Disclaimer: I don't own Peacemaker Kurogane. Blip.
Chapter Eleven: Candy Man
"Oh no!" cried Souji in horror as Hijikata snarled and bit down on the old man's hand.
"Takeshi-san!" He dashed forward and grabbed Hijikata by the shoulders, shaking him violently. "Let go, you naughty boy! Let GO!" But whatever way he twisted, however hard he pulled, it was to no avail.
"Oh dear," said Takeshi regretfully as he stared down at the child attacking his hand. " I didn't know you would take it so badly. Truly a difficult case indeed!"
"Hijikata-san, stop! Let go of his hand!"
Souji was now pulling the little Hijikata by the legs, but the Fukuchou had such a fierce grip on the man's hand, Souji feared the whole arm would come off--old and frail as Takeshi was. The Captain found himself filled with remorse over bringing Hijikata here. Within one day of Souji discovering the place, he had already destroyed everything. It was all his fault!
Tears sprung to his eyes. "Oh Kami, I'm so sorry!"
He flung himself at the man's feet, pressing his forehead to the floor. "Please forgive him!" Souji wailed. "He's gone insane, there's nothing I can do!" He banged a fist on the floor and howled, "I should have never stepped foot inside your shop! All because of my own selfishness, you're going to die, and none of the kids will be able to have your candy!" Tears trickled down his cheeks. It was a thought that was really upsetting to him, after all.
Then the logical part of his brain overrode the emotional part, and pointed out something very obvious---Takeshi-san was not screaming in pain, blood was not going everywhere---and feeling a little foolish and very curious, Souji sat up, wiping his eyes.
"Takeshi-san, are you..." He trailed off. And stared.
Hijikata was chewing on a hand that was no longer attached to an arm.
The Fukuchou must have just realised that himself, for his eyes widened in unmistakable horror, and shrieking, he dropped the hand and scrambled away from the old man. Takeshi was simply staring at the hand with a look of amusement. A hand which was not bleeding at all. Souji's throat went dry. Hijikata hid behind his legs.
"Kami..." Souji finally croaked, raising a trembling hand to his heart. "What...are you?"
Takeshi smiled as he picked up the hand, fitted it against his arm, and with a cluck of his tongue it attached itself again.
Souji and Hijikata gasped.
"Why Soujirou, that's a silly question," answered Takeshi cheerfully, rotating his wrist. "You just addressed me by my true form didn't you? You know perfectly well what I am!"
It dawned on Hijikata first.
"You...you're...you...kaaa..?" he managed in a strangled voice.
Takeshi grinned. "That's right, son."
"Hijikata-san!" choked Souji, a hand still pressed against his chest, for fear of his heart leaping right out. "You..you tried to kill a Kami!" He moaned, feeling ill. "A Kami, for Kami's sake!"
"I think we've established that already," Hijikata answered through gritted teeth.
o-o-o-o
"Har Har Har!" roared Sano, slapping Tetsu on the back, so hard the small redhead nearly fell over. As soon as Tetsu was halfway through his story, Sano had forgotten all about his headache, and all about the sad little bottles which were now lying broken on the floor. All he could think about was ---
1. Souji and Tetsu conspired to kill Hijikata.
2 Hijikata turned into a kid.
Sure, there wasn't much correlation between the two, but it sure as hell was funny.
"Knock it off!" yelled Tetsu as Sano clapped his hands on his small shoulders, and started to shake him. There were tears running down his badly shaven cheeks. "What a joke! Souji turning the Fukuchou into a child! Man, wouldn't that be something to see!"
"Yeah," said Shinpachi with a sadistic grin. "I'd pay to see that. Heck, I'd even pay Souji for doing it!"
"And me," piped in Tetsu. "I planned it too!"
"Or kill," added Sano, moving away from the redhead now that the kid had grabbed a knife from the table, and was holding it in the general direction of his belly. "Shinpachi, I'd definitely kill for that!" He enthusiastically slammed a fist into the palm of his other hand to illustrate his point.
"You do kill, Sano," muttered Shinpachi as he poked at Todou. "You kill for a living. Remember?"
"Yeah," admitted Sanosuke, rubbing the back of his neck.
"What are you, like dead?" Shinpachi grumbled as he continued to poke the oblivious Heisuke.
"Here, let me help," suggested Sano, delivering an enthusiastic kick to Heisuke's legs.
"Leave me alone, evil sugar bunny! I swear I didn't steal your babies!" cried the youngest Joker, curling up into a ball. His friends burst out laughing.
"Evil sugar bunny eh?" Sano chortled. "Bwahaha, Heisuke, you pansy!"
Shinpachi gave Tetsu a wide smile. "Well, indeed that was an amusing story, Puppy kun. But tell us the truth now. What really happened back there? Ayu didn't explain..."
Tetsu's fiery eyes narrowed. "Everything I said is true. I don't care if you believe it or not. But get out of here because I have work to do!"
"Sheesh," huffed Sano, as they left, dragging Heisuke. "Five minutes in the kitchens, and already you've turned into a hysterical girl."
o-o-o-o
"Don't look so alarmed," said Takeshi in a soothing voice, holding his hands out in a pacifying manner. "I'm not the vengeful sort you know." He slowly took a step forward, making himself seem as harmless and frail as possible, so as to not frighten the humans to death. One was already pale, and yet the other had a fresh expression on his face.
Bravery. Takeshi grinned broadly. The little one really was so cute.
Hijikata narrowed his eyes at him. "You can't fool me," he spat. "If you weren't the vengeful sort, you wouldn't have turned me into this."
Takeshi looked astonished. "How could I seek revenge turning you into a child? And heavens, why would I seek revenge in the first place?"
"Because...because I'm a bad person," said Hijikata lamely, wondering if that was genuine surprise on Takeshi's face. Or maybe this was part of the punishment process, getting him to admit what he's done. "I'm responsible for all sorts of bloodshed."
"No you're not!" exclaimed Souji, suddenly. He dropped down to his knees and enveloped the little Hijikata in a tight hug. "You're a good person!...At heart, you know."
"Shut up Souji," said Hijikata, shoving him away, before turning back to Takeshi. "Well old man, you've had your revenge. You've turned me into a brat. Now I bet you're going to give me a grand speech about how I'll be forced to think about my actions for the rest of my life. Well you can save it." His jaw was set, his eyes were defiant.
"Whatever. I accept my punishment. But you have to let him go." He jerked a thumb behind him.
"What?" said Souji, looking just as surprised as Takeshi.
"I know he's murdered people as well, possibly more than me, but that's all my fault. I'm basically responsible for him turning out that way. So let him go." His voice was without emotion, but Souji knew better than that.
"You're wrong Hijikata-san," he said quietly. He rose, hand gently touching the hilt of his sword. "I don't regret the choice I made. There's no reason for you to take the blame for me. I willingly joined the Shinsengumi." He removed the sword from his obi and placed it down on the floor. Then calmly, he kneeled.
"I will face my punishment too."
o-o-o-o
"Uuurhhhh..." Yamanami moaned as his eyes opened. His hand instantly went to the throbbing lump at the back of his head. It hurt like hell, but it didn't seem serious.
Staring at the white blur in front of him, his first thought was that he'd finally gone blind. Then he realised he didn't have his glasses on. They must have fallen when he did...Reacing out with a hand, he fumbled around his bedside when someone pressed them into his hand. "Oh thank you," he murmured gratefully, putting them on.
Yamanami found himself looking at a plump middleaged lady. "You're finally up." she remarked, pressing a lid against a pink bottle.
"Um excuse me," Yamanami said, looking confused as he stared at the shelves around him holding similar bottles. "Where am I?"
The lady looked amused. She put the bottle down on a table. "You're in the back of my perfume shop. Your two friends dropped you into my care." She laughed, dark eyes twinkling. "And I mean that literally."
"Oh I see," said Yamanami, feeling foolish. He didn't see at all. What friends? Dropped?
The lady sighed. "You were unconscious, sweetie."
"Oh..." And suddenly,with a painful jolt, Yamanami remembered.
The child that looked so much like Hijikata...the one who Souji had addressed as Hijikata-san...
He remembered laughing when Souji insisted that the child was in fact Hijikata, and then feeling the world tilt up at him when Hijikata proved it by reminding him of what they had been talking about two nights ago.
"This is awful," Yamanami thought miserably, massaging his pounding head. "The world has finally gone crazy..."
---Then it was coming to an end. The thought was almost pleasant. Akesato's face floated into his mind, and his worries faded. If the world was coming to an end, he knew no other person he'd rather spend it with.
"Excuse me," he said, turning to the lady who was now offering him a cup of water. "But do you have any lavender perfume?"
o-o-o-o
"You shouldn't say such things," began Takeshi, scratching his head wearily.
Things were really not turning out as he had planned. The humans were getting confused, in fact, even demon like. Which wouldn't have helped them any if he had been capable of punishment. "If you'd just listen, I could explain to you---"
"Souji, stop wasting time and get the hell out of here." Hijikata turned around and glared. "Do you want both of us to die? No. Only one of us will be be sacrificed, and it will be me."
"I don't think so," Souji calmly answered as he rose. "I'll knock you out and throw you outside if I have too, Hijikata-san."
"Boys," Takeshi tried again. "Boys will you just--"
"So you'll take advantage, will you," said Hijikata, eyes burning. "That isn't a fair fight at all! Where's your honor?"
"I wasn't aware that I had any," replied Souji with narrowed eyes. "Since you seem to be deciding all my actions for me."
"I'm trying to save your life, you idiot!" shouted Hijikata.
"Your life has just as much worth as mine!" Souji shouted back.
"BOYS!" shouted Takeshi.
"What?" they snapped in unison, swivelling their heads around to glare at the old man.
"Come to your senses," he replied firmly, fixing them with a stern look of his own. "You're in the presence of the elderly."
"Oh," said Souji, his eyes going back to normal as he looked down, ashamed. "I'm sorry, Takeshi-san."
"I don't apologise for anything," said Hijikata coolly. "Just hurry up and decide the sacrifice. And since Souji is so determined to get killed, I suggest you pick him."
Souji sighed.
"Look, there's really no need for sacrifices," Takeshi said hurriedly. "Toshizo, you have it all wrong. I'm not an important Kami. So I couldn't punish you."
Hijikata rubbed his head in exasperation. "Then what the hell kind of Kami are you?"
"Well, you see, I"m the Candy Kami."
Hijikata stared at him.
Takeshi beamed, mistaking his expression for wonder. "Although here on earth," he continued with a flourish, "I'm just the Candy Man." He bowed.
"There's a Kami for candy?" whispered Souji in awe. He dropped back to his knees, as if in a trance. Pressing his forehead to the floor, he whispered, "I'm so honoured to be in your presence, great one!"
"Damn this all," muttered Hijikata.
He pointed a chubby finger at Takeshi, who was blushing as Souji kissed his hand. "So Candy Kami. Or Man. Whatever. Why the hell did you brainwash my captain?"
"Brainwash?" Takeshi looked puzzled. "I didn't brainwash him. He was just complaining about you. Saying his elder brother was mean and uptight, and didn't enjoy candy."
"Elder brother?" repeated Hijikata, frown deepening. "He told you I was his elder brother?"
"You aren't?" asked Takeshi innocently.
Hijikata glowered at Souji who just smiled sheepishly. "Takeshi. Do you know who the Shinsengumi are?"
"Why yes, I've heard of them."
"I'm the Vice Commander of the Shinsengumi. And this here," Hijikata glared daggers at Souji. "Is my miserable excuse for a First Unit Captain."
"Hey!" said Souji, indignant. "After the clothes I bought you and everything!"
"Well how 'bout that! Soujiro, a Shinsengumi member!" Takeshi whistled. "I never would have thought."
Hijikata was getting madder by the moment. "So. He tells you I don't like candy, and you turn me into a child?"
"Well yes," answered Takeshi apologetically. "But you're not the only one. I happened to turn a lot of people into children this morning."
"How charming," said Hijikata through gritted teeth.
"One of the fellows, well he was a samurai like you..." Takeshi rubbed his beard thoughtfully. "A pyromaniac chap named Yoshida..."
Hijikata and Souji simultaneously gasped. Pyromaniac? Yoshida?
"His page was looking rather dejected about his Master forbidding him to indulge in sweets, so I decided to bring out his inner child."
"And this Yoshida..." Hijikata stepped closer towards him. Takeshi blinked. The child was looking at him hungrily. He rubbed his hand uncomfortably.
"...do you know where he's staying?"
"I won't reveal anything to you. This is a war between humans. The gods are not concerned and that includes me."
Hijikata looked desperate. "But-----"
"It's final," interrupted Takeshi, giving him a stern look.
Hijikata slumped to the floor.
"There, there," said Souji soothingly, coming over and patting him on the back. "It doesn't matter, we'll find them ourselves..."
He peered closer at the Fukuchou, feeling that something was not quite right---and then his eyes widened, and he pulled his hand back, as though he'd been stung. "It..it can't be!" Souji exclaimed, moving back. But it was... it had to be. All the proof was there.
Hijikata's face was scrunched up, and rapidly turning red. His shoulders were shaking. Tears were beginning to drip from his eyes.
"He's going to cry," whispered Souji in amazement, only seconds before the Fukuchou started his wailing.