Resident Parody 4
By BahamutZERO
Chapter 1-2
Saddler: Feeble humans. Let us give you our power. Soon, you will not resist this... intoxicating power... (puts a joint in Leon's mouth and lights it)
(Leon and Luis wake up tied together)
Leon: Hey, wake up, sleepy head.
Luis: Damn. Crawl out of one hole and into another... just like with women...
Leon: I'm looking for this girl. She's really hot, but I'M looking for her. Seen her? (shows photo)
Luis: Let me guess, she's the president's daughter.
Leon: That's too good for a guess. Care to explain?
Luis: Psychic powers.
Leon: ...
Luis: ...
Leon: Does every law enforcer have psychic powers?
Luis: Nah, just me.
Leon: What's your name?
Luis: Luis Sera. I used to be a cop in Madrid. Then, I got kicked out. Then, I came here. Then, I got captured. Then, I became a researcher. Then, I researched stuff. Then-
Leon: SHUT IT.
(man with a huge jar of peanut butter appears)
Luis: Do something cop!
Leon: NOW!
(Luis kicks the table nearby and two slices of bread fly out, catching the peanut butter)
Luis: I love sandwiches. (leaves)
(radio scene)
Hunnigan: Leon, are you alright?
Leon: I am now.
Hunnigan: Stop hitting on me. Do you know where the subject is?
Leon: She's in a church, I think. I'm heading back to the village.
Hunnigan: Hurry, Leon. She may be in danger.
Leon: Yeah, that and I really want to do her in the ass...
Hunnigan: ...
Leon: ...
BEOOOP
(Leon enters the house. As he passes through a door, Mendez appears behind him. He grabs Leon and holds him in the air)
Mendez: You carry the same shit as us. But I don't have time to deal with the likes of you. After all, I am the big cheese. If you become a nuisance, you will face severe consequences... (throws Leon)
Leon: You bitch! (follows Mendez into the previous room and gets ambushed again. This time, Ada fires her gun through the window. Mendez gives chase)
Leon: Damn, my head hurts! But that woman in red... so familiar... and hot... I'd do her in the ass.
Next: Chapter 1-3