Through It All We Can Mend

by Xyraist

Poland and Lithuania learn to love each other again, by healing their broken hearts and coming together through thick and thin. Strong T rating. LithuaniaxPoland.

1. Chapter 1

This was a difficult situation, and one they didn't even want to be in, but Toyls' boss wanted the two Nations to be on better terms. So here they were, in an abandoned house in Lviv, Ukraine to talk things out. The two Nations, once former lovers and now barely on speaking terms for decades, stared down each other, circling each other like wolves on the hunt. They were apprehensive and civil, if not terse, but then Belarus came up in their heated discussion. That's what caused Poland to turn the heat up and declare all-out war.

"I don't even see why you like her. She's related to Russia, so of course she's going to be insane too!" he snapped harshly. He glared at the brunet teen across from him.

"I'm sorry, but just because she scares you, doesn't mean she's a bad person. She's actually quite lovely if you'd just give her the chance," Lithuania said to his counterpart fervently.

Poland just glared and sported a childish pout. He never liked the idea of his former partner having feelings for that girl. Sure, Belarus came to Lithuania for protection first back in the 13th century to protect herself from the Tartar Yoke, but when the Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth formed, she was protected under their shared roof. She wasn't the helpless little girl Lithuania saved all those centuries ago.

"I did, remember? When she lived in our house. Ring any bells? She was still crazy, even back then."

"Fine, you can think whatever you want of her, it won't change the way I feel about her."

"Hmph!" This only angered the blond more. He turned his back to the Lithuanian and crossed his arms. "She wasn't the one you marriedthough, but whatever, keep kidding yourself over that one."

"Poland, you know that I should prefer girls over boys. Remember? Something that the Church taught us both, although I guess it stuck to one more than the other?"

The blond sighed at the reminder. Lithuania could never let the whole 'I was the last Pagan country in Europe' thing go, but he tried so very hard to conform…when it suited him. He held his face in his hands and shook his head as if he didn't want to believe what Lithuania just said. It only got worse as the brunet continued.

"Look, I know I have a pretty obvious type, but hey, at least I don't see Russiaas attractive, not compared to Natasha."

Poland looked up from his hands and stared blankly at the wall ahead of him. A few tears escaped the corners of his eyes as he shouted, "Who cares? Not like bitch would treat you any better even if you deem her prettier."

Now Lithuania was offended. "Hey! She would treat me better than Russia ever did! A few broken bones and blocking surprise knife attacks would be a dream come true."

That was the last straw for Poland. Just stop defending her already. He turned back to face the Lithuanian and with all the muster he could gather, yelled, "SHE WOULDN'T GIVE IT A SECOND THOUGHT TO OUTRIGHT KILL YOU, BUT SHES HOLDING BACK BACK BECAUSE HER 'PRECIOUS' BIG BROTHER LIKES YOU! How can you not realize that? You're so blinded by your feelings for her, you big, dumb idiot!"

Lithuania stood there in stunned silence as Poland covered his mouth after realizing what he just said. But perhaps this was what the Lithuanian needed to hear to break him of his little fantasy about playing house with Belarus. When the shock settled, Lithuania went ridged. His eyes flew open and he looked to Poland with a childish look of dejection.

"What?" he asked in a dazed manner. Poland had to be lying to him. He just…had to be. He had always been nice to Belarus, and she must have known he was nice for her to have asked for his protection all this centuries ago. Or was it that she took advantage of his kindness and used it for her own benefit? Was she really nothing more than a female version of Russia who knew how to bend him to her will?

Poland began to fret over what he said and tried several times to explain himself or laugh it off. But nothing really came out except a dozen half sentences with no real meaning. Words couldn't form themselves right against his voice. Thankfully, he didn't have to continue as Lithuania spoke again.

"Maybe you're right," he sighed as he sat down on the balls of his feet, arms lazily hanging on top his knees. He looked at the floor with a vacant stare. "Natasha always did seem like she could kill me at any given moment, but she seemed more restrained around Russia. Perhaps that's why she never did any real damage to me?"

The blond stared off to the side, shifting his weight uncomfortably. Man, he was beginning to feel really bad for bringing this up, guilty, even. At least the Lithuanian couldn't deny the truth any longer. It was finally out in the open.

"Look, Liet, I…um." He moved closer to the other, sitting in the balls of his feet as well so they were on even level. He reached a hand out to comfort his friend, but Lithuania, fast as ever, swatted the hand away from his personal space. He tried his best not to feel hurt, but he was the one to start this chain reaction. Now he didn't know how to help the situation except try to the bigger man and lay this to rest. "You're mad at me now. I guess I kinda deserve it after yelling at you so harshly. I'm sorry for my tone and…stuff."

Lithuania looked to the Pole with contempt raging in his mossy eyes. "You're always sorry for something, Poland. It's not like that really means anything coming from you."

Now that hurt. That was the lowest of low blows to the blond, and Lithuania knew that. He always knew the weak points of opponents, even if they used to be partners. "Wh—? H-how could even—!"

But he had to admit defeat since he couldn't argue against the brunet's point. He had always been reckless and made one too many mistakes to expect the other to really believe him at face value.

"Poland…" Lithuania sighed after hearing the blond fall into silence. "Why did you have to ruin my dream of living out a normal—as normal as we can ever achieve—lifestyle? I can accept that Natasha doesn't like me back, but to bring Russia, of all people, to the forefront of people who like me is too cruel. I don't want him to think of me like that."

"It's not like…like I'm happy about telling you! Isn't it better to hear it from her, or even worse, from him? I'm your best…best friend, aren't I? We're supposed to look out for one another 'n' all that other junk." It was painful to put that out in the open. He didn't even know if he still held special title still with the Lithuanian

Meanwhile, said Lithuanian had followed along, nodding in agreement until something in his mind went click. He mulled the words over carefully aloud. "'Best friend'…look out for me and junk. Mind if I ask where were you when it mattered if you're my best friend?"

"What? Wh-what are you talking about? " he asked, thoroughly confused at the other's almost harsh tone.

"Where were you when Russia decided to use me? Would a so-call best friend leave me to die in that god-forsaken wasteland?" Lithuania asked, anger slowly lacing his voice. "You were probably off having a grand old time now that you no longer had me around to reign you in!"

"How could even you say that?" Feliks was outraged, offended even! He stood back up, using his arms and hands to flourish his anger. "I didn't know that was going to happen, I tried to get you back! But being split between three nations made it really hard for me have any power at all! And when I did finally manage to get strong enough to take you back, you turned me away! What was I supposed to do, Liet? What would YOU have done if you were me?

Lithuania fired right back, also retuning upright. He made angry jabbing motions towards the other, like a mother scolding her child. "Oh, I don't know, Poland, but how about this for size? If I had been you, I wouldn't have been so selfish and self-absorbed. Definitely wouldn't have run my big mouth like you always seem to. But I know for certain that you left me to break under that…that monster. I'm now just a useless servant who obeys orders like a dog on any given day."

The brunet suddenly choked back a sob as he talked about himself. He tried his hardest to keep his other emotions in line as the anger swelled inside his chest. He felt stupid for showing weakness, weakness caused mistakes and opening for others to strike. But his words flowed freely as he unleashed centuries of pent up resentment towards his former ally. It could be the last chance he got to to speak this openly to the blond.

Poland, on the other hand, freely wore his emotions on his sleeve. And right now, he hurt, angry, and incredulous at the brunet's words. He clenched his fists and shook with spite. It took every ounce of willpower to refrain from punching the Lithuanian. "I couldn't do ANYTHING! H-how can blame this is on me? How was I supposed to help my people from their suppression while I'm getting bounced around like Europe's damn ping-pong ball? I wanted to help, God, I wished I could've helped you, but my hands were tied. I seriously couldn't do anything. So, don't you dare blame it on me. It wasn't my fault. It wasn't…"

"Wasn't your fault," Lithuania mocked. "Whose aristocrat made their bed with Catherine the Great? A Polish aristocrat, who then deceived his way to become king and lead to the Partitions, resulting in not only your dismantle, but mine as well! You got to live with Austria and visit Prussia sometimes while Russia kept me in his house for the next century. It was your king who didn't fight hard enough and you who let Russia take me away. You didn't give a damn about me after that."

"I was dismantled too, like you just said yourself. I was beaten, defeated, finished just as much as you were. I couldn't go against my king, much less than three other stronger kingdoms breathing down our backs. For all we know, I coulda made it worse by opening my big mouth! And why are you pinning all of this on me, anyways? Like I'm the only one who screwed up, the only one to blame? You seriously wanna fight dirty, huh? Two can play at that game!"

Poland's eyes glowed with a renewed energy. He could very easily dig things up from the past as well and throw it in Lithuania's face. Let's see how he liked being reminded of failures. "Where were YOU when I needed YOU the most, Mr. Former Soviet? Well? Did me taking Wilno, trying to get you back into my house and away from Russia, make you so angrily bitter and resentful that it was worth watching me get brutally beaten to the ground without aid from anybody?"

Lithuania gave a low growl in response at first. He hated when people pointed out he belonged to that god-awful union from hell. He had fought so hard to gain and maintain independence, and then to remind him of the war over his capital.

"Don't you dare bring that back up again or call my capital with its old Polish name. I fought tooth and nail to even stay out of your childish war with the union, but you of course had other, selfish ideas." He clenched his fists and dug his nails into his palms. Redirect the anger. Keep calm. It barely worked. "You weren't there for me so why did I have to be there for you? At least Russia had enough common sense to bribe me by giving Vilnius back to me, even if it came with dangerous consequences."

Poland stomped his foot down on the floor hard. The audacity. "You're so wrong! At least I tried! I tried to restore what we had when I did all of that, I was thinking of you when I acted. I wanted to protect you so badly, but I just…I couldn't, don't you get it? I had three nations after me and I had to fight so many wars to even keep what little independence I could have. It's not easy constantly restoring your nation back to the way it was in the wake of countless deaths and tricky negotiations.

"And you were supposed to be my best friend! You stabbed me in the back the moment I needed your help to survive; you couldn't even TRY to help! You knew what was going on, you were already Russia's right-hand man, I SAW you, several times in my moment of need standing next to him. How could you possibly have had the heart to just ignore everything going on? Or did the idea of leaving Russia's side scare you too badly to even entertain the idea of partnering back up together?"

"My government didn't want either of you to be in control! How hard is it to understand that my people wanted their culture to flourish after centuries of having it banned? They just wanted their freedom." He buried his face in his hands and shook from silent anguish. "We can never go back to the commonwealth again, Poland. Back in the 16th century it was normal to amass that kind of power and territory when everything was a free for all. But now? In this day and age? God, no, everyone would accuse us of trying to create another union. We must think of what's best for everyone, not just ourselves. We don't have that luxury. Besides, I don't ever plan on letting my land be stolen again and used by others, not by you, not by Russia."

Poland's eyes widen in shock. Did Lithuania seriously just say that. "SHUT UP! I'm nothing like him! If I fight, I fight for what's right! I'm not as selfish as I used to be, got that? And you're wrong, I don't care about your land! My boss decided to take it because it was mostly Polish citizens living there! It's not as if I enjoy fighting with my best friend! All I wanted back was you? I didn't want your land or your resources, I didn't care what our governments said."

Lithuania lurched forward in his rage ad grabbed Poland by the collar, shaking him violently to get his point across. Poland gasped and held onto the brunet's wrist for stability, it didn't give him an excuse to let him push him around though.

"So, just because there were Polish citizens in my capital, that made it right for your boss to take my land by force? That was my capital; it was my heart! My boss was furious with me because I couldn't predict what my so-called friend would do! He had to make a deal with Russia's boss for my land back. Do you know what everyone started to say after that? 'Vilnius is ours, Lithuania is Russia's.' You did that, Poland. You didn't care about me then. Did you even care about me in the first place?"

Lithuania stopped his movements but still held onto the Pole's collar. He kept his head down, his brown hair falling over his face. Poland uncertainly grabbed at the other's shoulders, balling his fists in the fabric. He hated that Lithuania was being so difficult. He could overlook a lot of things, but for the Lithuanian to suggest that he didn't care about him, it was like a knife through his heart.

"Of course I care about you, I've always cared about you!" He had to get Lithuania to see the truth behind his actions back then. "You aren't listening to me; you haven't heard a single word I've said if you still think I don't care about you! I tried. I tried to set you free, but I wasn't strong enough. I had to free my people before getting ahead of myself, otherwise I would have disappeared! You've been calling me selfish but look at yourself! You're so paranoid and introverted, you don't realize how lucky you were during all of this! Do you know what I've been through? Do you even care? All you had was Russia; I had Russia, Austria, Prussia, and Germany, half of Europe at my neck! Open your eyes; there are people that had it worse!"

"You didn't have to live with Russia twenty-four-seven," he whispered bitterly. "You didn't have to be there when he was angry or drunk, through all of his mood changes. Through his revolutions.

And honestly, how bad could Austria have been? He's not a real fighter; Hungary was his sword. And what did little Prussia do? Bore you to death with his embellished stories that we've heard time and time again? The only ones that could have done any harm would be Germany and Russia, and honestly, Russia was more preoccupied with gaining more territory and me to cause you any harm."

He shook his head to erase unpleasant memories of what else Russia had been preoccupied with. "I may not have had it as bad as some countries, but I deserve to be a little selfish sometimes! I had to go along with you and all your frivolous ideas and galavanting around when we lived in the same house after all. I let you get away with so much back then because I was used as a tool for your nobility."

Lithuania dropped the blond to a heap on the floor, past the point of his usual caring nature. Poland gasped as he fell down and stayed there. He didn't even want to look at Lithuania right now. No, all he wanted right now was to hide the fact that the brunet's words cut him deep within his heart. But he had to come up with the strength to retort. He balled his fists and gathered everything he could; it was harder than it sounded.

"I never said you didn't have it rough...but you'd have to be stupid to think that Auschwitz and Nazi rule was BETTER than the Soviet Union! You can't even imagine how bad that was! Nothing Russia has done ever could even compare! Do you even care that your best friend was unsuccessfully MURDERED hundreds of times? No, wait. I forgot. You're not my best friend, are you? I should've known. I should've known the moment you said you hated me that I would never mean anything to you! Do you hate me so much that you don't care if I die? Then tell me, Lithuania, why would you care so much, whether I tried to help you or not? Why should it matter if you were just pretending to be happy? HUH?"

"Oh, don't you dare bring the Nazis into this, Poland. We all felt the effects of them, even me! The Soviet army was even scared of them and left my country, but the Nazis moved right in and got right to work. And I may not have had the biggest population of Jewish people, but they were still slaughtered, they weren't even sent to camps. They killed eighty percent of my Jewish population, in under six months. Do you hear me? Six. Months. They were so efficient at their executions. But you know what, at least you didn't die—you can't die. None of us can actually die unless our ethnic people are destroyed. Not that something as trivial as that would be a problem for you, Mr. Phoenix, Mr. Happy-go-lucky about everything! Meanwhile, my country has one of the highest suicidal rates not only in Europe, but the entire world!"

Lithuania suddenly choked up and yelled in frustration. He pulled at his hair and walked over to the nearest wall and kicked a hole in it. He placed his forehead on the cool surface and began unexpectedly laughing in hysterics. The sound made Poland look up in alarm. He snapped back to his Soviet persona, a cold, calculating killing machine used and abused by the very government he hated.

"Poland," he suddenly said in Russian to drive his next point home and to ensure the other was listening. "You want to know why it hurt me so much when you suddenly invaded me all those years ago? I wanted to know that someone…just one person, would be there as a friend and cared about my well-being, not expecting anything from me. I would have even welcomed you with open arms. But instead of coming as a friend, you came to go to war. That day hurt me more than anything else you've done to me in the past. I hated you from that day forward."

Poland clenched his fists, truly enraged now. That was it! No more Mr. Nice Polish teen! He stood up abruptly and practically charged at the unsuspecting Lithuanian. He made the brunet face him, and then he smacked the other right across the face with tears betraying his own furious expression. "DO I LOOK HAPPY TO YOU? DO YOU THINK UPHOLDING THAT IS EASY? I GAVE IT MY ALL TO FIGHT AND I STILL LOST! SEVEN HUNDRED AND TWENTY PEOPLE KILLED IN ONE OF SEVERAL BATTLES, MILLIONS LOST IN THE CAMPS, HUNDREDS STARVED AND BEATEN TO DEATH OUTSIDE OF THE CAMPS! Do you hear me? Millions! Having that many people just gone from existence left me in such a weakened state that I was barely even alive.

"But you," he said bitterly while jabbing his finger against Lithuania's chest, "you were still wanted. Me? I was an object! The goal was to exterminate my entire nation down to the last baby! They burned in a pit of fire and I saw it with my own eyes! I will NEVER forget that! Helpless babies, children, elderly, expecting mothers, loving families ripped away from each other just so the few survivors could discover that the ones they loved were KILLED a long time ago! And you're complaining that your people want to die and have to do it themselves? HAH! That just proves how much better your country got it! They don't know how lucky they are to be alive because they can abuse it all they want!

"HOW can you have the nerve to say that I'M the traitor? And in case you forgot, I didn't just attackyou like some savage! I gave you an offer—a fair chance—to join me, so we'd have each other's back during the war! You and your government refused, and my boss ordered me to take Wilno! Well now just LOOK how much 'better' we are thanks to that!"

He was short of breath now after yelling so much, trying to bring the truth to Lithuania's seemingly deaf ears. He turned his back to the brunet, infuriated beyond all comprehension. Lithuania glared at Poland during his little rant. The slap on his cheek didn't even hurt, he had hurt himself worse without even trying.

He responded back; his voice was deathly calm, methodical. He wasn't speaking from his heart anymore, it was like he was reciting something from far-away memory."It was a war, Poland...or maybe you just forgot how to fight? You do whatever it takes to win a fight. Even if that means killing the innocent in the process."

He then grabbed the blond's collar and forcibly pushed him up against the wall. He was still in his deaden mentality. Even his eyes looked dead as he spoke empty hearted. "It was every man for himself in those times...wouldn't you agree? I had just gotten free of the Russian Empire, and I wanted to be independent...not be tied down again, to be my own nation again. So, sorry if I turned down that offer, but you still didn't need to attack me. But you know what I think. The real reason for wanting to get back at me. I didn't crawl back to your bed as soon as I got out of his."

The blond's eyes widened in shock. Lithuania really just said that! How dare he try to defend the actions of Nazis! He began to struggle in Lithuania's grip, kicking and screaming now. "HOW DARE YOU TRY TO JUSTIFY MURDER? It wasn't just some stupid war; it was genocide! They had no reason to do it! They killed us because they could, because they didn't want us to be alive! They called us impure, the scum of the earth! Born to be enslaved and exterminated like bugs at the drop of a hat! Justify THAT! Tell me how it was okay to select people at random to head to their death!

"I NEVER forgot how to fight; I wouldn't have been able to hold them off for as long as I did. It's easy for you to say it was nothing, because you were with THEM! FACE IT, you never even saw the camps! Because if you had, I know you would have done something! Or maybe not because you didn't do ANYTHING. Or was it that you couldn't do anything? Maybe it's you that's forgotten how to fight!"

Poland's voice sounded just a little more hurt than he meant it to. It was hard for him to accept the fact that the brunet had been stripped of his fighting spirit while the testy blond still had plenty of it. They were an unstoppable duo back in their hay day, and to now see Lithuania so dead on the inside, talking so robotically…it was frightening.

"How do you think I felt having no means of escape or wondering if I was even going to survive day-to-day? I only managed to keep my sanity because of YOU! Because I convinced myself that if I could survive long enough, maybe you'd at least TRY to help me! Maybe I would get to see you again, and I could apologize for everything, and I'd have you to give me comfort! But you ruined it, I overestimated what I meant to you. I put you on a pedestal while you buried whatever feelings you had for me six feet under! I know now that you've NEVER cared for me the way I did for you! You still hate me…and no matter how hard I try; I can't change enough to fix that. You'll always hate me now."

He bowed his head to hide the tears that were beginning to fall. He didn't want Lithuania seeing how weak his heart and emotions had become. Soon enough, his whole body started shiver as those horrific memories flooded his mind.

And Lithuania could care less about Poland's breakdown and crying. He knew the Pole was weak and unlike the blond, he could hide his frivolous emotions he didn't need. His mind automatically calculated yet another cold response.

"It happens. Call me callous or jaded or whatever cruel word you'd like, but that was the order of things. The Germans were strong and fueled by delusions and nationalism back then. No one could challenge them head on, even Russia's army wasn't stupid enough to stay when they took over my country."

The brunet threw Poland back to the ground like a rag doll and loomed over the blond. He was neither happy or amused at the whole situation and the accusations thrown his way. A shimmer of himself came back as he recalled his own horrors.

"I may not have seen the camps, but I saw plenty of other cruel and inhumane things. I saw the gulags, Siberia, men frozen solid in place from the bitter cold who weren't found until the snow melted, medieval torture devices that were still being used. I've seen more death in those few decades of occupation than my entire life up to that point, I've been forced to participate, and I've experienced every torturous experience my people went through. So, forgive my heartlessness, but you put your trust and hope in the wrong person."

He looked down at the blond with his hands on his hips, thinking. He studied Poland closely, saw the fight still left in his eyes. He wanted nothing more than to extinguish it.

"Since you still have so much fighting spirit, why don't we see who the better fighter is after all this time? Get up and fight me. I'll even let you throw the first punch, after all, lady's first."

Poland's eyes widened at the other's challenge. It felt wrong, twisted and appalling, like some sick nightmare come true. He clenched his fists tightly enough that his palms began to bleed. If it was a fight Lithuania wanted, the he would get it. He slowly got up, his fists shaking. He lunged quickly and punched Lithuania square in the jaw, knocking the brunet back for a moment, dazed by the sudden force.

"How could you be so cold?" he demanded. It wasn't like the Lithuanian to be this heartless. Sure, they both had some degree of it back when they conquered others, but it was all gone in this day and age. "After everything we've been through, at the very least, I never once hurt you intentionally! I was the best partner OR master you've had compared to the others! You have no room to complain!"

The brunet glared at him and found his footing again. At least his jaw wasn't broken. He could still talk. "You were not the best boss I've ever had. If you want to be technical, Alfred was a lot kinder and more considerate than you EVER were to me. Even with over two hundred years of marriage, he treated me like an equal, listened to my thoughts, hell, he was even fun without being a danger to himself or others. Unlike someone I know all too well."

He grabbed at blond locks and yanked upwards, using his 10 centimeters of additional height to his advantage. He threw the Polish teen across the room at the wall, watching with cold eyes as the blond hit his head hard against stone. He walked over and stomped on Poland's side hard.

"GAH—!" Poland began to cough violently, never once looking away from the other. This was going to be fun to tear down what trust Lithuania held in that foolish American teen. "America, huh? You think he treated you like an equal and what did it get you? Does he even remember you? He sold you back to Russia when his economy went downhill! At least I can say that I tried to fight. If you think I did nothing all those years, then you don't know me. I fight for what I want, and sooner or later I WILL get it. Selfish as it sounds, at the very least I fight for what is right!"

He kicked Lithuania in the stomach and sent him across the room. The Lithuanian held his stomach and winced slightly, giving Poland an exact window to act. While the brunet was still down, Poland too the opportunity to jump back to his feet and charge at the other teen. Despite the boot print forming on his stomach, Lithuania managed to duck away from the other's charge and caught his footing. Poland fell flat on his face, giving Lithuania the chance to hold the blond down by shoving a knee to his back and pinning his hands down.

"It doesn't matter to me if Alfred remembers me or not. He at least had the decency to know that us Baltics were not part of that cursed union, we were still considered free countries in his eyes, unlike the rest of the world who forgot we existed!"

Then, a thought crossed his mind. Why were they even fighting? He knew that he had gotten angry with the blond and wanted to defend his viewpoints...but what of Feliks? "And what exactly are you fighting for? My love or approval? My forgiveness? Just what do you want that you're fighting so desperately for?"

Feliks jolted at the sudden question and blushed lightly. He bit his lower lip and tried to think of his answer. How was he supposed to answer that when the Lithuanian was ready to kill him at any moment? "I—"

No, he was going to avoid the question all together and retort to the earlier statement. After all, even he didn't know why he was fighting back so hard.

"You…can't just say that and think it's part of the argument. I'm not 'the rest of the world,' I never even saw you as just a Baltic state. You were Liet, you were my partner and the only person since Jadwiga's death to ever gain my trust! The only person I could be honest with and vice versa and you KNOW IT! I don't care even half as much about any other nation; allies come and go and I've learned how easy it is for them to betray you! But not you! I would've never thought you of all people would want me to suffer! I thought you were my friend; you saved my life!"

Poland rolled over and knocked the taller nation off, now pinning him to the ground by his wrists. Lithuania gasped softly at the sudden shift of power dynamics he just let happen while he was stunned for a moment. The two Nations glared at each other, mossy green eyes glaring at jade green eyes.

Lithuania regained some sense of himself again and groaned some. "Yes, I know that, Poland," he drawled out as if he had heard that argument a hundred and one times by now. "I know that you were never easy to open up to strangers, it took me almost a decade of living under your roof, speaking your language, conforming to your ways and customs both in and out of the royal court. But even you have to admit, you are the rest of the world when it was only Eduard and Raivis who truly saw the decline in Russia's sanity. Only we knew what it was like in that house in the dark of the night…"

He sighed and shook his head. "But you wouldn't understand." He pulled his legs in towards his stomach and pushed Feliks away with a powerful kick. Lithuania forced the blond to the ground, straddled his stomach, and placed a hand over his throat. He squeezed his throat some, not enough to choke him, but to remind him who was now in control.

"It was a lot like holding your breath, waiting for something to shift. You never knew if you would be able to breath or…" He added more pressure to get his next point across, "…if you would end up suffocating under the pressure."

Poland's eyes widened to the point they were barely recognizable. His face paled and tears began to fall without a struggle. He was silent for almost a full minute before he managed to find his voice.

"Suffocating. That's…that's a laugh!" The teen started to laugh in desperation, manic-like even. "You know, I used to be able to say I didn't know how that felt like! B-but now—! Wahaha hahahahaha—!"

Poland began to shake violently and despite his insane laughter, he didn't seem like he was screaming or crying. He was almost smiling as he spoke, a horrible, insane smile spread across his entire face. "But now I do! Oh, how I wish I didn't though! How I wish I didn't have visions of other people suffocating to DEATH! Or come to think of it, burning too! Or how about hanging? Yes, there was a child who was even still ALIVE as he hung because of his small body! So may screams, people pleading for ME to make it stop. As-as if I could—as if I could make it stop!"

The insane smile then turned into an utterly horrified expression. He shook more violently, so much he seemed to move in place in his spot. He covered his eyes with his hands, as if to block out the terrible images he had described. He then began to scream and thrash about like a madman. "Make it stop! MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT- PLEASE, MAKE IT STOP! STOP! GOD, WHY? WHY? WHY DIDN'T IT STOP? WHY DIDN'T IT EVER STOP?"

With Poland screaming his lungs out, Lithuania finally let go of his throat and scrambled to stand up. He wasn't sure if he should be worried or afraid by the other's actions, possibly both would be the appropriate. He chose to instead be snide, thinking that Poland was trying to trick him by feigning his reaction. "Did it really leave that much of an impact? That you would go insane over just thinking about it. Just lock it away like the rest of us!"

The screaming didn't let up, it was grating to Lithuania's ears and heartstrings. He clamped a hand tight over the other's mouth, hoping it would make the screaming stop. It didn't. If anything, it made the blond thrash harder as he tried prying the hand from his mouth.

"Honestly! Even in my worst flashbacks I never screamed this much. Get it together and stop screaming!"

Poland opened his eyes, but he couldn't see anything except the memories flashing in front of him. He closed his eyes tight to block out the images, still screaming until his throat was sore, balling up with his hands over his head. Lithuania was frozen in fear, greatly disturbed by the blond's inhuman screaming. He covered his ears as Poland kept screaming.

"PLEASE! PLEASE MAKE IT STOP!" The teen begged as he gripped his hair. He was a complete mess with tears and snot running down his face. "PLEASE, SOMEBODY, HAVE MERCY! HOW MANY TIMES ARE YOU GOING TO MAKE ME GO THROUGH THIS, WHAT KIND OF DEMONS ARE YOU? STOP! STOP! STOP! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, STOP!"

He suddenly lunged forward and clung to his partner's leg, forgetting everything that just happened, lost in his memories. He was terrified of his haunting visions flooding his senses. To him, Lithuania was still his friend and closest ally. He began begging in Polish so the Germans wouldn't understand h their conversation. "Y-you'll make it stop. I know you can make it stop, you'll help me, right, Toyls? I knew you'd come to help…I knew you wouldn't let them get away with this."

"Poland! Poland, stop!" Lithuania responded in Polish to get through the blond's head. He grabbed him by the collar, dragging him back up to his feet. "This isn't World War Two anymore! Snap out of it!"

When that didn't work, Lithuania slapped Poland hard across the face to bring him back to his senses, but instead, the teen began to shiver. He was breathing heavily and still shaking as tears began to freely fall from widened eyes. It took Poland a moment to regain control of his senses as he looked down down to his hands when he noticed they were hurting. Besides bruises and busted skin on his knuckles from fighting, his palms were bloody from his nails puncturing the skin down to the muscle. He shook his head and gave a bitter laugh. "Eheh…heh. No…not again."

He suddenly began choking on his bile and quickly removed himself from the brunet's grip to rush into a nearby room that was empty. He fell to his knees, doubled over, gagging at the sickening images playing through his mind. He gagged again, but nothing else came out except more saliva. He was only making himself hyperventilate at this point, unable to even catch his breath.

Meanwhile, Lithuania stared at the direction the blond ran and felt himself move to go after him, finally able to feel his emotions again. He found Poland and watched as he gagged and sputtered on the floor. Lithuania stayed in the doorway, trying to will his own stomach to settle down before he joined Poland on the floor gagging.

"Oh Poland…" He softened his expression and walked over to the blond, settling down next to him, rubbing his back and offering comforting words of encouragement in Polish.

After a few more minutes, Poland stopped gagging and instead gasped heavily. He fell backwards to finally sit up on his own and catch his breath. Lithuania sat beside him in silence.

"I…" Poland reached over, still shaking, and grabbed at Lithuania's fingers with his own, intertwining them. "I-I know, you know, and I'm sorry. I know I was a selfish spoiled brat who didn't have a clue how to treat a partner. I never had someone else be of equal stature as me, you know. There were rules for how to treat higher or lower powers, but never equal with how high were were on the list. So, whatever I did to make you hate me, I still can't figure it out and I'm sorry, from the bottom of my endless heart, I'm sorry."

Poland removed his hand and covered his eyes with his wrist; he tried to quell the tears that were spilling over by the dozens. "I never wanted to hear that that again! I tried to change, I tried to help! I tried to be better than I was but it's impossible. I could t look out for my people and still protect you with with what little strength I had left. I'm sorry, the fact that it made you hate me…made me so scared…"

The blond shivered and curled up for protection. He couldn't handle this torment, being so close to his former ally only to know they could never mend their friendship. The Lithuanian sighed heavily and stood up to find something to wash the dry blood off. He managed to find a few forgotten sheets in a bedroom and used them to wipe away what blood he could. He stayed silent while he cleaned Poland's hands and then used his sleeve to wipe away some of the blond's tears.

"There's a lot to hate about you, most of which we've each pointed out, but it's pointless now, I guess. Times have changed, we don't need strong allies like when we ruled Europe. We were forced to break up, to change—we've both changed and suffered from it. We've seen each other's weaknesses from it."

Poland stayed quiet as the brunet finished cleaning his wounds then stood up abruptly to walk back into the hallway, anything to get away from the teen. But he didn't make it far as he collapsed just as he walked through a second doorway. And Lithuania followed the other, shaking his head the whole way—why did talking about their emotions hurt more than hitting each other?

"I was so afraid that you'd still hate me. I had nightmares if it and I just wish…they could have remained just that, nightmares." He put a hand to his heart and clenched the material of his shirt. "Just stubbornly holding on for centuries, and finally broken. Just like that…why though? Why is my heart crushed so easily? Why is it that my love will never be returned?" While closing his eyes, he curled up into a shivering, limp ball on the floor, hoping he could fall asleep and wake up from this nightmare.

"Don't get me wrong, Poland, I still hold resentment for you and the actions of your government…" The brunet sighed and sat down next to the Polish teen's head. He sat with his legs crossed and one elbow propped up on a leg, cupping his chin. He looked thoughtfully at the other's face. "You're still like an open book to me, you know. You're always so easy to read."

Poland didn't say anything, hoping that eventually he could make all the pain end and start over again so he wouldn't get hurt. He closed his eyes and mouth in hopes he could find restitution in sleep before waking up to a better future.

It never worked though.

And just as he thought, the world was not kind enough to allow him his peace. He took a shaky breath, his tears nearly dried out after his nonstop crying. "If you know how I feel and still don't care…then go on, say it. Say those three little words that'll get me out of your hair forever. Say them, and I can honestly and sincerely say that you'll never have to deal with me again. Say it."

"I never said I didn't care about you. I can still care for you even if I did hate you. It's like with Russia: I don't have to love him to still care about the guy. Why would it be any different with you?"

He leaned over and brushed blond hair away from Poland's eyes. "You're going to make yourself sick again if we keep this up. You seem to be worrying more than me, and that's quite something, isn't it?" His fingertips lingered on Poland's forehead, lost in his own thoughts on how to convey his feelings.

"Caring about me isn't worth a dam if you don't even like me. So just say it, we both know it's true, so why bother hiding it?" He turned his face away, he couldn't lookLithuania in the eyes anymore when he knew what was coming. He clenched onto his shirt tighter to prepare himself for the truth to come out. "Say that you hate me, and you'll never hear from me again. No matter what."

The brunet teen sighed and shook his head. "I don't hate you. And I don't want to lose you in my life because you were my first…everything, really. From my first real friend, to my first marriage, even my…my first love. So no, I don want to hate you…I can't hate you…Feliks Łukasiewicz."

Feliks gasped loudly at hearing his name from Lithuania's lips and began crying, confused and shaken. "What? What did you just say, Toyls?" He slowly moved to push himself up from the ground to sit upright, although he had to admit it was hard to accomplish when his energy was drained. He looked down again, his head swimming as he tried to comprehend. "I don't…I don't understand, Toyls. You're confusing me, and finally calling me by my given name. I don't like this, all the mind games we've played with each other. If you did love me, then what changed? Tell me so I can understand clearer!"

"Just a lot of time, Feliks. From my time under Imperial Russia and Soviet control to my time fighting for independence and my own voice. I'm my people's nation and I need to be what they expect of me, my presidents until now didn't even care about your country, so I didn't care either. My boss right now. She's trying to repair relations with your country, she's been in meetings with your boss and well, this whole secret meeting in an abandoned building was her idea of us getting together to work out our differences. Because it was only a matter of time before we would see each other again and she didn't want us to break out into a fight like we just did…is that…enough to excuse my behavior?" he asked as he looked at the blond, unable to really see his expression.

"Liet…" Feliks sighed and looked at the ground. What the hell was he supposed to say? Sure, it seemed to make sense, he heard his boss talk about the Lithuanian president, and he knew he would have embarrassed his boss by fighting with a visiting Nation. But now this was on a personal level. "That's all it takes for you. If you didn't listen to me telling you my boss made me attack you, then why would you let that be an excuse for yourself? You're not just some figure head, you're a person with feeling and emotions! The whole reason why we're struggling…it's because we don't change as fast as our people expect and…"

He bit his lower lip, trying to find the courage to speak. He took a deep breath and didn't think, he spoke from the heart. "I don't want years of waiting and fighting and endless struggling to get in the way of the one thing that made me happy: you."

Feliks blushed from his own words and kept looking away. Toyls, however, looked right at the blond.