Writer: Azure K Mello
Title: A Bond Never Dies
Part: 13/?
Words: 729
Warnings: Angst. Don't you know it!
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The voice made James jump in his seat. Turning he rolled his eyes at the apparition in the door way. "Fuck off."
Sirius blinked, "Excuse me? One minute you kiss me, then apologize and now you're telling me to fuck off?"
"How stupid do you think I am? I only just shut my eyes! I know you aren't him. I'm meditating and you're here to teach me something, but not today. I can't deal with you today! Please don't make this any harder. I just want to get some control over myself. No hard lessons today, please! I just didn't want to be out there!"
"Am I always your spiritual guide?"
"You know you are." James scoffed bitterly.
"And why's that?" asked Sirius with a gentle smile.
James took a deep breath and sobbed out his statement thinking that his guide was asking him questions to teach him a lesson. "Because you're the only person I trust enough to teach me." He looked up and then looked down. "Please don't look at me like that."
"Like what? Why can't I look at you?" asked Sirius worrying his lip.
"Because he won't ever look at me like that. All I see when I look at you is love and acceptance. So please don't look at me because I won't ever be able to live out there with you standing in here."
"I'm real."
"*No*, you're not."
"Would it be so awful if I was?"
"Stop it!" screamed James rocking himself back and forth. "You've made me cry before, but it always had a point: a purpose. So what's this to teach me?"
"Can you feel anything in your world inside your mind?"
"No."
"So what happens when I kiss you?" asked Sirius taking a step forward.
"Don't. Just don't. Nothing happens because you *don't* kiss me. I would rather have nothing than something fake."
Slowly Sirius stepped into James' personal space. The expression on his face as completely blank as he was bombarded with the red smoke. He burned and random cut appeared on his body but he stayed right there. He tentatively stroked James' face. "And what generally happens when I touch you?"
"You're burning."
"So? What happens, James?"
"You don't come this close to me, my power keeps you away: you're afraid of it. I make sure the power is still coming off of me because I don't want you this close." Said James evenly as the red flared to near a black shade. "You *aren't* him. You *aren't* real. Stop. Touching. Me."
"I want to kiss you."
"No. It would be like cheating. It's too hard."
"You're not going out with him."
"That doesn't matter it's still cheating the feelings I have for him. You aren't real."
"Would the spirit guide stand this close for so long?"
"Even if you are the real Sirius I don't want you to kiss me."
The power surging around him was causing Sirius' skin to crisp up like skin on roast chicken yet the only pain he felt came from those words. No physical pain can compare to the emotional excruciation of having one's heart ripped out after exposing it for the very first time. "You don't want me?"
"Of course I want you, I love you. But to have you kiss me because you fear losing my friendship. . . it would rip me apart. You don't need to do anything to keep me as a friend. And to have you kiss me as some kind of payment. . . I feel sick even thinking. . . I won't have you whoring yourself out in a fashion just to stay in my good graces. I love you and it would be fake and sick a caricature of some perverse feeling and it would negate everything I feel for you."
Sirius nodded, "Thank you. For putting me first, for caring, for not taking advantage. Now I'm going to kiss you." As he leaned in the magic sparked off of him and his lips ripped upon contact with James'. He ignored the pain and blood as did James. And as they kissed the power slackened its hold on his creator the natural mage sank into Sirius' arms as the last of the cloud slinked away. "I love you with everything I am." Whispered Sirius against the boy's lips. "Don't ever doubt it."
Title: A Bond Never Dies
Part: 13/?
Words: 729
Warnings: Angst. Don't you know it!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The voice made James jump in his seat. Turning he rolled his eyes at the apparition in the door way. "Fuck off."
Sirius blinked, "Excuse me? One minute you kiss me, then apologize and now you're telling me to fuck off?"
"How stupid do you think I am? I only just shut my eyes! I know you aren't him. I'm meditating and you're here to teach me something, but not today. I can't deal with you today! Please don't make this any harder. I just want to get some control over myself. No hard lessons today, please! I just didn't want to be out there!"
"Am I always your spiritual guide?"
"You know you are." James scoffed bitterly.
"And why's that?" asked Sirius with a gentle smile.
James took a deep breath and sobbed out his statement thinking that his guide was asking him questions to teach him a lesson. "Because you're the only person I trust enough to teach me." He looked up and then looked down. "Please don't look at me like that."
"Like what? Why can't I look at you?" asked Sirius worrying his lip.
"Because he won't ever look at me like that. All I see when I look at you is love and acceptance. So please don't look at me because I won't ever be able to live out there with you standing in here."
"I'm real."
"*No*, you're not."
"Would it be so awful if I was?"
"Stop it!" screamed James rocking himself back and forth. "You've made me cry before, but it always had a point: a purpose. So what's this to teach me?"
"Can you feel anything in your world inside your mind?"
"No."
"So what happens when I kiss you?" asked Sirius taking a step forward.
"Don't. Just don't. Nothing happens because you *don't* kiss me. I would rather have nothing than something fake."
Slowly Sirius stepped into James' personal space. The expression on his face as completely blank as he was bombarded with the red smoke. He burned and random cut appeared on his body but he stayed right there. He tentatively stroked James' face. "And what generally happens when I touch you?"
"You're burning."
"So? What happens, James?"
"You don't come this close to me, my power keeps you away: you're afraid of it. I make sure the power is still coming off of me because I don't want you this close." Said James evenly as the red flared to near a black shade. "You *aren't* him. You *aren't* real. Stop. Touching. Me."
"I want to kiss you."
"No. It would be like cheating. It's too hard."
"You're not going out with him."
"That doesn't matter it's still cheating the feelings I have for him. You aren't real."
"Would the spirit guide stand this close for so long?"
"Even if you are the real Sirius I don't want you to kiss me."
The power surging around him was causing Sirius' skin to crisp up like skin on roast chicken yet the only pain he felt came from those words. No physical pain can compare to the emotional excruciation of having one's heart ripped out after exposing it for the very first time. "You don't want me?"
"Of course I want you, I love you. But to have you kiss me because you fear losing my friendship. . . it would rip me apart. You don't need to do anything to keep me as a friend. And to have you kiss me as some kind of payment. . . I feel sick even thinking. . . I won't have you whoring yourself out in a fashion just to stay in my good graces. I love you and it would be fake and sick a caricature of some perverse feeling and it would negate everything I feel for you."
Sirius nodded, "Thank you. For putting me first, for caring, for not taking advantage. Now I'm going to kiss you." As he leaned in the magic sparked off of him and his lips ripped upon contact with James'. He ignored the pain and blood as did James. And as they kissed the power slackened its hold on his creator the natural mage sank into Sirius' arms as the last of the cloud slinked away. "I love you with everything I am." Whispered Sirius against the boy's lips. "Don't ever doubt it."