Writer: Azure K Mello
Title: A Bond Never Dies
Part: 9/?
Words: 543
Warnings: Angst. But I don't apologize mhaha! (Happy Pesha?).
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"It's gonna be ok." Remus was generally so good at placating his friend. Today he seemed to have lost his touch.
"No. It isn't. Why couldn't I have contented myself having what I could? I had his friendship. I had him sharing my bed to stave off my bad fucking dreams. But is it enough for me? No, I, being the greedy bastard that I am, tried to get more. And now he hates me!"
"You don't know that for sure."
"No you're right. I bet he vomits every time someone kisses him. How fucking stupid could I be? Do you know we're bonded?" Remus felt his jaw drop but couldn't figure out how to shut it. "For a little over a year we've been bonded to each other. He said it was just to prove we were friends. And now looking back I see that he just wanted to feel safe and that he belonged somewhere. But again, I in my bullheaded blindness thought maybe just maybe he loved me. Loved me the way that I do him. It's not fucking fair! And then to top it all off I've just proved to him that he isn't safe with me. What if he thinks I'm only his friend because I want to get into his pants? What if he doesn't trust me anymore? What if he won't ever talk to me again? The bond will kill us both if we don't acknowledge it. It needs to be nurtured, we *need* to be friends. A bond doesn't die it just kills the parties involved in it. You can't beat it down or sever it. And as Victorianly melodramatic as it sounds I would rather be dead than not have him as part of my life. He's Sirius and he's always been here. I mean my parents were clueless, and you were off with your family, and Peter was off with his, and Sirius and I *were* each other's family. I can barely function without him. I can't have a thought without bouncing it off of him. What the fuck am I meant to do without him?!"
"Jimmy, breath, breath. You will be able to function. Sirius will forgive you. It will all be ok. And if I know him the way I think I do he will return your love. Most likely he loves you right now. He's just freaked. I mean, this is our Padfoot: his family has fucked him over int the emotional department. You just need to give him time and let him do things by himself. Just make him know you care and that's you're there in a non-forceful way."
"Why do you make sense?"
"Because I'm not the one in love with Sirius. . . You two deserve each other: you're as bad as each other."
"Yeah?" he smiled softly. "Sorry about Lily. I know she's your girlfriend and I know I really lost it. I just wish she would sometimes give it a rest. I'm an arse and she calls me on it. Does that mean she has to be mean?"
Remus laughed. "You aren't the only one who lost your temper with her." He looked away from James questioning eyes and they both burst out laughing.
Title: A Bond Never Dies
Part: 9/?
Words: 543
Warnings: Angst. But I don't apologize mhaha! (Happy Pesha?).
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"It's gonna be ok." Remus was generally so good at placating his friend. Today he seemed to have lost his touch.
"No. It isn't. Why couldn't I have contented myself having what I could? I had his friendship. I had him sharing my bed to stave off my bad fucking dreams. But is it enough for me? No, I, being the greedy bastard that I am, tried to get more. And now he hates me!"
"You don't know that for sure."
"No you're right. I bet he vomits every time someone kisses him. How fucking stupid could I be? Do you know we're bonded?" Remus felt his jaw drop but couldn't figure out how to shut it. "For a little over a year we've been bonded to each other. He said it was just to prove we were friends. And now looking back I see that he just wanted to feel safe and that he belonged somewhere. But again, I in my bullheaded blindness thought maybe just maybe he loved me. Loved me the way that I do him. It's not fucking fair! And then to top it all off I've just proved to him that he isn't safe with me. What if he thinks I'm only his friend because I want to get into his pants? What if he doesn't trust me anymore? What if he won't ever talk to me again? The bond will kill us both if we don't acknowledge it. It needs to be nurtured, we *need* to be friends. A bond doesn't die it just kills the parties involved in it. You can't beat it down or sever it. And as Victorianly melodramatic as it sounds I would rather be dead than not have him as part of my life. He's Sirius and he's always been here. I mean my parents were clueless, and you were off with your family, and Peter was off with his, and Sirius and I *were* each other's family. I can barely function without him. I can't have a thought without bouncing it off of him. What the fuck am I meant to do without him?!"
"Jimmy, breath, breath. You will be able to function. Sirius will forgive you. It will all be ok. And if I know him the way I think I do he will return your love. Most likely he loves you right now. He's just freaked. I mean, this is our Padfoot: his family has fucked him over int the emotional department. You just need to give him time and let him do things by himself. Just make him know you care and that's you're there in a non-forceful way."
"Why do you make sense?"
"Because I'm not the one in love with Sirius. . . You two deserve each other: you're as bad as each other."
"Yeah?" he smiled softly. "Sorry about Lily. I know she's your girlfriend and I know I really lost it. I just wish she would sometimes give it a rest. I'm an arse and she calls me on it. Does that mean she has to be mean?"
Remus laughed. "You aren't the only one who lost your temper with her." He looked away from James questioning eyes and they both burst out laughing.