The song is 'All Out Of Love' by Air Supply. I don't own it.


I'm lying alone with my head on the phone
Thinking of you till it hurts
I know you hurt too but what else can we do
Tormented and torn apart

Buffy Summers lay on her bed, still in her nightclothes well into the afternoon. In a few minutes, she knew she would have to get up to shower, force some food down and patrol. As soon as the ascension was over, Buffy knew she didn't have to remain strong for a while. Before that, she had broken down once, and gone catatonic a few times, but put on a brave/strong façade. Faith was the world's 3rd best actor. Only Dawn had managed to see through her walls. It was a sister thing. Angel would have been able to see through the charade too.

Beneath the tough exterior, Buffy felt torn in two. Half of her had left with Angel, gone to Giles-knows-where-but-isn't-telling-except-in-emergencies. Beneath her Slayer disguise, Buffy felt worse than she ever had before. This was worse than Angelus, Hell or The Master. She felt empty, only moved to get up in the mornings (or afternoons) to fool the world. Not even her own mother knew something was wrong.

I wish I could carry your smile and my heart
For times when my life feels so low
It would make me believe what tomorrow could bring
When today doesn't really know, doesn't really know

The radio was playing a song she could relate to – she knew both Angel and herself were feeling as bad as each other. But he had left her. She needed to have something of his to carry her through the day; all she had was his jacket. They had never taken any photos together, but she would better that he had managed to scrounge some off of her friends. Just having a picture of him would be enough to help her get back to her usual schedule. Well, maybe. Probably not actually, but it was nice to fool herself sometimes.

Her mother didn't know anything was wrong, as Buffy was telling her that because she didn't have school, she was patrolling later and sleeping later. By the early morning, Joyce had gone out to the gallery, and didn't realise that Buffy was awake, crying in her room. A few days earlier (or was it just yesterday? she couldn't remember), Dawn had been taken to their dad's for a week or so. She had told her mother that she needed to stay in Sunnydale for clean up duty, when in reality, there was almost a shortage of vampires. She couldn't bear to face her dad. He hadn't noticed anything after she had died, and would not give her the space that her mother did – even if her mum didn't know she was doing it.

Angel and Dawn got into the car, and as soon as the keys were in place, the pre-teen started to mess around with the radio, most certainly not happy with the classical music that the vampire had set it to. Angel may have found that music pleasant, but in Dawn's opinion, there isn't much music worse than classical. She finally gave up, and just put it on the first channel she got to, where some random love song was playing. As he listened to the words, Angel could relate to all of it.

I 'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you
I know you were right believing for so long
I 'm all out of love, what am I without you
I can't be too late to say that I was so wrong

Without Buffy around, he was nothing. His life had had no purpose before Buffy, and it didn't have much of one afterwards. Yes he patrolled, but that was more out of respecting Buffy and her duty than anything else. Without her, he would still be eating rats on the streets, wondering why he hadn't staked himself yet and wallowing in self-pity. Wandering around L.A. with straggly hair, a dirty face, wearing filthy, old clothes and without a single cent to his name. Was that the life he should go back to? He didn't deserve her; nobody did. But if he could bring her any measure of happiness, that was good enough for him. He might not be around forever, but while he was, no harm would ever come to her.

Dawn looked across the car at the brooding vampire. He had that far-away look in his eyes that Buffy sometimes got when she was thinking about him. Then he frowned, and she somehow knew that it was her job to keep him thinking the right kind of things.

I want you to come back and carry me home
Away from this long lonely nights
I'm reaching for you, are you feeling it too
Does the feeling seem oh so right

If he came back now, Buffy just didn't know what she would do. That was her dream, just to be with him. Or if he had to go away, to be able to contact him – she had to know if he was still alive and well – well enough for being dead anyway. She had always imagined them having some sort of bond, and she was appealing to him through that. She needed him to come home to her. Life was empty without him, and love was lonely.

Any day now, Willow and Xander would decide that she needed to get out some more, drag her to the Bronze, and try to get her to date. She didn't think she would ever be ready to do that. Okay, maybe in ten years … if she lived that long.

And what would you say if I called on you now
And said that I can't hold on
There's no easy way, it gets harder each day
Please love me or I'll be gone, I'll be gone

He was nervous, there was no shame in hiding that. He knew he couldn't be without her, and something inside of him was saying that she felt the same way. What if he was wrong – he had no right to be doing this. Once he had asked her if she was still his girl; always. Then he left, and now, he wasn't so sure of where he fitted in with the grand scheme of things. He still wasn't sure if Giles had forgiven him for what Angelus did, Xander had always hated him, Joyce clearly didn't want him around and Willow … he wasn't sure about Willow. Surely she should hate him too, but at the hospital and battle, she hadn't avoided his eyes like the others. Oz wasn't as close to Buffy, so he didn't even enter into the picture, and Dawn clearly didn't mind him going back.

Every day he was away from her it got harder and easier at the same time. Harder to keep living and helping; easier to avoid the temptation of going back. He just wanted to see her, to hear her voice just to make sure she was still okay. Having Dawn tell him she isn't did not do him any good. However, if she didn't want him around, didn't love him anymore, he would be gone in the blink of an eye.

I 'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you
I know you were right believing for so long
I 'm all out of love, what am I without you
I can't be too late to say that I was so wrong

Surely he wasn't too late to go back and change it all. He knew he couldn't take back those words he said, but perhaps he could take the edge off of them. Even if Buffy didn't want him to stay, maybe he could leave her on slightly better terms. He hadn't said goodbye because he wasn't sure if he could do it. He had to remain strong and make the choices, but he didn't think he had made the right choice.

Oh, what are you thinking of?
What are you thinking of?
Oh, what are you thinking of?
What are you thinking of?

Buffy sat up and gathered some clothes up, not really thinking about which ones they were. She knew they matched, but that was about it. All she could think about was Angel. She couldn't help it – she saw him everywhere. The man in front of her at the queue, the guy sitting in the car next to theirs, the couples coming out of the cinema, those going into the skating rink. She even saw some of him in her sister – the eyes and hair. They could probably get away with being father and daughter. It just wasn't fair.

Getting out of the shower, the phone rang. She ran to it, hoping without reason to that it was him, knowing that it wouldn't be. She hung up on the poor guy trying to sell something – she wasn't quite sure what it was – and continued downstairs to get something to eat. Even the tomato juice reminded her of him – it was red, just like blood. Such silly links were the worst, and she knew that if she didn't get out of the house, she would not be able to stop the tears from coming. You would have thought that after a few weeks of non-stop crying, she would have run out of tears.

Clearly not.

I 'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you
I know you were right believing for so long
I 'm all out of love, what am I without you
I can't be too late to say that I was so wrong

They were coming in to Sunnydale now. That hour long drive had gone by very fast, with only one thing on his mind. The song had been over in four minutes, but he had gone through it over and over in his head. It described him so well. She was right to have believed that their relationship would work out, and he was so very wrong.

I 'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you
I know you were right believing for so long
I 'm all out of love, what am I without you
I can't be too late to say that I was so wrong

She turned the radio off, collected her stake and went to the front door. Just as she got there, the door bell rang.

"Angel?"

I 'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you
I know you were right believing for so long
I 'm all out of love, what am I without you
I can't be too late to say that I was so wrong

This was her street, her house. He walked up the drive and rang the bell. As if she had been waiting for them, the door opened.

"Angel?"

It occurred to me that I might still need a Key, but it won't be Dawn. Depending on how far I get with this story, the Key will be something/someone else.