Chapter 8: Of Fate and Fools
"I understand," she murmured. "But... ...I will not do it."
Neji stiffened when she let the katana drop away from her neck. His mouth was dry, his throat constricting. "Tenten...do you really wish for me to...if you will not..."
Don't make me do this.
"I know," she said softly, running a finger lightly over the bloodied edge of the blade. "But Neji...you will not be a coward because of me, will you?"
"A coward? Do you not understand, Tenten, I-"
"Your duty is to execute me before returning to Konoha," Tenten pressed on determinedly. "And yet you are afraid of killing me."
"You are entirely mistaken. I do not wish to kill you, certainly – that I will not deny. But I am not afraid."
"Yes, you are. You do not want my blood on your hands and so you asked me to kill myself. "
"That is not true," Neji growled. "I wanted you to die honourably –"
"I don't give a damn about your brand of honour, Hyuuga Neji!" she hissed, trying and failing to find that slow burning anger that had fueled her to fight, because to be angry was easier than to be hurt and Tenten had had enough of hurt. "You and all of Konoha know nothing of what honour is! Tsunade destroyed the integrity of all Leaf Shinobi when she murdered Anko and now you have nothing left, you hear me? Don't you dare pretend you're on a moral high ground you fucking bastard!"
"You would rather I kill you personally?" Neji took a step closer, fists clenching.
"You may try." Tenten lifted her chin up stubbornly but her lower lip was trembling. "I will never end my own life, Neji. Not when I have something to protect. To do so would be to go against my own faith, you should know that perfectly."
"And this is your final decision?"
"I will not be a coward and take the easy way out. And neither should you," she told him simply.
Neji glared down at her but found himself irrationally wanting to brush the dirty strands of hair from her forehead; she was beautiful with the smears of sweat and blood on her cheek, her bangs falling into her eyes and framing her flushed face.
"I do not wish to fight again," he sighed tiredly.
Tenten tensed when he reached up, gently cupping her cheek against his palm. "Don't do this, Neji," she begged, whispering. "Don't. Please." But she leaned into his touch instinctively, blinking rapidly as she willed the tears not to come. No. Please stop, no I can't you can't we can't go on like this–
Her breath caught when he traced his thumb over her lips, still stained and swollen from his kiss.
- Stop you know I love you but love will die and I cannot so please stop please –
He tilted her face up; a sudden, scalding wetness on her cheeks told her that the tears had spilled over.
Enough.
Her eyes snapped open; Neji jerked back immediately at the cold, drowned look in her eyes but she was already dipping down, elbow bringing the katana back for momentum and her spare hand slipping into her weapons pouch.
"Tenten?"
He shifted automatically into a fighting stance. She stabbed two kunai into his left knee. Neji buckled, fell; Tenten whimpered and thrust the katana through his abdomen, the steel sliding slickly through flesh and into earth, pinning him onto the ground.
A moment of stunned silence, and then there was ragged breathing and the slow agony of watching crimson bloom into the white of his shirt.
"Fuck," she whispered, kneeling down next to him. Neji tried to lift himself off the ground but the pain was immense, searing sparks crackling through his nerves and erupting into the gaping hole in his side. He arched his head back and the small movement caused the katana to dig further into his body (breathe in, breathe out, and oh God maybe he was really going to die this time), steel biting deeper into his hipbone.
"Fuck," she hissed again, fingers fumbling down the hilt of the katana, along the steel and onto the raw, bleeding mess below his rib. The blade had torn messily into muscle; blood spurted out in measured heartbeats.
"I thought you would have had aimed for my heart," Neji muttered thickly, reaching his hand over his chest and gripping tightly onto the hilt.
I couldn't do it. "I tried," she said faintly. "I...I missed."
A half chuckle, half groan escaped from his lips before he turned his head away, burying his face into his sleeve as he tried to tug the katana from his body.
He failed. Tenten watched, terrified, as the blood continued to spill out and soak into the earth. Her fingers curled into the wet fabric at the wound and she was shocked when Neji grunted and grabbed her wrist.
"What are you doing?" she whimpered, trying to wrench herself free but he held on tight, knuckles draining white against her flushed skin. Neji lifted his head with a strained expression.
"Proving that I am no coward," he told her heavily, suddenly tugging her roughly down; she fell forwards with her palms digging into the drenched earth, his other hand snaking across her chest and resting lightly between her breasts. Tenten gasped quietly when she felt the warmth of his fingers through her bindings. One strong burst of chakra from him and her heart would stop; she knew she should twist herself free, run away and leave him to bleed dry but she remained sprawled next to him, wide eyes never leaving his.
"You're going to die anyway," she said breathlessly. Neji grunted.
"You didn't get anything vital."
"Perhaps I should try again then," she muttered, trying to keep the quaver of fear out of her voice. (She would never let him know that she was afraid for him.)
"You won't have that chance." Tenten couldn't help wincing when she felt the abrupt, warning surge of chakra prickling against the underside of her breast. His grip slid up her wrist and tightened near her elbows, his fingers clamping so hard into her skin the thin coating of clotted blood cracked and splintered, fresh rivulets flowing down her arm and onto his; their blood mingled, the heavy, metallic scent pulsating through the air.
"Do it," she gasped, surprising him by leaning into his poised fingers. "Kill me. You're going to die from blood loss sooner or later. I've saved Anko, I have nothing to live for now."
You used to live for me.
The thought left him faintly hurting, a familiar dull ache seeping through his body; somewhere at the back of his mind memories unfolded, graying pictures of a girl and her boys emerging from his haunted past, and he said nothing because the truth was that he was afraid. (And yet he would never let her know that he was afraid for her.)
"What are you waiting for?" Tenten demanded, the beginnings of hysteria making her challenge high pitched and shrill. Silence. She shivered when her fingers gradually stained a deeper shade of red. "Well?"
Nothing.
"Damn you! If you want me to die then do it now!" And Tenten was a hot blooded woman after all, and mind over heart had never been an option because you can't fight who you are. You can't forget your heart either when you left it behind seven years ago, and Neji had never given it back. "I'm so sick of this! I've done my part, you can do yours now can't you hear me?"
Neji suddenly snarled, releasing his grip on her wrist and throwing her away from him. "Go."
Tenten stared at him wildly. Her wrist throbbed, dark red marks imprinted onto the skin; she rubbed at it absently. "Neji – "
"Now."
Because she was the one mission he was willing to fail.
"What happened to your duty and, and –" Tenten didn't even know why she was fighting him now (though maybe she just wanted to stay by his side before he left forever). "-and don't you believe in your stupid loyalty to Konoha anymore, Neji?"
"Completely," he told her truthfully. "But this isn't about loyalty and you know it."
"So you-"
"Just go, Tenten. We fought. You won. I will die and Anko will live," Neji sighed, feeling his life slowly drain out of him with each passing second. "Isn't that what you wanted?"
Never.
Tenten took a step back. Neji turned his head away and deactivated his Byakugan, gazing wearily up into the unfathomable darkness of the night sky. His rough calculations told him that he would probably not last past daybreak without medical treatment. Possibly he could force himself to hang on longer – he was Shinobi, he could conserve his chakra, the blood at his wound was clotting and the bleeding was slowing into a sluggish trickle down his thigh. But there was no reason for him to drag on this agonizing death. The katana was buried too deep into the earth. His current weakened state would never allow him to free himself – unless Tenten helped him, and he knew that would not happen. Help would not come from Isako either– no medic skilled enough to save him resided behind the wall and he doubted anyone would find him in time anyway.
The physical assault on his nerves was ravaging his mind; his vision had begun to blur, his thoughts running into each other until all that he could grasp onto, the final thread that reverberated in his mind was the fact that he could – would - not kill Tenten, and that he was now going to die as payment - the final act of his fealty to Tsunade-sama.
If he could not kill for Konoha he would die for Konoha. (Because he still believed in honour and duty and the comrades currently scattered throughout the Shinobi countries, fighting for their village, but it was Tenten he loved and all the faith in the world would never change that).
"Just go," he muttered dully.
Tenten didn't move. He could feel her presence still lingering by his side, could hear her quick, shallow breathing.
"Tenten," he said more forcefully. "Why are you still here?"
But she wasn't listening. Instead, her gaze was fixed somewhere on the plains that stretched between the plateau and Isako, where tall stalks of wild grass were drenched silver by the moonlight as they undulated quietly in the cool night breeze and the clouds cast shifting shadows across the entire landscape.
Someone was coming.
Her hands clenched by her side; she stared as the faint silhouette grew steadily clearer, sifting through the wild grass in an unswerving line directed straight towards them. A civilian traveling to Isako this time of the night? Not impossible, but Tenten did not doubt that this was Sound nin; it was evident that the person had noticed them despite it being night and the fact that both of them were steeped in the black shadow cast by the perimeter wall– impossible for an ordinary man without chakra enhanced sight or the ability to sense chakra systems. Most likely it was Kabuto, here to check on her end of the bargain. Tenten frowned; the chakra patterns pulsating from the the man's tenketsu points were vaguely familiar, yet there was something twisted about it, some new, opaque layer that obscured the original and prevented her from recognizing who it was.
"Who is it?" Neji demanded weakly, still able to sense the nearing presence but now struggling to distinguish between the shadows that swept across his vision and the darkness that was caused by his gradually failing vision. Tenten narrowed her eyes and stepped over his body, unconsciously sliding into a defensive stance before the fallen Hyuuga.
The figure drew closer, and then she realized that it was not a man after all, but a woman.
Oh God. Is it -
"Anko!"
Neji jerked his head up when Tenten suddenly let out a piercing, wounded cry and stepped recklessly forwards, a hand clasped over her mouth in shock; he shot out an arm and grabbed her ankle, forcing her to stop.
"Don't – it might not really be her – it's too dangerous," he fumbled almost deliriously, trying to pull her back towards him, but Tenten shook him off impatiently.
"But what if it is her?" she choked, suddenly torn between grief and a new, intense hope that burned white and hot in her chest (and a voice in her head was whispering take care take care but she wanted this too much to listen). "What if Orochimaru really revived her? Our bargain - Kabuto promised–"
And then Anko was before her – Tenten was too overwhelmed to wonder how she had managed to cross the distance between them so rapidly - and she was smiling crookedly at her, and Tenten could pick out the scars that ran all the way down her left arm, could recognize that sharp chin, the slanted eyes, the messy, jagged strands of hair that slipped over her forehead and tapered off near prominent cheekbones. (Yet something was tugging at her heart because Neji was dying by her feet and Neji was her sacrifice and – )
She was smaller than she remembered, more haggard. But she was here, alive and tangible.
"Tenten-chan." Anko's smile widened, revealing a pointed canine.
Tenten could only stare at the woman before her. "You're...you..."
"It's not her," Neji interrupted desperately. "It can't be – I'm not dead yet, Tenten, I'm not dead and Orochimaru would never..." he trailed off, overcome by a sudden wave of nausea.
Anko arched an eyebrow elegantly. "Really now, Hyuuga. Why all the blood? Are you.. ...dying?" She stepped towards him, gently nudging Tenten out of the way; Tenten started at the contact, shivering. "Perhaps... ...I should help you."
She leaned down and ripped the katana from his body. Neji hissed in pain, head arching back; the wound began to flow freely again, crimson running thick and hot against his skin. "Tenten. Tenten."
The tears were flowing freely down her face now. "Stop, Orochimaru. Stop."
The very admittance of his name - that this wasn't really Anko, that she had sacrificed Neji and herself in vain, that Neji was now dying and that she had ruined them both for nothing – cost her more than words could ever tell.
"We made a deal. Orochimaru! Fuck it, we made a deal!" Tenten felt sick to the stomach. She stepped forwards, trying to slip in between her dead sensei's body and Neji, but Orochimaru suddenly had the katana to her neck with a smooth flick of the wrist, the bloodied steel biting gently into her skin.
"Kabuto made a deal with you, Tenten-chan. Not me." Strange, how it was Anko's voice that spoke, and yet the very nuances and inflections were foreign to her ears. Now that she had forced herself to get over the barrier of hope that had blinded her momentarily, she could see the little signs that showed what seemed to be Anko was nothing more than a living corpse, a vessel; she could see it in the way Orochimaru held the body, stiffly, the unnatural tilt of Anko's wrist, the arched back – possibly Orochimaru's previous vessel had been taller than Anko and he now had to adjust to the new dimensions of his host – everything, really.
"Kabuto is your subordinate," Tenten bit out, grasping at nothing but desperate to ... ...what? Convince Orochimaru that he had been bad to cheat on a deal? She had been a fool to have accepted it in the first place - but she would never regret choosing faith over love. It had never been a matter of trusting Orochimaru; trust was a luxury only for those with power, and Orochimaru had Anko's body – power enough, in Tenten's case. Orochimaru had abused his power.
As had Tsunade.
It was fate, she decided with a bitter irony. Fate had made a fool out of her.
"Kabuto is dead," Orochimaru told her. "Sasuke-kun killed him yesterday. Luckily he had been keeping me up to date on your whereabouts before Hatake's team found him, or I'd have had much trouble in finding you."
She froze; Orochimaru traced the blade down her neck, circling at her collarbone.
"You are crueler than I had first thought, Tenten-chan. I had expected you to kill Hyuuga Neji for me after that amazing display of loyalty to my poor little Anko-chan – becoming a missing-nin for a dead woman? Impressive indeed. But to kill him like this...leaving him to bleed dry? I thought you had loved him?"
Tenten paled.
"To tell you the truth, I was planning to ask you to join me after this – you would have made a very efficient Sound-nin, I've heard of your work in Tea country – but sadly, you seem to be rather...opposed... to me at the moment."
The blade was pressed into skin, drew blood. Tenten looked Orochimaru squarely in the face, met the gaze that was so painfully familiar and yet not hers.
"I will not work with you."
A pause.
"Very well." The katana left her throat. Orochimaru stepped back, let the blade fall to his side. Tenten was too numb to be surprised.
"You will not kill me?" she asked tiredly.
"I have no reason to." He glanced down at Neji; the Hyuuga was teetering on the brink of unconsciousness, the lower half of his body completely drenched in his own blood. "It's quite strange," he added almost conversationally. "But I have no wish to, either."
"Guilt, perhaps. Though I doubt it." Tenten said dully. Orochimaru's smirk widened.
"Not guilt. Anko."
And Tenten understood. Fushi Tensei was unique in the fact that there would always be a sliver of the host's consciousness and will retained even after a new mindl had been transferred to a body. Anko's bond to Tenten was subtly influencing Orochimaru's subconscious, though Tenten knew that he was perfectly aware of this coercion.
No, he could have killed Tenten unreservedly despite some vague sense of affection for her, especially if he was aware of its source.
"Not guilt. Anko."
He had spared her for Anko's sake. Tenten wanted to laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation but the fact of the matter was that perhaps even Orochimaru – the traitorous Sannin who had abused Anko, used her, caused her death and now brought her back to life only to use her again – was honouring his past student in his own way.
"Goodbye, Tenten. I thank you for eliminating the strongest shinobi of Konoha." Orochimaru turned away smoothly, throwing the katana onto the ground. Tenten knew that he knew she would not attack him, not when he was in Anko's body. "I trust you will enjoy the last few moments with him alone."
An awkward tensing of Anko's small frame, and then he was gone, yet another shadow streaking across the landscape and into the dark of early morning. Tenten collapsed onto the ground, letting her fingers trail lightly over Neji's now closed eyes. Her gaze landed on the symbol etched into his hitae-ate.
- I'm not dead yet, Tenten, I'm not dead -
Orochimaru was wrong. Tenten hadn't aimed for Neji's heart, hadn't killed him instantly not because she was cruel, but because she was selfish. Because she wanted him to stay with her a moment longer. But now that Orochimaru had played his final card and Tenten had irrevocably failed to save Anko's body, she could not bear the thought of having his death on her hands.
She was a coward, too.
"You won't die, Neji," she mumbled through her tears, terrified. He was shivering uncontrollably, going into shock from blood loss. Tenten pulled him into a sitting position gently and held on tight, trying to stop his convulsions; she reached down and sliced away the bloodied material at the bottom of his shirt and retied it securely around his wound to staunch the blood. Orochimaru had made a mistake in leaving before Neji died. He had assumed that even if Tenten tried to help him the injuries would be too grave and that no medic nearby could possibly save him.
But he had forgotten that the best medic-nin in Fire country was only a few hours away, had not taken into account the fact that perhaps Tenten would be willing to risk her life and return to Konoha in the face of possible execution.
Tenten wrapped Neji's arms around her shoulder and hauled him up, a hand going around his back and clenching tightly into his shirt. Soft strands of dark hair fell over his shoulders and trailed over her fingers. Neji didn't have much time left. Daybreak was just around the corner; she had an entire mountain range to cross with him bleeding the whole way.
Tenten ran.
"Where are we going?"
She kept her gaze straight ahead, concentrating only hauling the dying man in her arms to the one woman who could save him. "Konoha."
She could feel his arms tighten around her shoulders.
"They will kill you."
She didn't answer, and a quiet moment later Neji faded back into the hollow darkness.
Neji had not regained consciousness by the time she came within five miles of the village. She knew they were being followed as soon as she entered Konohan territory; tell-tale glints of faint morning light reflecting off hitae-ate came from the four Leaf nin tracking her movement above and amongst the tree tops as she sped through the forest. They would not attack while Neji was with her.
She wondered if her old friends were amongst them.
A break in the forest ahead; the light gradually intensified as she drew nearer, the thinning foliage throwing dappled shadows across her face. Four miles to go. Four miles more and Neji would be saved and –
And Tsunade was before her, Shizune and a team of medic nin by her side. Someone must have went ahead, alerted the authorities of her presence. Tenten jerked to a halt, stumbled. Behind her Leaf nin dropped to the ground, weapons drawn and ready: three Jounin and one ANBU.
She didn't care. Tsunade was watching her with an unreadable expression on her face as she stood in the middle of the clearing, hair like spun gold in the soft, white sunlight; Tenten met her gaze squarely. Her tears had dried long ago, leaving pale tracks tracing down her cheeks.
Tenten leaned forwards, gently let Neji slide onto the ground before her. "... ...Save him."