Chapter five: Have a little faith
Somewhere a door opened. Slowly, silently. Carefully.
"How's she feeling?" asked a tender voice she knew. From somewhere. However, she couldn't remember. Not yet. Not while her head was aching so much. Not while her whole body was on fire.
"Better. Her fever has gone down a bit and her shoulder looks fine, Michi." Answered another voice. A lower one. It reminded her of her father.
Did I ever have a father?
Still, her mind was so dizzy. She could hardly remember anything. Except that the low voice had told her fairy tales. Each time she returned from her dark world it had read another story. Sometimes there had been a higher voice, maybe a child's voice, there, as well. It had corrected the papa's voice whenever it said something wrong about brave princes and beautiful princesses. And ugly dragons. And old castles.
"How was your concert?"
"Fine."
Someone came nearer and she felt how this person sat down on the bed. Next to her. Soft fingers stroked carefully through her short blond hair
"Hope they will think it over - and regret their ignorant behaviour!" Now the tender voice was angry, although she didn't know why. There was a sad laughter and again she asked herself silently if her father was by her side. But somehow she had the strange feeling that her father would have never been so nice. So concerned.
"Good. And now take a shower and get yourself warm clothes, Michi. And throw those old clothes away. I'm sure we'll find something nicer that fits."
Michi.
She knew that name. From somewhere. But somehow she couldn't remember this fact, as well.
What's my name?
She wanted to frown but she was too tired to. Again she felt soft hands stroking her hair and again she wished that the person would never stop doing that.
"Guess you're right." The tender person rose suddenly the bed felt cold. Cold and empty. "Arigato for taking care of her."
"No problem, Michi. You know, you belong to my family. And close friends of you belong to it, too." She could almost see the soft smile in an older, wiser face. Knowing face.
"She's a close friend, isn't she, Michi?"
"Hai..."
A close friend?
But before she could find an answer she returned back into the darkness.
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"Ruka?"
Haruka felt soft hands stroking over her burning cheeks. She turned her head a bit and winced as the pain flashed through her head. However, it wasn't as worse as the last time she had been awake. She had been alone in a room she already knew. Michiru's room. The door to the bathroom wasn't closed and Haruka had heard the water running, a high voice humming a sweet melody.
"Ruka?"
The tall girl opened her eyes and looked into a smiling face. Now Michiru wasn't under the shower any longer. Now she sat next to the huge bed. Still stroking so tenderly over her cheeks.
"I just want to give you your medicine. You've had enough injections the past days that uncle Tarô told me to wake you up."
Past days?
Haruka blinked and turned her head towards the window. The curtains were open, but it was night outside. There was no snow storm anymore and only some clouds covered the moon.
Past days?
The tall girl observed the room, saw the medicine lying on a desk, saw all the books lying on the ground, saw all the CDs lying on a chair.
Past days?
Haruka's eyes grew wide as she saw the drip that was still connected to her left arm.
"What happened?" she asked and wondered why her voice was so hoarse. Her throat was sore and she wasn't sure if she had the power to get up. Nevertheless, she had to try.
"Don't move, Ruka." Michiru held her back and pushed her gently her back into so soft and so warm blankets Haruka didn't know from her room.
"You had high fever and bad nightmares. You couldn't eat anything so we decided to feed you over the drip." Michiru's smile grew wider and suddenly tears sparkled in her deep blue eyes. "You had very high fever over the past three days, Ruka. You had a real bad flu and we almost feared that you had a pneumonia." Michiru shook her head and two tears ran over her cheeks. "Hell, Ruka! Don't you ever dare to terrify like that again. I've feared I would lose you, too." The sea beauty stroked again over still warm cheeks. "I don't want to live without you, Ruka. Don't you know?"
I don't want to live without you...
Haruka blinked. Still confused. Still not knowing what had happened.
I lost the race at school.
The tall girl frowned and her memories came back. Part by part. Very, very slowly.
I was on the street and it started to snow.
"I sat down on your steps, because I was too tired to go." She whispered and remembered two cats who jumped over her when a door was opened. In the middle of the night. To feed them.
"Hai." Michiru sighed deeply. "Why didn't you just ring the bell? Did you think that I'd close the door again?"
Haruka looked deeply into blue eyes, then she closed her eyes again and turned her head away.
"You weren't at the race and you didn't wait for me at the school's hall. I thought... I thought you wouldn't like me any more."
"I've practised until eight in the evening. I wasn't able to see you. My conductor was simply not satisfied with my violin play."
Eight in the evening? But I left school at six...
"Why shouldn't I like you any longer?" Michiru smiled tenderly as Haruka opened her eyes again. But still she looked at the ceiling, not at her.
"Because... because I shouldn't have kissed you!"
Now it was out.
There was a soft giggle and now Haruka dared to risk a look over to the smaller girl. Stared at a laughing Michiru in disbelieve.
"I do remember that I was the one kissing you." She smiled and leaned closer to Haruka. Now her face was serious again. "I told you that you're my best friend and I thought that you already knew that you were something special for me."
Haruka only stared at her. She simply didn't know what to say. How to react. And as she tried to move the pain increased inside her shoulder and she knew that she couldn't do anything right now than lying in this bed and let the future happen. To give in her personal destiny.
Are all her nightmares real?
Michiru swallowed hard and stroked some wet strands out of a still redden face. The fever wasn't gone yet, it only went down a bit. But her uncle had looked a lot more relaxed at the tall girl when he came once an hour to check on her state of body. And Michiru didn't live any longer in the steady fear that Haruka would die. Right under her hands. Without giving her a chance to help her. To listen to her. To love her.
"Maybe you didn't believe me when I told you that I was your best friend." Quickly, Michiru leaned closer to Haruka and kissed her shortly, but tenderly on her lips. Warm lips. Soft lips.
Nani?
"Would you believe me when I told you that I love you?"
Love you...
No one had ever told her that she was loved. Her father had hated her and her mother had only liked the cute little girl, but not her real I. Not the wild tomboy she finally became. Her class mates shouted at her and no teacher really cared about her. She had bad grades, she simply didn't learn for tests and she was helplessly lazy.
Love you...
Does she mean it?
As Haruka looked again into deep blue eyes, which remembered her so much of the wild, endless ocean, she knew the answer.
I love you, too.
She wanted so badly to say it. To scream it out loud. But her throat was dry and she simply couldn't answer. She felt how tears filled her eyes, but she didn't want to cry. To show her damn weakness to anyone - not even to Michiru who meant everything to her. Therefore, she tried to turn away. To pull the soft blanket over her head. But her body wouldn't obey her. Pain flashed through her shoulder and forced her to stay where she was.
More and more tears filled her eyes and soon she felt them wet her cheeks.
I am not a stupid, little girl.
She swallowed hard and wanted to get up. To run away. To hide herself somewhere.
I am not a weak woman!
"Hush, Ruka. It's okay." Michiru crept next to her on the wide bed and embraced her carefully. She didn't want to touch the bandaged shoulder nor the arm that was still connected to the drip. But she wanted to hold her Ruka tight. Determinedly tight. And she wanted never to let her go again.
"It's okay, Ruka. You comforted me all this time, so let me be the one to comfort you." She whispered and kissed tenderly salty tears away. They were replaced by new ones.
"Just have a little faith in me, Ruka. I'd never hurt you." She pulled a trembling Haruka carefully closer to herself and felt how the tall girl embraced her in return. Maybe weakly, but as determinedly as she.
I want to tell her everything. I want so badly to tell her the truth about my past.
"There's so much you don't know..." she whispered instead and leaned her head against Michiru's shoulder and there were again those soft hands stroking so calmingly through her short blond hair.
"If you want to tell me, I'd listen to you." Answered Michiru and kissed Haruka's sweaty forehead. "Don't worry, I won't be shocked."
Haruka nodded and held her silently tighter.
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I don't like where Ruka lives!
Michiru raised her head and looked up to the grey sky above. Again she heard her niece's voice in her mind. Again and again. Until she had searched Haruka's schoolbag for her identity card and for her address. She'd found two.
Maybe her parents are divorced and she lives for during the weekend with her father and during the week with her mother.
Michiru swallowed hard as she was again reminded of those terrible nightmares. Feverish nightmares. But nevertheless they had seemed to be so real...
I have to go upstairs to tell them that their daughter is fine. That she's with me and that she'll be well again in about a week.
Michiru took a deep breath and opened the heavy entrance door. It was dark in the corridor; the light didn't work. There was some graffiti on the grey walls and the ground was dirty.
Not the noblest region where she lives.
Michiru glanced again at her note and searched for Haruka's name on the doors.
No wonder she always felt so uncomfortable whenever we went to the expensive Italian restaurant.
It was the last door of a long corridor and Michiru took again a deep breath before she rang the bell.
I simply didn't think it over. Guess I hurt her a lot with my ignorant behaviour. To give so much tip and to buy all those stupid clothes for myself. Summer clothes I really don't need during winter. She must have felt guilty, because she couldn't afford anything for herself.
Nothing happened. Again she pushed the button, but there was no still ringing. Obviously, the bell didn't work. So she knocked on the door. It was an old door. And it wasn't locked.
"Hello?" Michiru opened the door slowly and entered the twilight behind. "Is anyone there? Tenô-san?" The sea beauty gasped hard for breath and searched in her handbag for a handkerchief as she smelled the beastly stench.
"Hello?" She pressed the handkerchief before her nose and tried to get some fresh air through her mouth. But there was no fresh air in this small, sticky room. Michiru searched for the switcher and as she finally switched on the light she stepped back and shook her head in disbelieve. There was something in the corner. It was a small, brown body. The grey carpet was covered with dry blood around the body and some flies flew around it.
What the hell is that?
Maybe she took the wrong flat? Maybe that wasn't Haruka's home? Maybe that wasn't the right house? Maybe...
She retched and tried not to throw up her breakfast as she suddenly thought of a photo she had found in Haruka's schoolbag. It showed her with a small puppy in her arms. With such a loving expression on her face Michiru had only seen once - when Hotaru had jumped laughingly in the wild tomboy's arms..
Haruka had hold the small puppy towards the camera and had looked very proud. And happy.
It had been a brown pup.
Michiru swallowed hard and shook her head. But still she had to stare at the stinking body. Still, she couldn't turn away. Still, she couldn't scream. All she cold do was whimper. And wince wildly as a door opposite to her was pushed open.
"If it's you, Haruka, go away! I won't tell you again!" The voice was full of hate and it sounded angry. Very angry.
"Tenô-san?" asked Michiru and tried to get over to the entrance door. To open it again. To escape this strange flat. And the obviously dead drunk woman. She only wore an apron and held a half empty bottle in her left hand. Michiru could smell the alcohol and the beer in the air and she felt sicker with every second.
"Oh, you aren't Haruka." Said the woman and put her hand into the apron's pocket. "Who are you?"
"I am Kaioh Michiru, Haruka's best friend. And you must be her mother."
Hell, how could she live in such a dirty, ugly flat all this time?
"Best friend? You're her new whore, aren't you? I've always thought that she's not normal, that she'd prefer girls instead of boys. It was clear by the way she looked." The woman reeled slightly and spat on the grey carpet. "And I am not her mother! Not any longer! I refuse to be the mother of such an ungrateful, stupid dyke! Of such a bloody lesbian!"
Hell, how did she live with such a hating, ignorant mother all this time?
"So, what do you want here?"
Michiru blinked as she heard the rude voice. As she looked into sparkling dark eyes. Sparkling with hate and disgust. And anger.
Why has she never told me about this chaos? About her hard life?
"Don't you tell me that she wants money! She's got all we've earned when she was younger, but she forced my husband to leave us - because he didn't want her any longer. So he left me and I had to raise her the last years alone! But now she's old enough to take care of herself!"
The old woman raised the bottle and took some deep gulps. Beer ran down her chin and over her old, dirty apron. She belched and Michiru asked herself when the woman had taken her last shower.
Guess Ruka had been too ashamed of her wrecked family to tell me. No wonder, I would have been ashamed, too.
"Ruka's..."
"Ruka? What an ugly nickname. But it fits to her, she's ugly, too!"
This must be a nightmare!
But Michiru knew it wasn't.
"Your daughter had a high fever and she's now with me at my uncle's house. She's already feeling better, so there's no reason to be worried and..."
"Why should I be worried about that dyke? I kicked her out about four months ago. And you should better go, too."
She's been kicked out?
Michiru blinked. Unable to move. Unable to turn around. Unable to run away.
She doesn't live here any more? Where does she live, then?
Michiru swallowed hard as she thought of the second address she had found on Haruka's identity card.
"I..."
"Get out, now! Or shall I punish you, too?" With those words the old woman raised her right hand. Michiru's eyes grew wide as she saw the gun in trembling hands. Pointing directly at her.
Ruka's shoulder...
"You shot at her?" Suddenly, Michiru's face was red and her blue eyes sparkled in never ending rage. "You dared to hurt my Ruka?" she screamed and moved so suddenly that the old woman couldn't react. With a determined motion she slapped the gun away. It landed on the ground, next to the killed puppy.
"You simply left your own child alone?" Michiru was so full of anger that she simply pushed the older woman, who was about her seize, against the dirty wall behind. Directly, she looked into a now pale face, could smell the alcohol and the sweat. The bottle fell somewhere down next to them.
"She's lived with that pain for the last four months and you didn't care what has happened to her? Hell, she's sixteen! She's too young to live without her family." Michiru screamed at her, ragingly, and shook the old woman with all her desperate powers. "No one should be that bloody alone. Do you know what you've done to her?"
"She's the reason why my husband left me!" cried the old woman and tried to free herself, but Michiru was stronger than she. Angrier. More desperate.
"Look at yourself, Tenô-san! Look into the mirror and tell yourself your own lies. I don't believe you!"
"Get out!" it was nothing more than a whisper and Michiru swallowed hard. Slowly, she let go of the now openly crying, old woman who didn't have anything left in her whole life.
"Take the few things you want to have. Her room was over there. Take them and go! But leave me in peace. At last, leave me all in peace!"
Michiru swallowed hard again and looked briefly at the dead puppy and the gun and then at the dead drunken woman.
"Why did you let your daughter become what she is?"
"A lesbian? I..."
"No, not a lesbian, but such a hurt soul."
Michiru shook her head. Again she saw the sad expression in dark green eyes as she had washed blond strands. Again she saw all the love in them as a little girl had simply said that she was her friend. Again she saw a whimpering Haruka trying desperately to escape her feverish nightmares. To escape her rude father. To escape her ignorant mother. To escape her bloody life.
"No, not a lesbian, but a silent person who isn't able to trust anyone."
"That's all her fault! I always wanted a lovely girl and a nice husband. A nice family."
Michiru watched how the old woman went on her knees to drink the rest of the beer that hadn't been spilled on the grey carpet.
"That's all what she wants, too: A nice family." The sea beauty saw again the bloodstained shoulder, saw again how her uncle had to stitch it, saw again how he had to put a drip into her too skinny arm.
"But you obviously didn't want her."
"No!" The old woman laughed a wicked laugh that made Michiru shiver. "She's a dyke. A bloody lesbian. No one wants a daughter like that."
My mother loved me the way I am. Just like my father did.
Michiru took a deep breath. Again she heard her mother's teasing words whenever a beautiful girl passed by and her father had always laughed when she had to blush deeply.
They would have loved Ruka.
Her parents had never cared of the money a person had. They had only cared for his or her soul. For their hearts. For their thoughts.
"Don't worry, Tenô-san. I will never return again, nor will Ruka..."
"I hope it! I am fed up with her! She shall never come back - otherwise I'll kill her!"
Michiru looked briefly at the gun on the grey carpet and slowly nodded her head.
She'd really kill her.
"Don't worry, Tenô-san. Ruka isn't part of your family any longer." Michiru bowed slightly and stepped some steps back as the old woman tried to get up. But she couldn't control her body any longer and therefore went back on her knees. Then she searched in her pockets for a cigarette. She lit it and took a deep breath. The smoke let Michiru feel even sicker and slowly she opened the door behind her back. Not taking her eyes off the woman who used to have been her girlfriend's mother.
"Ruka is now part of my family. Forever."
As she closed the down behind herself she could hear a loud noise. Like glass exploding. But she ignored it. She only turned around and ran as fast as she could.
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This house was even dirtier and even darker and even older than the one she had visited only half an hour before. It was late afternoon and a strange twilight filled the dirty corridors. There were injections on the ground and old joints. And some people Michiru tried to step over very quickly. They were unconscious or simply dead drunk. Some seemed to have thrown up their last meal and so the whole corridor stank.
How can she live in this hell?
Michiru shook her head and looked at the numbers on the doors. She had to go up to the third floor until she found it. It had taken her an eternity and now she felt frightened.
Why didn't I tell uncle Tarô where I was going?
She only told him that she wanted to get some things from school for Haruka and he said that he would take of Haruka who felt better with every day. And that Hotaru would like to play her best friend's nurse.
This isn't the best place for girls like me.
Michiru stood in front of the door and looked at the key in her hands.
This isn't the best place for girls like Ruka, either.
She turned it around and frowned as the door blocked. She tried it again and again until she saw the big lock.
This isn't the best place for any girls at all.
"Are you her friend?" asked suddenly a high voice behind her. Michiru winced wildly and turned around. Behind her stood a woman of maybe twenty five years. There was a guy by her side - he looked drunk, too. And dirty. And greedy. He grabbed for the woman's breasts, but she only pushed him away.
"Hai... I wanted to get her things."
"So, she finally moves away? Incredible that she made it all this time." The young woman shook her head as she saw the lock. "She hasn't paid her rent. That's what they always do when you don't pay your rent."
"Rent?"
"Hai, for you it's maybe not much but for us it's a fortune."
Us?
Michiru frowned as the young woman giggled and whispered something to the guy next to her. He only nodded and stepped towards the door. With one determined kick the lock broke and the door slammed against the wall.
"So, it's open. Take her things and go, beauty. This isn't where you belong." The young woman smiled sadly and observed her expensive coat and her warm shoes.
"How much rent does she have to pay?"
"Ten thousand yen per month." Answered the young woman and was pulled away from her boyfriend. She laughed and they both disappeared around the corner.
Ten thousand yen...
Michiru swallowed hard as she slowly entered the room. It was very small and it didn't even seem to have a private bathroom. There was no TV, not even a radio. Only two wall sockets and one lamp on the ceiling. That was the whole luxury.
Ten thousand yen...
That was the price she once had paid for her white coat. Not very much as she had thought. But for Ruka it would seemed to have been a fortune. Thousand yen... to have or not to have. The answer decided over Haruka's life.
Last week she didn't have the money.
Michiru looked at the small bed in the corner, right next to a small window. The blankets looked crumbled and old. The white sheet was covered with dry blood and there were some used bandages on the ground.
She's had the wound for over four months now...
Michiru shivered and wrapped her arms automatically around her waist.
Surely it had been a lot of pain.
There was a walkman on the sill and as she pushed the button she heard soft violin music in the headphones.
She listened to the cassette I gave her...
Michiru turned around and saw an old teddy bear lying silently on the old pillow. His right eye was missing and he was dirty, too. But the sea beauty suddenly knew that it was very important to her girlfriend.
Everyone needs a friend when one's in need.
However, Haruka had had no friends. Over the past two years all pupils at school had avoided her. So there was nothing else left than a toy. A toy that would listen. That could comfort. Yet, it couldn't answer and find any solutions.
"My goodness..." whispered Michiru as she saw the only picture on the walls. The wallpaper was grey and seemed to be from the times when the house had been built. That had been over fifty years ago.
Tears sparkled in blue eyes as she saw the sketch of a candle. Of a single candle burning in an endless night. In a dark night. In a deep night.
She kept my picture.
Michiru sat down on the bed and stared at the picture. It was carefully pinned on the wall. Right over the pillow. So that the person who was in bed could stare at it all night.
I didn't realize that it meant so much to her.
Michiru took a deep breath and opened the small cupboard next to the old bed. There were some folders and some old books Haruka needed for school, as well as some old newspapers. Some part time jobs were underlined and Michiru suddenly knew that it had been very hard for Haruka to find a new job after she had been kicked out, because she had slept almost all night on Michiru's couch instead of being around delivering pizza.
Why didn't she tell me that she needed the money so badly?
Again Michiru heard her uncle's words. That Haruka hadn't known her long and good enough to trust her. That she wouldn't have begged for help - and especially not for money. That the tall girl simply needed her time to have faith again. Simply to trust anyone else again.
To trust me...
Carefully, Michiru pulled out the books and the folders and found another small book in the shadow of the corner. She frowned as she opened it. It wasn't a schoolbook nor was it a novel. After Michiru read the first few lines she knew what she held in her hands.
I shouldn't read it. It's her diary.
Michiru bit on her lower lip and just browsed through the pages. There was quite a neat handwriting at first. Written with a fountain pen. But the longer the diary did last, the uglier and unreadable became the writing. Then it was written with a ball-pen. The first registration had been three years ago, the last one the evening before the race. The evening after the winter's ball.
Michiru swallowed hard but couldn't resist to read the last page. Her eyes grew wide and as she finally closed the book again, tears running down over her pale cheeks.
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"She's awake now." Hotaru flew into her aunt's arms and squeezed her tenderly. "Daddy and I want to go shopping!" she declared and reached for her thick, black jacket.
"Our fridge is almost empty. We have to get something to eat." Her uncle looked concerned at her. "Can I leave you alone?" he asked while he helped his daughter with her long scarf.
"Of course."
"We'll be back as soon as possible. Then I'll make us a proper meal and Haruka a warm broth. She has to start to eat something."
Michiru nodded and held her bag tighter. It contained all of Haruka's things. It was terribly light in her hands.
"If anything's wrong, just call me. I'll be back the next second." Her uncle put his cell phone in his pocket and helped Hotaru with her gloves.
"And we need a new fairy tale book. You've already read all fairy tales to Ruka." Declared Hotaru and put her backpack on. It looked like a small bunny. With long ears and a big grin on its face.
"Hai, we need one, darling." Laughed Dr. Tomoe and took his daughter in his arms.
"See ya later!" shouted Hotaru and waved her arms happily. The next moment the door closed again and Michiru heard the engine of their car.
Arigato...
Michiru swallowed hard. The last evening when Haruka had already slept, her uncle had talked very seriously to her. He had wanted to know who Haruka really was. As long as she had been too sick he had been too concerned to think much about anything else than helping her, healing her. But then when she had started to feel better he couldn't help but wonder. Michiru simply told him that Haruka was her girlfriend and that she loved her very much. Her uncle had looked at her for a long time in silence. Then he had rose from his chair, had come over to her and had taken her softly in his arms. He had only said one sentence, but it had showed her how much he cared for her. How much he loved his sister's daughter. How much she already belonged into his family.
As long as you're happy, I am happy, too, Michi.
Arigato, uncle Tarô.
Michiru took off her dirty shoes and put on her slippers. Then she walked directly over to her room that wasn't as empty as it had been just a few weeks before.
Haruka sat on the bed and looked at the pictures on the walls. They had all been drawn by Michiru. Wide oceans, deep forests, endless skies. Soft violin music filled the room and the tall girl held the remote control in her hands. Still she wore the pyjamas Dr. Tomoe had given to her. They were a little bit too long but that didn't matter.
She looks so cute.
The blond mop was messed and the crumbled blanket covered her legs. Nevertheless, her barefooted feet looked out from under the cover.
"Hi, Ruka. Are you feeling better?" Michiru asked and brought Haruka back into reality. A bright smile appeared on the still pale face as the tall girl saw her girlfriend.
"Look, Michi, your uncle took away the drip and this evening he wants to make me some roth." Haruka raised the remote control and the violin music became softer. "And where have you been? I've missed you." The last words were so silent that Michiru was sure that it hadn't been easily for the tall girl to say them aloud.
How will she react?
Michiru took a deep breath and sat down next to her girlfriend. She gave her a tender kiss and felt how she blushed slightly. Then she opened her bag and put a heavy book out. It was a photo album and Haruka recognized it immediately.
"This..." she shook her head and her hands trembled suddenly as she took it. Slowly, she opened it and looked down at a little baby. The photo was taken in black and white but Michiru was suddenly sure that the little girl had blond hair and looked at the observer with sparkling green eyes.
"This is me, Michi. I was only six months when they took this pic." Whispered Haruka and raised the album so that Michiru could see it, too. She didn't dare to say that she had already looked at all those pictures. At the innocent early ones - and at the sad later ones.
"You were a cute child, Ruka."
"Well, my mother wouldn't agree."
Michiru crept a little bit nearer to her girlfriend and embraced her carefully. "I know." She whispered and leaned her head against Haruka's healthy shoulder. Then she looked again at the photo on the tall girl's lap.
"You've been there?"
What the hell did she see?
But whatever the smaller girl had experienced, she didn't seem to love her less.
"Hai... I..." Michiru swallowed hard and held her Ruka little bit tighter. "I declared that you now belong to me and that she doesn't have to take care of you any longer."
Dark green eyes looked for a long time thoughtfully in deep blue ones. Then Haruka leaned forward and kissed her with all her desperation. With all her deep feelings she couldn't voice into words. Michiru understood her without many words.
"Ouch..." Haruka winced as Michiru touched her hurt shoulder.
"Gomen." The smaller girl let go but still leaned against Haruka's healthy arm and felt how Haruka sighed deeply.
"Does she still have the gun?"
"Hai..." Michiru smiled sadly. "She shot at you, didn't she? My uncle went almost insane when he saw your shoulder. He doesn't know where your mother lives - if he would, he'd jail her. He was so angry, because he saw that the wound was older than just a couple of days." Michiru shook her head and watched how Haruka turned some pages. There were other pictures of a little girl. Of three, of four, of five years. In a small dress. With shoulder long blond hair and a happy smile on her face.
"And I was angry, too. Why didn't you tell me, Ruka? Why didn't you want me to help you?"
For a long time there was silence between them while Haruka turned more and more pages. There was only the soft violin music in the room - and black and white pictures that reminded the tall girl at so many times she hadn't wanted to be that little girl any longer.
"That's me when I was fourteen, Michi." Said Haruka finally and took a deep breath.
I can trust her. Completely.
"I always did a lot of sport and I guess my body needed simply a little bit longer to become more female while growing up. It was a great spring and a hot summer and Yakoto and I bought those crazy summer dresses and went to the hairdresser to get a pram." Haruka giggled, but it sounded very sad. "It took me all of my pocket money but I was proud of myself. All my friends at school told me that I was beautiful and I felt a little bit more like them. Like all the rich and happy girls. They liked me a lot when I was fourteen. My father liked me even more..."
Michiru bit on her lower lip and raised her head. But there were no tears in dark green eyes. Only hate and anger while she stared determinedly down on the black and white photo.
Ask her!
The sea beauty swallowed hard and searched for the right words.
Ask her! She's your girlfriend! You already know the answer!
"Did he... did he hurt you?"
Haruka blinked before she turned the page. There was another picture of a cute girl wearing a narrow dress. A tall man stood right behind her; he had put his hands on her shoulders.
"You mean, rape?"
Still Michiru couldn't see any feeling in Haruka's face. It was empty. Insensible. Unreachable.
The smaller girl raised her hand and stroked carefully through blond strands.
"No, he didn't." answered Haruka in such a cold voice that Michiru wasn't sure if she should be relieved or even more afraid. After the terrible nightmares she had asked herself many times if she'd be able to live with the knowledge that her own father had hurt Haruka. If she'd be able to be there for her Ruka, to comfort her the way she needed to be comforted. If those wounds would ever heal again. But she knew whatever happened, she'd be there for her.
"Well, he tried it once. It was in the middle of the night." Again she turned the page and there were again other pictures. Some of them showed Yakoto who had had the same hair style and the same dress as Haruka. They looked like really good friends.
But she left her all alone, too...
"Normally, he took his belt after he had punished my mother as he called it. To punish me, too. That I'd taken his future. That I'd taken all his money and his dreams away. At first, I had tried to defend myself, but it was senseless. He was taller and stronger than I with eight years when it all began. I was fourteen when he undressed himself and came into my bed." Haruka stroked carefully over the picture of a laughing girl that used to have been herself.
"I wanted to escape but he was stronger. He wanted to take me and not even my mother nor the neighbours wanted to help me, although I screamed like hell." She sighed deeply and felt how Michiru embraced her tenderly. To be there for her. To be always there.
"I don't know how much he drunk that evening. It must have been too much, because he was dead drunk. Before he could really do anything he fell asleep. Right on top of me. It wasn't very... very nice."
Nice. Surely she wants to use other words to describe him.
However, even Michiru couldn't find better ones. She couldn't find any words at all. Therefore, she held her girlfriend simply tighter and felt how the taller girl trembled slightly.
"He didn't want me, Michi. He only wanted a cute, weak girl. So I went to the hairdresser again the next day and cut my hair as short as possible. I bought some old trousers and since that day I started to wear very narrow sport bras." Haruka turned the page again and now Michiru saw a picture of the Ruka she knew and loved. Only that she looked like a trapped animal on that picture.
All those pupils had been so blind. She went through hell. But instead of helping her they all ignored her and made her life even worse...
"He didn't like the way I looked and so he returned to his belt punishment. Until he left my mother over one year ago..."
"And she thought that it was your fault and kicked you out."
Haruka sighed deeply.
"She shouted at you, too." It wasn't a question.
"Don't worry about me. Guess I almost broke her right arm." Shortly Michiru looked into startled green eyes. "I was so in anger, Ruka, that I forgot that she was dead drunk."
Dead drunk. Again!
Haruka felt how Michiru took her face into her face and gave her a long and tender kiss.
"It drove me crazy to know that someone hurt you. That your mother hurt you." Michiru gave her another short kiss and leaned her forehead against a sweaty one. "I don't want to see you hurt, Ruka."
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The water was pleasantly warm. Haruka closed her eyes and simply enjoyed the warm wet around her. It seemed to have been an eternity since the last time she took a shower and she couldn't remember ever having had such a nice warm bath. It was shortly before the supper. Dr. Tomoe had already prepared their meals and she was supposed take part at it, too. Suddenly, she had felt dirty in the pyjamas she had already worn for some days and had asked for a shower. Of course Michiru had looked sceptically at her and run her a hot bath instead.
"Is it okay this way?" She opened her eyes and they grew wide as she saw Michiru standing next to the big tub. The sea green haired girl didn't wear any clothes. Only a small towel that was wrapped around her waist. It fell to the ground, too, as Michiru stepped closer.
She's so beautiful...
Haruka only nodded and couldn't look away from deep blue eyes.
"May I join you?" giggled Michiru and leaned forward to give her girlfriend a tender kiss.
"If you want..." now Haruka had to grin and made place for Michiru who slipped behind her into the tub. She hadn't exaggerated when she had told her once in the school's swimming hall that their tub was almost as big as a normal swimming pool. That Hotaru always told her auntie that it had been made only for her.
"Of course I want." Michiru smiled and embraced her girlfriend. Haruka leaned her head against her chest and sighed happily.
"Enjoy it, Ruka, because next time I'll tickle you again." She held her a little bit tighter and buried her face in blond strands.
"This is nice." Whispered Haruka after a long time and closed her eyes. Michiru raised her head again and looked into a relaxed face. A thin smile was on soft lips she loved so much to kiss.
She trusts me...
Michiru swallowed hard and kissed softly Haruka's hair, her forehead and finally her nose. Haruka smiled and raised her head a little bit to get a kiss right on her lips. She didn't feel ashamed that she was naked in the water. As long as she was together with her Michi she knew that there was no reason to be ashamed. Not of her appearance. Not of her body. Not of her poverty.
Finally she has faith in me. Even if it's just a little bit ...
I could stay this way forever.
Haruka relaxed again. Her right shoulder started again to hurt, but she ignored it. She knew that Dr. Tomoe took really good care for her wound and she simply didn't want to let this tender touch end. To leave this warm body next to her. Too much she feared that she would wake up and it all had been just a dream. A nice, but an quite unrealistic dream.
"Michi?"
"Hm?"
Haruka smiled as she heard how tired her girlfriend's voice was.
Guess she hasn't slept a lot while I had such a high fever.
Still, she couldn't believe that anyone would stay awake all night just to control her temperature and to see that she kept breathing.
She's someone special.
Haruka felt one hand stroking tenderly over her arms and shivered slightly.
And I love her so much!
"I've never had a real home, Michi." Whispered Haruka and asked herself when she would start to purr. The touch felt so damn good. Better than everything she had ever felt before in her life. "But here I feel like being home."
Michiru only smiled and kissed her again.
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"You've won."
"Yippiehhhh!" The little girl grinned happily and threw all her cards in the air. "I've won! I've won! I've won!" she screamed and jumped through the whole room while she stretched her small arms to the ceiling. Her face was redden and she looked like a wild tomboy now. Not like the ill girl she normally was.
It's good for her to have Ruka around.
Michiru smiled while she collected the cards. Haruka sat on the living room's couch. She wore a training suit her uncle had bought for her before he came home yesterday. It was dark and had the right seize. And it was warm. Nevertheless, Haruka was also wrapped into a blanket and a hot steaming tea stood right before her on the table. Next to the cards that showed that she had lost again. All afternoon they had played different games and mostly Haruka lost. Michiru needed some games to understand that Haruka didn't want to win. That she was happier to see the little girl jumping around with joy. She didn't need to win to be happy, too.
"It's not so important to me." She whispered to Michiru while Hotaru ran to the kitchen to get an orange juice and an apple. "But Hime-chan's important to me."
Both looked a little bit tired as the girl put the cards away and brought a new game from her room. It was something about money and that they had to buy streets and to built hotels. Haruka didn't understand it completely and that was why she didn't understand why Hotaru wanted so badly those two blue streets. But she liked the red hotels. They looked cute and were so tiny.
Last night they had been awake and spoke about their pasts. And their futures. It had already been dawn when they finally fell asleep. Holding each other tight. Knowing that the other one would be part of that future, too, no matter what happened.
"Do you really want this street?" asked Hotaru and looked pleadingly at Haruka with her big, dark eyes that told the tall girl that she shouldn't waste her money and Hotaru's hope of getting the green streets, as well.
"No, they're too expensive for me." She declared and smiled as Hotaru hurried on with the dice.
Michiru giggled while her pencil danced over the sketchbook on her lap. She used the chance to draw the people who meant the most in her life.
At that moment the bell rang.
"Daddy?" Hotaru frowned and looked at the clock hanging right over the couch. She was only five years old, but she could already read it. "It's too early." She decided, because her father never came home before six in the evening. Now it was only four in the afternoon.
"Keep playing, I'll go." Michiru put the sketchbook away and left the room. Some seconds later there were some other voices on the corridor and Haruka raised her head in surprise.
Is there someone sobbing?
She put her money and her streets aside and wanted to get up.
Is Michi sobbing?
Whoever was out there, she wouldn't let them hurt her Michiru.
But before she was able to leave the couch, four girls she knew very well stood in the middle of the living room. Two of them cried.
"I really don't know why you're crying!"
"But... but..."
"Okay, she cries. Maybe she has a reason. But you don't have to join her just for nothing, you baka!"
"Oh..." sobbed the smaller girl who had now a good reason for sobbing.
Haruka raised both eyebrows as they both showed each other their tongues. The tall girl had already seen them arguing before, and it always made her giggle. So did it this time.
"You see, now she's again laughing at you! You baka!"
"Oh, Rei..."
Michiru giggled, too, and showed Usagi and Rei two chairs to sit down. Rei held a small, wrapped box in her hands while Usagi had some chocolate. The package was crumbled and it looked as if the girl had tried to get to the chocolate without anyone noticing it.
"I can't believe that you've tried to steal the chocolate you've wanted to give away!" Rei rolled her eyes, but then she patted softly Usagi's trembling arm.
"But it's soooo delicious and Shingo already ate the other package."
"You're greedy, Usagi."
"Not more than you are!"
Again tongue showing.
Haruka raised her head and watched Michiru going to the kitchen to get some tea for their guests. At that moment she realized that Usagi and Rei weren't her only guests. There was also Elza who held a big bunch of flowers in her hands and smiled shakily down at her. And there was a sobbing Yakoto. A guilty looking Yakoto who obviously had more serious reasons of being sad than Usagi.
"Why don't you sit down, too? I'd like to give you a chair, but at the moment I am not so healthy." Apologized Haruka and stroked over Hime-chan's dark hair. The little girl decided that she already won the game and ran into the kitchen to help her aunt.
"Don't worry, we're strong enough to help ourselves." Said Elza, put the big bunch of flowers on the table and dragged two chairs to the table. Then she sat down and forced a still sobbing Yakoto to do the same.
"Hope you're feeling better now, Haruka. First the teachers didn't want to say why you hadn't come to school, but after Michiru missed, too, we were pretty sure that you've been ill." Elza shrugged her shoulders. "Gomen, Haruka. I've seen that you haven't felt so good, but I didn't tell the teachers. I overtook you so easily and I should have known that you've been very ill. Otherwise, I wouldn't have stand any chance against you." Now Elza grinned and reached into her bag. She pulled a golden medal out of it and threw it over to Haruka who caught it instinctively.
"Your gold medal?" asked the tall girl in surprise and shook her head. "No, Elza..."
"Oh, Haruka, just take it. It's yours. You're the best one in our team and I know that. I'm happy to have the silver medal." Again Elza shrugged her shoulders. "It's nothing worth, after all. Masanori was found guilty of doping; he took some pills he wasn't allowed to take so that they had to cancel the whole race. The whole competition. Now it snows too much and therefore they don't have a place to repeat it." Elza grinned openly. "Guess I'll get my second chance in spring to beat you or at least to reach the second place. Then that's the best place I can get."
Haruka turned the medal in her hands around and around and bit thoughtfully on her lower lip.
"So I am not kicked out?" before she could stop her thought she had already spoken it out out loud.
"No. Why should they? I don't know how you did it, but you've improved your marks. Even our English teacher said that you'll be able to do the final tests in spring with good results when you work as hard as you have done the past weeks." Now Elza giggled. "Don't look so terrified, Haruka. You'll never be as perfect as Mizuno Ami or as talented as Kaioh Michiru, but it's okay to get good marks to get by. Just like most of us have to do, too."
Michiru returned and put the four teas on the table. Then she sat down next to her girlfriend and took her niece on her lap.
"You look like a happy family." Said Usagi and they both had to blush a little bit.
"Hai, a happy family. "sighed Rei and handled Haruka her wrapped gift. "That means that they won't have such a baka like you."
"Oh Rei!"
Again more tongue showing.
Again more giggling from Elza.
Again more silent sobs from Yakoto.
"I liked the song you played. I mean for your last concert." Said Elza and looked at the two girls. Smiling knowingly.
"Hai, there was the TV and the radio at our school the next morning and wanted to talk to you - but you've been ill and so they interviewed the pupils and the headmaster. It was really exciting." Rei's cheeks were redden while she watched Haruka unwrapping her gift. Usagi held her chocolate still tight. She looked as if she was unsure if she should really give it away. After all, it was her most favourite chocolate.
"Guess you shocked them quite a lot." Laughed Elza. Then she became serious again. "Guess they needed this lessons. The pupils are sometimes too rude and the teacher only look away."
At that moment Yakoto couldn't hold back her tears any longer. She started openly to cry. Of course Usagi had to sob a little bit, too. And of course Rei blamed her for her silly behaviour.
"Gomen..." stammered Yakoto and cried even more. "Gomen, Haruka. I didn't... I mean I never wanted... I thought..." she blushed deeply and more tears ran down her cheeks. "You've been my best friend and... and I simply didn't see... see until Michiru... Michiru sung that song... and ... Mila was so... mean and..."
Haruka and Michiru exchanged shortly glances. Then Haruka rose from the couch and laid her left hand calmingly on a trembling shoulder.
"It's okay, Yakoto. You aren't as mean as Mila." She said with an understanding smile on her face. "You've been afraid, that's all."
"But that wasn't right!" cried Yakoto and Rei gave up and handled Usagi a handkerchief.
"Then make it better in the future."
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The supper was delicious. It was not only the hot broth that stood steaming before her on the table. She had had broth for the last two days. But today she was allowed to leave her bed and the couch for good and to sit at the kitchen's table with the other people.
"These noodles are too thin." Said Hotaru and raised her fork. Of course she had wanted to eat the same meal as her best Haruka. Michiru giggled and handled her a spoon.
"It's noodle broth, princess. You have to use a spoon. Then you won't loose them so easily."
"But that's strange to eat noodles with a spoon." But Hotaru was convinced as she watched how Haruka ate her broth with a spoon, as well.
They talked about different things. About Dr. Tomoe's work at the hospital and about his studies in his laboratory. About Hotaru planting a new tree in the kindergarten. About the coming Christmas. About Haruka and Michiru going back to school again. They discussed for a long time if they wanted to change school, but they both decided that it would have been like running away. So they decided to stay. At least as long as the teachers hadn't already kicked them out, because of the song Michiru had sung right in front of the cameras.
"Haruka?"
Dr. Tomoe looked down at the tall girl as she raised her head and looked at him with questions in her dark green eyes. Again he saw how happy his niece had been after the girl had been here. How Michiru had started again to draw - nice pictures that didn't show a burning Ferrari any longer. How his sister's daughter had smiled happily in her dreams while the tall girl had held her tightly. It had been the first honest smile Dr. Tomoe had seen since that night when the police woke him and his daughter up. Again he thought of how brave Michiru had been when she had declared him that she wanted to visit her parents' grave - and that Haruka would go with her. Michiru had been very sad when she came home, but there had been hope in her deep blue eyes. Haruka hadn't said much that afternoon. She had only taken the smaller girl's hand and held it tight. Showing her this way that she was there for her.
Again he saw his niece's terrified face when Haruka had broken down in the corridor. Again he heard her gasp for breath as he had shown the bloodstained shoulder to her. Again he thought of all the nights Michiru had sat at the bed and had watched the ill girl breathing. Just breathing. Just being sure that she was still alive. That she wouldn't leave her, too. Just like her parents...
"Hai?"
They love each other. Just like I've loved my Rumi-chan. Just like my sister has loved her Gendo.
Softly, he smiled down at her and messed her blond mop.
"Welcome to the family, Haruka."
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"This must be a dream." Whispered Haruka while she crept a little bit closer to her girlfriend under the blanket.
"Nani?" giggled Michiru back and embraced the tall girl in return.
"It's too wonderful it be real." Answered Haruka and gave her a tender kiss.
I love those lips. I love her!
"You're too wonderful to be real."
Michiru smiled happily and gave her another soft kiss in return.
"Are you sure?" she teased and caressed carefully over warm cheeks. Still, Haruka wasn't completely recovered yet and she still had a temperature and it would take her another week until she could use her arm again without taking too many painkillers.
"I've never been so sure about something in my whole life, Michi." Whispered Haruka and kissed her again and again until they both giggled. "But I am very sure that I love you, Michi. More than I can tell you." Again they kissed and Michiru's hand crept under Haruka's pyjamas' top and caressed tenderly over the soft skin. Haruka shivered slightly and her smile grew wider.
"I love you, too, Ruka." Deep blue eyes sparkled lovingly up into dark green ones.
"I told you, this must be dream." Sighed Haruka and held her Michiru a little bit tighter as another giggle and a tender kiss answered her silent question.
It's real. I just have to have a little faith in her.
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