WARNING: For those of you who don't like extreme weird humor, then don't bother reading at all. It would either be to boring or disgusting for you.
There was a cool breeze that swept across the Capsule Corp compound. Leaves danced along the sparkling grass as footsteps echoed upon death ears from the far west part of the large home. Eventually, the cause of the footsteps appeared as it walked along the morning dew. The flamed haired Saiyan, known as Vegeta, was taking advantage of such a rare occasion of solitude and was taking a stroll. Silence was all that he needed this morning to sooth his tense nerves. This one moment of peace that he yearned for so many months will have to wait yet another few months, for fate decided to continue it's personal cruel entertainment on the prince. The tormented prince sighed in aggravation as the one thing that could possibly ruin his day appeared in a flash to the left of him, walking side by side.
"Hey V-man! How's it going?"
Vegeta's reply consisted of him scrunching his eyebrows together with a slight scowl and continued to walk. Goku, being the clueless guy that he is, shrugged and grinned as usual. For the next few minutes, Vegeta had a vein appear on his forehead with his eyes closed tightly as Goku hummed "It's a small world after all". An annoyed growl emitted from his throat, which caused Goku to stop humming. Another few moments passed with Vegeta mentally cursing Goku while Goku seemed to be thinking for a change.
"Vegeta...I have something to tell you."
"Kakkorot...shut up."
Goku's left eye twitched and then suddenly he pined Vegeta to the wall of C.C. and got his face really close to Vegetas'.
"No, for once you will listen to me, god damn it!"
Vegeta's nose scrunches from Goku's vile breath as Goku's forehead held some sweat.
"I-...I'm..."
"What? Constipated?"
Goku steps a bit back from Vegeta and blushes.
"Well, besides that..."
Vegeta's eyes widen in horror.
"D-don't tell me your MOUTH is your ass hole!"
"No! But the smell does reach out of my mouth...for...some reason."
Vegeta moves his head back.
"Well, besides you being constipated, ass hole breath, and being a complete idiot...what else must you tell me?"
Goku's gaze turns toward the ground as he tries to find the right words to say.
"Um...this isn't easy for me to say..."
Vegeta's eyes start to twitch in anger.
"Well, allow me to 'make' it easier."
Vegeta grabs Goku's throat and squeezes tighter and tighter, which causes Goku to panic.
"'Cough' YOUR MY TWIN BROTHER! 'Cough' TWIN I SAY! TWIIIN! 'Cough' NOW LET GO OF ME!"
Vegeta goes wide-eyed and slightly looses his grip on Goku.
"You know it in your heart to be true..."
Goku goes teary eyed and smiles lovingly at Vegeta. Vegeta does a double blink and then his eyes grow red with rage.
"You...how DARE you say were related!"
Vegeta squeezes harder on Goku's throat. Goku's eyes turn to tears of pain and disappointment.
"Oh ya 'Cough' you don't have a heart..."
"Well it's about time you realized that you ignorant fool!"
"Think back Vegeta...before you came to earth...before you met Frieza...before our planet was exploded...think back...think...back."
Vegeta gives Goku a weird look, but thinks back anyway.
"If that is your dieing wish, then so be it, Kakkorot."
'Flash Back' Vegetasei before Frieza
A mini version of Vegeta was sitting in the meadow watching as butterflies float around when suddenly...a cracking noise appears. Vegeta jumps into a fighting stance like a cat does when startled. He scans the area...but nothing...was found.
"Your time has come, little prince."
Vegeta feels a warm breath against his ear and quickly turns around again with his fists ready to strike, but yet again, there was nothing. Sounds of footsteps surrounded him as if this 'thing' was everywhere at once. Vegeta starts to walk backwards until he fell into a huge hole. It was dark...freezing...and a sickening silence fell upon his ears...
"Ah...so the little prince is lost. How...exciting."
An evil laughter flowed through out the underground cave. The voice left as quickly as it came. All was quite until Vegeta walked back into a deep pool of smoggy water. Vegeta struggles to get free, as he is pulled deeper into the dark depths. Suddenly, he was pulled out of the pool and out of the cave within a few seconds.
"Boo."
Vegeta yanked his arm free and punched the 'thing' in the face.
"Ow! V! Geeze, it was just a joke!"
Vegeta snarled and started to walk back into the meadow.
"Come on V, don't be a party pooper...it's not my fault you get scared easi-"
Vegeta whacked it across the face before it could finish his sentence.
"Are you saying I'm weak?"
It shook it's head and opened it's mouth to reply, but was silenced by Vegeta breaking it's nose.
"Kakkorot...the next time you call me week will be the last time you ever eat again!"
Vegeta pulls his fist back from Goku's face and turned his back to him. Vegeta quickly swung his arm around, which caused Goku to flinch.
"Ah, two for flinching."
Vegeta slugs Goku in the face twice. Goku rubs his barely seeable nose, but then smirks. Vegeta raises an eyebrow and before he could see what Goku was planning, Goku got closer and closer to Vegeta's face, took a HUGE breath and...
"Ah-CHO!"
Blood was all over Vegeta's face.
"Haha. Tasty, isn't it?"
Vegeta rips some of Goku's hair off, rubs it in Goku's bloody nose, and then shoves in Goku's mouth.
"Tasty, isn't it?"
Goku munches a bit and grins.
"Actually...it is!"
Goku rips his own hair out and continues to eat it.
"Oh ya, dad says we have to 'bond' today!"
"Like hell I do."
"Come on, V! Booooooooooooooond with me, brothers have to booooooooooooooooooooond!"
Goku raises his arms at Vegeta and runs towards him.
"Give me a HUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGG!"
Vegeta goes wide-eyed and flies towards the palace with a deformed looking Goku behind him, screaming about sharing hair to eat.
"Oh! Do you think armpit hair would taste better? Oh! Maybe the hair near my weenie will have extra flavor!"
Screamed Goku as Vegeta flew even faster into the sunrise.
'End Flash Back'
Vegeta snaps out of his trance while Goku is still talking.
"Think...back...think...back...think...ba-"
"Shut up!"
"So, did you think...back...?"
"Yes, and it was quite...disturbing..."
Goku's stomach grumbles loudly. Goku grins and reaches down into his 'undies', but then frowns in disappointment. He mumbles 'no more left', but then his eyes get wide and he has a huge grin towards Vegeta. Without warning, dives his hand into Vegeta's 'undies'. Vegeta screams in agony as Goku pulls out curly hairs and shoves half of it into his mouth.
"Hey, you want some, V? There's enough for two!"
Vegeta throws Goku at a tree and falls to the ground holding himself.
"By the balls of Kami, Kakkorot!"
Goku shrugs and shoves the rest of the curly hair into his mouth and rubs his tummy in happiness.
"Man, I always wondered how yours tasted...much better! A bit tangy if I might add!"
Goku looks worriedly at Vegeta and starts to walk towards him. Vegeta recovers from his 'tragic experience' and looks up in horror to see Goku walking in slow motion towards him. He shudders when he sees 'love' in Goku's eyes, but what gave Vegeta fear was...the hungriness behind the love as Goku licked his lips a few times. Vegeta got up and started to walk backwards until Goku fazed out of sight and appeared behind Vegeta, which caused Vegeta to walk into him. Goku raped his arms around Vegeta so he couldn't move.
"Veg...there's more that I must tell you..."
"From what you've told me so far, I'm amazed that I'm not dead yet!"
"I'm...having a child..."
Vegeta froze from his struggle to get free.
"But how? You are a MALE! How is that possible!"
"Well, it starts when a man loves a women and when they buy their own little motel down in Las Vegas and they drink LOTS of beer an-"
"That's not what I meant!"
"...?...Oh! I see, gotcha there. Well, when I originally killed the first Piccolo, some of his cells fused with mine as I went through his body... So that gave me the ability to bare a BEUTIFUL child! But first, I needed to find the perfect person to get a child from!
Vegeta was holding in vomit as Goku fell silent.
"I first choose Yamcha, but his sperm were to dumb to find the entrance so they all died."
That did it for Vegeta.
"BLAAAAAAAAAA!"
Vomit went everywhere. Goku grabbed some of the vomit and ate it.
"Oh! Taste just like Pepsi!"
Some kind of weird blob filled with piss suddenly appeared and ran up to Goku's face. It's eyes turn to little slits and it whispered '...ew...' then ran back to whereever it came from. The piss monster's scent left a surprisingly minty freshness in the air.
"...as I was saying, Yamcha's sperm were to dumb so they died. He said he was sorry and I told him that it was okay, he did his best. So after we enjoyed some tea and crumpets, I left and went to Bulma instead...man, was she HORNY and DRUNK! So, I went a head and did it with her!"
"WHAT!"
Vegeta kept on throwing his head back and forth so he could hit Goku in the face.
"V! It's okay! Turns out that Bulma's a girl! So she didn't get me pregnant...even though she was wonderful in be-"
Another head butt from Vegeta.
"And THAT'S suppose to make me feel better...HOW?"
"Uh...I don't know, just felt like saying it. But seriously V..."
Goku lets go of Vegeta and turns him around so they can look at each other eye to eye while he held Vegeta's shoulders.
"I'm not sure how you're going to take this, but you'll enjoy the news! YOU, my lovable brother, are the father! Isn't that great?"
Vegeta's jaw drops in horror.
"What the hell! Are you crazy! I never EVER touched you in any means unless it was to KILL you!"
Goku's warm smile turned to a sad frown, then his lips started to shake.
"You don't...want to be...the father?"
"What kind of idiotic question is that? Of course not! Plus, I never did 'it' with you! So I can't 'be' the father!"
"Ohhhhh, Is THAT all that's stopping you from loving our child?"
"'Our'? OURRRRR?"
"Well, it's quite simple really. You don't HAVE to do 'it' with me to be the father..."
"So your saying that me beating the crap out of you is actually impregnating you!"
"Oh no, silly!"
Goku playfully pinches Vegeta's cheek. Vegeta smacked Goku's hand away.
"Don't touch me!"
"Well, what happened was that when you were in the GR, I would turn the heat up inside the GR so you would get sweaty and, dare I say it? HOT!"
Goku's face turns to a dreamy look as he blinks his eyelashes and blushes while Vegeta twitches.
"Well, you would eventually need water so all I did was wait...actually, I dozed off. But I woke up to the most wonderful sound of my life. The lovely tinkling sounds, more beautiful then fish being fried. It made me so hard and stiff where I myself tinkled. It caused me to swell and bulge at the knowledge that your body was bare. (Haha, had to add that. ) I knew my plan had worked. After you left the bathroom part of the GR, I slid underneath it and ripped the box out that held the precious liquid you deposited it in. I ripped it out a bit too hard which caused the toilet to come with it, but I considered that a bonus for my Veggie shrine at home."
Vegeta gave Goku a confused/disgusted look.
"...you stole...my toilet?"
"No! I stole the box of liquids, the toilet just kept on hugging the box. It didn't want to part from its love...a love we will both share soon!"
"Wait, you have a shrine of m-"
"As I was saying, I took the box full of your 'love potion' and flew to some place in the woods. I already had a tub ready to be filled in, as well as other containers filled with your 'love potions'. After I filled it, I did a belly flop into it...ah...I could just feel my skin sucking it in like a sponge! My mind screaming 'More...MORE!' So, I grabbed a bowl of noodles and dumped them into the tub with me. I also grabbed a bag full of Piccolo's antennas to use as chopsticks for the noodles and ate the antennas later. And th-"
Goku froze with his eyes that widen so huge that they looked like they'd pop out. He started to hiccup violently, his face turning blue. A large bump appeared in his throat that doubled the size of his neck. Vegeta 's face turned a shade of green when veins literally started to burst out of his neck. Vegeta, being disgusted by the sight punched Goku's neck a 'little' too hard. Something slimy spited out and smacked Vegeta in the face. The force pushed Vegeta to fall on his bottom while he held his face in pain. The slimy object landed in Vegeta's lap, which caused the prince to move his hands away from his face to see it.
"What the hell?"
Overcome by curiosity, he got his face closer and closer to the object while Goku was trying to glue his veins back into place. As Vegeta's face got really close to it, the object suddenly burst open to revile a pair of yellow eyes. Vegeta leaned a bit away from the creature to get a better view and away from the smell. It had green skin, blue flame like hair, and an orange tail.
"Oh look, V! It's our love child!"
Vegeta couldn't believe that this thing that was sitting on hip lap was real. With his mouth hanging open, he continued to think he was imagining things when Goku kneeled down next to him and got a closer look.
"Hm...it seems that we aren't the only fathers, Veg! It's got Piccolo's skin, Bulma's hair color, your hair style, and some how got the same colored tail as my training outfit! Look, it's even got bit's of blue on it! Oh, and it also has that cat's eyes that I tried getting pregnant with!...I can't see anything in there resembling Yamcha...I guess his genes really are stupid."
Vegeta was still not believing his eyes and continued to stare at the thing...thinking that it possibly couldn't be real since it hadn't even made a noise, but fear itself would have screamed in horror from what happened next.
"Hey babe!"
Said the creature as it winked at Vegeta while Goku clapped his hands in delight.
"Ah! It's got Yamcha's voice! How cute!"
After hearing the thing speak, realization hit Vegeta. It was real...
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Hehe, that's it, for this chapter. Each chapter will be a mini fic of what Vegeta dreams about. Some of you are probably pissed cause you thought this was going to be that one story I mentioned I was making in "When Two Stubborn Souls Collide"...actually, I write these mini fics when I'm on writers block to make up for all that time I've wasted. I'd like to thank 'SportschickVLVR' for being my inspiration for each stupid mini fic I make, for they usually come to my mind when I'm with her on AIM. Next chapter/dream involves flying cats and talking condoms and other odd surprises inside! '...ew...' If you have any requests, just mention them and I'll see what I can do.