On with chapter ten I suppose, though I must offer you an explanation. I have been incredibly busy due to many things: writers's camp, which was superb I must say, and it threw me off fanfiction for a while as I became more engaged in original writing, a foray into the world of poetry, job interviews, evaluations, and ehh parties. Not to mention I've been fighting against my depression as it's returned with a strong vengeance, and I haven't felt like writing. Also internet troubles, and of course fanfiction being on this read-only basis. I would put this up at the time I write it, but if I need to change something I would be unable to, for goes down tomorrow for two days in case you all haven't noticed. Which by the time you see this, will be gone already. I hope you forgive me, and review!
And yeah, if you think I own this, I know some nice people all in white for ya ;)
Along with an increase in workloads, November brought a great chill into the air, sneaking through open windows and invading the castle. Steadily the temperature dropped daily, giving the house elves quite the task of keeping the fires burning. Students could be seen hurrying through the grounds to classes, bundled in their warmest cloaks, coughing in the cold air.
Hermione walked down the stairs late one night, shaking slightly. Making toward the couch, she stopped in her tracks as she saw him sitting there. He glanced at her through his peripheral vision, though his features betrayed no emotion.
"What are you doing here," he said softly, looking back into the bright fire. She moved to sit on the other couch, as he gestured to the spot next to him, and she hesitantly took it.
"I accidentally left my window open, the room's freezing," she admitted. A flicker of amusement passed his lips, but was gone before she could make anything of it. "What about you?" She asked.
"Couldn't sleep," he shrugged. He was silent for a long while, so she made no attempt to strike up conversation.
"I'm going to-" Hermione began, as he cut her off. She was about to say she was going back to her room to try to sleep, when he spoke.
"I tried to talk to you," he said quietly, ignoring her past words. "After Snape went nuts," he explained. She looked away; she felt no inclination to discuss the happenings of her side with him. He laughed coldly.
"Don't be dense, I don't need to know why. I know what he's up to... even if he can fool the rest of us. There's no way in hell he would give remedial potions lessons, especially to Potter," he said with a slight smile. Hermione fidgeted nervously under his intense stare. Of course that had been Harry back in fifth year when Dumbledore wanted him to learn Occlumency.
"Why would you want to talk to me?" she asked, voice laced with minimal contempt. She had not quite gotten past his words of several days prior.
"I overreacted," he said simply, with a sigh. "I was upset with myself but took it out on you," he looked away, and the uncomfortable feeling in her stomach loosened somewhat.
"Why do you feel so strongly for the dark side if you won't even pledge yourself to Voldemort?" she asked, berating herself for sounding so accusatory. He paid it no heed however, but reverted to staring at her unblinkingly. After a time, she gave up hope of an answer, and shrugged it off.
"That's a good question," he said later. "I suppose I may understand his practices and intentions, but it doesn't mean I want to give away my rights to think freely. It's a very twisted form of rebellion," he said with a glint in his eye. "Besides... I'm not exactly the type to follow anyone, especially one so hideous as that," he smirked and she couldn't help but laugh.
The chill in her had subsided slightly, but she wasn't about to brave her icebox of a room again. Beside her Draco yawned and she looked at the clock; it was past 2 am.
"You should probably get to sleep, we've got class," she muttered softly, looking at him. He was watching the fire again, and she could see flickers of orange reflected on his dark grey eyes. For a fleeting second she would have loved those burning eyes to be directed into her, to spill all that they held, and then it passed.
"Doesn't matter, I'd rather stay here," he said, not shifting his gaze. She sighed, about to comment, when he jerked his eyes to her, and studied her still slightly shaking frame. He conjured her a glass of cocoa, and she sipped it obligingly.
"So..." he began after a while. "What sort of things did you like as a child, other than reading," he said, a smile gracing his features. She glanced at him, glad but shocked for his opening of conversation. And nothing short of childhood memories, at that.
"Well, I loved doing anything with my parents and my brother," she said, smiling at the thought. "Me and my brother used to play sports in the field behind our house, if you can believe it," he laughed softly. "And we used to go places throughout Europe every summer, until recently," she said, smile fading. He caught on to her lack of enthusiasm, and looked away.
"What about you, how was your childhood?" She regretted the words almost as soon as they escaped her lips, though he smiled.
"Rather shitty, until I came here. Then it kinda went downhill," he said, smile still fixed curiously on his face. It confused her, almost scared her, why he could be so happy about something like this, but not for a more cheerful reason.
"Nothing was good about it?" She asked sadly. "When did you enjoy childhood?"
"I didn't, really, I guess," he said shrugging. "I enjoy certain things here though," his eyes lit up. She grinned, somehow feeling excited in his euphoria.
"Like what?" He pondered for a moment.
"I certainly enjoy flying, playing quidditch, talking with you. I'm having fun right now," he grinned.
She smiled back, unwillingly feeling a tear slip out of the corner of her eye, hoping it had gone unnoticed. Unfortunately, he turned worried as he looked at her, frowning.
"What's the matter," he asked softly, wiping away the tear before it could reach its downward destination.
"I don't know, it just doesn't make sense. Didn't you care about your family?" She asked in desperation. He stared blankly, but made no indication that he understood her words.
"I guess I did, I didn't think about it much. All I did with them was have dinner when guests were over," he said simply. She sighed, hardly reassured. "If it means anything, I had good times with my neighbours. There was a lake just past the manor, we would go there nearly every day," he said, eyes displaying nothing negative. She grinned; it was hard to imagine Draco spending time on the shores of a lake every day.
Noticing that Hermione hadn't warmed up adequately, he feigned stretching as he slipped an arm around behind her back, eyes glinting with mischief. She gave him a suspicious grin, but settled comfortably into his warmth.
"So, what does the brilliant Hermione Granger have in mind after graduation?" He asked mockingly, looking down at her with a smirk upon his lips. It faded as her eyes darkened, and he stared at her confused expression. "You alright?" he asked with genuine concern and her eyes began to water.
"I don't have any plans," she said quietly, looking away so he couldn't see the tears gathering in her eyes, waiting to spill free. "My parents don't want me to stay in this world after I graduate," she said no louder than a whisper, and Draco was forced to strain to hear.
"They can't do that," he said shortly. "When did they tell you?"
"They didn't really, I overheard one night," she said, blushing. She proceeded to tell him what she had heard, and by the end his ordinarily blank grey eyes seemed to be glowing with anger.
"Merlin..." he said, running a hand through his platinum hair as it fell in his line of sight. "If I were you I'd... well that isn't going to make you feel much better," he muttered. Despite herself she laughed softly. "I'm sure if you talked to them, they might understand," he reassured her, though she was still upset. "What did Potter and Weasley say?" he asked grimly.
"They don't know," she murmured, glancing down at the clock on the table. He made no type of snide remark. "They wouldn't care either," she said spitefully. He appeared mildly shocked but she didn't continue.
He watched as she sat deep in thought for a moment, her eyes blurring with tears. He realized he admired her openness; he wondered if he'd ever be able to even think of showing as much emotion as she did. He stared curiously as she looked at him, he connected with her eyes and was shocked at the pain within them. He would never know how she was feeling, as he would undoubtedly be spending his whole life; albeit perhaps not lasting much longer than the war, in this world.
"I get the feeling they don't know you very well," he said thoughtfully and she shook her head in agreement.
"Not really, you're right," she said, resting her head on his chest, creating an unexpected heat. "I'd just hate to be torn away from all that I've spent the last 6 years learning about," she said in desperation. "I would rather never have come at all than to have to become Muggle again," she said softly.
"No you don't, then you never would have met me," he said wisely.
"Very full of yourself, aren't you?" She asked, smiling slightly. He shrugged nonchalantly, pouting slightly. She was overcome with a desire to taste those soft lips, but shook it off; it would not be appropriate if she were to do something like that. "Why does there have to be a war?" She sighed, and he frowned.
"I don't know," he said, upset with himself that it was all the explanation he could provide. "It's stupid and pointless, but apparently it's going to happen." She yawned widely, glancing at the clock. Her eyes widened slightly as she saw the time.
"It's late, I guess I'll try to get some sleep," she muttered, getting up and immediately feeling the chill of the air. He stayed sitting for a moment, staring pensively into the ground, before he stood and walked towards the stairs as well.
Hermione felt her eyes falling shut, as she felt a hand on her wrist and she spun around, connecting her own with his eyes. She felt herself falling into those silvery depths right as he looked away, glancing at the floor.
"Thanks," he muttered awkwardly. She was unsure what he was thanking her for, but she nodded lightly, smiling at him. He looked into her eyes again and she was shocked at the sadness she saw, compared to how happy he had been only minutes before.
"I'll see you-" she began before she was cut off. It took her hardly a moment to throw aside her caution and respond to his lips on hers. He deepened the kiss, pulling her closer towards him, as she wrapped her arms around his neck, entwining one in his blond locks. Hermione was pulled under by the heat encompassing her, as she fought back with everything she had.
After all too short a time for Hermione, he jerked away, breathing harshly. He looked at her as his eyes widened, looking stricken. His bright orbs penetrated into her soul, and she unconsciously shivered. It was almost like he seemed angry at her.
"What is it?" she asked, concerned that something might be wrong. He gave a faint smirk, moving away from her slightly.
"This, whatever this is, it's gotta fucking stop alright?" he muttered, and she raised an eyebrow, looking at him questioningly. He sighed heavily, looking past her. "I honestly don't know what you're doing to me, but it's over." She looked at him suspiciously, trying to ignore the throbbing need to feel him against her once more.
"What are you talking about Malfoy?" she hissed, feeling anger along with her fatigue.
"I don't think you understand this whole death thing, Granger. I'm not going to do this, it'll never work. You might as well get over it," he said quietly, smirking at her.
"I don't get what any of this has to do with anything," she said absent mindedly, fingering a piece of his hair. He moved his head out of her reach, doing his best to shoot her a glare.
"Let me explain this to you, Granger," he said sarcastically, and she was taken aback at his bluntness. "I am loyal to the dark lord, you on the other hand, are on the side of Dumbledore. Whatever you want to call this," he said, gesturing frantically between them, "will never work. It will lead to nothing but pain and injury. You belong with a Gryffindor, someone who can understand you for who you are." He saw her hurt expression and softened somewhat.
"You're a great, strong person, no one can take that away from you, Granger. I know I don't deserve that, you don't need to get involved with the wrong people. Especially now," he said earnestly, looking into her eyes. He opened his mouth once more to say something, but shut it quickly and turned away up the staircase.
Hermione stood gaping at the empty space where he had been just a moment ago, utterly shocked beyond belief. Where had this extremely abrupt change come from? And more confusing still, why did she feel like she was being ripped apart from within?
Draco woke the next morning, wondering why he felt like, to put it nicely, absolute shit. He groaned, burying his head in his pillow as he remembered what had happened. Not to mention the fact that he probably hadn't got no more than three hours of sleep. He dragged himself to the washroom for a shower, trying his hardest to rid his mind of a certain Gryffindor.
He had no idea what made him do what he had, in ending whatever type of relationship they had the night before. He thought it had something to do with his own cowardice, as displeasing as it was for him to think. He hadn't meant to be harsh with her, but perhaps it was just his exhaustion.
It wasn't as if it were even her fault, he thought bitterly, as he had been the one to initiate the kiss just prior.
He ate breakfast silently, thinking to himself, watching his schoolmates intently. Through potions he sat with Blaise, trying his hardest to ignore Hermione on the opposite side of the dungeon. He caught site of her once while getting his ingredients, but she seemed not to notice him.
He sighed and continued back to his table, determined to get his thoughts away from her. He had been the one who had forced this estrangement; she was only doing as he said.
All around his day had been admittedly miserable, between guilt and yet another heavy round of work; he was glad when classes were finally over. He grumbled indiscernibly to himself as he walked to dinner. He was stressed; and he knew that no matter what it would do to his current mood, there was always one surefire mode to de-stress.
Hermione ate her dinner in a depressed silence, ignoring- and in general ignored by- those around her. She didn't dare look over at the Slytherin table, after what Malfoy had said. She couldn't figure out why she felt so poorly about it; sure they had been getting to know each other better lately, but she wouldn't expect to care quite that much.
"Are you alright Hermione?" she heard someone ask near the end of the meal, and she looked over to see Ginny watching her curiously. She nodded enthusiastically, forcing a smile.
"Of course, I'm just trying to remember which classes I have homework in," she lied easily, and Ginny looked away. She hurriedly finished and went to the library, not exactly wanting to be in the common room if he were to be there, so soon after. She stayed working on her homework until she was forced to retire to sleep, after the very few hours she had slept through the previous night.
Dozens of heads looked up quickly as he walked into the Slytherin common room that evening. He ignored them efficiently, searching for the one person he was looking for. His conscience was already beating him up, but he was exhausted, and found no reason to feel guilty. It wasn't as if he was involved with Granger or anything.
"Hey Sal," he muttered, setting his hands upon the hips of one Sally-Anne Perks. He figured if there was one girl in Slytherin he could have had the best future with, it would be her. She was much smarter than many girls in their year, and quite pretty as well. She had a type of classical beauty with long golden-brown hair and blue eyes.
"Hey, it feels like it's been ages," she replied, smiling up at him.
"Yeah," he said, smirking. "So... you busy?" he asked, pulling her closer into him. Her eyes glinted as she realized what he meant, and she sent him his own smirk. He raised an eyebrow at her and she laughed softly.
"Never too busy for you, Draco," she said and he grinned wickedly, pulling her along in the direction of the dorms.