MWPP: Passing Notes in Care of Magical Creatures
I think the title pretty much says it all, don't you? ) (P.S.: As always – italicized lines are spoken aloud!)
Peter: James, James, James, James! IT BIT ME!
James: What bit you Peter?
Peter: The… thing!
Remus: You mean the flobberworm?
Peter: Yes! Oh god, it's going to get infected, and swell up, and fall off, and then I'm going to die!
Sirius: Please, don't get our hopes up…
Peter: Sirius!
Sirius: Kidding, only kidding…
Remus: Calm down Peter. You won't die, nor lose any fingers, or become infected. It was a WORM. Repeat after me, a WORM.
Peter: Yes, I know. Just a worm. A big, huge, scary, vicious WORM!
James: You know, Peter, you are such a wimp.
Sirius: You've only just realized this?
James: Why yes, as a mater of fact. I knew he was a little… nervous at times. I did not, however, know that our friend here actually happened to be a GIRL.
Peter: I AM NOT A GIRL! Ow, this writing is hurting my finger… OH LOOK IT'S TURNING PURPLE!
Remus: You're right, he is a girl.
Peter: STOP THAT!
Sirius: Don't get too worked up over that worm bite, Peter. The thing you really have to worry about is feeding those worms to the Augurey chicks. I hear they can be temperamental at times, when they smell fear…
Peter: Sirius!
James: Nice one… Wait, really?
Remus: I've never heard that before, Sirius. Augureys are supposed to be rather mournful and shy creatures.
Sirius: Oh they are Remus. But remember how we read that their cries were supposed to foretell death? They were shunned by wizards for many years and are now very resentful of them.
James: Guys, guys, are you serious?
Remus: It does make sense…
Peter: Oh great, now I'm going to get my hand bitten off by a BIRD! Can't I just go to the hospital wing for my already extensive injury and just skip this part?
James: (cough, cough) Girl. (cough)
Remus: James, that doesn't work on paper.
James: Dammit…
Sirius: Ah yes, here's the professor with the little devil-birds now.
Peter: SIRIUS WILL YOU STOP TRYING TO SCARE ME!
Sirius: I wasn't trying to scare you. In fact, I gave you the nicer version of events. Augureys aren't just "temperamental." In fact, did I ever tell you about the guy in Wales who had his face bitten off…
Peter: ENOUGH!
(The professor comes around, putting a small hatchling bird on each of the students' desks.)
Remus: Aw, they're rather cute for how demonic they are, eh Sirius?
Sirius: You'd never expect they could dismember you in seconds.
James: (Picks up a worm and feeds it to the bird) They're not all that bad, now are they? (He pets the bird on the head, and it squeaks softly.)
Peter: This one is eyeing me oddly… Can they really smell fear?
Sirius: Would I lie to you?
Peter: Yes.
Sirius: Point taken. However, this time, I kid you not.
Peter: (Gulps and slowly holds out a worm for his bird, who snatches it out of his hand.) AHHH! Did you see that? It nearly took my thumb with it!
Remus: (Feeding his bird.) Oh it did not.
James:(Talking to his Augurey.) Cute little fuzzy-wuzzy, yes you are…
Sirius: Getting rather attached to that bird, are you James?
James: He's not "that bird." His name is Madison Jefferson!
Remus: Wait a minute… (Flips through a random American History book.)
Sirius: See Peter? They can be nice, if you're nice to them.
Peter: Well… All right… (He holds out his hand to pet the Augurey, which keeps looking at him oddly.)
Remus: Go on there, nice and easy…
Sirius: Look, Peter, there's nothing to worry about.
Peter: I suppose this isn't so bad. I mean, he's not trying to bite. I'm not so scared. It's cool, I'm fine… (The bird hops onto his hand.)
Peter: OH MY GOD GET IT OFF ME! IT'S TRYING TO EAT MY FACE! (He lunges backward, knocking down his desk and several tubs of flobberworms.)
Remus: Nice work, Sirius.
Sirius: Hey' it's not my fault he's a wimp.
James: YOU'RE UPSETTING MADISON! Stop it Peter!
Peter:(Swatting away birds.) AHHHHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
(Most of the birds are now fluttering around the classroom in a frenzied panic, with students chasing after them.)
Professor Kettleburn: Students! Students! Calm down!
(And yet, nobody listened.)
Peter: I'm gonna DIE! HELP ME! (He runs out of the classroom, crying.)
Sirius: I believe that's three sickles, Moony…
Remus: (Grumbles and pulls some coins from his pocket, handing them to Sirius.) That is the last time I bet in favor of Peter's bravery.
James: Madison, are you okay? Good boy…
Sirius: You know, you really shouldn't get that close to that bird. It's not yours…
James: SHUT UP OR MADISON WILL EAT YOUR FACE!
That was sort of fun. I haven't written one of these in forever. Er, review then! Stick around for more, it won't be too long. I promise. Or at least I think I promise. I can never be too sure with my schedule anymore. Ah well, hope you liked it!