Resident Parody 4
By BahamutZERO
Chapter 1-3
(radio scene)
Hunnigan: Leon, are you okay?
Leon: Yeah. That cheese said something about me having the same shit.
Hunnigan: Maybe that's got something to do with what's going on around here.
Leon: No, shit, lady. What, you think I'm stupid or something?
Hunnigan: ...
Leon: ...
BEOOOP
(Leon arrives at the church. Cue radio scene)
Hunnigan: Leon, have you found the church?
Leon: Yeah, it's locked. I'm packing a shotgun and pistol but there's no way to get inside.
Hunnigan: Didn't they teach how to pick locks at the academy?
Leon: No, as a matter fact they didn't. Dammit.
Hunnigan: Oh... well, you'll need to find something to unlock that door.
Leon: Yeah, it'll probably be some weird misshapen object rather than a plain old key.
(Leon arrives at the lake)
Leon: Shit! (they drop the cop in the water) It's that cop that wanted to sing at the bonfire. What a faggot. I WOULDN'T do him in the ass... (a giant stick of celery flies out of the water and eats the cop) But anyway, I'm going to cross the lake despite the fact that I KNOW I'll get attack by that huge monster.
(Leon drives the boat out into the lake)
Leon: So good, so far... Oh, shit!
(the celery stick appears in the water)
Leon: Damn! My firearms do no good here for some reason! (looks around) Ah-ha! Eat this, you freak! (hurls toothpicks)
(the celery dies from toothpick wounding. Leon arrives at the other end of the lake)
Leon: Glad to be out of- Oooooggghhh! My stomach! (staggers into a house) Damn... feeling woozy... can't stand up... feeling more woozy... falling over... (whack his head on the floor) OW, DAMMIT! Ugh... woozy... woozy...
Next: Chapter 2-1