Meh another chapter... up in time for my birthday tomorrow :D (Monday) Anyway, ideas, construction, and feedback are always welcome :)
He had been rather distant lately. During the times he wasn't alone in his room, or keeping to himself, brooding, he was talking only to Blaise Zabini. To anyone else it wouldn't be anything of a bother, though Hermione had become concerned. It wasn't exactly an abrupt change; though the turning point seemed to count back to the last Tuesday at breakfast. She often heard him moving about in the night; she knew he wasn't getting much rest.
In class he often fell asleep, not even bothering to attempt at listening. In the classes he stayed awake, such as potions, he didn't take notes, and didn't try to use the correct ingredients. Hermione was beyond worried. It wasn't as if he would ever tell her what was the matter, but she still felt a type of unspoken bond tying her to her roommate, even if he didn't know it.
She walked into the common room, tossing her bag on a chair with a sigh of exhaustion and froze. He was lying on the couch, feet away, unmistakably sleeping. She was reluctant to wake him, though she needed to get her homework done, so she drew it from her bag, and set to work at the table. She looked up as she heard him stir, and his eyes slowly opened, staring around out of focus.
She gasped in horror. He had obviously been unable to cover his eyes as he was sleeping, and barely conscious, he hadn't had time to replace the cold mask. She saw unbelievable pain and hatred buried in the dark silver depths. The sadness and anger penetrating from them made her shudder and look away in fear. But it was mainly the pain... leagues of pain representing 17 hateful years. He blinked... and it all vanished.
He stared at her expression in confusion, and realization hit him.
"You didn't..." he began, but was unable to continue from the frightened look she was still giving him. He sighed heavily. "Fuck..." he muttered to himself, running a hand through his soft platinum hair, waking himself up.
"How do you do that? How is it possible for you to-" she began hopelessly.
"You tell no one you saw that," he threatened, cutting her off. "Alright? No one ever needs to know what you saw," he said, eyes regaining their cold disposition, and burning into her. She looked away, nodding weakly. What ever had happened to the man who she was able to talk to comfortably just weeks ago.
"Wait, you know that's all there? Did someone else see?" She broke in out of curiosity.
"Once," he said bitterly, looking down at the ground. She knew he was uncomfortable, and the last thing she wanted was to make him feel worse, but she figured he must have been immune to such minuscule things? She never would have fathomed all that was held beneath those silver orbs. "Promise me, Granger..." he said, eyes begging her. Not realizing how it could be such a big deal, she shrugged loosely. She gave a slight nod, and he relaxed visibly.
"What's happened to you, just lately? You've closed up again," she said looking away, not truly knowing why she had asked. It was the last thing she wanted him to know; that she was watching him closely.
"You wouldn't understand," he said heavily. "And if you did, you'd most likely tail it off to the ministry as fast as humanly possible," he finished. She assumed he knew something dark, that he would never tell her.
"I wouldn't give away your secrets unless someone's life was in danger," she said honestly.
"Yeah, that changes everything, I definitely can't tell you now," he said with a type of sour smirk. He broke as he saw her weak expression, lips slightly parted, staring into the table. "Alright, if you must know, it seems as if you know everything anyway," he mumbled, though she looked up at him. "Fudge is recovering; they never planned for him to, he's got too many secrets he was never supposed to know in the first place, it's very bad news. Of course, I can't tell you the secrets, it's all really good for your side, I suppose."
She was truly shocked as to why he told her. Why would he give away valued information from the dark side? Especially to her; who could summon many members of the Order at the blink of an eye. True to her word, however, she wouldn't tell anyone what he had said. She realized she wasn't thinking rationally, but he had just reopened slightly, she didn't want to lose it again.
"Are you...?" she began hesitantly, but he caught on. He rolled up his sleeves, revealing two pale, but otherwise unmarked forearms.
"No, I'm not," he said rather harshly. "Did you expect me to be?" He asked with sick humour. She truthfully didn't know how to answer this, she merely shrugged, gaping at him. He let out a soft laugh, and she wondered if had perhaps gone mad.
"Do you have any idea what you've done to me this year, Granger?" He asked her, lips twisting slightly. She was shocked, she had done something to affect him? Simply preposterous. She shook her head, feeling guilty. Had she perhaps been part of the reason he had become distant? "Blaise noticed," he continued on, unconcerned. "He says you're good, that I've changed. Do you see it Granger?" He asked, staring into her soft brown eyes. He was unsure as to what had happened himself, but didn't expect her to have noticed.
She stared back into his enigmatic eyes; sometimes bright and sometimes dark. He was truly impossible to discover anything about, yet he had handed her his open soul, on a platter. To cut up as she pleased. She was speechless, opening her mouth uselessly, as she stared at him. She shut her eyes, wishing she was anywhere else at this particular moment. He looked almost disappointed as he averted his gaze, and she felt a strong sense of loss. As if she had been removed from the warm embrace of her comforter in the winter time.
He shook his head, and stood up. "Never mind, I shouldn't have asked," he muttered, and turned around to leave, as she found her voice.
"Yes... I have," she said clearly, standing to go after him. He slowly turned around as she reached him, the two much closer than either had anticipated, though neither moved away.
She felt his eyes search deep into her soul, and she shuddered involuntarily, closing her eyes lightly. In an odd way, she hoped that perhaps he had given up, walked away. She opened her eyes cautiously, to see him still staring at her desperately, it seemed.
"How?" he asked softly. For whatever reason he had to continuously probe her mind, deeper and deeper, she felt sorry for him. For the first time, he showed weakness, on a level she had never expected. She opened her mouth, searching the carpet, in case it were to provide an answer. Why now? Any time before she would have given anything for him to open up further. And now... he stood before her, nearly begging for her to help him. She felt she couldn't handle it. He sighed in frustration and she flinched, as he turned away up the stairs.
Oh, how she wanted to go after him, to spill her mind to him. But how would that be possible? She knew he would scorn her, or laugh... though in his present situation she wasn't sure. She lifted one heavy foot, it had turned into lead she was sure, and slowly started up the stairs. She realized she had no clue what she would do or say. And she liked it.
Her eyes lit up with a sudden burst of energy, and she ran up the remaining stairs, intent on finding him now. She reached the top, and saw with a small jolt his door was shut. Gathering up her strength, she knocked on the door, and received no answer.
"Malfoy, I've got to talk to you," she said quite lamely, feeling her energy slowly ooze away from her. So much for euphoria. She was about to say something more when the door opened, and he gazed at her with a neutral expression. His lips showed no sign of a frown or smile, his eyes had their wall ever so tightly secured. He looked tired. She could see it much better now; he was simply exhausted.
"So speak," he said shortly, walking back into the room. She followed slowly, she had never been in his room before, and wasn't quite sure how he would react.
"Look, Malfoy, I don't know if this will answer your question downstairs," she said honestly, determined not to be disheartened. "But it's the best I can come up with for such an inquisition." She looked at him tentatively, he shrugged for her to continue. "This year... I don't know what changed or where, but you... you've helped me so much. I no longer know exactly what I'm doing all the time, I realized that, and it's fabulous. I've changed too, because of you." She said, not quite as proud as she had been when the thoughts hit her. He looked confused, but said nothing. "I honestly don't know what I'm trying to say," she said with a slight grin.
He gave a slight laugh. "You know, in potions the other day, I didn't mean to call you... you know," he admitted out of nowhere. She nodded. "You don't think I'm going too soft, do you?" He asked in mock concern. She laughed.
"No, don't worry, your Malfoy honour is still upheld," she replied, grinning. He gave a half smile as he turned serious and his eyes softened. He reached out and twirled a curl in his fingers, not making eye contact. She tensed as she felt his hot breath flutter across her face. For one moment she stood shocked, but immediately loosened.
"Ever since..." he mumbled absent mindedly, though she wasn't sure if she was meant to listen. He leaned in, and she couldn't even anticipate it before his lips brushed against hers. Her head exploded with the overwhelming heat of the contact, but she jerked away as someone knocked loudly on the portrait downstairs.
"Damn it," she whispered to himself, as she turned to leave the room, but he reached out for her instead, and kissed her again with more force. Her mind began reeling, as she went slightly dizzy. His touch was much more desirous and passionate than before; she didn't know if she would be able to take it. She gave in, and kissed him back with an equal fervour, deepening the kiss. He pulled her closer as she fell into him, indulging in the elation she was feeling.
They were both seemingly oblivious to the increasingly louder knocking coming from downstairs. He finally snapped to his senses and pulled away slowly.
"We should get that," he mumbled against her lips, as she nodded slightly, breathing heavily. Neither moved however, as the insistent banging continued. He appeared thoughtful, as he sighed. "Right, prefect's meeting. Damn," she gasped as she remembered as well. She let out a groan and buried her face into his chest, as he raised an amused eyebrow at her.
Slowly she moved away from him, shuddering at the loss of warmth, and stalked down the stairs, opening the door with a less than enthusiastic disposition. He watched as several angry looking prefects followed in, but he was more focused on the dark haired Gryffindor. What was she doing to him? Never before had he felt something near this magnitude towards another human. Towards anything, really. He'd never kissed anyone quite like he was compelled to with her, and it bothered him. She was just intriguing was all it was...
He slowly walked down the stairs, and sent her a slight grin as he saw her, amidst the scrambling fifth and sixth years. This was the part about Head Boy he hated the most, though he had to admit it wasn't all bad. Most of the school were too scared of him anyway.
Over the next two rather unproductive hours, Hermione caught him staring at her more than once, and attempting to fight back a smile, she went through their agenda set down by the Headmaster. Meanwhile Draco sat sullenly, not bothering to involve himself in the discussion. He couldn't have cared what they were planning, since the prefects never did much.
When it finally ended he shook himself to get out of his dazed stupor, as he watched Hermione speak shortly to Ginny Weasley. Hermione nodded and left the common room, shooting him a slight grin. He made no sign of a reply and left the room.
"You realize Harry and Ron are just trying to protect you from Malfoy right, Hermione?" Ginny asked her on the way to the common room. Hermione shrugged, not particularly enjoying the topic of discussion.
"They think I have no common sense and can't protect myself?" She asked angrily.
"Of course not, Mione... I was wondering though. Is something going on between the two of you? This meeting didn't seem as tense as the others, and I'm not blind, I saw the looks he was giving you," she said, grinning slightly. Hermione sighed, but couldn't stop a small grin from escaping. Ginny laughed softly.
"I honestly don't know what's going on, we haven't talked about it or anything," Hermione said in practicality, though she thought there was at least something happening. "Don't tell Harry and Ron?" she asked hesitantly and Ginny smiled.
"Of course not. He may be on the other side, but he's definitely the hottest guy in school. But just... do be careful? I've seen too many fall into his trap," she warned. Hermione grinned, slightly relieved that she could at least have someone to believe her.
They went into the common room, and Hermione nearly forgot her problems as they had fun with the rest of Gryffindor, though she felt a pang of guilt that she hadn't been in to see everyone more often. She also felt something of remorse when she knew she wouldn't see any of these people again after June. In actuality, she didn't think she would have enjoyed graduating from Hogwarts with many different people, with the exception of Ginny of course.
She savoured the friendships she held, watching her friends play Exploding Snap and Wizard's Chess, as she heard a light knocking on the window. She turned casually and saw a school owl carrying a copy of the Evening Prophet tightly in its claws, trying frantically to get in. She opened the window and it flew in, throwing the paper on the couch and she paid it.
Ginny walked over as she lifted the paper and gaped, as Hermione let out a soft scream.