Kissing Irony has returned to the Rurouni Kenshin fandom! Ha, it's been years, guys. But I'm back and in thirty-two new flavors, so here's a taste of what I have to offer.
This fic contains... well, I don't know if you would consider it a lime or not, but there's a few graphic descriptions scattered about. I tried to keep it relatively tame for and I think I did an okay job of it. There was also a little research put into this, and I did my best. But regardless, this is for you, readers! Enjoy.
Disclaimer: I do not own Rurouni Kenshin or anything even remotely related to it.
---
"So what's it gonna be, Kenshin?"
All eyes were on the redhead resting against the wall. Himura Kenshin's fingers curled thoughtfully under his chin, his eyebrows furrowing in concentration. The three other men in the room, including his companion Sanosuke, were edging forward, hanging on the words that would form from the lips of the legendary samurai.
"Han. Three and four."
The crisp sound of the die striking the cup echoed throughout the enclosed room, cutting the tension like a knife to vegetable. Their breathing stalled as the cup began its ascent upward, to reveal…
"Cho! Two and four!"
"Yatta! We win!"
The samurai tipped his teacup, letting the remaining liquid trickle into his mouth. He swore half-heartedly between sips, but when the cup was lowered, he found Sanosuke's irritated face inches away. Kenshin let out a cry of "oro" before toppling backwards.
"Kenshin, your luck is atrocious," the former street fighter stated, glaring at the pile of red and magenta on the floor.
Sanosuke's friend Ginji let out a surprised remark, "You mean Sano actually knows a big word like atrocious?"
"Well, the kitsune used it while describing me once…" the thug mumbled.
The redhead on the floor composed himself. "Maa, maa, please do not taunt Sano due to this one's bad luck."
Sanosuke laughed, taking another chug of sake. "I'm used to it, Kenshin. They know I won't take it to heart. And your luck doesn't get any better either, so I'm used to that too."
Kenshin sighed, rolling back to his position on the wall. "Why do you bring this one gambling with you, then?"
"Who else would I bring gambling with me?" Sanosuke responded dryly.
The samurai's face fell. "True."
Sanosuke tossed up his hands in a fast motion, knocking Kenshin upside the head. "But enough of that! Let's drink and be merry until we drop!"
Tomo pointed a finger at the magenta heap on the ground that had appeared for the second time. "He already seems to have dropped."
---
Kenshin trudged back to the Kamiya dojo, reveling in the pleasant buzz of alcohol, a light pink flushing his cheeks. Sano would not let him leave until the man had a little sake in his system, but one thing led to another, and well, Kenshin left rather inebriated.
"Now, where was this one going..." the rurouni mumbled, tangling his hands in his hair out of confusion and frustration. "It is very swirly out tonight, that it is."
"Being drunk in public is illegal, Battousai."
Rurouni grin plastered (pun) on his face, the redhead spun around, greeting the menacing stare of Saitou Hajime with a slurred, "Saitou-dono! This one is pleased to see you and your lovely narrow eyes!"
Saitou cocked his head. "Saitou-dono? You really are a fool."
"Fool, shmool, this one thinks you put the Saitou in dono, that you do," Kenshin swatted at the strands of hair that covered Saitou's face playfully. The Miburo glared at the unwanted contact, narrowing his eyes even further, and took a single step away from the nonsensical rurouni, effectively putting him out of reach.
"Go back to your dojo and that woman, Battousai. She'll put up with you," Saitou finished, ending the conversation with a turn in the other direction.
Kenshin wailed like a small child. "Saitou-dono, where's the dojo?"
Saitou stiffened at the reply. "You know where it is." But Kenshin couldn't remember, and proceeded to use drunken godlike speed to grasp the sleeve of Saitou's police uniform.
"Don't leave this one, Saitou-dono!"
Saitou sighed. "Fine, I'll take you there. Just don't drool on me."
---
Kenshin woke to a blinding light shining over his prone body. His immediate reaction was to cover his eyes and groan loudly, but a voice interrupted before he could think of moving.
"Rise and shine, hangover-head!" the overwhelmingly cheerful voice of Kaoru chirped from above his head. "You have some explanations to give, so please join me in the dojo after you get dressed."
He did groan this time. He felt like the entire Shinsengumi had ambushed him while he slept. Speaking of the Shinsengumi…
"What happened last night?" he asked himself, noticing that he was still wearing his regular magenta gi and white hakama. "No yukata…?"
Kenshin attempted to make himself as presentable as humanly possible with a hangover, before leaving his room and following the path of Kaoru, who had left immediately after her waking him. He had a peculiar feeling that he did some things that he would be quite ashamed of. Well, at least he'd woken up alone. That meant that he likely didn't sleep with somebody he shouldn't have.
He stood outside the shoji to the dojo, and he found himself hesitating. His ki sense was telling him that there was an extremely hostile being inside, and it set off an alarm, warning him of an incoming object. The rip of the shoji and clatter from the bokken falling to the ground rang through the Kamiya estate, accompanied by Kaoru's malicious voice, "Get in here, Kenshin! Stop your goddamn stalling!"
Something told Kenshin that disobeying Kaoru at this moment may get him in even deeper trouble. He slid the torn door open, and slipped in silently, hoping not to provoke her any more than necessary.
Kaoru was sitting on the floor in a meditative position, but her eyes were wide open, and shimmering with anger. He vaguely noted a package wrapped in brown paper beside her. But before he had time to inquire its purpose, Kaoru's saccharine sweet voice chimed in.
"Oh Kenshin, would you care to explain why you arrived at the dojo in the middle of the night unconscious in the arms of Saitou Hajime?"
Oh. "Oro! This one is very sorry-"
"Sorry? You think some little apology will make this better?You say you're going out with Sanosuke to gamble, which is still illegal, if I recall, and then you don't come home! You could've given us some kind of message that you were going to be out late! Yahiko and I were worried sick about you. And then you show up with Saitou, who said that you drank yourself silly, and passed out on your way back here." Tears welled up in her eyes, and she stifled a sob before continuing. "When I saw you like that, I thought he was holding your dead body, Kenshin."
Kenshin fidgeted at the sight of tears, internally battling with himself over if he should comfort her or not. He contemplated for a moment, before deciding to play the idiot. "Well, this one certainly is not dead, that he is not. What would you like for breakfast, Kaoru-dono?"
"Oh no, you're not getting off that easy!" She barked, which caused Kenshin's hangover senses to react violently.
Kenshin let out a cry of "oro!" while clutching his throbbing head. Surprisingly, she did not venture to hit him, and picked up the package that lay on the floor beside her.
"What is that, Kaoru-dono?" Kenshin questioned, massaging his temples in the process.
She shrugged. "I was hoping you'd tell me. Saitou said you had been carrying it when he found you drunkenly wandering the streets."
Kenshin plopped down on the floor, desperately trying to recall the events of the previous night.
"Hey, Kenshin!"
"Yes, Sano?"
"I know you get in trouble with Jou-chan for gambling with me all the time, so I wanted to repay you for it."
"This one needs no payment. You should know that."
"I knew you were too nice for your own good. But I got this for ya. Take it with you and open it when you get back to the dojo. Maybe Jou-chan will wanna look at it, too."
"What is it, Sano?"
"You'll see."
Kaoru had been staring intently at him while he thought, but she seemed to jump when he said, "It was a gift from Sano."
"I wonder where he got the money from it, that freeloader. Well, open it, Kenshin! I've been dying from curiosity, but I had to knock some sense into you before I asked you about it," Kaoru admitted.
Kenshin gave a light "oro" at that, but began unwrapping the package, while attempting to contain a slight feeling of dread. Dread? Why dread?
As the last lining of paper was removed, he suddenly remembered why he was dreading this. He was ashamed that his subconscious hadn't spoken up earlier.
"Sano, why are you laughing at me?"
"It's nothing. I hope that gift of mine gets you to a place you've wanted to be."
"And where would that be?"
"Aren't you just full of questions today? You should know where. Between Jou-chan's legs!"
"Sano!"
And in his hands, Kenshin held a shunga.
Kenshin let his eyes take it in for a moment, absorbing the art portrayed in the woodblock. It was a woman in a Western dress leaning back into a chair. A cord was strapped tightly around her ankle, looping through the top of a phallic object, which was positioned tastefully between her legs. The icing that topped the cake was the very official-looking man peeking out from behind the curtains.
A small gasp escaping Kaoru's lips brought Kenshin back to his senses. He found himself examining Kaoru then, for she was blushing prettily and squirming from arousal. In her embarrassment, she stammered, "K-Kenshin, I didn't know… that it would be… I-I have to go!"
In her haste, Kaoru barreled through the remainder of the shoji door, easily tearing through it. Kenshin sighed, knowing that he would be the one to repair it.
But he pushed the thought aside, letting it settle on the artwork before him. He found himself mentally replacing the woman with a more familiar face with sapphire blue eyes, and silky black hair.
Kenshin could picture it all; her eyes dark with pleasure, removing the indigo ribbon and draping it over her delicate ivory ankle. She would string it through the tortoise shell, and then clutch at her pale foot while thrusting her leg in a delightful rhythm. And maybe, at the corner of her eye, she would catch a glimpse of red hair and lilac eyes…
He snapped himself out of his lusty stupor, and rushed off to do laundry. The cold water in the basin would be more than enough to dissipate his flame.
---
Kaoru bit her lip.
How in the world is this going to fit?
Her kimono hung open, obi cast carelessly on the floor.
I've never really... thought of trying this before. I wish somebody could've told me about this whole pleasure thing.
She took a deep breath.
Well, Kaoru, you're halfway in. Take the plunge already!
Kaoru bit back a cry of pain, her abused lip displeased with the motion.
Is it really supposed to hurt? Maybe I should take it out…
She moaned.
Oh…! Oh, yes, just like that!
---
Kenshin's hands had just dipped underwater when he felt a ki inside the home take a deliberate shift. To what, he did not know, but it was drastic. Despite the thoughts that ran through his head, his hands continued their delicate work.
He felt that he should be checking on Kaoru, but for some reason, that feeling of dread had returned full force. And what resulted from its first appearance gave him perfect reasoning to feel that his instincts weren't something to be disregarded. Kenshin's lengthy internal monologue continued for some time, and he battled his need to check on Kaoru with vigor, but it all changed when a small sound trickled through the dojo and out into the open.
It sounds like… pain?
Kenshin blinked. And he heard the whimper again, louder this time.
He took it as a signal, and was to his feet before he even realized it. He flew like the wind to the sound, his right hand clenching the hilt of the sakabatou in preparation to deliver a near-fatal blow to the one who was harming his precious Kaoru.
As Kenshin approached the shoji door to her room, he unsheathed his sword with a quick flick of the thumb, preparing to dice the thin paper and save Kaoru from imminent danger. But at the close proximity, the feeling Kaoru's ki was emitting became clear to him.
It's pleasure…!
Kenshin's blood warmed; a sign that his eyes had changed color. After a grapple with his self-control, he felt the heat dwindle, but it didn't stop the arousal buzzing in his body.
His Kaoru was pleasuring herself! He could hardly believe it.
But while taking another step closer to the shoji, hand curling around the groove to open it, he failed to notice the toy ball carelessly left by Suzume on the floor until it was too late.
Kenshin toppled to the floor, sword and all, sending the door halfway open and sending Kaoru shrieking into the corner.
"Kenshin! Get out!"
Specks of white light in his blurred vision preventing him from examining the half-dressed form of Kaoru with clarity, but he was proud that he had fallen for such a feisty young woman. His eyes could pick up that Kaoru's hands were moving hastily around her upper body, and then to her lower body, down to her feet.
Kenshin's eyes were gradually adjusting after the blow to the jaw that the floor delivered, and Kaoru noticed this, hurrying out of the room.
But even as Kaoru stepped rather harshly on the small of his back, a flash of color met his eyes. She had failed to notice the indigo ribbon trailing behind her, still firmly tied around her ankle.
And so, Kenshin followed, with a knowing smile.