I decided to give yal an update today, And shouts out to Ms. Kiki your review made me laugh about my slow update. So this here is for you.

I hope you all enjoy

DISCLAIMER: I don't own the rights to glee nor it's characters.

Thinking about Mary has brought all of the hatred I felt on the day I left.

Hatred and sadness.

The memories of the day I left started to flood through my head. I can see myself running out of the house after receiving the worst phone call of my life. I can see myself crying as I shut the door behind me. I hesitated before getting in the car. I remember looking back at the house and thinking, what was I doing? I couldn't just leave without telling Sam anything, And then I remember thinking about my little sister, somewhere, alone and crying by herself.

I thought about the way I was living. I wasn't happy. Yes, of course I can just leave without saying anything. I remember thinking how Sam probably wouldn't even notice my absence until next week. I was done living like that. I remember getting in the car, with just my purse, and driving away. I didn't look back once.

"My mother-" Sam says now after a moment. He shakes his head. "Please tell me she didn't-" He looks at me. "Please tell me she didn't do those horrible things."

"I don't want you to hate her," I say to him. "I don't want you to fight with her. I just want you to understand one of the reasons I left."

He gulps. "There just has to be an explanation for the way she treated you.

He's in denial. I don't blame him. If somebody came and told me that my mom had been a whole other person than who I thought she was, I probably wouldn't believe them either. When I left, I was full of hatred towards Mary. I think I even hated her at some point. She made it so hard for me to live in her house. Sam was nesver home so he didn't see everything happened under that roof.

I think I also resented him for a long time. She would do everything in her power to make my life miserable. Mock me in front of her friends. Hide the car keys from me so I wouldn't use Sam's cars. That was the reason I ended up getting my own car. The thing was that yes, Mary was horrible towards me, but I understood that she was still Sam's mother. Nothing was ever going to change that. That's why I wanted her to like me so bad. It just didn't work. She had no interest in having me as part of her family.

Now, I'm not the woman full of hatred anymore. I moved past that. At least, I think I did.

So I half-smile, trying to lighten up the mood and to show Sam that the damage was done and I have already moved on. "Let me know what it is when she tells you."

Sam doesn't say anything. Instead, he sits on the edge of the bed and rests his elbows on his knees and looks down at the floor.

I lean against the drawer behind me and crossed my arms on my chest as silence fills the room.

Seeing him like that makes the anger inside of me diminish. I know my actions weren't fair to Sam. I know he's the one I hurt the most and a huge part of it was because of his mother. Maybe I subconsciously ran away to hurt Mary too. I know how much he means to her. He is her biggest pride. There isn't a single reason to explain why I left. There were many. I loved Sam, he was the love of my life, but sometimes love isn't enough. Love is only a part of marriage. It's important, yes, but so was trust, happiness, and spending time with one another. Sometimes life gets in the way of love.

I don't know what to thnk anymore. Im tired of arguing. Tired of thinking about the past. I hate to relieve those awful memories. It's one of the reasons I never spoke about it with anyone, including Jane. I didn't want to remember anything.

I hate to see Sam hurt. It isn't like himself to look so vulnerable and miserable. It's my fault he's like this. I hurt him. Now, I understand that it doesn't matter that I wasn't happy. Running away wasn't the right solution. It had been selfish-the most selfish thing I have ever done in my life. I had damaged our marriage. I hurt Sam.

How can I ever fix this? I can't. I know that a million "sorry's" aren't going to undo the damage that I caused.

"I'm sorry about Matt," I say after a long moment of silence. I look straight ahead, at the window. "It wasn't an exclusive relationship. I-we-I didn't sleep with him," I say quietly.

Sam doesn't say anything for a moment.

I know it's not the time to dive into my so- called boyfriend situation but I feel the need to come clean. I don't want Sam to think that I was unfaithful to him. Okay. Maybe I had been unfaithful by going on dates with another man but at least I can say that I didn't sleep with anyone in the time that I was separated from him. I wanted Damian to know that.

"You know, my father warned me many times," He finally says as he looks down at the floor. "He always told me that this career came with huge sacrifice...in a way, I think he felt guilty that I had followed his footsteps..." He sniffs and I realize that he is crying. "He would be so disappointed..."

"Oh, Sam." I walk tơ him and put my arms around his shoulders. He buries his face in my stomach. "Your father loved you," I say softly. "And you didn't disappoint him-there's no way."

He doesn't say anything. Instead, he Wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me closer to him so that I'm standing in between his thighs. I caress the back of his head as I tried to fight back the tears.

I feel so much guilt. I wish I can go back in time and fix my mistake. I never should have left him like that. I know that now but it's too late. The damage is done. Now I have to suffer the consequences. He's still mourning his father's death and here I go, breaking the image he had of his mother. God, I'm horible.

I don't deserve Sam.

I know it and I'm pretty sure he knows it too.

After a long moment, I feel Sam press his lips against my stomach. I feel my body tense. His hands go under my blouse and I stop breathing when I feel his big hands on my bare waist. He presses his lips against my skin, just next to my belly button. He begins to fill my skin with soft kisses, making my knees feel weak.

Then he stands up and kisses me hard on the lips. It's so unexpected-I take a step back.

"Sam." I murmur against his lips. I press my hand on his chest and push himn away gently, just enough to make him look at me. He seems hazy, almost as if he was drunk. I can also see the lust in his eyes and it makes something inside of me turn on.

What is he doing? We were at each other's throats not so long ago. Did he drink at the beach? No, he wouldn't have. He's a responsible doctbr, Plus, I would've noticed.

He placed his hand on my cheek. "I want you," He says as he presses his lips against mine.

He begins to kiss me quickly and fiercely. I'm flattered that he still wants me, especially after the argument we just had. He wants me, even though I hurt him. I really don't deserve this man.

Sam goes down to my neck and I close my eyes, as I place my hand behind his head to press him closer to me. He pulls my blouse up and off my head, leaving me in my bra. I reach out and pull his jacket off and he reaches out to loosen his tie and take off his shirt at the same time.

He continues to kiss me andI don't realize we're moving until my back hits the wall.

Sam's hand is on my lower back, teasing my skin, I love the feeling of his skin against mine. After a long moment, we stop. I can feel his hot breath on my neck. We're both breathing hard, trying to catch our breath. Suddenly, he reaches out and places his hand under my chin and he pushes my head up so I look up at him.

"You are my wife," He says, his voice is possessive and sexy. "I want you to stay," He says, looking straight into my eyes.

"We'll work it out. Just-stay with me," He says kissing my lips. "Please."

I feel like crying but I don't want to ruin the moment. I want Sam. I don't want to worry about anything else. I just want us to focus on us in the room, half-naked.

"I missed you, Mercedes." Sam whispers as he kisses me. "I missed you so much." He pulls back to look at me. "Did you miss me?"

I gulp, trying to fight back the tears. "Of course I missed you."

He half smiles then he runs his thumb across my lower lip. "Do you still love me?"

Oh God. He is making it so hard for me to not burst into tears. I don't want to cry. I want him to continue what he started and make me his. I want to be in his arms. I want to feel his lips in every inch of my body. My skin is burning with desire for him. Doesn't he know? Can't he tell that I'm dying to be his again? Can't he see that I want nothing more than to be in his arms for the rest of my life? Can't he tell that I've realized I made the biggest mistake of my life when I walked out of his life?

I want to tell him this but I can't tell him without crying so instead, I nod. "Yes, Sam." I whisper as I press my palm against his cheek. "I love you."

A tear escapes from my eye and he wipes it with his finger as he smiles. He pulls my chin up and presses his lips against mine. I close my eyes, savoring the feeling of his body against mine. I had forgotten how good-how right-it felt to be in his arms. I had forgotten how safe I felt. I forgot how loved he made me feel when we were together.

This is how it's always supposed to be. This is what we lost-and now we have found it again. In this moment, nothing matters but him and I. I don't care about anything else. I don't want to think about anything else. Nothing matters. I just want to think about how good it feels to have his lips against mine, his skin against my skin. I want to dive into the way he's holding me and stay like this forever.

It's there, in our intimacy, that he whispers, "I love you too" before picking me up and taking me to the bed to finish finish what he started.

Ok that concludes this chapter I know it's a little short but I couldn't really focus to make it longer.

Yesterday at work I tested positive for Covid, so my body is really exhausted right now but I think I might be able to update while off from work idk yet.

please excuse any grammar errors or mistakes that may occur. Until next time xoxox.