Blinding Darkness
Sutoomu
Okay, here is the TWELTH chapter for this story, and I'm still gaping at the fact that i actually managed to make it this long and not get lost. Go me! I'm sorry for the veeeeeeeeeeery looooooong time between updates, but I had vacation. And if you don't believe that, then let's just stick to the fact I'm sometimes very lazy in my writing. My real life gets in the way of my fanfic life, though i wish it wouldn't. I have no conrtol over it, or, if any, very little control. I try, I try!
Thank you to Kami Crimson, Lady11Occult, anissa32, summersarebright, NoahBluze, Maskelle, Kerrilea, shadowdragon58, sokerfreek922, TanyaPotter, darkdranzer, snowdarkred, Preciously special, and DancerCutey912! I love you, love you, love you! And I see some new names, so I especially love you!
This is a chapter of solving problems and new beginnings. I think. Anyhoo, read on and I hope you enjoy, and please review when done.
"That's your sketch book," Heero said.
"Duo, you don't have to..."
"Yes, I do, Quat," Duo interrupted and opened the sketch book. He pulled a paper out and set it on the table. "This is Solo." He set two more papers down. "And this is Sister Helen and Father Maxwell."
Four pairs of eyes looked upon the three papers. The first was of a young boy, lying on the ground. He was thin and ragged, and decidedly sick, and his eyes were lifeless. Sister Helen and Father Maxwell were drawn amongst blood stained rubble, and some of the blood was their own. Duo's cross lay on Sister Helen's chest, her hand closed around the chain. Father Maxwell had a half burnt bible in his hand.
"This is how they were when they died," Duo explained. "When I last saw them. I've had a lot of dreams about them, and some of them aren't as pleasant."
"These are pleasant?" Wufei asked.
"Compared to ones where they are cursing me for not being fast enough, or smart enough, or strong enough," Duo said. "Or compared to ones where I shoot them and laugh."
"I see," Wufei swallowed.
"No, you don't, and for that you're lucky," Duo said. He took those three pictures and returned them. He looked in his sketch book for a moment and hesitated. After a short moment of thought, he pulled a handful of papers out and spread them out. The pilots leaned forward and looked at them, and Quatre pulled one over to him, his mouth open.
"This is Wufei," he whispered. He had to remind himself it was just a drawing as he ran a hand along Wufei's lifeless form. The chinese boy's torso had been violently slashed open, and a thin stream of blood had streamed out of his nose and temple.
"Duo, this is...," Heero lost track of his words. He was currently looking at a drawing of Duo hovering over a small dead girl in a flower field. A set of dark black shadow wings came out from Duo's back, and everything the shadows touched was dead.
"Scary, huh?" Duo whispered.
"No wonder," Wufei exclaimed. "No wonder you think whoever you love dies. No wonder you call yourself Shinigami, and say you can't be killed because you're death. Anyone would if they had this in their head." Wufei was staring at the pictures, each of different people, most of the four of them, and all were dead. Some had Duo in them, hovering sadly or even laughing. He reached out for a specific picture of Duo alone. "Is this how you see yourself?"
Duo didn't answer as Quatre looked at the picture as well and inhaled sharply. "Duo...," he whispered, staring at the picture Duo had drawn of himself. He was entirely dark, with piercing white eyes amongst black shadowed skin, and bat wings scaled with deadly small spikes sprouted from his back. A scythe curved behind him, sending off a deadly black aura. "You can't seriously think this is you?"
"That's Shinigami," Duo whispered. "I'm Shinigami."
"You're Duo Maxwell, damnit!" Heero shouted, slamming his fist into the table. Everyone stared at him, and he breathed, flexing his fingers. His eyes darted around at the pictures. "You're not the only one who has nightmares, Duo," he said. "I've had nightmares, and so has Trowa, and I highly doubt Quatre and Wufei are nightmare free. But the difference between us and you is that we control our nightmares. We're not letting our nightmares control us and influence our lives." Heero turned his sharpest glare at Duo. "Stop calling yourself Shinigami! You are not the God of Death! You are a sixteen year old teenage boy who has four friends who care about him even though he's killed people. Now act like it!"
"Heero...," Duo protested.
"No!" Heero snapped. "You're the only one who calls yourself Shinigami, you know that? Everyone in the realm of reality calls you Duo Maxwell! How about you join us someday and start living?" Trowa set his hand on Heero's shoulder and Heero tried to calm down, breathing deeply.
Duo stared at Heero, his mouth open and his eyes wide. After a few minutes of staring, he closed his mouth and swallowed. "I..." He closed his eyes and a tear leaked out of one.
Heero noticed, and his eyes softened. "I'm sorry, Duo. I shouldn't have yelled at you. I just don't like you thinking this way."
"No," Duo stopped him, laughing wryly. "You're right, you know? You guys have always been right. It's just that it's so damn hard!"
"It doesn't have to be, Duo," Wufei said. "Just refuse to believe the lies."
"Look, when you've got a past like I do, you just don't expect anything good to happen to you..."
"Which is why you're missing life," Quatre revealed.
Duo looked at them all for a moment, then grinned. "Thanks, guys. I...I think this might just work...just keep on telling me I'm an idiot, 'kay?"
"You make us sound so horrid, when you put it that way," Wufei snorted.
Duo laughed, a sound they had missed. "Just...be firm, but not controlling. And maybe I'll, as Heero so skillfully put it, 'start living in reality'. But no making fun of me if I start bawling like a baby!" Duo conditioned.
"As if we'd ever make fun of you, Duo," Wufei smirked, then corrected at Duo's look. "Well, I mean other than the times you know it's in jest. We'd never intentionally hurt you."
"Thanks."
"Can we burn these?" Heero asked, holding up a sketch of Duo's. A psychotic look gleamed in his eyes. "Please, please, please?"
"Never thought I'd see Heero beg," Duo said. "And, you know, I think that wouldn't be too bad of an idea..."
"We can scourge the memories!" Heero said with furvor. "Burn the images out of your mind. Destroy them! And cook marshmallows over the flames!"
"Chill, Heero," Duo chuckled nervously. "I think you might have enjoyed burning my smokes too much. You're going insane." Heero smirked.
"Can...," Trowa hesitated, then continued as everyone looked at him expectantly. "Can we have a fun night? You know, where we order pizza and have snacks and play games all night long and maybe watch a movie or TV and camp out in the livingroom. Something like that?"
"You actually enjoyed that?" Duo asked, and Trowa nodded, his eyes shining. "Wow. You always looked sort o' bored to me. That's another good idea. Can we have beer?"
"No!" four voices exclaimed at once to Duo.
"Fine, fine," Duo held up his hands in defense. "You can't blame a guy for asking."
"Trowa, can you and Heero go and get ready for tonight?" Quatre asked politely.
Duo looked nervously at Quatre. "Um...I'll help them!" he offered, standing halfway up before Trowa set a hand firmly on his shoulder and forced him down again.
"We'll be fine," Trowa said. "We can handle it alone." And he and Heero left Duo alone with Quatre and Wufei.
Duo licked his lips nervously and stared at the table. "Uh..."
"About what you said, Duo," Quatre started.
"Yeah, about that," Duo agreed. "Look, I'm sorry for intruding on your love and all or offending you..."
"On the contrary," Quatre interrupted Duo. "You didn't offend us at all." He smiled at Wufei, then nudged him.
Wufei cleared his throat and met Duo's eyes, taking a deep breath. "Duo Maxwell, I love you," he said, and Duo's mouth fell open. "I've loved you since you brought home that stray puppy and it chewed up my favorite book and you were panicing because you thought I was going to kill you."
Duo forced his mouth shut and swallowed. "That's, um, kind of odd..."
"And I love you, too, Duo," Quatre smiled. "It took me longer than Wufei to realize it, but I'm always happy when you're near, no matter what. I know I love you, because that's the same way I feel with Wufei."
"And I'm sorry that I assumed things and shot my mouth off," Wufei rubbed a hand through his hair. "I tend to do that a lot."
"He thought you were in love with Heero because you two are such good friends," Quatre explained. "Even though I kept telling him I could feel that you loved us and you and Heero is like Trowa and I. Best friends. But, like usual, he didn't listen to me."
"You...you really love me?" Duo asked. "This isn't some sort of sick trick?"
"No tricks!" Quatre assured him. "Wufei's obsessed with you! And so am I, in a more subtler, calmer, more mature way."
"Oh, thank you," Wufei snorted at Quatre. "I feel so loved."
"You should," Quatre replied, then looked back at Duo. "Duo, we want you to be our love."
"But..."
"We're not going to die just because you love us, Duo," he interrupted. "That's not true. That's false thinking, what Heero said..."
"Shouted," Duo corrected.
"Right," Quatre replied. "What Heero shouted. We want to be with you. We love you, and you love us."
"Two's company, three's a crowd," Duo said.
"Third one's a charm," Wufei automatically said.
"That's third time's a charm, Wufei," Duo corrected.
"Not the way I see it."
Duo blinked at Wufei, then smiled. "Did 'Fei 'Fei just crack a non insulting joke?"
"My name is Wufei," Wufei said with a smirk. "And yes."
"You know, just for being a jerk before, I'm never going to call you by your proper name again," Duo pouted.
"I'll try my hardest to pretend to hate it," Wufei smirked. "And, again, I'm sorry."
Duo smiled at Wufei. "Thanks. You're forgiven, if you insist."
"What do you say about being with us, Duo?" Quatre asked.
"I...well...," Duo scratched his head, glancing unsurely at Quatre and Wufei. "I mean...I do love you guys a lot...but..."
"We're okay with whatever you want, Duo," Quatre assured him. "This is your choice."
"I'd love to be with you guys, but...," Duo hesitated again. "I just don't know how much I can. I mean, I've never been in a relationship before, what with my life, and then my situation, and I don't really know...look, I've never even been kissed before."
"You're scared, right?" Wufei asked.
"You put it so bluntly," Duo frowned. "But yes. I can't just change my entire way of thinking and life in a second."
"It's not like you have to all of a sudden be our lover, Duo," Quatre said.
"We can ease you up to that," Wufei grinned, and Quatre frowned at him.
"Wufei!"
Duo laughed. "I ain't quite that sure yet, 'Fei, but it's definitely a tantalizing future."
"We can go slow," Quatre smiled. "But we do want you to know that we love you and want to be with you."
"I...I don't doubt it, Q," Duo smiled. "Thanks, guys. For everything you're doing for me."
"People will do crazy things for those they love," Wufei said as they all stood up. He practically ran over to Duo and embraced him. "You don't know how relieved I was to know you loved me."
"I shocked you good, eh?" Duo grinned, returning the embrace.
"C'mon, you two," Quatre poked them. "What with Heero's 'must complete mission' and Trowa's efficiency, they probably have an entire schedule precise to the minute for tonight. We have to go save our sanity!" Duo laughed and they walked out of the room together, three grinning boys. Well, Duo limped.
Heero saw them coming into the livingroom where he was throwing some blankets down to camp out in. "Status report, 02?" he asked, with a glint in his eyes that showed he wasn't serious, just inanely curious.
"Better than ever, Hee-chan!" Duo grinned, glomping him with a hug. "Where's the Tro-man? I feel like hugging everyone!"
"I'm not against that idea," Quatre said, falling onto the couch and pulling up his legs.
"He's getting pizza," Heero said, then quickly continued as Duo opened his mouth. "And yes, he's getting the kind you like. Actually, I think he's getting enough for each of us to have a whole pizza. He's more into this fun night than we thought."
"Yeah!" Duo whooped and sat on the couch beside Quatre, setting his injured leg up on the table.
"You okay?" Quatre asked good heartedly.
"Oh, yeah," Duo waved the gunshot wound in his ankle away. "What with all the bullets I've had in me, and hiding those two from you guys, this is a piece of cake."
"Everything's a piece of cake to you, Duo," Wufei noted, sitting on the other side of Duo. "And you tend to eat them all."
Heero frowned at them. "What are you three doing? You expect Trowa and I to do all the work?"
"I thought you could handle it on your own, Hee-chan," Duo teased.
Heero glared at him, then sighed. "Find. I admit it was all a ploy to get you three to talk. But I was only an accomplice. Trowa's the mastermind."
"And don't anyone forget it," Trowa said as he came into the livingroom. "Pizza will be here in a few minutes."
"Great!" Duo exclaimed. "This is going to be so much fun, I know it!"
Is it just me, or is this chapter long? It's really hard to tell. Well, did you like the way I dealt with this chap? Hope you did, and please review if you did like it. The next chap will take a while longer, since its not yet written. I know what I'm going to do but I just have to figure out how to get it down on the paper. And I have to find the time to do that. Anyhoo, I'll try!
Storm