Chapter 3 Dreams

Severus was disgusted that his holiday had to be interrupted by of all people; Harry Potter. Potter had been plaguing his mind since the mutt had passed on through the veil. He had been having odd dreams filled with Lily's accusing eyes. The thought of Lily made him even more irritated.

Yes, they had been friends and yes she had defended him against her husband and his gang in their past, but why would she be haunting his dreams? The blood promise made to protect her son had been done to save his own skin when he was caught being a Death Eater. Dumbledore had forced the blood oath out of him in exchange for a ticket out of Azkaban. Now, ever since Black died at the ministry, his nights had been occupied with guilt. Severus knew he had played a part in Black's death, taunting him for being so useless but why should that make him feel so guilty? Especially when he had so much more to be guilty for. He thought once again of those odd dreams; dreams filled with caring for Harry Potter! He just knew those dreams were coming from Lily, where else would they be coming from?

Thoughts of his own horrific father had also began to resurface, sending him deeper into weighty thoughts regarding the life he had led. He had concluded that his life was no better than Voldemort's. Could he ever atone for his past at this stage in his life? Would it even do any good in the end? And then those dreams with Lily's accusing eyes, emerald green beautiful eyes. Other dreams of a desperate teen needing his help and worse; him wanting to help.

Blasted Potter family! Severus took his time finishing up the potion he had been working on before walking to the apparition point. Hadn't that boy done enough damage during the school year? Now what was he up to, probably crying over not getting his way. Snape couldn't stomach the thought of having to go to Potter's home. It was bad enough he had to endure the boy's presence during the school year. He knew Potter had been emotionally unstable when they sent him home for the summer but thought after being pampered for the summer he would be back to his old obnoxious ways again.

After arriving to Privet Dr. Snape pulled his wand out and cast an invisibility charm on himself. He found number four and thought it looked very "Muggle." No imagination, all the houses looked the same. Snape slowly turned the knob and the door opened with a slight creak. He could not believe that after all the security the Order was giving Potter, the Dursley's would just leave the door open for anyone to enter. Obviously Potter's relatives were just as dim-witted as the boy was.

Two of the overstuffed Dursley's were gathered around the television, too involved to hear the door open. Then Snape noticed the under nourished Aunt cleaning up the dishes and mumbling something about expense and dinner.

Snape sneered at the scene imaging Potter being pampered like a prince. He looked around for signs of the boy, noticing several dozen pictures of the large boy but not one of Potter. Curious, that. He took out his wand and whispered, "Point me ... Harry Potter."

The wand pointed to the staircase and Snape quietly made his way up.

The Dursley's were too interested in the inane show on the telly to hear the locks on Harry's door click open. Odd how the locks were on the outside, not the inside. Snape felt something akin to dread and knew all was not right even before opening the door. The hairs on the back of his neck were standing up. The smell struck Snape first as he opened the door; sweat, blood, sickness... fear. The same smell as at the Death Eater's meetings.

"Lumos" he said quietly. Oh Merlin! That couldn't be him. A curled up figure on the ground moaned softly. Just a few muffled sounds, barely enough to be heard by the potions teacher. That was enough to get Snape in high gear. He quickly swooped down on the boy and began to turn him over. At the first touch the boy began to shake and curl up tighter trying to work his way under the pathetic bed.

"S-sorry," came a small panicked voice. The boy pushed Snape's hands away and worked his way further under the bed.

"Potter, get hold of yourself!" said the teacher in a stern voice then suddenly remembered he was still invisible and took the charm off.

Harry was shaking and had covered his face with his good arm, waiting for the blow. His mind no longer cognizant of the real world, only the bubble of pain that was his existence. Hands reached for him pulling his arm away from his face.

"Oh Merlin," Snape could not believe this was the same boy.

Harry slowly opened his eye's and saw his potions teacher, "P-professor?"

"Yes Potter. Once again, it seems you need assistance," the hard edge to his voice was gone as he viewed the massive damage done to the boy.

"I-I fell," Harry said in a raspy voice thinking that he would protect his owl at all costs.

"Hmm, there is no need for false accounts. I would suggest we acquire the skills of Madame Pomfrey immediately."

As the boy painfully uncurled his body Snape saw his condition and deduced that he would need to be carried. He pulled his wand out, casting an invisibility charm on both of them. Then he carefully put his arm behind the boy's shoulder and the other arm under his legs. All thoughts of hatred for the boy had diminished. No matter how much he hated to admit it; this teen was the savior of the wizarding world.

As Snape began to rise, Harry let out a scream of agony but quickly bit his lip to stop himself from making anymore noise. The potions teacher readjusted Potter so his face was pressed against his chest, just in case Potter could not hold back his screams. He was shocked at how little the boy weighed. His anger at the Muggles grew.

Snape tried not to look down at Harry's face as he began to descend the staircase. He didn't want to see the boy biting his lip to hold back screams, it was rather disconcerting. Potter clearly had a broken arm by the way it was dangling in an odd way. As the boy leaned into the him, Snape could feel the fever emanating from the broken boy. He chanced a look down into Potter's red rimmed eyes. Just like Lily's eyes. He felt his heart twist for what became of Lily's boy. Did anyone know it was this bad for the boy? He had always assumed that Potter was the center of attention and fawned over like a prince. But this was clearly not the case from the looks of that room and the locks on the door. He ignored that stab of guilt he had as he realized that Potter was not the fawned over prince he had once thought. Someone should have known.

Just get the boy out, try not to think too much. Try not to kill the bastards watching television while the hero of the wizarding world is dying upstairs. Don't look, it will slow you down and the boy needs help now!

Quietly Snape made his way outside then began to run to the apparition point. He took the invisibility charm off both of them and disapparated as close to the school as possible. Disapparating had been hard on the boy. Potter was barely able to hold it together. They appeared at the gates of the school, still a long way left to get to help.

Snape held the boy as best he could without further injuring him. He noticed Potter gripping onto his robes, never complaining, not even when he stumbled and accidentally grasped onto the boy's broken arm. His attitude towards the boy had shifted to one of deference.

The walk up to the school took entirely too long for the Potion Master's liking. He could feel the fever rolling off the boy in waves, and the boy's teeth were actually chattering in the cool of the night.

"How long have you had that fever Potter?"

Harry was having trouble keeping from passing out. The pain was close to unbearable but he did his best to answer, "Few days, sir."

"Regrettable. Have your relatives always treated you with such disrespect?" Snape was more curious than ever to find out the truth of this boy's life.

"They hate me," Harry stated before realizing that was more information than he wanted to give. He hurt so badly he wanted to cry. He held back as best he could until a half strangled sob escaped his lips.

Snape heard the sob and stopped walking to look down at the shivering boy. The night air was rather chilly, especially for someone in the weak state that Potter was in. He balanced the boy carefully while he unclasped his own cloak. With one smooth movement he flung the cloak over the injured boy, then held him close once more.

Harry could smell the mint and herbs in the warm cloak. He couldn't believe that Snape could be so … thoughtful. His ribs throbbed with every step the potion master took, it took everything he had to hold back from screaming out in agony.

Snape could tell that Potter was holding back, most likely due to not wanting to cry in front of him. What to do? Comforting hurt children was not really one of his fortes'. Nevertheless he did feel regretful the boy was suffering so. Those dreams of caring for Potter flashed through his mind and he pushed them out.

"Potter, you need not hide your pain from me," Snape admonished benignly. "Rest assured I will not exploit your pain to others."

Harry looked up at the Potion Master, searching his face for sincerity. The man seemed to be genuinely concerned for him. It was so odd to feel comforted by Snape but he realized he did. Just that small amount of compassion seemed to break his last vestige of reserve. Before he knew it was happening he pressed his face into the Potion Master's robes and let himself shed silent tears. He tried to hold back, stop himself with big gulps of air.

Snape wasn't quite prepared for the effect his words would have on the boy. He held onto the boy tighter and once again continued up to the school. He had no idea how to comfort the boy so he didn't even try. He felt Potter's tears soak through his own shirt. Without thinking he quietly whispered, "Shh, everything will work out in the end."

Harry wished those words were true and held onto them with a glimmer of hope.

Once at Hogwarts, Snape yelled for Poppy and Dumbledore as he made his way into the infirmary. He slowly bent down to set Potter on the bed and noticed the boy holding back any sounds of pain once again. He looked down at the boy clutching his robes and saw green eyes staring back at him with a pleading look.

"What, what is it Potter?" asked the Potion Master.

"I have to go back," came a quiet whisper.

"What are you talking about? You can't go back there," Snape said with disdain over the thought of Potter living like an animal.

"If I don't go back they'll kill Hedwig," the boy croaked softly still clutching the Professor's robes. "Please take me back."

"Potter, let Madame Pomfrey heal you, we will talk later," Snape didn't know why he said that but wanted to give the boy a little hope.

"But, but don't go ... please," The words tumbled out of Harry's mouth before he had time think. Snape was his link to Hedwig. Mixed amongst his myriad of nightmares, he had been having dreams of his Professor taking care of him like a parent would. Were they prophetic dreams or was he just so pathetically desperate for someone to care?

Poppy was getting impatient and pulled Harry down to the bed from the other side.

Snape looked down and saw Potter's green eyes looking at him, begging him to stay. The boy reached his hand towards the Professor. Snape looked down at that hand and felt uneasy, not knowing what he was supposed to do. A memory of another child reaching up for comfort quickly flashed in his mind. Snape couldn't help himself, he stretched his own hand out and held Harry's bruised, battered hand. Guilt, atonement, Lily, those disquieting dreams.

Snape could see how Potter let himself relax then. The boy closed his eyes and looked almost relieved.

Madame Pomfrey slowly peeled off Harry's clothes revealing a horror of wounds. Snape wanted to look away but ended up looking down at Harry's hand, trying not to let his eyes view the battered body. Something caught Snape's attention . He felt a small bump under his fingers on the inside of Potter's hand. Slowly he uncurled the boy's hand off his own and saw with horror the cigarette burn. A small round blister that was no bigger than a fly. For some reason Snape couldn't peel his eyes away from that mark. The pain this boy must have suffered, the pain he must have suffered at the hands of his own family. To actually hold a child's hand out and slowly push a hot flame onto his soft skin. A flash of a forgotten childhood memory came into his thoughts again, and then it was gone. This boy must have been raised much like myself.

The boy tried to twist his hand around so he would once again be holding Snape's hand. Somehow the burn made Snape want to kill the one who did this. It was like a switch was clicked on and anger was being held in place by the tiniest thread. He could feel the anger pulsing in him like when he was a Death Eater in his early years. His face must have shown it because when he looked into Potter's eyes he saw fear. Fear of him. The child slowly released his hand and turned his face away. Once again curling up into himself and shutting the world out.

Snape couldn't move. He felt like a piece of him had died. More than anything else in this world he wished that that hand, that beaten hand with the cigarette burn on the inside, would reach for his hand again. He felt as if someone had physically punched him in the heart. Atonement slipping away.

Harry was scared not just of the professor's anger but also at being so alone. He had been scared before but this was different. He didn't want to sleep, for fear he would wake up back on Privet Drive and find Hedwig dead but he didn't want to be here, so alone. When Snape had saved him he somehow felt a deep connection with him, as if he alone would understand. Now he was just alone. Thoughts of saving Hedwig crowding his mind.

Madame Pomfrey worked quickly with the help of Albus. She gave Harry numerous potions for replenishing blood, cuts, bruises and broken bones. The fever on the other hand would not cooperate. As hard as she tried that nasty fever would not come down. Finally at her wits end she asked for Severus to come up with a new potion for Harry.

Snape went right to work in his dungeon and worked tirelessly for hours.

Harry just lay on the bed looking up at the ceiling as all these people worked on him. He knew he was the reason Snape was angry. And really deep down, he knew he deserved to be punished like this too. He had killed a man, Sirius, and Cedric too, sort of. What did he expect out of life?

Madame Pomfrey made him drink a dreamless sleep potion, then left him in the giant infirmary alone. Sleep came too slowly for Harry. He had too much time to think. He could feel the walls closing in on him and wished he felt safe again, like when Snape held him. No! That can't be right - Snape hated him and he hated Snape.

Then the memory of those odd dreams came back in a rush. Dreams with his mum and Snape laughing. She was trying to convey a message; to trust Snape. Harry had rejected the idea from the first dream, rejected the idea that Snape could be a mentor to him. Now, he wasn't so sure. Why did he feel as if Snape could be someone other than the greasy git who ridiculed him at every turn?

But, truth be told he knew that Snape wouldn't let anyone hurt him. He just knew he was safe with Snape and that overrode any ugly feelings he had towards the potions professor by far. He was confused and thought maybe he should just forget about expecting the Professor to help him.

Just as he was thinking these thoughts Snape quietly entered the room and strode over to Harry's bed.

Harry didn't see him coming until the Potion Master was almost upon him. He pushed himself into his pillows and covered his head with his good arm when the dark shadow suddenly approached his bed . Reality a shaky thing of the past.

'Merlin, what have they done to the poor child?' thought Severus. He had always had bad feeling towards Potter, thinking him too much like James. But now he didn't see even the slightest resemblance in his mannerisms. He knew that the contrast in their upbringings was too great to produce a carbon copy of James. He slowed his movements and gently pulled Harry's arm away from his face.

"It is just me. I made this potion for you, to take away that dreaded fever," Snape saw the boy's face become calmer and reality take hold once more.

"Erm, you didn't have to, you know. I-I'm sorry you had to waste your time sir," Harry said in a near whisper. "Thank you for coming to get me. I know it's your holiday and all and I don't want you to waste anymore time with me. I'll figure out how to save Hedwig on my own."

Snape felt a twinge in his chest, this boy was sincere, he could see it in his eyes. He looked down on that battered face, with one black eye and a lip that continued to threaten to break open and start bleeding again. Why couldn't I see this before? Why didn't someone know he was being raised with such abuse?

"I thought Pomfrey was fixing those bruises Potter?"

"Well, she tried, she really did but I guess my body stopped reacting to the creams and stuff. She said it was because my body had absorbed all it could take with my back and legs and all. Even the dreamless sleep potion isn't working," Harry slowly turned his head away from the potions master, not expecting any help.

"Well, no matter Potter, we can try again tomorrow," said Snape quietly. When Harry would no longer look at him Snape slowly put his hand on the boy's arm. Potter looked back again with an odd look on his face. What was that... hope?

"Here Potter take this for your fever. I'm not sure it will work any better then the last but its worth a try."

Harry let Snape hold the bottle to his mouth and tilt the potion in.

Snape stood there waiting for the fever to come down. Twenty minutes later, Potter was still wide awake and very feverish. Snape decided to stay with him, maybe just till the boy fell asleep.

Snape pulled his wand out and pointed to the chair across the room. The chair came flying over Harry and landed softly next to the bed. The Professor sat down on it and waited for sleep to take hold and the fever to leave.

Harry felt much more at ease now that the Professor was going to stay with him and let himself fall into a much needed sleep.

Snape couldn't sleep, his memories had come flooding back. When he had reached for Potter's hand he was thinking of himself as a child and the time he had reached for his father's hand, only to be turned away. This was Snape's moment of atonement for all the bad things he had become. This was a chance to change and become a different person than his own father had been. Snape decided he would do what he could to help Potter heal from the severe abuse he had suffered at the hands of people who were supposed to care.

If Potter would let him, then Snape was prepared to help. His heart actually felt a little lighter as he laid his head back on the chair finally letting sleep take hold.

The next morning Harry awoke covered in sweat and feeling as if he were in the desert. His head was pounding and his bones ached from inside out. His ribs hurt so bad he couldn't hold in his cries any longer. He felt like he was going to throw up. He quickly looked around and saw the potions teacher asleep in the chair next to him.

"Sir," he croaked, "Professor?"

The teacher sat up quickly looking around, as if to figure where he was. He quickly looked at Potter and put a hand to the boy's forehead. Harry reared back at the sudden movement, closing his eyes, ready for the blow. The professor slowed his movement down and gently placed his hand against Potter's head. Merlin, the fever was worse.

"Erm, I think I'm going to be sick." was the only warning Snape had.

Harry violently threw up the little that was in him, all over his covers. His ribs were on fire and he threw up again from the pain. The professor quickly used a charm to clean up the mess and then placed a hand on the back of the boy's head as Harry bit his lower lip to hold back his cries of pain.

"It hurts, please ... it really hurts."

"What, what hurts Potter?" Snape said a little too forcefully in his zest to help.

Harry eyed the professor circumspectly and said "It's my head and I feel like my ribs are on fire."

What the hell was going on, thought Snape. All these things should be on the mend, not worse today.

Just then Poppy came into the room ready to see her patient almost healed .

"Where have you been Pomfrey?" Snape accused her angrily, stepping away from the boy.

"Don't use that tone of voice with me young man! Potter doesn't need a round the clock nursemaid!" With that she turned her attention to Harry and stopped in shock.

"What the blazes is going on. You look worse today than yesterday." She quickly took an assessment and wrote several things down in her chart.

"Severus, did you get the potion made last night?" she asked accusingly.

"Yes, Pomfrey I did and it didn't do a damn thing for this child."

"We need to send him to St. Mungo's hospital. I am at a loss and we can't be wasting time. I'll call them and let them know who is coming. I'll let Dumbledore know too," with that she rushed out of the room.

Harry just sat there shocked. He wasn't about to let them take him anywhere. The last place he wanted to go was a hospital with people staring at him and poking and prodding him. No way was that going to happen.

"No I'm not going," he stated despairingly.

A voice from the doorway quietly informed, "I'm afraid so Mr. Potter. It is what is best for you." Harry and Snape noticed the Headmaster standing at the door for the first time.

Madame Pomfrey rushed back into the room quite disturbed, "Professor Dumbledore we have a problem. St. Mungo's will not admit Harry into their care without his guardian's approval. They are adamant about that."

"Well then we will have to assign Mr. Potter's custody to another. It has to be done anyway. He will not be returning to the Dursleys."

Harry's heart sunk at that thought, knowing he had to return. Hedwig's life depended on it.

"How about Remus?" said Harry from his bed, knowing he would get Remus to help him, "He would take me in. He told me so."

"I wish we could do that Harry but there are laws forbidding werewolves from having custody of wizarding children," Dumbledore apologetically stated.

"We have no time for this," said Poppy in a near panic over the site of Potter's current temperature. "Harry must be admitted now, right now!"

"I will call the Weasley's and see if they might take Mr. Potter," said Dumbledore.

"Sir, will they be in danger if they take me?" whispered Harry. I don't want anyone else to die for me.

"Well, I'm afraid so, but we will have several Aurors to watch out for all of you." said Dumbledore.

"Sir ... I don't want to go there. I can't do that to Ron's family. Please don't ask them to."

There was a long pause before ...

"I'll take him."

Everyone looked at Professor Snape.

"I want to," he said quietly. He couldn't believe he was saying that but it felt right. He just knew this boy needed him in the worst way. And truth be told, he liked that.

Somehow it seemed right.

Harry looked wary from the bed and then he passed out.

Dumbledore used the floo to set the temporary custody in motion. Using all his connections to get an order against the Dursley's and get Snape the legal document that would make Harry his temporarily. In no more than 20 minutes Snape had the document in his hand and they were preparing Harry for the journey.

Thankfully he never awoke during the trip. When they entered the hospital they were immediately escorted to a private wing with a private room. They were guaranteed no one would know "The Boy Who Lived" had checked in with serious injuries inflicted by a Muggle. Harry's temperature continued to rise to an alarming rate.

Snape knew his job was to protect this boy and there was nothing he could do for him at this point but watch the boy struggle to live.

Harry never woke up. He thrashed around in the bed crying out in pain as his broken arm was further damaged. They finally came to the conclusion that he would have to be restrained. The small nurse watching over Harry pulled her wand out and magical wrist bands and leg bands appeared attached to the bed. They snaked around an unconscious Harry, holding him down.

For three long, terrifying days he fought against the bands holding him, the fever raging on. All the while he continued to re-live the same nightmare as if in continuous loop. Cedric dying, Sirius falling, Vernon burning his hand and then beating him, again and again.

Snape didn't know what to do for him. He stayed at his bedside. He laid cool towels on his forehead and nothing helped. He had never felt so powerless in all his life. He finally decided he would try to enter Potter's subconscious mind and help him wake up. He stood before the boy and held his wand to the boy's head saying "legilimens!"

Snape found himself in the small bedroom with Harry lying on the floor and Dursley beating him with a belt. The scene turned the professor's stomach in a knot, bringing back his own long forgotten memories.

Then suddenly, Snape could see Harry watching the deaths of Diggory and Black and then once again see Harry getting the tar beaten out of him by his uncle. But the worst part came when Dursley slowly pushed that cigarette into his hand with a look of glee in his eyes, his face so close you could see the spittle in the corners of his mouth. Snape needed to help right now. He walked over to Harry, in the dream, and knelt down next to him while Dursley pushed the cigarette down.

"Potter! Harry can you hear me?"

Harry stopped and looked around, spotting Snape.

"Wh- what are you doing here. Get out before he sees you. He'll hurt you too," he said in a rush.

"No Harry, this has already happened, you need to let it go. None of this is your fault."

Harry looked down into his burned hand. "But it is my fault. I really do deserve this. You know I'm not worth you getting hurt. You need to go. My Uncle is not through yet." Harry quickly tried to keep certain memories hidden from the professor.

"No Potter, I won't go unless you come too. "

"But I'm being punished for killing my godfather ... and Cedric."

"YOU DID NOT KILL ANYONE! YOU DO NOT DESERVE THIS!" Severus insisted, "COME NOW, COME BACK! THAT IS AN ORDER!"

Maybe it was because of the way Snape spoke or maybe it was just time but Harry let all the memories tumble away. Uncle Vernon was coming to kick his arm, he had his foot raised when Harry pushed himself back into the living, Snape followed with great relief.

It took Harry several more days to come around. He fought against the restraints harder then ever. He begged Severus to have them removed but it was decided that until his fever was normal he would have to stay in the restraints.

Harry was so angry. How could these people take control of his life after all he had suffered alone. He felt so betrayed and hurt by all the adults in his life. He was ashamed of all that he had allowed to happen to him. How could he have fallen for Voldemort's tricks and caused Sirius' death? How could he have let Vernon get away with all that he had done to him?

Harry saw Snape standing next to the bed as if he were actually concerned about him. He couldn't allow himself to fall for Snape's tricks. He knew he was alone in this world now and would just have to get used to that fact or risk getting hurt again. No, he wouldn't allow himself to get hurt by another adult.

"I don't need you hanging around anymore Snape," Harry growled out.

"Watch what you say Potter," Snape growled back as he slipped into his old role as most hated teacher. He quickly pushed down his anger at the boy's insolence and reminded himself that Potter was used to adults not being there for him.

Harry turned his face away from the professor and stared at the wall. A full five minutes passed before Snape finally spoke up.

"Mr. Potter, enough of this childish behavior," Snape said in stern voice.

"Just leave me alone Snape! I don't need you pretending to care! You are nothing to me," Harry screamed, his head pounding with pain.

Snape was disappointed by the boy's lack of trust but did not blame him in the least. He would not let himself be pushed away from a child who clearly needed someone to care. I will not quit on this boy!

"Potter?" the potions teacher said with in a much quieter voice, "I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."

Harry began to fight against the restraints again, smashing his head against metal bars on the sides of the bed. Snape rushed to the bed and held Harry's head steady in his arms. Harry fought with every last ounce of energy he had. Finally he exhausted himself and just stopped. Snape continued to hold his head though. Soon Severus felt something wet on his arm and looked down to see Harry crying silent tears of frustration.

Snape released the bands and let Harry let cry.

Harry hadn't really ever been allowed to cry while at the Dursley's. He had never really had anyone stay with him while he let the memories come flooding back. He brought his hand up to cover his face in shame as big gulps of pain escaped his mouth and tears poured down his face.

Severus sensed the need for comfort in the boy and forced himself to do the unthinkable. He tentatively placed his arm around Harry's shoulder. It was an odd sensation to be offering support to anybody, let alone to Harry Potter. He never imagined he would feel so protective of the boy. He knew it was due to those dreams he had been plagued with since Black's death. Lily had filled him with a magic that he had never felt before. The feeling tugged at his hardened heart forcing it to soften enough to have compassion.

It shocked the Potion Master when Harry leaned his head into his chest and let the sorrow overtake him. Severus circled the boy with both his arms letting the boy know he was there. They sat there on the bed like that until Harry felt drained and fell asleep with his head leaning against the professor.

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