufei's voice broke, and he collapsed to his knees. "I thought you hated me," he whispered in final plea. "I'm sorry."

"I just want this to stop," Duo cried. He pulled away from Quatre. "I hate this. I hate it all. I want to be alone!"

"We want to help you, Duo," Quatre said, reaching for him.

Duo, as much as some part in him wanted to be held by Quatre, backed away from him. From them. He closed his eyes and spent a moment getting his emotions under something resembling control. "You don't know how much I appreciate all your help, but you're smothering me to death, literally. I need to be left alone for a little while. I can't handle being with someone everywhere I go, being watched like this. I need my privacy. I'm still a human being!"

"But...," Heero protested.

"I need some room to breathe," Duo insisted. "Some time to think. Please!"

"We can't just...," Quatre started.

"Yes, you damn well can!" Duo snapped, standing up despite his shot ankle. "Get out! Get the hell out of here, now! Leave me alone!"

Trowa looked at Duo for a moment, then helped Heero to his feet and led him out the door. He came back and took Wufei away next, getting a jumbled protest.

"Duo," Quatre protested. "You need..."

"I need you, Quatre Raberba Winner," Duo said through gritted teeth. "To just back off and leave me alone!" Quatre's face fell as Duo said this, and a look of pain crossed his face as Trowa took his eyes and led him out of the room. Duo collapsed onto his bed and groaned.

"Be good," Trowa said to Duo as he left.

"Oh, ha ha ha!" Duo replied sarcastically as the door closed.

You like, you like? I hope you do? Wanna ask me anything? Go ahead. I reply to every single review I get, 'cause reviewers are special. And I'm not against giving hints...anyways, the next chapter is a solution chapter type chappie...O.O But I need a few reviews before I post it. Until then...

Storm