Writer: Azure K Mello
Title: A Bond Never Dies
Part: 6/?
Words: 520
Warnings: Angst. I'm sorry to drag the group down!! I'm just having a day where happy writing is beyond me.
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"Why did you cry last night?" asked Sirius sitting up. Carefully he looked at any place that *wasn't* James' face.
"Nightmare, stupid subconscious can't even remember. But I think it might have involved a muggle super market and a large dog."
"Your mind is a complicated and frightening place." Said Sirius with a gentle smile.
"Could you?" James blushed, "Could you feel me crying? Through the bond, I mean."
Shamefaced Sirius nodded, "I know you should have asked you, James, I know it was dangerous and serious and I should have asked. But then. . ."
"But then I might have refused." Said James softly. Sirius couldn't tell from the tone whether or not the boy was angry. "You should have asked me." James agreed and Sirius nodded looking down at the bed not wanting James to see the tears that threatened to fall. "You could have asked me." James sighed, "By now you must have figured out I can't deny you. If you had asked me I would have said yes in a heartbeat. I would have been less confused every time I heard and felt you in my mind. This could have been so much easier." Nodding Sirius kept his eyes averted, "You're everything to me, I would do anything to help you." Hope shone in Sirius' glassy eyes as he finally lifted his head to look at the other boy. "You're my best friend, you're my mate, in fact you're my actual *mate*. There is nothing I won't do for you."
"Really?" asked Sirius. He thought he understood James' sentiment. Potter would steal, cheat, and kill for him. But that's where the line was drawn. Sirius knew that. James would never. . . James could never. . . Sirius was sick. He knew this, it was one of the lessons his family had taught him. He was sick, his feelings were perverse. He was dirty. Nobody would want him. Nobody should want him. That would make them as repulsive as he. Anyone who loved him would be tarnished by his presence. He didn't want to ruin James. He didn't want people to look at James and see the foul thing that Sirius had caused him to become. And just as he was about to leave, get out of that bed and save James from himself, the other boy pulled him closer.
He kissed Sirius gently, a whisper of a touch, "Nothing is too much, or too hard, when it comes to you. I love you, Sirius." James looked at Sirius expecting to see some reaction. There was no way that Sirius would have bound himself to someone he felt nothing for. But as he looked into his friend's eyes he saw repulsion and loathing.
And then the taller boy bolted, his long hair flying out behind him. Sirius ran out of the room and into the bathroom where he proceeded to vomit out the contents of his stomach and then dry heave for a good twenty minutes. He had just fucked up the one person who gave a damn about him. He had just spoiled James Potter.
Title: A Bond Never Dies
Part: 6/?
Words: 520
Warnings: Angst. I'm sorry to drag the group down!! I'm just having a day where happy writing is beyond me.
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"Why did you cry last night?" asked Sirius sitting up. Carefully he looked at any place that *wasn't* James' face.
"Nightmare, stupid subconscious can't even remember. But I think it might have involved a muggle super market and a large dog."
"Your mind is a complicated and frightening place." Said Sirius with a gentle smile.
"Could you?" James blushed, "Could you feel me crying? Through the bond, I mean."
Shamefaced Sirius nodded, "I know you should have asked you, James, I know it was dangerous and serious and I should have asked. But then. . ."
"But then I might have refused." Said James softly. Sirius couldn't tell from the tone whether or not the boy was angry. "You should have asked me." James agreed and Sirius nodded looking down at the bed not wanting James to see the tears that threatened to fall. "You could have asked me." James sighed, "By now you must have figured out I can't deny you. If you had asked me I would have said yes in a heartbeat. I would have been less confused every time I heard and felt you in my mind. This could have been so much easier." Nodding Sirius kept his eyes averted, "You're everything to me, I would do anything to help you." Hope shone in Sirius' glassy eyes as he finally lifted his head to look at the other boy. "You're my best friend, you're my mate, in fact you're my actual *mate*. There is nothing I won't do for you."
"Really?" asked Sirius. He thought he understood James' sentiment. Potter would steal, cheat, and kill for him. But that's where the line was drawn. Sirius knew that. James would never. . . James could never. . . Sirius was sick. He knew this, it was one of the lessons his family had taught him. He was sick, his feelings were perverse. He was dirty. Nobody would want him. Nobody should want him. That would make them as repulsive as he. Anyone who loved him would be tarnished by his presence. He didn't want to ruin James. He didn't want people to look at James and see the foul thing that Sirius had caused him to become. And just as he was about to leave, get out of that bed and save James from himself, the other boy pulled him closer.
He kissed Sirius gently, a whisper of a touch, "Nothing is too much, or too hard, when it comes to you. I love you, Sirius." James looked at Sirius expecting to see some reaction. There was no way that Sirius would have bound himself to someone he felt nothing for. But as he looked into his friend's eyes he saw repulsion and loathing.
And then the taller boy bolted, his long hair flying out behind him. Sirius ran out of the room and into the bathroom where he proceeded to vomit out the contents of his stomach and then dry heave for a good twenty minutes. He had just fucked up the one person who gave a damn about him. He had just spoiled James Potter.