Chapter three: As fast as the wind
Wild wind played with her hair and her clothes. It was cold but that didn't matter.
I want to be as wild as you.
She spreat her arms. She knew she stood on a cliff high above the endless sea. However, she wasn't afraid. She wouldn't fall off. Not because of the wind, for it was her friend.
I want to be as strong as you.
Her hands reached out for something only she could see and held it desperately tight, but it escaped and all that remained was emptiness. In her mind. In her heart. In her soul.
I want to be as independent as you.
She sighed deeply and a sad smile formed on her almost blue lips as she took a deep breath. Tasting the salt on her lips. Hearing the rushes of the waves crashing on the beach far beneath her.
I want to be as fast as you.
Nothing else existed in her world. Only the wind and the music on her mind. Music she had listened to all night. She had found the small cassette in one of her new jacket's pocket and the soft melody had touched her deeply.
She spreat her arms wider as if she wanted to spreat her wings to fly away.
I want to be as loved as you.
The shot destroyed her world and let her stumble back. She wrapped her arms around her waist and took another deep breath. It was shakier than the first one.
As she opened her dark green eyes again they were filled with sparkling tears.
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"Masanori is soooooo cute!"
"Hai. And he's the fasted boy of our school."
"And he's the captain of our basketball team."
"He has so nicely dark eyes."
"And his brown hair."
"Ohhh..."
The girls sighed excitedly around her and Michiru had to giggle, too. She stood there with some of her class's girls and with other girls she knew from the school's cafeteria. They all stood behind a fence and looked down into the arena to watch the sports clubs doing their very best to get prepared for the important games that would take part in about two weeks.
Then I'll have my big concert, too.
The orchestra did have very long and very hard rehearsals each day. From late afternoon almost until dust. However, today they had off because the conductor had to take part at an important meeting for teachers. Therefore, the girls decided to watch the sport clubs practicing. They did their jobs quite well - even without their coaches today.
"They say that he doesn't have a girlfriend."
"Oh..."
Michiru giggled again. But she didn't see that Masanori guy. All she saw was a tall girl chasing after a small dog that had escaped its owner and decided to steal Haruka's towel.
She looks so cute when she's angry.
Michiru giggled again as another girl tried to help Haruka. But it was in vain. Grey Elza couldn't reach the both of them. She tried very hard, but it was impossible to keep up with the tall girl. Especially when she was determined to save her towel.
She's almost as fast as the wind.
Haruka caught the dog with a careful gesture and held it gently tightly while the doggy barked angrily. Its owner, a small girl of maybe nine years, bowed as she took her raging doggy and left quickly the arena. Haruka sighed deeply and held up her towel. It was torn to pieces. Seeing the look on the blonde's face, Elza burst out into peals of laughter.
Michiru shook her head and giggled even more.
"He's the dream of a man, isn't he, Michiru?" asked Yakoto and blushed deeply as she pointed over to Masanori who jogged around the arena to get warm.
Michiru nodded, only seeing her Ruka holding the towel over her head like a banner. Elza tried to catch it but as always Haruka was too quick for her.
"Hai..." answered Michiru with a dreamy look in her deep blue eyes.
She is.
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It's getting colder with every day.
Michiru wrapped her arms around her waist and shivered as she entered her school's huge gymnasium. You only had to cross the schoolyard to reach it and since the door was opened she tried to find some shelter and her best friend there. Of course they didn't meet any longer under the tree. The grass was wet and in the mornings often frozen over; and the ground was simply too cold to sit down. However, Haruka hadn't told her where she could meet her. Therefore, Michiru decided to search for her on her own.
And I am getting more and more tired.
The sea green haired girl yawned and held the violin case tighter in her hands. All afternoon she had practised with the rest of the orchestra and because the conductor knew her CDs, too, he asked her to play one of her songs for them. Michiru had brooded during the entire rehearsal about a fitting song and when the afternoon was over she had agreed to the nice offer. The conductor had seemed to be very happy and of course all the girls had wanted to know what she'd play, but she didn't tell him nor them.
The song isn't completed yet.
But Michiru knew that it was only a matter of time. She couldn't sleep very well the last night and every time she looked at the blank sheet she saw a sleeping Haruka lying next to her. Having her arms wrapped around a little girl who smiled happily in her innocent child's dreams. Slowly, a song had evolved in her head and each time she read the few lines she had already written down yet she liked it more.
"Ruka?"
She saw Haruka sitting on top of a mountain of mats. Blonde strands hang in a pale face and dark green eyes looked thoughtfully out of the window beside her. She leaned against the cold wall and was only wearing her training suit and cut shorts that showed her naked legs. However, they were quite wide, so that they wouldn't hinder her when she run. They also seemed to hide her female outlines perfectly. For some seconds Michiru looked at her and knew why a lot of people confused her with a boy - without being so blind at all.
She's a real tomboy.
Michiru chewed on her lower lip while she put her violin case and her schoolbag down - without looking away from the tall girl.
But she isn't as independent and as rude as the other pupils may think.
Slowly, Michiru walked over to the mountain, but still the other girl didn't look away from the cloudy sky.
She needs a friend, too.
"Hi, Ruka." Michiru smiled into a surprised face as Haruka finally turned around. "I've been looking for you." The smaller girl did a short jump and landed next to her on the soft underground. Automatically, Haruka held her arm softly tight to hinder Michru from falling back on the ground. "Isn't the training over now?"
Haruka nodded in silence and looked at her with a strange expression on her face.
What's wrong?
Michiru frowned. Then she cheered up.
"Did you run again? Did you beat them all again?" she smiled but Haruka didn't smile back. Again the only thing she did was nodding.
And Masanori told everyone that he wants you to be his girlfriend - and whenever he wants a girl he gets her...
"See, you aren't in the mood to talk." Michiru sighed and laid down on the mat and laid her head in Haruka's lap. She yawned widely and looked tiredly up into startled looking dark green eyes. "The rehearsal was exhausting. I had to play over three hours and I guess I have a hand cramp now." Michiru giggled and closed her eyes. She smiled as she felt how cold hands stroked carefully through her sea green strands.
"Couldn't you sleep last night?" whispered Haruka and simply kept stroking.
Her hair feel so soft. Like velvet...
"Not really..." Whispered Michiru and her smile grew wider. Here she felt safe and secure. In Haruka's near she could forget her fears and all her nightmares and simply sleep. Here she could even dream nice dreams of a life she missed so much.
"Another nightmare?" asked Haruka and sighed slightly. She wanted to embrace the smaller girl again. To hold her tight. To feel the happiness she had felt the last weekend when she woke up right beside her. Although she knew that this happiness was wrong, she wanted to experience that nice feeling again. Every weekend. Every morning she would wake up in the future...
"Just a small one." Michiru yawned again and her right hand grabbed for Haruka's to hold it close to her chest. She leaned her head against the tall girl's stomach and made herself home on the soft underground. "And I had an idea for a song." She smiled and slowly drifted into sleep. Haruka let her be. She only had to deliver some more papers this evening and it was alike if she would do that the next hour or in the middle of the night. But it was not alike to her when Michiru was getting ill because she didn't sleep enough.
"I..." Haruka sighed deeply and squeezed the hand tenderly. For a long time she watched the smaller girl sleep and didn't dare do move. To wake her up. To let her go again. "Sleep tight, Michi-chan."
She didn't see the shadow standing near the wall on the other side of the gymnasium.
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"He wasn't called Robin." Michiru's giggle filled the huge living room. Big windows overlooked a big garden. The trees didn't have any leaves and looked grey. Like ghosts. There was a small house for birds in the middle of the still green meadow. Some birds flew around it and ate fruits they couldn't find in the late autumn's nature any longer.
"No?" Haruka frowned, but she couldn't remember his name. Therefore, she turned around and searched in her schoolbag for her folder. It was messy; a lot of single sheets that weren't in any order.
"Don't cheat!" laughed Michiru next to the tall girl on the couch and shut the folder. "His name was Romeo." Now Michiru couldn't resist any more. She burst into a peals of laughter.
"But I'd like Robin a lot more." Mumbled Haruka and opened her folder again to search for the page that showed her the names of all the characters in Shakespeare's greatest work.
"The story is called Romeo and Juliet, so why should Romeo be a Robin? He's not a bird, anyway." Michiru calmed herself down and reached over to the table to take her orange juice. Haruka's one was still untouched.
"Arg!" sighed Haruka while she turned one page after another. "The whole story's terrible and I don't see why I should learn those stupid names by heart."
"Because it is world literature and everyone who goes to school should have heard of Shakespeare." Michiru drank some gulps and looked at the mess on Haruka's lap. It wasn't that the tall girl didn't have a nice handwriting; she simply wasn't able to keep any order. Michiru could see some sheets of Japanese grammar and geography, too, although the teacher had told them to take an extra folder just for English literature.
Didn't she listen to the teacher's words at all?
Michiru sighed and drank another gulp. Coming week they would write a big test about Shakespeare and it was necessary for Haruka to get a good result to improve her grades.
How shall I tell her everything about Romeo and Juliet in just a week?
"The story isn't terrible. It is one of the most romantic love stories of English literature." Michiru took her spoon and played with the ice in her juice.
"Love story, pah!" Haruka shook her head and turned another page, slowly giving up that she would ever find what she was looking for. "They simply kill each other in the end. That's not what I'd call love!"
So she did listen. Well, at least in the end.
Michiru shook her head a bit and looked down at the opened folder on her lap. It was in a good order and she numbered the pages and made a table of contents to find everything in a shorter time.
"They didn't have another chance." She whispered, suddenly thinking of her parents.
They didn't have another chance, too.
"Shakespeare is such a stupid so called author! Romeo and Juliet didn't love each other - otherwise they would have fought for their love. Then they would have run away and started a new life somewhere else. But they had been afraid of loosing their wealth and their good name so they stayed there and Romeo killed himself without looking after Juliet. Surely she was alive - but he was too proud to even try to live without her!" Haruka's green eyes sparkled angrily and Michiru was suddenly sure that she wasn't talking about the tragic heroes from the 16th century any longer.
"It is not very easy to live somewhere else. Especially in their time. Their parents were very influential..."
"... and rich. Money is all that counts and so they didn't give their love a chance."
"... and concerned. Didn't you once think of their parents? They regarded about the other family to be an enemy and they didn't want to hurt their children."
"Oh, believe me, if parents would love their children they would accept their new partner - no matter who he or she is." Answered Haruka and turned another page, just to look very frustrated when she found the homework of biology she had searched yesterday for almost the entire lesson - just to get a copy from Michiru shortly before they had to give it to their teacher.
"But if you would have introduced your mother to someone's son she hates the father? How would she have reacted?"
Haruka frowned at her best friend's words and held the homework for some seconds thoughtfully in her hands.
She would have laughed at me and asked me when I had become normal again.
"She wouldn't be shocked." She declared simply and put the homework away to search for the other pages and for the names.
She can't be shocked any longer, because she won't ever get to know whom I'll live with. She isn't interested in me any longer.
Haruka sighed silently and asked herself when she drew the picture of a small moon in an endless sky. Surely in astronomy, although they had never talked about the moon.
If I'll ever find someone who wants to live with me...
"Really?" Michiru frowned and tried to remember her parents. With every day something vanished from her mind. Still she could remember their faces and their voices. However, their scents, the feelings of their arms being wrapped around her vanished with every hour more and more and suddenly she was afraid to lose all of her memories.
"Guess my parents would have been very concerned about me. That my partner would hurt me, because the father was rude."
"Would they have forced you to marry a strange guy you don't like at all?"
"No..." Michiru leaned back and drank some more gulps. Thoughtfully, she looked at her spoon. "Guess you're right, but we live here and now. Shakespeare wrote it almost 400 years ago and then the situation was another one. We can't change his stories nor can we change the test next Monday. So let's learn."
Michiru smiled as she heard Haruka's helpless groan. The taller girl turned again some pages, still not finding the name list.
"Is it right what the others say about you?" asked Michiru with a sudden and was surprised that she really found the courage to ask her best friend. Again she saw a raging Mila before her eyes, heard her rude words in her ears. Michiru had to smile as she remembered an angry Hotaru splashing the schoolgirl with her coke.
"Huh?" asked Haruka and thought more of her French vocabulary and tried to remember what all the strange looking words meant than she had listened to Michiru's question.
"Is it right what Mila says?" Michiru took a deep breath and held her orange juice a little bit tighter. "Are you a lesbian?"
Haruka decided that she had to learn all that vocabulary again as she heard the quiet voice next to her. She needed some seconds before she realized the question's meaning.
"Nani?" Haruka startled and her dark green eyes looked in confusion into deep blue ones, mysterious blue ones.
"Are you a lesbian?" repeated Michiru her words and was suddenly unsure if it had been a good idea to ask her best friend, because Haruka didn't seem to look happy.
Did I hurt her with my curiosity?
But Michiru knew that she had to ask - one day. And today wasn't any worse than other days.
Does she really want an answer?
Haruka raised one eyebrow, then she turned again to her folder and put her French vocabulary aside. Behind that page she finally found the name list, but now it wasn't important any longer.
"I don't know." She whispered and held the page tighter in her suddenly trembling hands. "Well, Mila is right, I don't like boys." Haruka shrugged her shoulders. "But I don't like those girls, too. I don't like anyone of them."
Except you.
But she didn't dare it to say aloud.
"I can understand you." Michiru put her orange juice away and sat nearer to Haruka who looked determinedly down on her written words. "I don't like Mila either."
Haruka looked finally up when she felt a warm hand over her cold one. Again she stared into deep blue eyes that reminded her of the wide, wild sea. A deep lake she could drown in - but wouldn't die, because there was someone taking care of her.
Michiru smiled and automatically Haruka blushed slightly.
"Ruka..." The smaller girl wanted to say something when the door was pushed open and Hotaru speeded through the living room and jumped right into Haruka's arms. The folder fell on the soft carpet and now the sheets were a complete.
"Ruka!" screamed the little girl and hugged her happily. "Daddy and I bought ice cream!" she shouted and her big dark eyes looked trustfully up into a blushed face. A loving expression appeared on Haruka's face as she took the purple cap from Hotaru's messed hairs.
I wish she would look at me with that expression in her eyes, too.
Michiru sighed slightly. Then she leaned over to her niece to free her from her gloves. It was getting colder with every day and Michiru was very happy that she had given the thick jacket to Haruka.
She doesn't seem to have other winter clothes.
Michiru was determined to change this.
"Hello, Michiru." Dr. Tomoe entered the room. He carried two huge, white plastic buckets that were surely filled with delicious ice cream. "Actually, I wanted to buy some fruits but they turned out to be chocolate ice cream after I fetched my daughter up from the kindergarten."
Michiru giggled as she rose from the couch and embraced her uncle quickly.
"Hello, uncle Tarô." She said and turned again around to her babbling niece. Hotaru already started to tell Haruka everything about the adventures she had experienced today - and that she didn't feel ill at all.
"Ruka? May I introduce? He's Tomoe Tarô, my uncle. Uncle Tarô, she's Tenô Haruka, my best friend." Introduced Michiru and Haruka blushed even more. She wanted to stand up and to bow before the tall man, but Hotaru was too heavy in her arms and her shoulder started again to hurt.
"Oh, keep sitting, Haruka. May I call you Haruka?" The tall girl shook the strong hand and nodded. "My daughter's a real tomboy and I don't want her to tear you apart because you might let go." Laughed the doctor and stroked lovingly over dark hair.
I don't want to let her ever go.
The doctor took the buckets again in his hands and was about to go to the kitchen, as he turned around and looked thoughtfully at Haruka. It seemed to be a test and she wasn't sure if she would pass.
"So you are my daughter's hero." He laughed. "Taru-chan told us a lot about you."
"Really?" nervously Haruka coughed.
"Hai, she can talk a lot if she wants to."
"No, daddy. Don't laugh at me."
"But you are a small devil."
"Oh!" The little girl jumped from Haruka's lap and tried to chase her father through the whole living room. He ran around the table, still holding the ice cream in his hands. Hotaru tried to follow him. "You'll regret this, daddy!" she screamed, but had to laugh, too.
Michiru giggled and sat down again next to Haruka who looked at the entire scene in disbelieve.
My father never teased me around. So lovingly...
"Welcome to the madhouse, Ruka." Again she took the icy hand and held it tenderly tight. "Do you want a chocolate ice cream? Guess we've got plenty of it now."
Haruka only nodded and watched in silence how Dr. Tomoe pretended to get slower and slower until Hotaru reached him. Then he took his daughter into his strong arms and swirled her around. Hotaru laughed loudly in great joy and spreat her arms. Love was written all over her face. Love and trust.
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"Guess that wasn't the best decision in my life." Groaned Haruka and looked down at the dresses she carried to the changing cabin. Michiru told her to get a smaller seize and therefore she had searched for about ten minutes until a nice saleswoman helped her.
"Michiru?" Haruka looked desperately at about ten closed cabins and couldn't remember in which one her best friend was in. A hand came out behind the curtain and the next moment Haruka was pulled into one of the cabins.
"At last! I already wanted to call the police and wanted them to search for you. Did someone kidnap you in the meantime?" asked Michiru and giggled as she saw Haruka's depressed expression. "Did you get it in a smaller seize?" She grabbed the dress and looked at the sign. Then she nodded and stripped her pullover. Haruka blushed and turned around to leave the cabin, but Michiru held her back.
"Hey, someone has to help me with the zipper." She declared and stripped her pants. They landed somewhere on the ground while she pulled the dress over her head.
"And why should I be your victim?" asked Haruka and crossed her arms before her chest.
"Because you're such a nice person who can't leave people in need. Especially not such weak, helpless women like me." She giggled and turned towards the mirror. Then she raised her hands and held her hair in the air. "Can you help me?"
Haruka blushed even more, but then she stepped nearer and closed the zipper.
You aren't weak, Michi.
She swallowed hard as her hands touched soft skin.
"Hey!" giggled Michiru and jumped a little bit away. "You've got cold hands! Don't you have any gloves?" she shivered, but then she forgot those cold hands and stared into the mirror. Sceptically.
You're so beautiful...
Haruka looked at the narrow dress Michiru was wearing. It was a summer dress and it was light blue. It fitted perfectly to her eyes. And it showed all her female outlines.
I want to embrace her. To hold her tight. To...
Haruka shook her head and stepped a little bit back. She clenched her fists and pushed her hands deeply into her jacket's pocket.
"Don't you like it?" asked Michiru as she saw her best friend's reaction. "Maybe it isn't the right colour or I should better look for something shorter..." Michiru lowered her gaze and looked at the cloth that covered her feet.
"No." Whispered Haruka who could suddenly imagine a laughing Michiru running along the beach. Splashing around with water and being happy about a sunny day.
I wish I were the person being with her on that beach.
"It is wonderful."
You are wonderful.
"Well, if you think so." Michiru looked at the sign again and smiled in satisfaction. "I guess I should take it. It's cheap, because it's almost winter and it fits." The smaller girl counted all the prices of the clothes lying on the chair next to Haruka and the blonde groaned as she heard a sum even higher than her monthly rent. She had worked hard during the last week, but still she didn't have enough money to pay it. About fifty percent were still missing, but she didn't have time for another week to earn it.
Shall I...?
Haruka clenched her fists tighter. She wouldn't ask Michiru for help - especially not for money. She was happy to be her friend, but she didn't want to misuse their friendship, because she didn't know if and how she could pay back the money one day.
"Then would you please fetch up Hotaru? I'll pay all this stuff and meet you in the children's corner." Michiru stripped the dress and before Haruka had to blush even more she stepped out of the cabin.
"Hai." she shouted back and left quickly the changing room - ignoring some old women staring curiously at her.
After Michiru had paid her clothes, she carried all the bags to the children's corner. There were some small chairs around a TV set and they showed an old Disney film she once had seen. About a hero with a flying horse who tried his best to become a god and to be together with his parents again. Hotaru sat on Haruka's lap and stared with big eyes at the screen.
"Shall we go now?" asked Michiru and made a face as she saw how Hotaru clang on Haruka and it didn't seem as if the small girl wanted to walk. "Tomoe Hotaru!" said Michiru, but the little girl behaved as if she hadn't heard her. She looked at everything but her auntie. Haruka only smiled and held the little girl tighter in her arms. Ignoring the pain flashing through her shoulder. Feeling soft arms being wrapped around her neck.
"You don't have to carry her. She's five years old and old enough to walk by herself."
"Don't worry, Michi." Haruka walked slowly next to her and grinned as she saw all the bags. "I guess Himme-chan is lighter than all your clothes." Michiru only made a face as they left the boutique. Cold wind blew through their hair and immediately Haruka started to freeze. She was grateful to have the nice, warm leather jacket. She didn't have any other clothes than her uniform and her training suit and she simply didn't have enough money to buy herself such an expensive jacket.
Without it I would have been cold a lot the past days.
"Stop, Ruka. Hime-chan doesn't wear her cap." Said Michiru and put down her bags. Then she reached into Hotaru's pockets and took the cap and soft gloves out and helped Hotaru into them.
"'gato, auntie Michi." Hotaru laughed happily and pointed up to the grey sky above. "I hope it'll be snowing soon. I like snow." She declared and made an important face. "And it..."
Hope it won't snow.
Haruka looked up to the sky, as well. It got harder for her to deliver different pamphlets at night when it got slippery and colder. Then she needed more and more time and didn't have enough sleep. Then she wasn't concentrated at school and made a lot of stupid mistakes.
Then I am not good enough to win that silly race in about a week.
Haruka winced as suddenly a cap was pulled over her head, too. Askingly, green eyes looked into a smiling face. Michiru looked critically at the dark cap and loved how the blonde strands hang over Haruka's ears and into her forehead under it.
"When we have to wear such a terrible thing every winter you have to join us." Declared the smaller girl and put two dark gloves into the leather jacket's pockets.
"But..." Haruka frowned while Hotaru babbled happily about the snow and how she liked it to have a snowball battle with her daddy and Michiru.
I can't take all those gifts. She's only known me for a couple weeks now and all this stuff is too expensive.
"Don't worry. I bought half of the boutique's clothes and Hime-chan got nice pyjamas. Only you didn't get anything. That sounded too unfair for me." Michiru smiled and simply put her right index finger over Haruka's mouth as the blonde wanted to protest. Both froze in motion and none of them listened anymore to Hotaru's babbling. They didn't notice the people hurrying by. They only saw each other.
"What a happy family." The rude voice interrupted their thoughts. Haruka winced again while Michiru lowered her hand. Then she turned around and stared at Mila and Susan. Both stood at the boutique's entrance and held some bags in their hands, too.
"Didn't know that you got a child. I always thought women aren't able to..."
"Nice to meet you, Mila." Smiled Michiru and walked over to her and shook her hand. "Hope your uniform is clean and dry again." Slightly Michiru bowed and shook Susan's hand, too. "And how are you doing, Susan? Did you practice your piano play? You know the great concert will be this Sunday and tomorrow there'll be another rehearsal."
"Hai..." groaned Susan and forgot totally why she stood here with her best friend Mila. "Guess that'll take all afternoon."
"And when we'll finally have finished, Sakarusa-san won't be satisfied with us."
"But we are good."
"Of course we're good. But he wants us to be better."
"Hai..."
"Susan!"
They both turned around to a deeply blushed Mila who looked shocked at them. "I thought we're here to tell them what we think..."
"I know that you like my violin play. Thank you so much for your praise."
"But did you forgot what we told you about that girl there?" Mila pointed directly at Haruka and the tall girl raised surprised her eyebrows as Hotaru showed her cheekily her tongue.
"Hai. I know that Ruka is a very good athlete and still I am sorry that Hotaru dirtied your uniform. It wasn't purpose. She's just a little girl."
Hotaru showed again her tongue and smiled innocently up to Susan who had to giggle a little bit.
"But she's a lesbian! She will hurt..." screamed Mila suddenly very angrily, but was interrupted by Michiru who only touched her right arm calmingly and looked at her with pity in her deep blue eyes.
"Don't worry. She already told me that she doesn't like the girls in our class. So she won't take away the cute beauties from you who you admire so much." Michiru smiled a wide smile and Susan burst out into laughter as Mila turned into a deeper shade of red.
"That's..." she stammered breathlessly, but had to see that she couldn't really argue with the rich girl.
"That's nothing to be shamed about, Mila." Michiru patted her cheek and turned around to take her bags again. "It was nice to meet you, but we've got other things to do." she declared with the sweetest smile she could smile.
"Hai, eating a chocolate ice cream." Declared Hotaru and made an important face.
"You see, my niece has other plans. So, see you at school tomorrow." With one hand Michiru held her bags, with the other one she took Haruka's free hand and held it softly tight. They could hear how Mila exploded next to a laughing Susan as they simply walked away.
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"Here're the chocolate ice creams." The waiter bowed slightly and put the huge sundae before Haruka. They were covered with fruits and wiped cream. Surely, very sweet cream. A coloured stick was inserted in each one.
"Look at the fish!" shouted a little girl and laughed happily as a young woman took her into her arms and held her up have a better look at the golden animals.
"Your daughter is really cute." Said the waiter and changed the burned down candle and lit a new one. "You and your wife must be really happy." Before Haruka could react had the waiter already turned around and went over to his other guests.
My daughter?
Haruka swallowed hard and watched how Hotaru wanted to catch a fish. However, she only wetted her sleeves and Michiru was suddenly very busy to get her niece down to the ground again. It looked as if Hotaru wanted to jump into the aquarium and surely Michiru didn't want to spend the next hour in the bathroom to change wet clothes.
My wife?
Haruka watched how Michiru stroked some strands of her long, sea green hair on her back and smiled lovingly down at the small girl. Carefully, she pulled a handkerchief out of her pockets and dried wet hands.
My family?
Haruka swallowed hard and suddenly tears burned in her dark green eyes as she lowered her head to stare into her ice cream.
I wish they were my family.
"Chocolate ice cream!" Hotaru jumped on her chair and started to eat with great appetite. Michiru drank some gulps of her hot milk and wondered why her best friend suddenly looked so depressed.
"Ruka?" she asked and looked into teary green eyes as the blonde raised her head. "What's wrong?" her voice was so understanding, so tenderly that Haruka wanted to tell her the truth. About her life. About her financial situation. About her family.
But she didn't. She couldn't.
"Gomen nasai!" Suddenly a girl stood next to the table and bowed deeply. Two long, blond plaids almost hung into chocolate ice cream and Michiru was suddenly very busy to get her milk out of danger.
"Nani?" Haruka turned in surprise towards the girl who bowed even deeper.
"Gomen nasai. I never wanted to crash into you, push you against the wall or let you lose all your school books..." She raised her head and Haruka looked into a well known face. A face she saw almost every morning when she went to school. "... but it's so hard to get up early in the morning and then I am late and in a hurry and I don't want to be punished by the teachers and I don't watch out and then... then I run into people... mostly into you..." suddenly tears sparkled in light blue eyes and she bowed again. "I hope I didn't hurt you, but Mina-chan's always in a hurry, too, and she's a good girl and so we only try to get to our class in time and..."
"Hello, I am Kaioh Michiru." Said Michiru and rose from her chair. She quickly looked at the waiter and only a few seconds later the girl sat on their table, as well. She was maybe thirteen years old and more and more tears run down her redden cheeks.
"'gato." She whispered as Michiru handled her a handkerchief. "My name is Tsukino Usagi and I am not mean or so. I want to be friend with all people I know and it isn't the manner of a friend to overran someone."
Friend?
Haruka frowned and remembered a sunny day during last summer. It had been hot outside and the girl called Usagi wanted to go to the ice cream shop outside the school. A tall boy tried to steal her money and pushed her aside. She fell down and hurt her right leg. Her best friend, another girl with long blond hair, wanted to help her but he simply slapped her into the face so that she fell down, too. Haruka who had been very angry that day about her teachers used him for a reason of getting rid of the anger and the hate inside her soul. Therefore, she took away the money and soon they fought. Haruka could remember too well how mad her mother had been when she came home - dirty and bloodstained all over. With torn pants and a wild look on her face - and a teacher's letter in her hands. She had been punished very hard by the teachers, but she was allowed to stay. Nevertheless, the boy was kicked from school and now all girls - especially Mila - thought that Haruka wasn't only a tomboy, wild and hated by all people - but that she also liked it to beat boys she even hardly knew.
Friend?
Haruka could remember how Usagi screamed loudly at the boy and cried a lot when the fight was over. Again she saw blue eyes filled with tears when she gave her the money back and stumbled towards the school to receive her punishment.
Friend?
Haruka
swallowed hard and again she saw those tears. Silently, she wondered
if that was enough for the smaller girl that she saw a friend in her.
"Oh, Ruka's used to be overrun time by time." giggled Michiru and pointed at Hotaru who ate her chocolate ice cream with passion and smiled happily at the blonde girl who looked back with slightly greedy eyes.
"Do you want an ice cream, too?" asked Michiru and was relieved when the tears finally stopped and a friendly smile appeared on a now happy shinning face. Then it broke.
"But I wasted all my pocket money on this scarf..." she said, but used the chance nonetheless to show her red scarf around.
"Don't worry, Usagi. It'd like to invite you."
"Well, then I'd like such a delicious looking one, too." Usagi looked pleadingly at the sea green haired girl with her big blue eyes and cheered up when Michiru nodded.
"Okay."
"And you're also too late in the morning. Are you a late riser, too?" asked Usagi after the waiter brought her the promised ice cream and ate with almost the same appetite as Hotaru. Soon her mouth was brown, too, and she swung the spoon through the air. Soon there were brown spots all over the tablecloth. But no one seemed to notice them.
"Hai." answered Haruka honestly and wondered why Usagi shared the table with her - a total freak. No one at school wanted to be near her - except Michiru.
"Usagi! I've searched you for over an hour now! You're such a baka! Running away without a word and then I have to carry your bags, too!" Suddenly, a black haired girl appeared next to the blond girl who looked very depressed the next moment.
"I told you that I saw someone I wanted to talk to, but..."
"Simply running away, are you really so stupid?" screamed the black haired girl and touched the two plaids carefully is if she wanted to look if the smaller one still had her brain.
"... but you didn't listen to me!"
"Of course I didn't. I've talked to Makoto and you shouldn't interrupt people."
"But I didn't want to wait for another year until you're ready!"
"You're such a baka!"
Now Usagi started again to cry and the black haired girl took a deep breath.
"You're so mean to me, Rei!" sobbed Usagi and the girl named Rei looked suddenly very guilty.
"Hey, Usagi-chan, it's okay. I... we were just very concerned." Rei blinked as she saw the chocolate ice cream standing in front of the blond girl. "Where did you get this from? I know you wasted your money on that bloody scarf. It is ugly and..."
"It isn't. You only have no taste. Mina-chan has the same scarf and..." Usagi sobbed even louder and Haruka looked surprised at the both of them. Then she shook her head as they both showed each other their tongues and burst into laughter.
I love it to see her laugh.
Michiru giggled and looked around. She could see three other girls standing shyly by the entrance door. One with blue hair shook her head as the waiter wanted them to get in for the fifth time. A tall girl with one brown plait tried to hold back a smaller one with open blond hair. It seemed as if the smaller one wanted to come over to them - there was a sparkle in light blue eyes as she saw the chocolate ice cream.
"We invited her." Said Michiru and rose again from her chair. "Hello, Rei. I am Kaioh Michiru and these are my cousin Tomoe Hotaru and my best friend Tenô Haruka." She said and shook the dark haired girl's hand.
"Hino Rei." Whispered the girl and shook her head. "The world's unfair, Usagi. Why don't I have such big luck? Why is it always you being invited to a delicious chocolate ice cream?" she sighed deeply and looked suddenly very tired and sad.
"Do you want one, too?" asked Michiru and giggled even more as suddenly three girls stood right behind the black haired girl. They obviously tried to hide behind Rei but failed miserably. Michiru could hear the blonde mumble that they all wanted one and the blue haired girl only blushed and groaned that they were all embarrassing.
Only two minutes later they all sat around the table and looked happily down at their own sundaes. Talking about their school day. About a life of preparing to be a priestess one day. A famous pop star. A doctor. An excellent cook. A mother and bride.
"That's a boring wish, baka!" declared Rei and again Usagi showed her her tongue.
"Why should it be stupid? I'd like to have a nice boyfriend one day and marry him. Then I want to have a daughter."
"Who wants to have such a stupid girl like you? And please, no daughter, we wouldn't survive two of you."
Again tongue showing.
"You're only jealous, Rei. Because I'll be a much more fantastic bride than you'll ever be!"
More tongue showing.
"What do you want to become one day?" asked the blue haired girl named Ami. She corrected her glasses and smiled friendly at the two girls who had invited them.
"I wanna be a sister!" shouted Hotaru and tried to get the rest of the chocolate ice cream from the ground of her sundae.
"A nurse?" asked Makoto and frowned as she saw the sad expression on Michiru's face.
"No, a sister. One day when I am nice my daddy told me my mother will come back and then I'll have a little sister." Hotaru grinned and took the spoon into her brown mouth.
"And where's your mother?" The blonde, Minako, didn't see Michiru's warning gestures.
"In heaven. That's somewhere above." Smiled Hotaru and looked greedily at Haruka's sundae. The tall girl still had some ice cream and soon she ate the rest of her best friend's chocolate ice cream.
"Oh..." Ami looked shocked.
"Baka!"
"You're
only jealous!"
"Jerk!"
"You...!"
Again showing their tongues.
Ami sighed deeply and shrugged her shoulders. Michiru smiled back.
"And what do you want to become?"
Michiru shortly looked over to Haruka then back again to the blue haired girl.
Ruka's best friend forever.
But she didn't dare to say it aloud. Because after her parents had left her so suddenly she knew how fast life could change. She didn't know if Haruka would be her friend forever. She didn't even know if she would be her friend the coming week. All she could do was to hope.
"A great musician and artist. I like to draw and I can play the violin." Answered Michiru and giggled as Rei tried to steal Usagi's ice cream right at the moment when Usagi stole hers. So every girl held the other one's sundae in her hands and the arguing continued.
"Baka!"
"You devil!"
"You've stolen my ice cream!"
"Don't worry, you're too fat and..."
"Oh! Rei!"
They rose from their chairs and chased each other around the table. Hotaru watched them with big eyes while the other girls giggled.
"Don't worry." Said Makoto to Haruka and smiled friendly. "They're always like that. But to be honest they like each other a lot - they only show it in a different way." Usagi stumbled and the ice cream landed on Rei's skirt who stared at it in disbelieve. At that moment Makoto burst out into peals of laughter and seized herself on Haruka's and Ami's arms to prevent from falling off her chair.
They don't seem to be affected by my appearance. By the way I am.
Haruka swallowed hard as she looked into different laughing faces. Minako came over to a crying Usagi and helped her up while Makoto let go of Haruka and Ami and tried to clean the skirt as well as possible.
Guess that's what real friendship means...
She watched how Rei scolded a still crying Usagi and hugged her suddenly at the next moment and they both asked for forgiveness, but showed each other their tongues just in case.
I wish I had such friends...
At the moment Michiru bowed forward and took carefully her hand to held it tight, and Haruka knew that she had.
dbdbdb
"Don't move!"
Hotaru looked sceptically at Haruka sitting on a chair and then down on her sketchbook again. She frowned and stared in concentration on the white paper while she used her pencil to draw.
"I didn't."
Haruka took a deep breath. Her shoulder hurt again, but she didn't want to ruin Hotaru's fun. Michiru had entered the room about two hours ago, but instead of helping her best friend she sat down and took her own sketchbook. So Haruka had sat there for now over three hours while listening to soft violin music and staring into two redden faces shortly looking up and then drawing again.
"Can't I at least get something to drink?" she asked.
"No! You're a model now and I am the artist. I don't have the time to make you a juice." Declared Hotaru determinedly and Michiru only giggled.
A model?
Haruka frowned sceptically. She didn't thought of as a model. Or even beautiful. She knew that she looked more like a boy than a girl and she asked herself silently for the tenth time why Hotaru wanted so badly to draw her.
"I am ready." Declared Michiru and leaned back.
"Hey! That's unfair! You came later and now you've finished earlier?" Hotaru made a depressed face and drew more quickly. Michiru giggled again and wanted to say something when the door was carefully opened.
"Hello, daddy!" shouted Hotaru and held proudly up her sketchbook. "I am drawing! But I am not ready yet. I still need some time." She turned around again and scolded Haruka for having moved.
"So Hotaru found a new victim." Smiled Dr Tomoe. But instead of shaking her hand he stroked friendly through her blond mop. It felt soft, just like the touch a father would give his daughter. Haruka stared at him with her dark eyes and didn't know what to reply.
"It's already seven in the evening. Sorry that it took me so long, but there was an emergency at the hospital." Dr. Tomoe looked over his niece's shoulder and raised his eyebrows as he saw the picture. "You're getting better with every day." He said and stroked with the same loving gesture through her hair. "Soon you'll be as good as my late sister." He said and they both smiled sadly in shared memories. Of an always cheeky sister and of a loving mother.
"Do you stay with us for dinner, uncle Tarô?" asked Michiru and put her pencil away. She had finished her sketches, but she was sure that it would take her all night to transfer the picture to her easel. In colours.
"I hope. As long as the hospital won't call me." He hugged his daughter from behind and little Hotaru complaint that an artist needed peace. But then she was convinced and jumped into his arms. She cheered as he swirled her around.
"Do you want to help me making dinner?" he asked and dark hair flew through the air as the little girl nodded excitedly.
"'ai!" she screamed and laughed happily as he tickled her softly.
"Do you want to join us, Haruka?"
The tall girl sighed in relieve as she was allowed to leave the chair and nodded shyly. Dr Tomoe nodded and disappeared with his daughter in the kitchen. On the corridor they started to sing a song and their voices, a low father's and a high daughter's voice, could be heard all over the huge house.
"Everything alright?" asked Michiru as she saw for a brief moment pain flashing through a suddenly pale face.
"Hai." answered Haruka and tried to ignore her hurting shoulder. She came over to her best friend and looked shocked at the sketch. It was perfect. And it revealed so much Haruka had never wanted to show.
"Do you like it?"
Haruka swallowed hard as she heard the soft voice next to her. Still she stared at herself on the white paper. She was drawn with a fine pencil and there were no colours in the picture. But a lot of shadows. She was flying through the air. The cliff was high above her, the clear water beneath. Her eyes were closed and there was a smile on her face. It wasn't a deadly fall. It was just a floating through the air. Wild wind played with her messed blonde hair and the white dress she was wearing. Almost she could hear the rushes of the waves.
"Hai..."
Haruka shook slightly her head as she saw how the wind supported her. How it stopped her fall and let her be part of itself. The flying Haruka on the picture had wings. Two white wings with soft feathers all over. Angels wings...
dbdbdb
It was in the middle of the night when she returned home. She was tired, but she didn't freeze. A soft scarf, two thick gloves and a dark cap kept her warm besides her leather jacket. She was exhausted, but she wasn't hungry. Michiru had shared her bento with her in the late afternoon after the training and the rehearsals had been over. After that Haruka had asked for a new part time job and really got it. Only for two weeks to see if she did her job well, but it was enough money to pay the rent.
Now it was past midnight and she simply wanted to go to bed. She didn't have enough strength anymore to learn the stupid names of Romeo and Juliet nor could she concentrate anymore on her math homework.
Hope Michi will give me the solutions tomorrow.
Haruka yawned and frowned as she saw a letter in her mailbox. Normally, she got no letters. Who should write her? No one knew her address. No one wanted to know it.
Strange...
Haruka yawned again as she tore it open. It was a crumbled paper. She didn't know the handwriting. It looked a little bit like a girl's handwriting, but there were older boys at school who had such a correct handwriting, too.
The tall girl sighed deeply as she read the few lines. She ignored all the bad names they called her again. She was used to them. She rubbed her tired eyes as she slowly walked through the dirty corridor. Of course half of the lamps were broken, but there was still enough light to read another name. A name she got to know too well during the past weeks.
Kaioh Michiru.
Slowly, she realized that the person who wrote the letter wanted her to stop seeing and talking to Michiru. That he or she thought that she wasn't the right person to be Michiru's best friend. That Michiru would soon realize her big mistake and that it was better for Haruka to leave her in peace.
They're all so silly!
Haruka took a deep breath and simply threw the threat letter in the dirt.
I won't leave her - as long as she still wants me.
This night Haruka woke up more than once to look if her door was still locked. The letter wasn't important and that someone tried to threat her wasn't very new. But it was the first time that someone found out where she really lived.
dbdbdb
"Uncle Tarô and Hime-chan went to the cinema this evening and so I thought we could do something together." Explained Michiru as she stepped next to an obviously tired Haruka. The tall girl stood at their entrance door just the way they had agreed on this morning at school.
"I wanted to show you something." She said and frowned. "Or do you prefer to sleep instead? That would be also okay. You can use the couch while I watch TV. They want to bring a nice concert from a famous conductor. I could call a pizza for us."
Haruka smiled and shook her head.
"No, it's okay. Whatever you want to show me, I want to see it." It warmed her heart to hear how concerned her best friend was and it sounded tempting to lay down on the couch next to the sea beauty. To eat some pizza slices and to sleep some hours until she had to go home. Tomorrow was Friday, another hard day at school. But today was her day off and she wanted to spend it with her best friend - and not with lying lazily around and sleeping.
Michiru smiled happily and took her violin case.
"Is there another rehearsal at school?" asked Haruka and blushed slightly as Michiru simply took her hand and pulled her with her towards the bus station. Ten minutes later they sat in the bus and went into the inner city of Tokyo.
"No. I wrote a new song and wanted to show it to you."
"In Tokyo city?" again Haruka frowned but tried to be patient while Michiru told her about her niece. How Hotaru had finished her picture and started to colour it. Haruka looked more like a fat cat on the picture, but the little girl wanted to give it to her on Christmas.
"When Hime-chan drew it I'll like it." Grinned Haruka and chewed on her lower lip as Michiru looked out of the window to see all the lights of the big city sparkling at night.
Christmas... I wish I could give her something, too.
Haruka sighed silently and rubbed her tired eyes. She didn't want to think that far. Still Christmas was three weeks away. But she couldn't ignore the feeling of panic inside her chest. The feeling of being alone at that special evening when no one should be all alone.
I wish I had the courage to ask her if I can come over for Christmas.
But she didn't dare to ask. To say a word. Because Christmas was a very personal holiday. A holiday only for the family. And Haruka wasn't part of Michiru's family. Even if she wanted so badly to be.
"We're here!" interrupted Michiru her thoughts and took again her hand and pulled her out of the bus. She simply ignored the curious looks of some people staring at them. Thinking of them as a couple. As freaks. Quickly she greeted a girl with long red hair who looked a little bit like an older Yakoto. The girl greeted back before she kissed her girlfriend again.
"Nani?" Haruka frowned. She'd never been in that region of Tokyo and she didn't know the restaurant Michiru was heading towards. Before she could react a waiter took away her jacket, gloves, scarf and cap and showed them their table.
"Where are we?" she whispered after Michiru glanced quickly into the card and ordered two teas and helpings of noodles.
"Here they often play live music." Michiru's blue eyes sparkled.
"And you want to play here? In front of all those people?"
"Hai, because this is a smaller audience. They're more honest about the songs. And they already know me." Smiled Michiru and Haruka remembered suddenly that the smaller girl had already published some CDs and had stood on different big stages - partly alone, partly together with her famous parents.
Again Haruka felt a little bit stupid that she wasn't able to play anything more than some scales on the piano. Their teas were served by a guy with long dark hair. He wore white pants and We're the Devils was written all over his dark shirt.
"Hello, Kaioh-san." He welcomed her and bowed deeply.
"Hello, Takada-san." Michiru smiled and helped him to put down the hot drinks. "I thought you wanted to play your drums today and not to play the waiter."
"I'd never leave my drums!" he smiled back. "I only needed a reason to come to your table and..." he grinned when he saw her violin case. "... to ask you to play with us. Satoshi is still ill and so we have no fiddler." Now his dark eyes looked pleadingly down at her and she giggled.
"Okay, but there's one condition?"
"And that is?"
"I want to play and sing one song I've written lately." She showed him a sheet of paper and briefly he studied her notes. His feet patted the underground and he nodded to the rhythm of the music. "It's full of anger... and has a good rhythm..." he whispered and nodded again. "No problem, Kaioh-san. It will be an honour for us." He smiled again at Michiru and looked quickly into Haruka's face. Saw the deep jealousy in dark green eyes. The next moment he stood next to the surprised tall girl and shook her hand.
"Hello, I am Takada-san, drummer and sometimes even the singer of The Devils. Don't worry, I won't steal your girlfriend. Otherwise, someone else would surely kill me." He grinned and bowed before her.
"Hello. Tenô Haruka." Answered Haruka and frowned. But before she could say anything else the young man had walked over to the stage and disappeared out of sight.
"You play rock music?" asked Haruka in surprise and remembered the soft classic music she listened to each time she was at Dr Tomoe's house.
"I play every music. If it fits to my feeling I'd even play country." She giggled and opened her violin case. "Just enjoy your dinner. I'll ate mine later." Quickly, she messed Haruka's hair with a soft touch, then she took her violin and followed the young man.
"Rock music." Haruka shook her head, but she had to admit that she was very curious what Michiru would play. And what the song would be about.
Their dinner's came and Haruka realized that she was again very hungry. This day the training had been very hard and her shoulder hurt more and more. Then Michiru had been busy to fetch up her niece from the kindergarten and they simply didn't have enough time to eat Michiru's bento.
Hope she isn't hungry now.
Haruka ate half of her noodles and drank her tea as the curtain opened. She put her fork away and leaned back. And stared over to the stage. She heard drums in the background and a electrical guitar playing in the same rhythm. Then she heard the soft noises of the violin. Soon they became louder and angrier. Haruka could feel the anger and the pain in those tones. Again she saw the crying Michiru on the bridge, in the girl's bathroom at school and only dressed in her night dress in a rainy night right before the gates of a closed cemetery.
Again Haruka saw him coming in her room in the middle of the night and taking his belt to punish her for being a bad, little girl. Again she saw her puppy lying lifelessly on the dirty ground. Again she saw her mother pointing at her with her father's gun.
Suddenly Haruka knew what the song would be about. And she knew that it was Michiru's only way to accept and to live with the terrible truth. To feel the anger, the pain, the fear again in her music. Banning it into notes and playing it out loud to the world. To scream it out with her violin and to be recovered afterwards.
Let the music cry and you will be able to laugh afterwards..
Haruka swallowed hard and clenched her fists in her lap.
I wish I had such a big talent.
Michiru stepped between the two guitar players and shortly smiled at them. Then her face got serious again. There was a tiny micro on the top of her dark evening dress. A silver locket sparkled around her neck. Sea green strands fell over her shoulders and Haruka stared at her with a dreamy expression on her face.
I know that she's beautiful. But today she's a goddess...
The tall girl sighed deeply as she heard again Takada-san's words in her ears.
Girlfriend...
Michiru played her violin as if it were the easiest thing she'd ever done. Her fingers flew over the instrument. Then she raised her head and simply started to sing in a high but clear voice:
"Hey now little baby girl
There is no one else but you
No one to comfort your soul
Hey now little baby girl
No more puppet on a string
You have to walk on your own now"
There was anger in her voice and she closed her eyes as her fingers kept stroking the strings. Again and again as if the violin were her only friend in a cold world. She was the little baby girl and she had to walk on her own now. Without her parents. Without her mother. Without her father. There was nothing there any longer to comfort her soul. There was no one else left than her.
This song is just as lonely as she had been when I met her in the subway. Before I comforted her on the bridge. Before we became so good friends.
Haruka swallowed hard but before she could react Michiru already started again to sing.
"Right now look inside
You'll see a brand-new day
You have to look for your way
Good look it's up to you
The future's in your hands
The dream is gone now you have to run
You better not wait for tomorrow
Cause tomorrow starts today
No more dreams and no more sorrow
Now you're on your own way"
Just like my mother. She didn't want me and so I had to go. To make my own way.
Haruka sighed and suddenly tears burned in her eyes. Her right shoulder hurt and she didn't want to think of what might have happened hadn't met the sea beauty standing over there on the stage, playing her violin again while drums and guitars accompanied her.
She's my only friend.
Michiru suddenly opened her eyes and her voice got more and more angrier. Now it didn't sound any longer as calm as those parents who were pushing their children away. Now it sounded like a small child asking for forgiveness. For happiness. For love.
"See I don't really want to go
I wish you luck, I wish you well
I'm afraid I go out there on my own
I wish you luck I wish you well
Now I have a feeling I won't be alone
Cause it's all about this little girl after all"
My parents didn't want me. It was alike how hard I tried but they couldn't love me.
Haruka took a deep breath.
My parents loved me. It was alike how hard I tried but I couldn't make them stay.
Michiru swallowed hard.
"Hey now, little baby girl,
Don't you blow against the wind
One day you'll find the right words
And now little baby girl
Just listen to your heart
You know that yesterday fell apart"
Michiru shook her head and a cheeky grin appeared on her pale cheeks while she played the last tones. Her last sentence was almost a scream while the other instruments stopped slowly to play.
"And by the way, don't call me baby girl, stupid"Michiru bowed as the audience started to clap. Some stood up and asked for more songs while Takada-san congratulated her to another great song. He said that her angry voice almost made him shiver and that the music simply fitted perfectly.
Michiru only nodded and shook absently his hand while he discussed what they should play next. She knew all their songs and she could accompany them by heart. They played some own songs, but mostly they played well-known songs. Just with another lyric and mostly with complete another meaning.
Irish songs.
Michiru raised her violin again, but still she had to stare into dark green eyes. She could see herself being reflected in shimmering tears.
dbdbdb
Slowly, she walked along the empty streets. It was late at night. Of an exciting evening. Michiru wanted her to stay. That they would fetch up her books before they'd go to school tomorrow. That she could use the guest's bedroom and sleep there. But Haruka only thanked her and went back to her room. She didn't want to show Michiru where she lived. She didn't want her sympathy.
Once she sees how I live she won't see me with the same eyes.
Therefore she walked all the way back to her room. It was bitter cold and she knew that it was only a matter of time until it would start to snow. It was already December and even the people on TV said that this Christmas would be a white Christmas.
Stupid Christmas!
Haruka sighed deeply and pushed her fingers deeper into her jacket's pockets. It was so cold, even her gloves couldn't warm her. Really warm her.
I wish I had taken a nice warm shower Michiru had offered to me.
But she knew once she would have taken the shower she would have been too tired to walk away. Still she didn't know why Michiru was so friendly to her. True, she had helped her a lot with her sadness about her parent's death. She had helped her home when she stood in the rain in front of a closed gate leading to a dark and empty cemetery. She had comforted her whenever she needed a friend. But still Haruka wasn't sure if it was normal for a good friend to invite the other one almost every day for dinner or at least at every opportunity. To buy the other one new, warm, expensive clothes. To offer her a warm shower and even a place in one's bed.
She had been very sad when she asked me to stay that night.
Haruka sighed again deeply. She wasn't sure what she should think. Wanted Michiru really only a good friend? Or was she looking for someone else? For something more than friendship?
Am I able to be only a good friend?
Haruka stopped and looked up to a clear sky. Stars where sparkling, almost stepping out of a bright half moon's light. The air was fresh and the tall girl wondered if she would be able to touch the stars by only stretching her hand out to them.
I love her.
Startled green eyes watched how a small shooting star made its way through the endless sky.
I love her with all my heart.
The realization came so suddenly that she almost stumbled back. She wanted to deny it. To tell herself that it wasn't true. That she only wasn't used to have such a good friend, to have any friend at all. But she knew she couldn't lie to herself any longer. Her heart had known it for all those weeks. It had already known her feelings it when she had seen the sea beauty for the first time, standing on the bridge and looking down into the deep waters beneath. When she had held the sobbing girl tightly. When Michiru gave her the soft scarf - even though she had hardly known her then - the dyke. The freak no one liked at school. The lesbian they all wanted to get rid of. They all wanted to kick from their lives - except Michiru.
Haruka sighed deeply and more steam formed before her mouth as she pushed her hands deeper into the warm jacket pockets. Still her green eyes were staring at the shooting star. But she didn't see it. All she saw where deep blue eyes looking friendly up to her. Friendly, concerned, simply honest. Again she heard the song in her mind and asked herself if Michiru hadn't written it for her, as well.
I love her.
Never before had Haruka loved someone in her life. Because no one had seemed to share her feelings. No one had seemed to seemed to return them.
Only Hercules.
Haruka's face soften briefly as she remembered a clumsy puppy running towards her. Licking her hands, whimpering excitedly and trying to creep on her lap to be patted.
But the small doggy was dead.
I love her.
The tall girl laid her head in her neck and spread her arms. Then she closed her eyes and felt the tears burning behind her lashes. No one had ever loved her. No one had ever wanted her. Not her classmates, not her so called friends when she returned after the summer vacation - totally changed but deep inside still the same. Not even her parents had ever wanted her. She wasn't the cute, little girl. She was too noisy and too expensive. Haruka winced as the icy wind ran through her messed hair and sighed deeply. Too well she remembered how her mother yelled at her. That it would have been better to abort her.
That was before she pulled the trigger.
The tall girl spreat her arms wider until her right shoulder started again terribly to hurt. But she ignored the pain. She wanted so badly to spread her wings - just like on the picture Michiru had drawn only a couple of days ago. Suddenly, she felt very, very sad and alone. She knew that she loved the sea green haired girl. That she wanted to be together with her. To spend more time with her. To spend her life with her. But at the same time she knew that Michiru would never return her deep feelings. Again Haruka heard the unsure voice asking her if she were a lesbian. And how strange she had reacted to her ambiguous answer. The only answer she knew. The only answer she could tell her.
What if I am going to lose her?
Haruka put her arms around her trembling body with a quick motion and sobbed quietly. It had been so wonderful to awake in the morning next to the beautiful girl. To feel the warm body next to her own one. But Haruka knew that Michiru had only searched for comfort. Comfort and a good friend.
I should be glad that she's my best friend. The only real friend I ever had.
But at that moment Haruka knew that she'd never be satisfied with that. And that it would kill her to see Michiru one day with a cute guy. To lose her one day. Really lose her.
I am only a poor beggar; she's a rich princess...
At that moment she heard the silent steps behind her. Haruka swirled around. Ready to defend herself against rude boys and crazy girls. Ready to run away if there were too many of them. Ready to face her destiny.
Startled green eyes looked into light blue eyes and the tall girl froze as she saw the shinning appearance floating right in front of her. Long, blond hair almost reached the ground and the white dress seemed to shimmer in the moon's light.
"Hello, Princess Uranus." She said and smiled friendly at the tall girl who stepped backwards and shook her head in disbelieve.
"I am here to show you your destiny." With those words the young woman held a golden staff in her hands. With a yellow jewel at its top. It sparkled in all colours of the rainbow.
"I am not a princess." Mumbled Haruka and quickly looked around. But they were alone in an empty street. There were no people around. No classmates playing cruel jokes on her. No crazy killers trying to get their next victims with such a stupid trick.
"Of course you are, Sailor Uranus. You're the most powerful of all senshi." Smiled the young woman and held the staff a little bit closer to Haruka who only stepped backwards again.
"And what's my destiny?" she asked, still wondering if she dreamed. If it was only an illusion caused by a tired brain and an exhausted body.
"To protect my daughter and to save the world." The voice was so soft and so innocent that Haruka wanted to believe her. That she wanted to take the staff and simply let the future happen.
Lesbian!
Again she heard the shrill voice in her head, again there was a shot in the air and again she winced wildly.
Maybe Michiru would love me in return if I weren't such a freak. Maybe...
Haruka clenched automatically her fists and her green eyes stared angrily at the still smiling appearance in front of her. Wind played with her messed hair and she looked suddenly very wild. Strong. Alone...
"Do you really want a dyke like me to save the world?" was all she asked in a dangerously quiet voice before she spun around and ran away. The wind blew with her. Supported her. Tried to carry her. But she was faster. Badly she tried to escape it - as she had tried to escape her damn life.
The young woman sighed deeply and put the golden staff again to the other one she still owned.
"At least she didn't attack me with a pillow." She whispered and tears burned in light blue eyes. She had seen the pain in the tall girl's face, had felt the despair in a lonely soul. Had suddenly known why the other wouldn't take over her destiny as Sailor Uranus - not as long as she was all alone.
The young woman smiled sadly as the shadow of a running girl vanished in the lamp lights.
"No, you aren't alone, Uranus. You'll never be alone, believe me." She nodded and remembered a girl with sea green hair taking care of the blonde. Even if the strongest senshi didn't know it yet.
"You need each other, because you can't be strong without the other one. You can't be complete." The young woman sighed deeply, then she started slowly to vanish.
"When you'll finally realize that you belong to each other you'll be ready to take care of the mission." The appearance raised her hand and it looked like a good bye vow.
"Then I'll return again."
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She sat on the sill, staring out into the night. A letter laid on her lap. A single, crumbled sheet of paper that reminded her that she only had half a week to pay her rent.
She didn't have enough money. Not yet. Not in half a week. Maybe never.
Slowly, she put the headphones over her ears and soon soft violin music filled her world. Kept the loud noises from the room above out of her mind. Kept away the screams still echoing in her head. Kept down the pain in her body.
The bill fell unseen on the ground as she closed her eyes. Carefully, she spreat her arms and felt the wind running through her messed hair.
I am not part of the wind.
She sighed deeply and tears burned behind her lashes, but she wouldn't let them fall.
I can't simply fly away.
Because I have no wings.
A silent sob escaped her throat and she bit hard on her lower lip until she tasted blood.
Because I am not an angel. Not at all...
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