A/N: Okay, this chapter is a dark one. Lily goes… well, you shall see. But it is dark, I'm warning you.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. -tear- My cookies have mysteriously vanished from this Earth into my greedy brother's mouth, so at this moment, I own nothing.

Chapter Seven (gasp)- The Borders of Insanity

Grunting, James hauled his luggage aboard the large ship. Without looking back, he said, "Come, Lily."

He called me by my name, as if that made any difference between our relationship. Lately, James seemed to be on edge with me, often glancing at me as I stared blankly at the wall in the Inn. Of course, I had been privileged to get a blanket with me that night. How sweet of James. Snorting sarcastically to myself, I trudged up the plank leading to the main bow. No one had taken me by the arms right away; no one had even noticed my arrival on the ship.

Maybe, just maybe, I would get no beatings and actually be able to eat food. I tried to push the hope from my mind before it consumed me to only thinking about optimistic possibilities; it was best to not get my mood up too soon. James would notice a difference in my demeanor, and he would want to bring it down at all costs.

"Ah," Tom said, surprisingly standing close to me, "Lily. Follow." Did these men think I was a dog? "Come!" "Follow!" They might as well use "Sit." and "Stay" too. My fists clenched at my side, and my jaw tigtened as I glared at the back of Tom's head.

Without even a thought to where I was going, I followed Riddle. "You are to sleep, dine, and whatever your heart desires with James. God knows that I don't want to know." His face remained indifferent, but I could tell he was repulsed by his tone. "Oh wait, God doesn't exist, does he? I shouldn't even use his name."

I remained silent, glaring at the back of Tom's head with distaste and hatred. That man…how dare he try to assume that James and I have a relationship beyond hatred?

"James and I remain enemies." I gritted out.

"At the moment." Tom concluded, giving off his mood where he would tolerate no one to object to his views or opinions. "We shall see, won't we?"

So the devil thought James and I were together. How pleasant.

"This is your room to be shared with James." And without a goodbye, (why was I expecting one from him?) Tom walked off, shouting orders while his crewmates scrambled to comply. Still huffing with anger at being treated like a dog, I roughly pushed the door open, making it slam into the wall from the force. The door creaked back towards me as I stood with my mout agape, staring at the dimly lit room.

Well, this was certainly not what I had expected it to be. Long, dark blue tapestries hung from the walls, and a large four post bed stood to the east of the room; extravagant designs wound themselves around the comforter of the bed like snakes. An air of mystery plagued the room, yet it welcomed me all the same. I suppose it was the silver and the dark blue that gave it away.

I awkwardly made my way to the bed, softly touching the linen sheets. How long had it been that I had been able to touch something soft? Too long. My mind was buzzing with the soft touch of the fine cloth. Could I really be affected this much by something that was so little? It seemed that way as desire to tackle the sheets of the bed filled my mind to the point of almost pouring out of my head. My excitement built as I slowly climbed into the comforters. Comfort… I had not felt it for so long…

I have not forgotten that moment even when I am writing this to you now. It all seemed like a dream… a surreal dream. I had not slept in a bed since I had been on my ship. How long ago that seemed. What had happened to my crew members? Were they left to die alone without a captain on a sinking ship as they watched with despair my departure? Elise's face swam before my eyes, and I had to shut them to close out the guilt that filtered into my brain. I had left my beloved Avenger… I had left my memories of a happier life. Why had I been so foolish? Because I was blinded by my desperation to rescue Adam that I did not noticed James' departure, nor did I see Elise lying on the ground, staring at me with cold eyes. Is that how she had died? Somehow, I knew she had watched me with dread as I ran across that damned wooden plank. After I boarded the Black Ship, it was as if her presence had been flicked out of my mind until now… until comfort was upon me. Ironic.

What had happened to brave, but still young, Juan? Did I leave him to his death? Did I leave him to float across the sea, paled from phenomena? Erin... loud, noisy, annoying, yet precious Erin. Did he say "I told you so!" as I boarded the Black Ship? And poor, aging Elliot? Did his watchful eyes glaze over in his watery tomb? Matt, inquisitive Matt. How I longed to hear him ramble on about some theory that made no sense to me once more. And Jared! What had become of the shy little boy that I had seen grow into a man? Had he shared the same fate as the others? My throat closed as I realized I left my crew that had trusted me with their life. Look where that got them…

Saltwater pricked my eyes, much to my distaste. Crying now would make it seem as if I was weak, beaten. My body may have been beaten, but my soul still flourished inside of it. My morale may have been low, but my hardheadedness did not lose one ounce of strength. No. I was still Lily Marie Evans, captain of The Avenger. Whatever James or Tom did to me, they could never take away my identity.

Eyes. Cold, hard, unmerciful eyes. The color of steel. Mist hung over them, shrouding their occupants face. The silhouette took a step near me. No… No! Get away from me! Fire burned ever close to my skin… Delirium. Screams of terror. Those eyes… Stop it! Insanity. Repulsive. Searing. Burning. Tearing…. Don't come any closer to me! Don't! The eyes loomed just above my vision, taunting me. Playing with me. Laughter. Echoless laughter. Hot, humid air clung to my lungs. Suffocating me. Draining the life out of me…. Those never blinking eyes. My back to a wall; my lungs constricting. Faceless flashes beneath my eyelids. Elise burning alive. Erin cradling his head, rocking back and forth. Matt's head hanging from a spear. Juan's expression skinned of his face. Elliot's eyes used for fish bait. Jared beaten by his new captain. The voice. The only voice I knew came to me, hissing, screaming. "It's your fault!" It screamed, echoing around me. My fault, my fault. Fault, fault. Shame. Betrayal. Elise's screams. Erin's lunacy. Matt's yells. Elliot's moans. Jared's bleeding back. Juan's flesh. Hopelessness. My fault… Humiliation. Dread. Hate. Fire. Despair… Silver eyes turning dark blue. Adam. Dear Adam. Slipping away, smiling; grinning, beckoning with a wave of his hand. Follow. Footsteps, faint in the mist. Long black hair falling over dark blue. Dashing. Love. Adam with Tom Riddle at his side. Burning hate. Drowning in hope. Adam with a knife. Coming at me. Fault, fault… I deserved this. Blame.

With a gasp, my eyelids thrust open. My body was shaking uncontrollably.

"Have a nice sleep, dear?" James' voice drifted into my ears.

I could not answer. Perhaps I did not want to; perhaps I did not need to. Sighing, James came towards my trembling body. No… Don't let him touch me! Don't let him! My body slithered away from the steel eyed man. "No… No." I whimpered, clutching my stomach as I lay curled in a ball.

"Lily…"

He raised a hand toward me and I hissed at him. "Get away from me. Stop! Adam… Don't touch me!" I screamed, anguish laced through my words.

James eyebrow furrowed, and with a quick move I was in his lap, beating his chest with my fists. "Lily, stop." He mumbled, halfheartedly trying to grasp my wrists.

My fists soon lost their energy and instead clung to James' shoulders. Helpless tears spilled from my eyes, my body racking in sobs. Surprisingly, the chocolate haired man did not make a move to pull back; he just sat there until my tears died down to mere sobs and hiccups. "What happened?" He asked tenderly, and I was too delirious to notice the change in his behavior.

"Adam… cold blood. Murder. I'm a murderer…" My face was blank as he pulled back away from me.

"Adam is dead. You are no murderer." Looking back on this, I noticed he failed to confess that he was in fact the murderer. For the first time that night, my nonchalant eyes gazed upon his face. James…

"James." I whispered his name into his chocolate hair.

"Go back to bed." He said softly, pulling the covers over my slightly sweaty body. He was gone. Don't leave me James… I reached out a feeble hand to his retreating back.

"You are to blame." The voice spoke again. Comforting… Cold. Horror. Fear. Tearing. Nipping. Scratching. Pain. Ice. Cold blooded murderer. Silver appeared in front of the fog. Eyes that gleamed of silver. Eyes that brought pain. Destruction. "Murderer." They whispered. "Murderer. Murderer. Murderer. Murderer." The word became a chant, surrounding my ears, my head, my soul, devouring what was left of it. "Murderer." The silver eyes repeated again and again. Make it stop! I thrashed out to no one. Met by dank, thick, fog. Blue steel. Looking. Burning. Touching. Searching. "Murderer. Murderer. Murderer." Seared into my brain. "Murderer." I chanted. "Murderer. Murderer. Murderer." My voice quickened in pace and volume. "Murderer. Murderer. Murderer!" I laughed. Chilling. Numb. Joye. Conniving silver.

I woke up laughing hysterically.

The next morning, my body whimpered from the lack of food, but the bed was warm and comfortable. James had not slept with me that night, not to my surprise.

Groggily, I went down to breakfast to meet none other than Tom Riddle. He looked at me unsympathetically. His eyes… I knew that color. They were steel. Shucking in a rather large amount of air, I backed out of the dining area, stumbling over chairs as I went. I couldn't let my eyes waver from the cold blue steel. They were burning inside of me, tearing, clawing at my insides; trying to get me to scream out… But I wouldn't; oh how wrong Tom Riddle was.

Finally. I reached the end of the dining hall that seemed so far away and I made no hesitation to push open the large door that led out to the dock. Salty air filled my lungs, calming my hysterically beating heart. What had Tom done to me? His eyes haunted me throughout the day, which was spent mostly in my quarters, staring at a blank piece of parchment. Why did I want to write anything down? How would I describe my nightmares? It seemed impossible to even think of one word to describe them. Then, inspiration hit me like a vast current. My quill unsteadily scribbled down the first word to the description of my first dream. There in almost unreadable writing, lay the word Eyes… and as I stared at it, my pen shakily returned to the paper.

A/N: Dark, yes? Of course. Sorry if it was too dark, but I had to get this idea out. Hmm. Well, regardless, I hope you all liked it to some degree! I put some JamesxLily action in there to make it seem less… um, depressing?

Jingle-Bellz-ROCK- I planned it that way! Uhm, maybe not. Thank you so much for the book info! I will have to go to the little library (yes, little) that we have and see if they have it. Ah, yes. Ignorant brothers and there cookie stealing ways. :bonks little brother on the head with a spatula:D

PorcelainxDoll- Thank you so much for the inspiring compliments! More romance will come! I promise. ;) Hopefully, I will write more LilyxJames stories, and I will look forward to having you read them. :)

MissMyrtle360- How many wenches, you ask? Ahh, he is a womanizer (another name for man whore... so you take your pick) :) . Yes, I do know that song! Lily isn't in Ireland quite yet. Maybe she will lash out, but then again, her morale is the lowest it has been. What evil thoughts in my head made me make James and Tom work together? The world shall never know. -sigh-

missmagsak- Thank you so much:D

Pia- A forced kiss that I'm sure she did not like! O.O Thank you!

Lo- Oh my. Are you sure you want this to be your favorite story? 0.0

Fairy-GYAKUTENNO-MEGAMI- Thank you, I appreciate your reviews! ;)

the-one-and-only- Indeed, indeed! There's the update! ;)

SuperChic- Thank you! Yes, it seems that we can never escape our own angst, does it?

Erin- I didn't even think of having Voldie in this story when I first started it. Oh my. What will my mind come up with next? O.O Yes, yes: fluent rambling is an art that has to be mastered! ;)

the-honest-liar- You're review made me laugh! ;) I'm so glad someone loves it! O.O

Gray Faerie- Ah! I'm sorry I used the old "blonde" cliché! If it offended you, I apologize! Thank you!

laura- Thank you. :D

WolfGirlOfTheFlame- Oh my goodness! I would never abandon this story! Eek! Sirius is mean indeed! Tom equals evil. :shudder:

helen- Ahh, thank you for telling me! Wasn't quite sure about that one, sorry!

mb4- Thank you! I'm glad that you love it! ;)

LittleSunflower- Thank you! One of the best ones? O.O

To all of the readers that do not review: Thank you also!

Shattered Serenity