Time to delve back into this zany world, lmao. Jeez Louise.

I just want to say that, as of me starting to write this (The afternoon of May 17th, 2022) I have no idea what the challenge will be, who will be eliminated, and what the major interactions for this chapter will be. I'm literally just winging it.

Sooooo…

Buckle up, I guess?

It was breakfast time in the rundown, decrepit mansion that housed the eighteen strange, demented contestants.

Gordon, surprise surprise, was swearing up a storm as he cooked breakfast.

"Tw**y sh*tballs c**k wankstain," the ginger boy sang as he flipped some fried eggs in a pain, "barf cuck coochie weiner motherf**ker!"

"Epic bars, my guy," Homeless Guy told the cook, a pair of bedazzled sunglasses covering his eyes as he shuffled up to Gordon. He offered his crusty hand to him and attempted to dap him up. "I mean shit, cuh, that's hard A-F." He turned around and lowered his sunglasses to peek at Jazz, who was sitting down at the table watching this horrific interaction. "Ain't that what the kids say, Jazz? A-F? Like "as f**k"?"

Jazz sighed, "yes, Homeless Guy, that's what they say…"

Homeless Guy nodded and turned back to Gordon, replacing the sunglasses over his eyes. "Shiiiiit, mayun, as I was saying-hurkadurk!" He was cut off as Gordon slammed the frying pan into his three remaining teeth, and the smelly hobo was sent flying across the room by the force of the impact.

Unfortunately for Keith, he chose to enter the kitchen right at this moment. "Say, guys, I counted forty two dust bunnies on my way down here. That's seven more than yesterday. Isn't that interesting?" He looked up to see Homeless Guy's plumbers-crack getting closer and closer.

"Agh!" Keith could do nothing as Homeless Guy careened into him and sent them both flying back outside the room. The two collided with a third person, and they landed in a tangled heap of limbs.

Kieth pushed himself up and paused. The thing he used to push himself up was soft and squishy, unlike anything the poor loser had EVER felt before.

"Um," came the voice of the third person, "Keith? That's my boob…"

Keith looked at the speaker to see he had crashed into none other than Sand. And, sure enough, his hand was clasping her breast in a clumsy fashion.

"AIIEEEE!" Keith screeched, launching himself off the poor girl. The boy, now crimson red, looked torn between wanting to run away and help the girl up. The result was an awkward shuffle back and forth as he covered his hands with his face. "Oh my GOD! I'm so sorry! I was walking into the kitchen and suddenly Homeless Guy's butt crack was in my mouth and then I was just on the ground!"

Homeless Guy got to his feet and hoisted his pants up his midriff. "That was the most action I'd got in a while," he grumbled to himself, rubbing at his butt.

Sand picked herself up, confused as she looked between the totally calm Homeless Guy and the stressed out Keith. She approached the Korean man and grabbed his arm, ceasing his panicky movements. "Keith! It's okay! Accidents happen!" She gave him a teasing smile. "Hey, keep it up and you'll touch the boobs of all the girls in our family!"

Keith squawked out an awkward laugh, then hung his head in shame. "Uh…I never touched Sky's boobs. She said she was waiting until marriage…"

It was Sand's turn to laugh awkwardly. "What? That's a load of crap. I definitely didn't catch her and Chadwick Mc Gigaface in sophomore year doing Bible Study in that closet, that's for sure…"

"Maybe she just told you that because she didn't want to be touched by a geeky, boring, bespectacled doofus!" Came a new, chipper voice.

Sand, Kieth and Homeless Guy turned to see Shelly and Ashton walking towards them.

Shelly, the speaker of the insult, batted her eyelashes at Keith. "No offense, sport, but I mean…come on. You don't exactly ooze sex appeal. Not like my Honey Bunches of Oats Ashton over here."

"If you ever call me that again I'm dumping you," Ashton deadpanned.

Sand crossed her arms defensively, "Excuse you, Shelly! Keith is not boring, geeky, or a doofus!" She grabbed the boys arm and hugged it close to herself. "He's sweet and kind!"

Homeless Guy grabbed Keith's other arm and hugged it too. "Yeah!" He added snootily.

"Someone help me," Keith begged.

Suddenly, smoke filled the area. "Unhand that boy, in the name of the Village Hidden in the Mansions!" Came a new voice.

Everyone looked confused and startled, except for Ashton, who sighed. "Brady…can we not do this right now?"

The smoke cleared, and Brady stood in front of them. His outfit had completely changed, and those that didn't room with him had to pause for a second to take in what they were witnessing.

Brady had on an orange jumpsuit, with a red robe-type thing over it. Across his forehead was a ninja headband, with the symbol on it being a crudely drawn mansion. He had put orange eyeliner around his eyes, too, and had even chucked in some toad-eyed contacts for good measure.

"Oh no, he's on the Pein arc," Homeless Guy grumbled…

"Brady…what…are you wearing?" Sand could only gape at his ridiculous outfit.

"That's Brady-sama to you, young lady," He tutted, strutting towards them and pulling out some cardboard ninja stars. "NINJA ATTACK!" He suddenly shrieked. "I said unhand poor Keith!"

The stars, which were aimed at Sand and Homeless Guy, missed their target. All of them propelled themselves deep into Keiths scrotum, and the poor guy hit the ground with a shriek of pain.

Brady's eyes widened, and he made a little gasp noise. "Nani!? Oh no, they must have some sort of ninja star repelling Jutsu active!" He muttered under his breath. He leapt back and began weaving all sorts of crazy hand signs.

Homeless Guy winced. "As someone who is fluent in ASL…you can't say those kinda slurs anymore, man…"

Brady ignored him, and screeched out a vicious, "Fire Style: Fireball Jutsu!" He reared back his arm…and tossed a match at the group.

Everyone watched the match hit the floor and roll a few inches along the floor.

"Dude," Keith said, "that match wasn't even lit."

Brady ignored them, and threw his head low and his arms behind his back as he ran past them into the kitchen. "I need to replenish my chakra!"

"Um, what the f**k just happened?" Shelly asked.

"He went full weaboo," Homeless Guy tutted. "You never go full weaboo."

(Confessional: Ashton.)

"Seriously, what is up with Brady? He finds one manga out on the street yesterday, then downloaded the entire library of Nary-whatever on his tablet, and spent all night giggling and making these weird moaning noises under his covers. Why is this place so weird?"

(End Confessional: Ashton.)

(Confessional: Keith.)

Keith clenches and unclenches his hand, staring at it in awe. "That was the fourth time I had touched a breast in my life," he notes. "It was the second biggest, and the third nicest feeling. But it was definitely the prettiest girl who's breast I had ever touched." He stares off into space for a second. "I wonder why Sand is so nice to me."

(End Confessional: Keith.)

(Confessional: Homeless Guy.)

Homeless Guy squirts hand sanitizer down the back of his pants, then grabs a toilet brush and shoves it down to scrub clean his butt cheeks. "I get that Keith couldn't help the fact that I hit him ass first, but did he really have to use his tongue to swipe my cheeks like he was a credit card in the self check-out?"

(End Confessional: Homeless Guy.)

Jose, Marilyn, Pixiecorpse, Jerd and Mr. Coconut were hanging in one of the various sitting rooms, chatting amicably.

Jose was just finishing telling a story. "And then Lionel Messi says to me, 'No, eres el dios del fútbol.' And then everyone stood up and clapped."

"Wat a starayy," Jerd nodded, wiping a tear from his eye and staring down at Mr. Coconut, who was on the couch next to him. "Yar even gart da fraht in teahs."

"I don't think those are tears, just rot-juice from that ten year old coconut finally starting to decompose." Marilyn deadpanned.

"Well I think that was a wonderful story Jose!" Pixiecorpse said warmly. "Though I have to ask, how do you expect any of us that watched Total Drama to trust or like you? You're like the evilist guy on Total Drama's eviler older brother."

CRASH!

The window next to them shattered, and a gnomey, gobliny, violet-haired little gremlin rolled across the floor, shrieking as his flesh pressed into the shattered glass of the window.

Max, in all his glory, hoisted himself up to his full, formidable three-foot eight inches. Looking like a glassy porcupine, he marched up to Pixiecorpse and began to scream in her face. Or, he would've screamed in her face, if he could reach it. He was more screaming into her bellybutton.

"YOU DARE CALL ANYONE OTHER THAN ME THE MOST EVIL!?" He screeched, "WHAT SACRILEGE! WHAT UNBELIEVABLE BUFFOONERY! HOW DARE YOU, GOTHBALL?! I WILL DESTROY YOU!"

"My little futbol-shaped friend, that is enough," Jose said calmly, walking up to Max and picking him up by his bowl cut. The chubby boy screeched in pain as Jose crunched his body into a ball. He then tossed him up and punted him back out the window, far into the horizon. Without missing a beat, he turned back to Pixiecorpse. "What a wonderfully blunt question, Pixiecorpse, and one I'd be happy to answer."

"This oughta be good," Marilyn grunted. "I'm not gonna fall for any of your Buerromerto's Bullshit, Jose."

"There is no kaka, I assure you," Jose said. "My older brother Carlos is a saint, a god among men if you will. He is #3 in TIME"s Best People Who Ever Lived, Ever In the History of Humanity. Beaten only by Dr. King and the person who knows Obama's last name. I myself am not too shabby. But Alejandro? I'm afraid he was born rotten. I'm the only one who bothers to call him out on his psychosis, and thus he paints me as an evil bastard. Because in his eyes, I am one."

"We saw you on All-Stars though," Marilyn pointed out, "you were a jerk to him."

"Yes, I am fed up with him, so I am rude to him." Jose admitted. "But in al other aspects of my life I do my best to not only be a Good Samaritan, but the BEST Samaritan."

"Well, I'll be keeping an eye out on you," Marilyn warned.

"Oh Marilyn, don't be so mean!" Pixiecorpse scolded. She grabbed her friends leg and rubbed it reassuringly. "Innocent until proven guilty, right?"

Marilyn, now bright crimson, bit her lip and averted her eyes. "Uh…yeah…I guess."

"Are you okay? You look a little feverish all of a sudden."

"I-I'm fine!"

(Confessional: Marilyn.)

"Damnit," she grumbles, "okay FINE! I like Pixie…like a LOT. We started off as just friends, but over the past year or so I've definitely fallen for her. But she likes Reaper! So nothing's gonna happen, okay?"

(End Confessional: Marilyn.)

(Confessional: Jose.)

"I'm sure people may not believe me, and think I'm just manipulating people. Everyone assumes I'm a more OTT version of my brother, but I'm genuinely a nice guy," Jose says with puppy-dog eyes. He taps the tips of his pointer fingers together, his thumbs pointing up, and sighs. "No one expects me to be a smol little guy, but I am! I just like being nice to people, and getting tail!"

(End Confessional: Jose.)

Later on, Josh had the eighteen remaining competitors in the Entrance Hall.

"Okay guys, it's been two challenges, so it's time to reshuffle the teams!" Josh told the group.

"How're we gonna do this? Is it just randomized?" Tyler asked. "Cause I feel like Chris would come up with better stuff than that."

"Keep comparing me to Chris, Twatty Tyler," Josh glared at the only breathing OG competitor, "see how that works out for you. And for your information, yes it is randomized!"

"Well ladies, it's been fun in the trenches," Jazz sobbed, wiping the waterfall of water coming from each of her eyes. "What a heartbreaking separation!"

"Æji, ég mun ekki sakna þín," Pretty Sawn Lady told her amicably.

Jose chuckled at this. "My, how brutal."

"Alright, here are the new teams!" Josh pulled out a a cue card from his underpants and gave it a quick sniff. He bit his lower lip, "damn, my new body wash dank as hell…er, anyway! Team One is as follows: Ashton, Brady, Gordon, Mr. Coconut, Keith, Marilyn, Pixiecorpse, Sand and Shelly! Please group up!"

The nine aforementioned contestants grouped up and stood awkwardly amongst each other.

"Yay!" Sand grabbed Keith's arm, "guess we're teammates for the next two challenges!"

"That's boobalicious," Keith stammered, "I mean, that's the breast news I've heard all day! Uh, I mean, we're gonna make great mammaries together! Uh, I mean."

"Silence no Justu!" Brady said, appearing behind the boy and clasping a hand over his mouth. "Kami-sama, Keith-san! Enough is enough!"

"Yay babe! We're teammates!" Shelly gushed.

Ashton nodded, "I'll be glad to keep you safe m'lady."

Marilyn and PIxiecorpse fist-bumped. "Let's go, luv!" Pixiecorpse cheered.

"That means the second team is: Homeless Guy, Jerd, Jose, Psycho Killer, Tyler, DJ's Momma, Jazz, LeShaniqua and Pretty Swan Lady!"

"ASTRIDA!" Pretty Sawn Lady barked.

"Gesundeiht," Josh told her pleasantly. "Please group up, Team Two!"

"Stuck with the roomies still," Tyler said gloomily, "man, this is the pits!"

"Pits are my favorite," Psycho Killer groaned, "so tender….mmmmm…"

"On jah," Homeless Guy agreed, dapping up the Psycho Killer's hook hand but somehow managing to avoid piercing his own flesh.

Jazz gasped. "Oh my, there's nothing quite like a crisp dap up."

"You can say that again, that was legitness!" Psycho Killer said with an approving nod at Homeless Guy. "I think we'll get along juuuuuust fine."

"Who're you?" Homeless Guy asked him.

Jose walked up behind Jerd and began to slowly massage the older man's shoulders, something that Jerd looked deeply uncomfortable with.

"Amigo," Jose said placidly, "I take it us roomies will stick together."

"Arnly if yar take yah harns arf meh, boy," Jerd said uneasily.

Jose laughed, and quickly wrapped the tiny ginger in a noogie hold. "Ah Jerd, your casual, Gen-X homophobia never ceases to amaze."

"Arts nart harmapharbiar, dick," Jerd scoffed, pushing the muscular boy away. "It's jarst called parsanal space."

"Alright, it's time to begin the challenge, guys," Josh told them. "And the best part is, you guys don't even have to move! The whole challenge takes pace right here in the Entrance Hall!"

"This ought to be riveting," Ashton deadpanned.

"Since each of you have nine players, you all will be choosing an opponent on the opposite team and be playing a game of Rock Paper Scissors!"

"Rock Paper Scissors? Are you f**king kidding me?" Gordon yelped. "That's the lamest f**king s**t I've ever heard of."

"Worry not, you ickle prat," Josh assured him, "there's a twist! Before you actually play the game, you must tell your opponent what you will be choosing! Of course, you can lie, but it adds an element. And if you guys tie, then you both get an electric swat, courtesy of this electric fly swatter I bought on Amazon for 15 bucks!"

"And do we replay if its a tie?" DJ's Momma asked waspishly.

"Nope! You'll both be out. Unless it's the final round, in which case we'll keep going again and again. Whoever wins eliminates the other person. First team to lose all its members must vote someone off tonight. Easy enough?"

"Simple, but effective," Marilyn nodded. "I can work with this."

"Yeah, I have a question," Keith deadpanned. "How the heck is Mr. Coconut supposed to compete in this challenge?"

Josh just gave an annoyed shrug in response to Ketih's very valid question. "Heck if I know. You'll have to wait to see what he decides!"

Keith smacked his forehead. "But he doesn't have a voicebox!"

"Anyways, choose an opponent, and we'll begin round one soon!" Josh steamrolled over the boring nerd.

(Confessional: Tyler.)

"This is so weak," Tyler sighs, "where are the bombs, the danger, the rabid animals that are weirdly good-looking coming to nip at your balls while you scream in a rancid mixture of terror and delight!?"

(End Confessional: Tyler.)

(Confessional: Ashton.)

"At least I have my babygirl Shelly on the team. But this whole experience has been one hell of an acid trip…" Ashton sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose between two fingers. "And to think I gave up on several tennis tournaments to be here. What a joke."

(End Confessional: Ashton.)

(Confessional: Homeless Guy & Psycho Killer.)

Homeless Guy is sitting on Psycho Killer the same way a small child would sit on Santa's lap.

"I feel like we're gonna be such good besties!" Psycho Killer cooed. "Homeless Guy and I just really click, y'know?"

Homeless Guy looked up at him. "I just farted in yer lap, sonny."

Psycho Killer just giggled. "That's my stinky little bestie!"

(End Confessional: Homeless Guy & Psycho Killer.)

The matchups had been decided, and it was time to begin.

"Round One," Josh announced, "Pixiecorpse versus LeShaniqua!"

The two girls stepped forward.

"So, what are you two girls going to be selecting? Allegedly…" Josh asked them with a wink.

"I'll be coming at ya with scissors, girlie!" LeShaniqua boasted, "cuz goddam does that hair of yours need a trimmin…"

"Did she say she needs a rimmin?!" Marilyn asked Sand in a hushed whisper, her cheeks coloring at the thought.

"Nani?! Don't be lewd, Marilyn-chan!" Brady barked at her. "That is so not sugoi!"

"Blimey, mate. Enough with the cringey weeb shite, alright? You're f**king embarrassing yourself."

"Yeah," Ashton said, "You don't want to pull a Kelsey and get written off for being too OTT."

"You Japan-haters won't phase me," Brady said stubbornly, donning some glasses so the dim light of the candles in the Entrance Hall could reflect off them and make him look cerebral.

"Well you should stick to the Scissors, because I'm choosing Paper," Pixiecorpse told LeShaniqua placidly. They both held out their hands and chanted out:

"Rock!

Paper!

Scissors!

SHOOT!"

The two girls looked at what they had thrown out, and Pixiecorpse sighed as LeShaniqua cut her paper with scissors.

"Thanks for the advice, Gothy," the larger girl boasted. "Now get back to ya team."

"And Pixiecorpse is eliminated by LeShaniqua!" Josh announced, "next fight, let's go!"

Next up was Ashton versus Jazz.

"My heart sings, and my fist will clobber you with the power of rock!" Jazz sang, twiddling her fist around obnoxiously. "Prepare yourself for catastrophic defeat."

"I'm handsome, and handsome people always choose rock," Ashton told her arrogantly.

They threw their fists down, and both came up with rock.

Josh clapped his hands together and pulled out his electric fly swatter. "Goodie! You're both out!"

"Nefarious!" Jazz gasped, holding a hand above her eyes dramatically. "I shan't want my hide to get tanned and fried, but what can we do?" She approached Josh and stuck her butt out suggestively. "Do what you must, my dear!"

"Err, don't make this weird," Josh said uncomfortably, "I'm not gonna hit you on the butt." He smacked her on top of the head, giving her a weak zap that still made her yelp. "You guys are both out."

Ashton rolled his eyes and stuck out an arm, taking the zap with little reaction. "Whatever. Go team, I guess."

Pretty Sawn Lady versus Gordon was up next.

"I'm picking paper, so you better pick f**king scissors if you know what's f**king good for ya," Gordon sneered.

Pretty Swan Lady nodded, managing a passable "scissors," with a a thicccc Icelandic accent.

"Rock Paper Scissors Shoot!"

Gordon kept his nerve with paper, but Pretty Swan Lady caved to the mind games and chose Rock.

"Gordon advances, well done!" Josh announced.

Homeless Guy stood up, eyeing his opponent with the devil in his eyes. "So it's come to this, eh?"

Mr. Coconut did not respond.

"Crafty little bastard, ain'tcha? No worries, your defeat is imminent with my Rock!" Homeless Guy barked. "Rock Paper Scissors shoot, shithead!" He threw out paper.

Mr. Coconut did nothing. Because he was a coconut.

"Victory is sweet for Mr. Homeless Guy," Josh announced, "paper beats rock. You're out, Mr. Coconut."

"Wait, how do you know he did Rock?" Keith asked curiously. "It's a fruit!"

Josh ignored him as Homeless Guy whooped in glee.

Keith was up next, squaring up against Jerd.

"You got this, Keith!" Sand cheered him on. "I'm rooting for you!"

"Paypah," Jerd told him gruffly.

"Err, I'll do rock, I don't care if you beat me," Keith said averagely. He picked some eye-crust out of the corner of his eye and shifted awkwardly.

Jerd glared at him, and the two played their game.

"Both have rock, so you're both out and swatted!" Josh announced. He tapped Jerd on the head, who winced, and then turned and wailed the racket right into Keith's nutsack.

With a spray of vomit, Keith his the ground, drenching Mr. Coconut in stomach acids.

"Josh!" Sand shrieked, "what the hell!?" She rushed to Keith's. "Why did you go for the jumblies?!"

"Heh, jumbles," Shelley snorted to herself, "strange word, that."

Josh just shrugged, staring down at the sobbing Keith with remorseless, dead eyes. "I dunno. Just kinda felt like it I guess." He smiled at the camera, "Anyways, moving on! Next battle, please!"

Jose stepped forward, giving Josh a stern frown. "Aim for my nethers, friend, and I'll jam that swatter up your culo. Comprende?"

"I don't speak German," Josh told him amicably, "but I do like jam! Strawberry is my favorite."

Jose's opponent, Shelly, strode up to meet him.

"What a wondrous beauty of a girl," Jose said warmly. "Gingers are rarely hot, but you take the cake, chica."

"I'm hot, I know," Shelly said with a shrug. "But I also am into my super hot boyfriend. And like, usually I don't care about my boyfriends and just use them for my gain or whatever. So the fact that I like Ashton actually, like, means a lot to me. So like, don't try any funny business."

"Wouldn't dream of it," Jose said smoothly. "But I do know what you're going to pick. Which is why I pick scissors."

Shelly paused, something Jose took note of, and cleared her throat, "well, uh, I'm doin paper. So let's get this dumb challenge over with."

After the battle commenced, Shelly was left with rock; and Jose paper."

"Shelly is out," Jose moves on," Josh announced.

Jose cocked his hip and smacked his own butt. Most of the others couldn't help but stare in awe as his voluptuous tuckus rippled under his tight jeans.

"Now that's an ass you could bounce a dime off of," Psycho Killer said sagely.

"Try a bowling ball," DJ's Momma grunted. "Call that my flourless chocolate cake because that butt is dense!"

"Well said, Momma D," Homeless Man said, going to high-five her. Instead, he caught DJ's Momma's purse in his windpipe, and was effectively silenced.

"It's my turn," Brady vowed, doing a somersault forward to meet his opponent: Tyler. Brady began weaving numerous hand signs, so fast that his fingers become a blur. Tyler began to get dizzy just watching it.

"You'll never see my paper coming," Brady vowed, "Hand style: Rock Paper Scissors Shoot no Just!"

"Well you'll never see my rock coming, dick!" Tyler shot back.

As it turned out, both boys stuck true to their word, and Brady claimed the W.

"Victory dab!" Brady hooted, dabbing and backflipping back into line.

"Aw, fiddlesticks," Tyler pouted.

DJ's Momma vs Sand was next.

"If you win, I'm gonna dent your skull with my purse," DJ's Momma threatened the smaller, younger girl.

"I'm not afraid of you!" Sand shot back stubbornly, "which is why I'm gonna play Rock!"

"Good to know, I"m gonna do Rock too!" DJ's Momma hooted.

The two threw out their fists, and both had played scissors instead.

"Yer both out!" Josh smirked. He tapped both girls on the butts, zapping them.

"Hey! Where was my booty-tap?!" Jazz complained.

"That thing really doesn't sting," Sand mused.

"Yeah, its actually really poorly made," Josh giggled. "That's the budget of the season for you!" He began to do a little dance, swinging his elbows side to side as he hopped back and forth on one foot. "A rim-tim-timmidy-tim!"

The last two for the first round: Marilyn and Psycho Killer, squared up.

"I'm doing paper," Marilyn deadpanned.

"I'm doing rock!" Psycho Killer hooted.

"Rock Paper Scissors Shoot!" They both chanted. Marilyn threw out a rock, and Psycho Killer threw out…a hook.

"Oopsie! Wrong hand, UwU!" Psycho Killer chuckled feebly.

"Did you just say 'UwU' out loud?" Marilyn asked him, "because if so that's easily the most disturbing thing you've ever done."

"Just wait till I OwO all over you then!" Psycho killer laughed.

"You won't do shit, because you're disqualified for using your dumb hook hand." Josh told Psycho Killer calmly.

"What?! Jazz shouted, "that's ableist!"

"Are you able to gargle these balls?" Josh shot back. "Shut up and sit down, all of you. I'll disqualify Marilyn too just to get the Social Justice Warriors off my back."

"Whatever," Marilyn rolled her eyes.

"On Team One we have just Brady and Gordon left. On the other team it's Homeless Man, Jose and LeShaniqua. Who's up?"

"I'll go," Jose said, "this game is a piece of pie."

"Let me beat this git," Gordon said, "I'll f**k him up nice and proper. Right up the arse."

"Hah! Gayyyy!" Homeless Man shouted.

"Homeless Man, you're not an asian adult man in a classroom from an early 2010's movie, you can't just say that," Josh scolded him.

"You right, my fault," Homeless Man conceded.

"I'll be doing paper, my friend," Jose told Gordon.

"Me too, twat!"

"Rock Paper Scissors Shoot!"

Jose grinned, smacking Gordon's scissors with his own rock. "Adios."

"S**ty f**kballs c**stain!" Gordon cursed. "Sorry team."

"It's all good, my little nani-mo!" Brady told the tiny ginger man. "I will avenge your death!"

"But he didn't actually die…right babe?" Shelly whispered to Ashton.

"No, babe, he didn't actually die." Ashton confirmed.

"Alright, in order for Team One to win Brady has to run the gauntlet against Homeless Man, LeShaniqua, and Jose. Jose, since you just went you can't go again. So which one of you is gonna go?"

"I got this," LeShaniqua smirked. "This ninja-wannabe is gonna get smoked."

"Bring it on, baka!" Brady taunted. He pulled his headband low over his eyes. "You are gonna get so eviscerated, there won't even be ATOMS left of you when I'm done! I'll douse you with my paper bombs!"

"And I'll knock your dumb teeth out with my rock!" LeShaniqua shot back. "Let's do this!"

"Rock!

Paper!

Scissors!

Shoot!"

Josh looked at the two hands. "And the winner of the battle is…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

Neither of you, since it was a tie! But that means Brady is knocked out, so Team Two wins!"

Team Two erupted into cheers.

"We''re saved!" Homeless Man sobbed. "Let's fuggin go, mayunnnnn!"

"Well done, team!" Jose said warmly. "A solid effort!"

Josh turned to Team One, "alright, that means one of Ashton, Brady, Gordon, Keith, Mr. Coconut, Marilyn, Pixiecorpse, Sand or Shelly will go home tonight!"

"Nani!? I…I lost!?"

Keith clapped him on the shoulder. "It's okay. We can just vote off Mr. Coconut and we can all stay another day."

"Dude, don't say that with him right there!" Ashton scolded, "that's rude!"

Keith just sighed.

(Confessional: Keith.)

"What is up with this Mr. Coconut thing? He's literally a damn piece of fruit! Why is everyone going along with this!? Let's just vote him out!"

(End Confessional: Keith.)

(Confessional: Mr. Coconut.)

Mr. Coconut just sits there, lifeless. The door opens up, and Shelly pops her head in. "Oops, forgot you in here earlier, buddy. My fault!"

(End Confessional: Mr. Coconut.)

Later on, the nine losers filed down into the basement, where the torches on the walls were lit, casting an eerie glow over the Pit of Shame.

Josh was there behind his podium, eight grappling guns laid out in front of him.

"Alright everyone," the host told the nine, "strap into your harnesses so I can hang you guys over the pit.

Everyone nervously strapped themselves in, with Ashton and Gordon helping Mr. Coconut get into his harness.

"You've all cast your votes and made your decision. If you do not get a grappling hook, it's time for you to go." Josh told them. "The first grappling hook goes to…Sand."

"Phew!" Sand caught the grappling hook tossed to hers and fired it at the wooden beam next to Josh. She pulled herself away from the pit and unstrapped herself, high-fiving Josh once she was done.

"Also safe tonight: Marilyn and Pixiecorspe."

The two goths nodded and joined Sand free from their harnesses.

"Ashton, Shelley and Gordon. No votes for any of you guys either."

"Damn f**king straight," Gordon mumbled to himself.

"That leaves just three of you: Keith, Mr. Coconut, and Brady," Josh said, looking out over the three boys still stranded above the pit. "I only have two grappling guns left, too. Then I press this button," he pointed to a big red button on his podium, "and the loser takes a nice little drop. The penultimate grappling hook goes to…Keith."

Sand let out a large sigh of relief, and Gordon fist-bumped the average loser once he was on solid ground. Keith gave them a nod of appreciation.

"Brady, Mr. Coconut, this is the final grappling hook of the night."

Brady gulped, exchanging a nervous look with Mr. Coconut. "Whatever happens, Mr. Coconut-sama, it's been an honor."

Mr. Coconut said nothing.

"The last person safe is…

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Mr. Coconut."

Josh tossed the grappling gun at the coconut, which somehow got tangled up in his harness. That led to the grappling gun getting fired. It miraculously fired to the right spot, and as the still-harnessed Mr. Coconut went ziplinipgn towards his teammates, he slipped out of the harness and right into Gordon's waiting arms.

"Amazing, that," Gordon blinked.

"Me?!" Brady shouted, "what in the ever-loving Nani is this!? You were all too afraid of my newly awakened powers, huh? You'll rue this day, mark my words! Mark themm-AHHHH!"

Josh pressed the red button, and Brady's harness unleashed it's captor. Brady went falling down into blackness, his dreams echoing off the stone walls.

"Woohoo!" Psycho Killer shouted from the Peanut Gallery, "roomies are still intact! Right, buddy?" He asked Tyler.

"Sure," Tyler said gloomily.

"Alright, the eight of you are safe. For now," Josh told them. "You all can get the hell outta my sight."

The seventeen remaining players filed up back the stairs, and Josh turned to the camera with a smirk. "Another episode in the books, another Nobody down. Who will be eliminated next? Who the hell knows. Find out on the next super riveting episode of Total! Drama! Nobodies!"

Voting Confessionals:

Ashton - I vote for Brady, I can't deal with this anime stuff all day. He's my roommate, so I can't get away.

Brady - I vote for Keith! He is a stinky-baka...literally!

Gordon - I vote for f**kin Mr. Coconut. It's not even alive.

Keith - The only contestants that's not a human...that's who I vote for...Mr. Coconut...

Marilyn - I gotta go for Brady. I get that Mr. Coconut isn't alive, but he's also not totally annoying.

Mr. Coconut - *The coconut falls down a make-shift Plinko board, bouncing between all the pegs. On the bottom are eights slots, each with a picture of his teammates face on it. It lands on the Keith slot, and the Coconut seems to smile just a little more sinisterly*.

Pixiecorpse - Marilyn and I decided to vote for Brady. He's just gotten...odd.

Sand - I'm voting with Keith and Gordon for Mr. Coconut! Keith is right, it's practically a free vote!

Shelly - Brady is bothering my sugar baby Ashton. So like, he's gotta go. Nothing personal, except for the fact that's it totally personal.

Votes:

Brady: 4

Mr. Coconut: 3

Keith: 2

Team One: Ashton, Brady, Gordon, Keith, Marilyn, Mr. Coconut, Pixiecorpse, Sand, Shelly.

Team Two: DJ's Momma, Homeless Guy, Jazz, Jerd, Jose, LeShaniqua, Pretty Swan Lady, Psycho Killer, Tyler

21st: DJ's Momma (1).

20th: Emily.

19th: Kelsey.

18th: Brady.

Welp, that took too long! I hope you guys got some laughs out of it!

- What was the funniest part of the chapter for you?

- Who are you rooting for?

- Who do you want to be eliminated next?

I'll update this again soon-ish! Gonna go crank out some TDG since I'm getting close to the end there, but I'll sprinkle in an update or two for this here because I laugh so much writing it.

(And yes, Despair Island PT3 IS still coming.)

Ciao!