REFLECTION OF THE GODS:
A BSG FIC.
The blast furnace of the day had given way to a balmy night, much to Lee's relief. He was sitting at his desk by the open bedroom window, a worn copy of Arthur Pericles' "History of the Twelve Colonies" opened before him. He'd been trying to cram in the details of the Picon Salt Rebellion when eyeballs began to ache, and a kink in his back forced him to sit up in his chair and stretch. Raising his arms lazily above his head, he glanced at the digital clock to his right. I think I deserve a five-minute break. After his earlier marathon run, the awkward attempt at dinnertime conversation, and all this studying, he was finally feeling exhaustion creeping into his muscles. He leaned back in his chair, stretching out his long legs, and closed his eyes. At times like these, when his brain was crammed with two much information, he loved to simply let go–to allow his other senses to come into play. Sometimes he imagined he was at the swimming hole in Laurel Creek, floating on his back, feeling the cold against his skin. Tonight, though, the good smells and sounds of summer in his neighborhood enchanted him. The greasy smoke from a neighbor's barbecue, the scent of jasmine from the garden, and a faint trace of his mother's lemon chicken were in the air the light, floating in with the cool breeze caressing his cheeks. He could hear the sound of running water and the clank of dishes from the kitchen, the bark of a dog in the distance, old Mrs. Tilden from next door chuckling at her favorite t.v. program. He also picked up on the deep, gentle rumble of a man's voice, punctuated by the small squeaks emanating from the porch swing. Ah yes, telling the old war stories to Zak, the way he used to with Lee, before he stopped listening. He focused in, not admitting to himself that, of all the sounds of summer, the one he missed the most was this.
"Son..."
Here it comes.
"...A man isn't a man until he wears the wings of a Viper pilot."
Is that why you left us, Dad? That we weren't "man" enough to keep you here?
"Dad, when can I start flying lessons? My birthday's in three months!"
"Hey, hey! Slow down, son. You're only twelve–"
"I'm going to be thirteen!"
"You're only thirteen years old, and the minimum age is sixteen. Come to think of it, Lee'll probably be old enough next year..."
Lee snorted. As if! I'll never learn to fly, and I will definitely not be a Viper pilot.
At that moment, he hears his mother's voice.
"Zak, it's almost ten. Go inside and brush your teeth."
"But Mom..."
"Now." She speaks gently, but with a firmness that couldn't be brooked. "You can say goodbye to your father when you're done."
The thumping of Zak's footsteps faded as the porch door clicked shut
"I wish I had you aboard the Scylla. You'd whip my squadron into shape in no time."
"Are your pilots teenagers?"
"No, but I sometimes feel like I'm dealing with children."
A pause.
"It's getting late. I'd better get back to base soon."
"Of course. Bill?"
"Hm?"
"We need to talk about our son..."
"They're just stories, Caroline, nothing more. He gets a kick out of them."
"I'm not talking about Zak. It's Lee."
Lee's ears perked up. What about Lee?
"What about him?"
"He's.. well, he's still the same Lee. Thoughtful, smart, and sweet...but he's
becoming more distant."
"Hell, he's fifteen years old. Most kids his age become 'distant'."
"It's not that, Bill. It started a year ago, when you were gone for those six months."
"It told you that I tried to come home, but they recalled me for another mission."
"Ah yes, the sudden, all-important mission."
"Don't you get started with that again."
"Bill, you can tell Anne your hardship stories, but you can't bullshit me. We found out you were on base the week between missions."
Slowly, Dad growls, "How did you know that?"
"Lee and I were at Zak's pyramid meet when I ran into Major Fosse. You see, his son's on Zak's team, so we started chatting. He said that Zak was playing so well that it was a shame that they couldn't have delayed your departure a few days--"
Yeah, try to explain that, Dad. Lee remembered how he felt at that moment, how he felt his heart breaking, all the while trying to fool the Major into thinking that they knew his father had only been a thirty-minute shuttle ride away just four days before.
"What was I supposed to say to him? That you hadn't even bothered to call and say hello?"
"There wasn't even time to leave the base. I had to use every spare moment to–"
"Major Fosse didn't have time either to watch his son's game, but he was still there! He could only stay until the end of the game, but you could tell that it meant the world to Danny.
"Like he said, I shipped out days before the game–"
"JUST LISTEN TO ME FOR ONCE!" He could tell that his Mom was trying to keep her anger in control, but it was always hard with Dad. "It's not just about the missed games or the missions. It's about taking the time to get to know your children, to let them know that they mean something to you...that they're worth coming home to. If you really wanted to you could have pulled some strings or made some sort of excuse to see them. You're good at that. Hell, if your time was so precious, they would have come to you if you'd arranged it!"
The only sound made for the next minute was the sound of his Dad's feet shuffling. Usually his father was good under pressure–that's what made him (according to his father's friends) a good leader. However, when it came to his family, he seemed to be at a loss for words, particularly when he was caught in a lie.
"Do you even have any idea how much this has affected Lee? Affected Zak?"
"Zak seems fine."
"Zak's better at hiding his pain. And besides, we never told him."
Zak's still a kid. Kids should have some illusions...
"I'm your ex-wife for a reason, Bill. I still care about you–I even still love you. But you pushed me aside one too many times and I had my limits. You can't do that to your children."
"What--?"
"If there is any time to listen to me, listen to me now, just this once. You've got to reach out to them now, while they're still young enough to care. If you don't, there will come a day when you're old and alone, and you reach out to them, they won't be there."
His father's response was interrupted by Zak's entrance. Caroline called out, "Lee, your father's leaving. Come say good-bye."
Lee dragged himself out of his chair and slowly made his way to the door. It's always good-bye, Dad. Even when you say hello.
22222
As the image in the water fades, Apollo sits back on the rock, unable to even move or breathe–from anger. Okay, you've got father issues, too, so you're just relating a little too closely to this mortal. He's not you, and that thoughtless jackass of a father is not Zeus. But he couldn't help but think of his own childhood–how his own father had abandoned Leto and left her alone to raise their twins on the island of Delos. On the rare occasions that Zeus did sneak onto Delos, it was to hide from the wrath of Hera (he usually told Mother that he'd fallen back in love with her, but took off again once things had cleared up–business of being a god, you know). While he was there, he'd take Apollo aside, rattle on about his deeds, and told him about the responsibilities he would have when he obtained his own godhood. He would always listen patiently, and even got a kick out of the tales he spun. As he got older, though, he began to dream of a something else–a different life. He'd thought about being a musician wandering the countryside; or a teacher, inspiring young minds; or even a bartender–listening to other people's problems but not having to do anything about them. When he tried to tell him that he didn't want to be a god, Father would just brush it off and rattle on some more.
Sure, "Bill" didn't say it out loud, but he, too, fully expected his sons to follow in his footsteps, not even thinking for a moment that they might want to be something else...
Suddenly, a familiar ache from behind his eyeballs flared up–
Fire...sirens blaring...a corpse being pulled out of the smoldering wreckage...Caroline fainting by the phone...a grown-up Lee in uniform standing by the casket, throwing hateful glances at his stoic father...You killed him! You killed him!
The vision vanished as quickly as it came, leaving Apollo breathless and sobbing.
TBC