Disclaimer: I don't own Peacemaker Kurogane. I am just a blip on the radar screen.
Chapter Six: Cute as a Puppy
"Get up!" screeched Hijikata as he struggled to keep a hold on the sword, which was becoming impossible, he could feel his strength draining rapidly.
"Get up and fight me like a man, Souji! Right now, you hear me? Right nowww!"
Normally, this would make for a very frightening image, it didn't take much for Hijikata to look intimidating. But at the moment, he looked nothing short of a bratty child having a tantrum. His voice was squeaky. His face was chubby. His cheeks were round and red. Toshizo Hijikata was shouting at Souji to face him like a man, yet right now, he had never felt his manhood, his pride, his dignity, so utterly disgraced.
Understandably, he was shaking with fury.
Ayu got up from the porch and made her way towards Souji, taking great caution when moving past Hijikata, who she figured could be dangerous even in his miniscule state. Bending over, she lightly shook the sprawled Captain. "Okita-san...?"
She paused, then called Susumu over in a low voice, and together they lifted Okita off the floor and into a sitting position against the wall.
His head slumped to the side, and he looked very much unconscious, yet Hijikata continued to yell at him, his eyes swivelling from Souji to Ayumu, to his spy, and especially to the Commander, who was slowly making his way towards him, hands held out in a show of peace.
"Toshi... let go of that sword now..." Kondou coaxed in his most fatherly voice.
Although Hijikata's mind had not been affected by the change (not yet anyway, thought Ayu as she stared at him) his adorable little frame had brought out the parent in Kondou. After all, he didn't get to spend a lot of time with his own child.
'Let go of it or you might seriously hurt yourself!'
"Don't be an idiot, Isami!" snarled Hijikata, his small hands still gripping the sword, even though it's blade was resting on the ground, he now didn't have the energy or strength to hold it up. "You try anything, and you'll be the one getting hurt!"
His chest was heaving, he looked like he was hyperventilating. The last time he was like this, was when Souji had ran off with his poetry book a few days before. This only worried Kondou, who feared the five year old (that's how old they figured he was) might give himself a heart attack.
"You're trying my patience." Kondou hated to be mean, but he had no choice. "I am your Commander and my orders are final. Drop the sword." There was a strong warning in the man's voice, and though Hijikata detested being told what to do, he was only the Vice Commander after all.
Reluctantly, and most sulkily, he did as he was told.
Kondou gave him a huge smile. "Good!" he said encouragingly. "That was very good, Toshi-chan!"
Hijikata stared at him, his left eye twitching.
He looked like he was going to explode, his face was getting redder and redder by the moment.
Ayu thought it best to interrupt the deadly silence. "Perhaps I should get some tea!" she squeaked, straightening her pale orange kimono. "Souji didn't come back with any, and I think tea for everyone right now would be a very good idea!"
Susumu caught the secret look in her eyes. "Yes," he said, standing up. "I agree. I shall accompany my sister to the kitchen and assist her." He looked at his Vice Commander, expression serious and respectful as always, as though there was nothing unusual about him having to look down instead of up. "You won't be needing me right now, will you sir?"
In response, Hijikata opened his mouth and screamed.
The ninja respectfully bowed his head without so much as a troubled glance, then followed Ayu towards the kitchen.
o-o-o-o
"Ha ha, What a funny dream I had!"
The young man sounded close to hysteria as he lay stretched out on his futon, turning his head to face his beloved pig. "Do you know Saizou, ha ha, I dreamt that Hijikata-san, ha ha ha, ate some candy, and ha ha, was magically turned into a kid! Ha ha!"
Saizou grunted worriedly. The pig knew what happened hadn't been a dream...
It had started out like any other day. He'd been chasing a butterfly, growling at it, and jumping about, trying to kill it, when he'd witnessed the Commander dragging a wailing little boy across the yard.
Saizou had not guessed that the boy was the Fukuchou, he had thought (like anyone would) that the human child was just another one of his Master's friends. But when the red faced boy had turned around and bit Kondou on the shoulder, and Saizou had seen those glittering eyes, he quite simply, knew what had happened.
"It wasn't a dream, Okita-san." Tetsu stated in a hollow voice from where he sat next to the Captain. He had the blank look of someone who wasn't quite sure what was going on anymore. "Hijikata-san is really a kid! Ayu-nee said he's about five years old."
He added in an awed voice, "I'm older than the Vice commander now...woah."
"Don't be ridiculous Tetsu-kun," Souji laughed weakly as he stroked Saizou's head. "How on earth could a grown man be turned into a child?"
"Kondou-san took him, or more like dragged him to Saitou-san's room. He said he might know what's happened. The Commander thinks it's some kind of magic."
Souji sat up and stared at Tetsu, as though maybe he wasn't a current figment of his imagination after all. Then he pulled up his yukata sleeve, took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and pinched his arm.
"Ow."
He studied the red mark miserably.
"I told you it was real. You're really awake. Isn't that weird? I still can't believe I'm not dreaming..." The page shook his head.
"I'm really awake." Souji repeated mournfully. He turned to look outside, a breeze ruffling his bangs. "Hmmm...I hope Hijikata-san's doing okay..."
o-o-o-o
The Fukuchou howled as Kondou and the Third Unit Captain pinned down his arms and legs.
"Let go of me you bastards!" he shrieked, trying to release one of his arms so he could punch Saitou in the face, not that it would have done any damage.
"Really now," remarked Saitou, as he peered languidly into Hijikata's face. "You should control yourself and listen to me, Fukuchou, because that was some powerful magic used on you. And the only way you can listen, is if you have some of that tea."
"Alright," Kondou said briskly, very Commander like as he turned to Ayu. "Pour the tea into his mouth."
Hijikata clamped his mouth shut, looking triumphant. There was no way they could pry his lips open. A voice whispered in his head that now would be an appropriate time for him to stick out his tongue and blow a raspberry, and he was shocked.
Did I really hear that? he asked himself hesitantly before shaking his head in an effort to clear it.
Kondou sighed out of exasperation. He took the head shaking to mean no.
"For heaven's sake, Toshizo, just drink it, it's good for you!"
"Like hell it is! You're just trying to druaghhh...!" He was cut off as Ayu, looking very apologetic, began pouring the tea into his mouth. He sputtered and gasped as some of the liquid went down his windpipe.
"Sit him up now!" said Kondou worriedly. "Or he might choke!"
"Um..."
Kondou turned to see a young Shinsengumi member standing nervously in the doorway. He smiled at him like there was nothing wrong. "Hello! Is there something you---"
"Stop trying to kill me!" screamed Hijikata as Ayu whithdrew the cup and let him take a gasp of air. Kondou sweatdropped and put a hand over the Vice commander's mouth. "Is there something you need?" He continued cheerfully, though his voice was strained.
The man stared. They were torturing children now?
He turned pale. Perhaps right now wasn't the best time to tell Kondou that he had accidentally put a hole in one of the walls...
"Um...I'll c-c-come back later...C-c-commander!"
Kondou sighed. How on earth was he going to explain this to the other men?
o-o-o-o
Souji thought for a moment, then added, "You know Tetsu-kun, it's really great being a child. You can do lots of fun things without ever getting noticed by adults. And even the simplest things are enjoyable..." He looked far away, a smile slowly spreading on his face. "Maybe... this happened for a reason."
"But..do you think he'll change back?"
Tetsu couldn't imagine one of the most imporant men in the Shinsengumi being stuck in that form forever...reason or not. There was no way he could ever take him seriously if Hijikata yelled at him with that squeaky little voice...he stifled the irresistible urge to snigger.
"He'll have to." Souji swallowed nervously. "I'm the one who gave him the candy remember? I better make things right, or I'll have to commit seppuku. I should go to Takeshi-san's shop right now...I never thought he meant what he said literally...I'm going to have to ask him to reverse what happened..."
"He must be like a magician," said Tetsu slowly, shuddering a little. Then suddenly, his eyes gleamed. "Hmm, I wonder if he can--"
"I think I should go now," Souji interrupted, glancing nervously outside. " before Hijikata-san comes in here, demanding an explanation I can't give..."
"Oh really?" came a dangerous voice from the doorway.
Souji and Tetsu sweatdropped.
"Hijikata-san..." Souji croaked. "You're back...so soon...I thought you were with Saitou-san..."
"That bastard sure got what he deserved, thinking he can analyse me with his hocus pocus crap." He raged, his bangs wild about his chubby face, his large eyes darkening, his tiny hands clenched into fists, the front of his yukata drenched in liquid. Souji looked disapproving.
"Now, now, I don't think you should use that sort of language, it just looks wrong..."
Hijikata gave him a sweltering glare. "You're speaking too softly Souji. For a moment I thought I heard you telling me what to do."
The Captain got the hint and closed his mouth immediately.
Hijikata massaged his little head. "That damn Kondou,' he muttered. 'Trying to sedate me..."
Souji found himself wishing fervently that they had. Though he then figured they must have succeeded somewhat, because the Vice Commander certainly seemed much calmer than before...
"Grab your sword right Souji." declared Hijikata, straightening up. "We're going."
"Going where?"
"To that damned candy shop of course. We're going to kill the man who gave that abomination to you."
"We are?" Souji uttered weakly. "But Hijika---"
"RIGHT NOW." Hijikata stomped his foot, looking like he was going to chuck a tantrum if Souji didn't move. Tetsu stared at him with huge eyes.
'Please, Hijikata-san...'
"What is it?" he snapped as Souji reluctantly got up. "If it's about your patrol, well, Hajime's going to take care of that."
"No it's not that. It's Takeshi-san, of the candy shop. If we kill him, then how are we supposed to make you normal again?"
Hijikata stared at him for a moment. Then,
"Good point. We'll make him reverse this and then kill him. Nice and simple."
Souji sighed as he tucked his sword into his obi. What have I gotten myself into?
o-o-o-o
"I am not doing it. Move out of my way."
"Oh yes you are! And I'm not moving until you do!"
"Move aside right now!"
"Not until you hold my hand."
"I said I am NOT holding your hand!"
"But you have to. The streets of Kyoto can be very dangerous."
"I'm not holding your hand dammit! I am not a child."
"Um...yes, you are actually."
Souji's mouth began to twitch at the corners, and he burst out laughing. Hijikata fumed as they stood before the gates of the Shinsengumi Headquarters, Souji standing firmly in front of him with his arms crossed. Having taken out most of his anger yelling at Tetsu a few minutes before, (a most satisfactory feeling) Hijikata was just left spent and frustrated.
Most of the day had already been wasted, and he couldn't imagine spending another day like this, trapped in a most ridiculous body, and having the most ridiculous thoughts, such as, 'I want to chase that butterfly!' or 'I want my mommy...'. He was not going to let anyone know about that, no siree. But he feared he might revert to a full child if he didn't get an 'antidote' soon, and there was no time to waste...
"Souji, quit being a brat, and move aside."
"No, you're being the brat! And literally too!" Souji giggled. "But you know what, you're so cute, Hijikata-san!' Beaming, the Captain reached forward and pinched one of his cheeks. "Look at you, all rosy faced with those adorable big brown eyes! Aww, you're as cute as a puppy!"
The 'puppy' gaped at him.
"Now hold my hand..." Souji wiggled his fingers in front of the Vice Commander's face. "Look, it's perfectly alright! My hand's not going to bite you!"
Hijikata looked as though he was seriously considering biting it.
"If you tell this to anyone..." he muttered through clenched teeth as they began walking, "I swear I'm going to---"
"Kill me?" interrupted Souji cheerfully. "Yeahh right! You wouldn't kill me, Hijikata-san, I'm much too important to you. And pluuus, you love me. I know that for a fact!"
His face took on a gleeful expression. "Because, even though you act like you don't care, you're always asking if I'm okay! And also, you're always ready to decapitate anyone who teases me, and you always tell me to never walk around unarmed even if you know I won't listen anyway."
"Insolent brat. You really did dupe me."
"And you love Kondou-san too. Ohhh and Yamanami-san as well, even though you're always arguing with him. Andd..." Souji thoughtfully tapped his finger against his cheek.
"Actually, I think that's it."
He hummed a tune as they began walking towards the markets. Hijikata just gritted his teeth and endured it, but when Souji began swinging their hands in sync with the song, his irritation boiled over. "Stop doing that!" He snapped finally.
"But kids always do that!"
"I'm not a kid."
"But you sure look like one."
Hijikata struggled with the words that were dying to come out of his mouth. He knew he would regret it later, so he chose to keep silent. Now if only the world around him would do the same...at least, until he was back to normal again...
"Yoo hoo! Soujiro-san!"
Hijikata groaned. Walking towards them was a lovely looking woman in a bright green kimono, holding a basket of groceries and eagerly waving at them with her other hand. Normally he wouldn't object if such a woman was walking towards him, but normally he wasn't stuck in a five year old's body.
o-o-o-o
Tetsu couldn't help it.
There was a huge grin on his face as he ran straight through the open shoji of the candy shop, and came to an abrupt stop right before the counter. Takeshi continued cleaning the containers in his hands as though it was nothing out of the ordinary.
"Mister!" Tetsu panted, bending over to catch his breath. "Mister, I really need your help!"
He turned his head fearfully, as if expecting Hijikata and Okita to be in the doorway. But they won't be, he reassured himself. Not yet.
Tetsu had taken advantage of Souji arguing with the Vice Commander at the Headquarter's entrance, by slipping over the wall. He had a few bruises and scratches, but that wouldn't cost him anything, except for maybe a lecture from Tatsu-nii, who would assume it was from sparring.
"You're back so soon. What can I help you with?" Takeshi asked, giving him a grin as he put down the containers.
"Well," said Tetsu, shooting another furtive glance towards the door. "I want to ask you about some of your candy..."
o-o-o-o
"Hi Yakami-san!" greeted Souji enthusiastically. "How's Kioko-chan? She wasn't at the Temple yesterday, I was worried."
Hijikata was feeling decisively bad tempered. Whenever he walked into town, nobody dared to even look at him, much less say hello. But no, Souji just had to be so damn friendly with everyone...Not to mention, that he actually cared about the welfare of every little brat he happened to meet.
"Oh, there's nothing to worry about," replied Yakami, shifting the basket under her other arm. "She just has a cold."
Her curls hung forward as she suddenly bent down to get a closer look at the child hiding behind the young man. "And who is this? What a darling little boy!"
Hijikata sneezed, her hair was tickling his face. He scowled, but the woman's smile only grew bigger. "He's as cute as a puppy!" she exclaimed.
"He's my little brother," explained Souji proudly, trying to pull Hijikata fully out from behind him, but to no avail, he was tightly holding onto his yukata. "He's visiting from Edo."
"Aw, he's shy..." cooed Yakami. "Are you afraid to say hello little fella? Mmmm?"
She was pinching his cheeks now, and ruffling his bangs.
Hijikata had never felt so assaulted in his life. He bared his teeth at the woman and growled. She quickly withdrew her hand.
"Um, well we better be going now," laughed Souji nervously. "Make sure you say hello to Kioko-chan for me...bye!"
When they were out of Yakami-san's sight, Souji gave Hijikata a disapproving look. Hijikata didn't bother caring, he was too busy looking around for the demon candy shop. It was proving very hard, as all he could see were people's legs and bodies. Crowds had never bothered him before, but for some reason, he now felt like he should hold onto Souji's hand as tightly as he could. When he thought about accidentally getting separated from him, his eyes would start to water, and he'd feel butterflies in his stomach.
Hijikata couldn't believe the internal embarrassment of it all. He was the Vice Commander of the Shinsengumi, for crying out loud, and now he was scared of crowds? (But then again, he was in the body of a child. If that could happen, then anything could. This did not make him feel better at all.)
"When are we going to get there?" he hissed, as it seemed like they were walking forever, and though reluctant to admit it, his feet were starting to hurt.
"Don't worry Toshi-chan. We're nearly there."
Hijikata raised a tiny eyebrow. Souji never called him by his first name. For some reason, it annoyed him. "Who gave you the right to call me that?"
Souji looked hurt. "You don't have to be so mean!" He lowered his voice. "Look at you. You're a kid. Don't you think it'd be a little strange if I called you 'Hijikata-san' in public?"
"Hmm..." came the distracted reply as Hijikata felt something else inside that unnerved him.
He swallowed hard and tugged on Souji's hand. "Can we go quicker please?"
The Captain stopped, and gave him a puzzled look. Then he peered closer at Hijikata, and felt a little worried.
"Hiji-- Toshi-chan, are you okay? You look kind of pale..."
Hiijikata's heart was pounding and his throat felt dry. Across the road, a few brats were playing ball. Now this wasn't something that normally bothered him, or something he normally noticed. But what was really making him anxious, was the fact that the little voice in his head was telling him it'd be a fantastic idea for Hijikata to join them.
And he was beginning to agree...