Chapter 7 Severus

Harry woke up feeling really confused. His head was pounding and he felt sore all over and his lip felt like it was too big. He pulled the sheets up and looked at what he was wearing. How did I get into pajamas? He almost felt like a piece of time was missing for him. He thought back to the violent reaction Snape had last night.

He couldn't figure out what had set Snape off like that. He knew he had caused that reaction from Snape but didn't know how. He felt more apprehensive than ever with his new guardian.

The look in Snape's eyes was so odd. They had been glossy and distant. Why had Snape been fine one minute and then such a maniac the next? He remembered falling into the glass table and shards of tiny glass piercing his skin. Snape had looked so surprised, like he couldn't believe what had just happened. Harry remembered how sorry Snape had been. Vernon had never been sorry in the least.

Harry looked around his new bedroom and thought about how nice it was that someone actually had cared enough about him to decorate a room to his liking. Even Sirius hadn't done that for him. He was angry at the way Snape had treated him last night but kind of thought he had deserved it too. His guilt over Sirius and Cedric was still so strong.

He turned the situation around and forced his mind into thinking it was his fault.

Harry made his way into the bathroom and looked in the mirror. His lip had a big cut on it. He touched it and it started to bleed a little. The other cuts on his body had almost disappeared. He showered and got dressed in a new pair of black trousers and dark green turtle neck jumper. The jumper seemed to hide the most bruised skin. He walked downstairs to have breakfast in the kitchen with the house elves. The last thing he wanted was to run into Snape. He wandered the halls trying to find his way into the kitchens.

Severus was sitting in his study staring out the window and thinking about the way he had treated Potter yesterday.

What the blazes was wrong with him? He felt like he had been watching someone else last night and had no control over the situation. He knew it couldn't have been the Imperious curse because he had been so coherent. In the end he figured he would need to cast a spell on himself to make sure there were no curses placed on him.

He had made a personal vow to himself the night he took Potter under his care to never raise a hand to the boy. He thought back to the way his own father had beat and belittled him as a child. This fresh start with Harry was really important to him. He didn't want to end up dying with nothing to show for his life but being a spy for the Order. He wanted to make a difference to someone, and he knew the boy needed him. Beside the fact that those blasted dreams from Lily continually came to the forefront of his mind.

When he had first decided to care for the boy, it was mostly to redeem himself in his own eyes and to become someone who did not resemble his father in anyway. Now it had nothing to do with that, now he was truly getting attached to the child. The boy was far braver than he had ever known and had no arrogance to him whatsoever.

He thought back to that burn on Potter's hand and remembered when his own father had punished him in the same way. He had decided to make a better life for the boy, one that did not include torture, yet last night he could not get a handle on his anger. It had just been so odd, so powerful ...uncontrollable. The way the anger snaked through his body and pushed hard at his emotions was so foreign to him. He had felt the dark magic taking hold.

Severus remembered the look on Potter's face when he held his hand in the infirmary and look of pure happiness when he unwrapped his Firebolt. Those moments were true and they had broken through his hard outer shell and touched him. Now he had to fix this mess he had made with Potter.

He needed to show Potter that he wasn't going to hurt him or leave him and that they would work through hard times. He made the decision to adopt the boy and make him his son. As soon as he came to that conclusion he felt a heavy weight alleviated from his shoulders. Somehow that decision felt more right than any he had ever made before.

He knew his days of spying were over now that the newspapers had so ruthlessly spilled Potter's story across the front pages. It had become public knowledge that he had become Harry Potter's guardian with Dumbledore's blessings. Making it official was just his way of showing the boy that he was serious about being there for him. Now he just needed to get Potter to agree.

How could the boy let his guard down and trust him again? He knew he had to do something to make up for this.

Just then he spotted Potter in the hallway looking around with caution.

"Good morning Mr. Potter."

Harry stopped walking and looked back down the hall he had just come from, contemplating going back that way. He wasn't ready to talk to Snape just yet.

"Mr. Potter, I know you are angry at me. Last night I lost control. I-I'm not sure what happened to me."

Harry looked at his feet not wanting to make eye contact with the professor.

"Please come and join me for a talk," this was clearly an order not a question.

"Mr. Potter, I am speaking to you," Snape's voice brooked no room for argument.

Harry turned towards the door and slowly made his way into the walnut paneled study. He looked at Snape sitting behind the desk and held his gaze for a moment. It was hard for him to hold back the anger he felt towards his potions teacher.

Snape watched Harry walk into the study and could see the boy was struggling with his emotions.

"Sit, Mr. Potter."

Harry continued to stand but dropped his gaze down to his shoes. His hands were balled up into fists and his body was tense.

"Mr. Potter, I am not going to ask you again. There are ways I can make you sit without your assistance."

Harry wanted nothing to do with those ways and sat on the edge of the camel back chair across from Snape. He looked Snape in the eyes with a glare, "Alright, what do you want?" Harry's voice was calmer than he actually felt.

Snape ignored the surly tone the teen was using, "I need to ... apologize for my behavior yesterday. I never intended for you to fall into the table," he waited before saying, "and I might have been a little harsh with you about the way you spoke to me."

Harry was stunned. Is Snape actually apologizing to me? He didn't know what to say nor did he feel like talking with Snape at the moment. His lip began to throb and he felt it begin to bleed again.

Do you require a pain potion for your lip ?" asked Snape in a mild tone.

Harry just shook his head and pressed his finger to his lip to stop the bleeding again. The last thing he wanted was to take another potion from Snape. Who knew what he was given last night since he couldn't remember anything.

"I'll take that to mean you are fine then." The Potion Professor watched the boy sitting stiffly in the chair, trying to stop his lip from bleeding. "Relax Mr. Potter, I will not hurt you again. I am not sure what happened to me but I can assure you that it will not happen again. Please come over here so I can take a better look at that lip. It looks like it may need a Muggle stitch, as the potions have stopped working again on you."

Harry looked up quickly at the Professor with fear in his eyes, "I'm fine sir."

"I tried to heal it last night and again at dawn but it is resisting magical healing. I assume your body has had too much in such a short period of time. Please come to me so I may look at it," Severus swiveled his chair to the side.

Harry didn't give a piss about his lip, he just wanted to leave this room. He knew all about Muggle stitches and wasn't about to let Snape near him with a needle.

"Professor, could you just leave me alone? Could I go into the kitchen for breakfast?"

Snape sat up stiffly and spoke in a quiet voice, "You will dine with me, not like a house elf. I will only ask you one more time to come here and then I will use other means to make you."

Harry glared at Snape but stood up and slowly walked over to him. He pushed his hands down into his pockets as he stood next to the chair Snape was sitting in, feeling the blood drip from his lip when he moved his finger away.

Snape gently held Harry's face in his hands and lifted his lip a little to see how deep the cut was. Harry jerked back but didn't make a sound as Snape tightened his grip. Snape saw the cut was indeed too deep and would continue to bleed without assistance.

"Mr. Potter you may not like this but I am afraid I will have to use a Muggle trick and stitch that lip closed. It should be fairly quick though."

Harry felt his stomach flip with panic. The whole idea of Snape taking a needle to him made him nauseas. He pulled away from Snape's grip and stepped back against the wall, watching the Potion Master rise and glide past him.

"Follow me into the potions lab," Snape's tone was strict but without anger or malice. He knew the boy was nervous about having stitches. Wizards normally never needed to use Muggle's archaic methods of medicine.

Harry dragged his feet and followed slowly. Why me?

When they had descended into the lab Snape motioned for Harry to lie down on the table.

Harry hung back and just starred at the long table Snape had covered with a white sheet. The dungeon lab had shelves of creatures in jars lining the walls and rows upon rows of cauldrons and potions in bottles. The air was so chill Harry wished he had brought his cloak.

Snape turned around and looked at him. He then walked over to Harry and grabbed his arm, forcing him onto the table.

Harry was scared, he hated to admit that he was scared over once again not having control. Snape handed him a pain killer potion but he refused to drink it.

"Mr. Potter, if you do not drink that potion you will feel the needle piercing your skin, do I make myself clear?"

Harry shook his head and said, "I'll take my chances, sir."

"Very well Mr. Potter, we will do this the difficult way then. Please lie back and put your hands down at your sides."

Harry lied back and put his hands down. As soon as his hands were at his sides Snape pulled his wand out and made magical straps hold his arms and legs and head to the table.

"What are you doing! Let me go!" Harry gasped as he struggled against the straps.

"Lie still Mr. Potter. I will give you one more chance at that pain potion."

"No Snape, I'm not taking anything that will make me forget what happens ... again!" anger rising.

"Very well." Snape pulled out a needle and threaded it with a waxy black thread. "Hold very still then."

Snape pulled up Harry's lip and slowly pushed the needle through.

Harry wanted to scream not so much from the pain but more over the feeling of being so powerless. He vowed not to cry as his emotions caught up with him mixed with the pain of the needle. His eyes betrayed him and began dripping tears.

Snape looked into the boy's eyes with an almost sad look on his face. I did this to the boy.

Once again the needle entered the lip and Snape pulled it through. Harry let out a sob that could not be held back any longer. Snape finished up quickly, closing the wound and took the straps off.

As soon as the straps were released Harry covered his face with his hands in total shame.

"Harry, you've nothing to be ashamed of. You were very brave ... stupid and stubborn ... but very brave indeed."

Harry didn't remove his hands, he rolled on his side away from the Professor. He wasn't crying from the pain but from feeling so worn down and confused. He just wanted to be back to his old self and stop being so afraid of everything and everyone.

Snape really did feel like he needed to help this boy in some way. What was wrong with the boy? It couldn't have hurt that much. Maybe he just needed ... reassurance. Snape felt helpless, never having comforted anyone since … well since Lily. He wished more then anything that Molly Weasley was here. What would she do to help the boy? He put his hand on Harry's back and began to rub small circles. He told Harry about the time he had to get stitches as a young boy. He left out the parts involving his father though.

Harry began to settle down and relax a little. He was so tired of feeling worn down. He felt like everything just came tumbling down on him and he had no control over his life.

"Professor, do you think I could have some of that pain potion now?"

Snape raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything. He pulled a vial out of his robes and unstopped it. He then handed the vial to Potter and watched as he drank it.

It took a minute to take effect before Harry closed his eyes and breathed easier. 'I'm so stupid,' he thought 'Why didn't I just take the bloody potion to begin with?'

Snape watched Harry relax a little and then said, "Come on, let's go up for breakfast. You could probably use something in your stomach."

Harry sat up with his legs dangling off the table and looked down at his hands. "Thank you Professor for fixing me and ... erm, stuff. I'm sorry about talking back to you last night. I know I'm a pain to have around."

Snape didn't know what to say. Here was this child who he had caused injury and pain to and the boy was thanking him. If Dursley were around right now he had no doubts he would have killed him. The difference in the boy from the previous year was shocking.

Snape went and stood in front of Harry and put his hand on top of the Gryffindor's shoulder, giving a slight squeeze.

"Harry, you may call me Severus. And you are not a pain, as I've told you before. You were the answer to a change in my life that I had been wanting to make. I need to know that I can be something other then a person that everyone avoids. I want you to be ... happy here at Snape Manor."

Was this Snape talking? Harry couldn't believe those words just came out of Snape's mouth. He didn't know what to say to that. He never in a million years thought he would be having a conversation like this with Snape, of all people.

"Harry, I don't want you to leave, I want to make this permanent. I want you to become my son, legally."

Harry didn't know what to say. His heart raced over having a second chance at family.

Snape continued, "I won't do it unless you agree. But I want you to know that I am not going anywhere. You and I have always had an animosity towards each other in the past but you must understand, I thought you were like your father. I had no idea you were being raised more like myself. You see this grand house?" He raised his hand, "Well, this house was a prison for me. I hated my life as a child. I want a fresh start and to bring contentment into this Manor. Do you understand?"

"Yes sir,… I-I don't want to leave." Harry licked his cracked lip, "I feel safe with you." he whispered.

Snape's heart leapt at that. It wasn't too late, Harry had a very forgiving heart.

Harry looked up and assessed the professor's sincerity. Satisfied, he nodded his approval.

Snape looked at the forlorn boy and knew this was the right course to take.

"Shall we have breakfast and then I will show you around your new home. You know someday this will be yours? I hope you look at this home with good memories ...someday."

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