A "Random Final Fantasy 7 Yaoi Pairing Generator" crackfic. Cloud's experience with the Don makes him think.

The Don uses more exclamation points than a thirteen year old girl on a sugar high. The dialogue is right out of the game, though, except for the two lines between Tifa and Cloud. I started over in FF7 so I could play that scene again. I almost wish I was still living at home, because that would have been an interesting explanation. "Yeah mom, I have to play this game for research, because I'm writing a story about it. Lots of them, actually. With mansex."

Shaken

Cloud wasn't as uncomfortable as he'd expected to be. The dress wasn't short, or low cut, or anything, and the silky fabric actually felt kind of nice. Not that he'd want to wear a dress again, but he was considering buying some silk pajamas when he had time to indulge himself. The underwear was a lot less constricting than it looked, too. And the wig wasn't all that itchy now that he had it on right. The makeup did feel weird, but it made him look like a girl instead of like a man– albeit a pretty man– in a dress.

So, the dress wasn't bad. And neither were the looks he had been getting on the way there. He would have excepted that he'd be nervous about other men hitting on him, but he actually had liked it. He didn't consider himself to be gay, but then he hadn't really thought of himself in a sexual light in a long time.

Cloud frowned. Shouldn't he know, by now, what his sexual preference was? How had he avoided thinking about it in the entire time since he had left Nibelheim? Maybe it was time for him to open himself up to the possibility again. If he liked having a man's eyes on him, who knew what else he would enjoy.

Cloud wasn't uncomfortable because he was wearing a dress. He was uncomfortable because he knew that one of them was going to have to spend some time alone with Don Corneo. He knew it was important that they get the information they needed, but the skeezy old man gave him the creeps.

"Woo-hoo! I'vve made up my mind! My choice for tonight is..."

Not me, Cloud thought. Please not me. I'll get Tifa or Aeris out of there as quickly as I can, but don't let him pick...

"...This healthy-looking girl!"

...me. Goddamnit.

The Don was standing directly in front of him, giving him a suggestive wink. Cloud gulped.

"Wa, wait a sec! I mean, ah, please wait a moment!"

"Woo-hoo! I love chickies who play hard-to-get! Yeowza!"

The Don gestured at Scotch and Kotch, saying, "You can have the other ones! Well then, shall we go my pretty?"

Cloud looked at Tifa helplessly. She nodded. He turned to Aeris, who repeated the gesture. Sighing resignedly, he followed the Don into his garishly decorated bedroom.

"Ahh, we're finally alone..." the Don said, leering at Cloud. "All right pussycat... Come to daddy!"

Shiva, Cloud thought, where does he get his lines?

"You're so cute, I never get tired of looking at you. Do you... like me too?"

Just play along, get the information, and get out of here.

"Of course!" Cloud chirps, falsely bright and trying to make his voice sound feminine.

"You sure do know how to make a guy feel good! Then, what do you want to DO?"

I didn't think he'd move this fast, Cloud thought. But he knew he had to interrogate the man. Apparently Don Corneo took his lack of response as disinterest.

"You... you don't like me?" the Don asked, trying to sound coy and ending up sounding pathetic. "There... there isn't someone else, is there?"

Cloud suppressed a shudder. If he said there wasn't, he was probably going to get jumped.

"Yes, his name's Barret..." Cloud said, because it was all he could come up with. He apologized to Barret ahead of time in his head.

"No way!" the Don shouted, sounding for all the materia in the world like a five year old who'd been told his favorite TV show had been cancelled.

"Hmmm? Barret? That sounds familiar..."

Could this man be any stupider?

"You know, he's one of the ones you were trying to find out about. You know, AVALANCHE...?" Cloud prompted, hoping the Don would let something slip in his surprise.

"Oh, yeah, yeah. In Sector 7 in the slum... and how do YOU know that?"

Well, he'd been found out. Might as well get out of the dress now. Cloud was glad he'd thought to leave his uniform on underneath. He tugged the dress off over his head, trying not to laugh at the outraged shock on the Don's face.

"A man? You tricked me! Somebody get in here now!"

"Unfortunately, no one'll be comin' to help," Tifa yelled from the other room. Cloud sighed in relief.

Tifa and Aeris charged into the room.

"You're the ones from before! Wh... what the hell's going on?" Don Corneo whined.

"Are you okay, Cloud?" Tifa asked, ignoring the Don, looking at his arms.

Cloud followed her gaze to his wrists, which he had been rubbing absently.

"I'm fine."

Tifa nodded, then turned to the Don.

"Shut up, we're asking the questions now..."