I listened to the rapid rain as heavy drops vigorously hit against the window. I pressed the palms of my hand on the cold glass. One year, three months and thirteen days since that day he walked back into my life. It seemed like it was only yesterday. My mind often trailed off on that night we had given into each other. I even remembered my rug burns on my back when he pointed it out to me after our night of wild passion. After our second lovemaking that night, as exhausted as I was, he pulled me up, embraced me tightly and we danced slowly, seductively and nakedly in each others arms, to a silent music only we alone heard. It was my favorite memory of us. We danced our way into the bedroom and soon fell asleep. I was relaxed as I laid beside him in bed. For the first time in my life, I knew what I wanted was Jarod, with me forever. I felt a sense of completion which I've never felt before.

There is another memory I've treasured since I was so very young. I can still vividly see the look on his face when he first laid eyes on me through the glass. Although that glass wall separated us, it was the first time I felt his touch when our fingers met. With our first kiss as children, he was never the type to express his feelings for someone, so, I had to do it, it had to be done. I was the initiator. He must have felt awkward as our two lips met. He'd been sheltered all of his life. What did he know about kissing? It wasn't something Sydney could have talked to him about.

I've never felt strongly about anyone as with Jarod. If he asked me why I had fallen in love with him, I wouldn't have known the correct answer on how he made me feel or why. It was just something I couldn't explain. There isn't enough words to describe the feelings I have for him. I have a favorite picture of us, in my mind, of our arms wrapped around each other, he kissing me repeatedly as he professed his love.

I gazed at the still rainy scene before me. It's cold. So, very cold tonight. Some people always have songs in their heads, writers have scenarios of their next scenes, and then there's me. I hear his voice in my head. He's always with me. I still dream of him. I never knew it would feel like this. There was no mention of how loving someone and being in love with someone was also a frightening effect. I have nightmares of being alone.

It's after midnight now. Another day had passed. One year, three months and fourteen days since that day. I closed my eyes and felt his arms strongly secured around me. I leaned my back against his chest and pulled his arms tightly. He gently kissed the back of my neck.

"Hey, coming to bed? What are you thinking of? You seem like a thousand miles away."

"Us."

"So, is that a good thing or bad?" He nibbled on my ears, turned me around and met my lips and as always, his kisses sent electrical waves between us. "What are you afraid of? I'm happy to be here with you." He swayed his lower body along with mine.

"Ummm." He made be feel safe.

"I've been in love with you since I set eyes on you."

I couldn't understand why he loved me. "Why? What is it about me?"

"Everything. You're mine to love." He whispered.

At that very instance, I felt more wanted, needed, happy, but must of all I felt loved.

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We both grew old and gray together. We have two beautiful grown children, a son and a daughter. I've never felt so much love in my life. She was the perfect wife and the perfect mother. Since "daddy" was out of the picture, when he leaped out of that plane and jumped to his death, her commitment to "The Centre" ceased. She only committed herself to her family.

I watched young couples cuddling each other as I walked through the park each day. I remember being young once. I know I would never experience the joy and happiness with anyone else but her. We were bonded to each other.

I'm still holding on to memories of long ago. I was the one she shared her body with on those long nights of intimacy. She'd have her head pressed against my chest and listened to the sound of my heart beating, eventually falling asleep. We were meant for each other.

No one could have ever pulled us apart.

Then, sadness suddenly crashed into me, unexpectedly. In a split second, my world changed. She was my best friend, wife and lover. How could she have just left me here alone? That wasn't part of our deal. All in one moment, my dream had become a nightmare. My nights are lonely now. I wished I could have held on to her forever. She had given me a lifetime of happiness. Her presence still haunts me.

My wife's gone, never to return. I've cried so much until there were no more tears left in me. I'm exhausted and drained. There on our dresser still laid her wallet. Inside was a photograph of us on our wedding day and of a recent group picture with the kids. Before I go to bed each night, I spray her favorite perfume into the air. I close my eyes and imagine she's still with me. I know there are things I need to do. But, how do you put away a part of your life? I miss her so very much.

Does she have any idea how I'm feeling? Hurt? Sadness? Anger? Take a pick! All of the above. I could write a story on just my feelings alone on the day she left. But, who'd want to read a sad story? She was good for me. I loved her so much. It's so hard to let go. Again, I ask myself. Does she have any idea how I'm feeling?

I still hear her voice in me. "I love you. I'm so sorry for leaving you behind."

The End