Writer: Azure K Mello
Title: A Bond Never Dies
Part: 18/?
Words: 732
Warnings: Angst. I am so mean to these boys. Happy ending to this bit!
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"If we *weren't* bonded? Do you want that? Because if it was up to me and we weren't' bonded I'd be in the middle of bonding us right now." Sirius wiped hair away from James' forehead. "I don't know what's going on in your mind, and that scares me. When we were talking and you thought I wasn't real you acted as though you were afraid of me. You thought I would be cruel and cold and you said you never let him get near to you because you were afraid. I hate that I don't know how to fix that. I hate that I don't know enough about what goes on inside of you to assure you that whatever the reason is for you pushing me away it isn't real!"
"I," James spoke so slowly, "I am so confused."
"Whatever the cunt in your head said just forget. Do I ever lie to you? Even to protect you? No I'm always honest. You think this guy is some kind of guide. I don't, your power doesn't like you. We know this, it's tried to destroy you before. And it scares me that you would listen to its manipulations over my pleading. I love you and this morning you were wishing I loved you. And now you listened to the bastard in your head and can't look me in the face."
"He's just a part of me, he's just the personification of my thoughts."
"That's what he *said* he was. He's your power that wants control of you. You love me, I know you do. And after wishing for so long that I could touch you I'm not going to just stop."
"Why did you run this morning?" asked James still sounding hurt and confused.
Sirius sighed. Now James *was* looking at him and he was the one who couldn't meet the gaze. He swallowed and then said, "James, I've spent so long hating who I was, and being hated by my family because they could tell from just looking at me that I was a fag. I'm amazed this morning that Remus could talk to me. And Gods! James Fucking Potter loves me! When you found out about. . . everything I was amazed you could still look at me-"
Quickly James interrupted, "It wasn't your fault! You were a child and that sick f-"
Placing a finger over James' mouth Sirius said, "Let's not talk about my father when I'm in your arms, ok?" James nodded against his finger. "To have you know and still give a damn about me, knowing how broken I am. . . I'm laying here crying over a voice I can't hear that only lives inside your head and yet I'm the happiest I have ever been. And I don't know what he, *it*, said but it's not true. I don't pity you. I don't fear you. I don't think I'd lose you if I told you that we were just friends. This is what I want. I *want* to be here. I want to fall asleep in your arms every night. And if that even somewhat resembles what you want I'm begging you to just let it happen. Don't fight it. Let me hold you."
James kissed the finger that was still over his mouth, "I love you." He saw for the first time how badly beaten up Sirius was, "Gods, I kicked the shit out of you! Sear! I'm so sorry."
Smiling Sirius said, "It's fine, it doesn't hurt at all. I've been pumping so much adrenaline worrying about you that I feel no pain."
"I broke your lips." James ghosted a digit over the wound.
"Pretty amazing kiss." Sirius leered gently.
"What's the time?"
Pulling back the curtain Sirius looked at the wall clock, "'Time to scoff dinner'" he read, "sevenish I guess."
"To early to go to bed?"
"We're the walking wounded, let's just lay here for a bit."
"We missed a whole day!" James was shocked by the revelation. "We have to make up all the classes!"
"It's Saturday." Sirius said sleepily.
"I missed Quidditch practice!"
Smirking Sirius said, "Whatever will you do?"
The noise of people milling about the common room lulled them to sleep. And when Remus came up ten minutes later he smiled at the sight and shut the bed curtains so the sun wouldn't wake them.
Title: A Bond Never Dies
Part: 18/?
Words: 732
Warnings: Angst. I am so mean to these boys. Happy ending to this bit!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"If we *weren't* bonded? Do you want that? Because if it was up to me and we weren't' bonded I'd be in the middle of bonding us right now." Sirius wiped hair away from James' forehead. "I don't know what's going on in your mind, and that scares me. When we were talking and you thought I wasn't real you acted as though you were afraid of me. You thought I would be cruel and cold and you said you never let him get near to you because you were afraid. I hate that I don't know how to fix that. I hate that I don't know enough about what goes on inside of you to assure you that whatever the reason is for you pushing me away it isn't real!"
"I," James spoke so slowly, "I am so confused."
"Whatever the cunt in your head said just forget. Do I ever lie to you? Even to protect you? No I'm always honest. You think this guy is some kind of guide. I don't, your power doesn't like you. We know this, it's tried to destroy you before. And it scares me that you would listen to its manipulations over my pleading. I love you and this morning you were wishing I loved you. And now you listened to the bastard in your head and can't look me in the face."
"He's just a part of me, he's just the personification of my thoughts."
"That's what he *said* he was. He's your power that wants control of you. You love me, I know you do. And after wishing for so long that I could touch you I'm not going to just stop."
"Why did you run this morning?" asked James still sounding hurt and confused.
Sirius sighed. Now James *was* looking at him and he was the one who couldn't meet the gaze. He swallowed and then said, "James, I've spent so long hating who I was, and being hated by my family because they could tell from just looking at me that I was a fag. I'm amazed this morning that Remus could talk to me. And Gods! James Fucking Potter loves me! When you found out about. . . everything I was amazed you could still look at me-"
Quickly James interrupted, "It wasn't your fault! You were a child and that sick f-"
Placing a finger over James' mouth Sirius said, "Let's not talk about my father when I'm in your arms, ok?" James nodded against his finger. "To have you know and still give a damn about me, knowing how broken I am. . . I'm laying here crying over a voice I can't hear that only lives inside your head and yet I'm the happiest I have ever been. And I don't know what he, *it*, said but it's not true. I don't pity you. I don't fear you. I don't think I'd lose you if I told you that we were just friends. This is what I want. I *want* to be here. I want to fall asleep in your arms every night. And if that even somewhat resembles what you want I'm begging you to just let it happen. Don't fight it. Let me hold you."
James kissed the finger that was still over his mouth, "I love you." He saw for the first time how badly beaten up Sirius was, "Gods, I kicked the shit out of you! Sear! I'm so sorry."
Smiling Sirius said, "It's fine, it doesn't hurt at all. I've been pumping so much adrenaline worrying about you that I feel no pain."
"I broke your lips." James ghosted a digit over the wound.
"Pretty amazing kiss." Sirius leered gently.
"What's the time?"
Pulling back the curtain Sirius looked at the wall clock, "'Time to scoff dinner'" he read, "sevenish I guess."
"To early to go to bed?"
"We're the walking wounded, let's just lay here for a bit."
"We missed a whole day!" James was shocked by the revelation. "We have to make up all the classes!"
"It's Saturday." Sirius said sleepily.
"I missed Quidditch practice!"
Smirking Sirius said, "Whatever will you do?"
The noise of people milling about the common room lulled them to sleep. And when Remus came up ten minutes later he smiled at the sight and shut the bed curtains so the sun wouldn't wake them.