Snape had placed Hedwig on Harry's chest and put Harry's hand a top of the owl. Harry had not improved since Snape had last seen him and was still in a deep sleep that they were not able to wake him from. He now knew exactly what nightmares Harry was re-living and couldn't be awaken from. The thought of Harry going through the torture Snape had witnessed through Vernon's memory made Snape wish he had killed Dursley. He hoped Harry would somehow feel the owl's presence and know that the owl was safe now. Severus knew the bird was special to Harry but never really had any idea the length the boy would go through to protect her. He had thought when Harry returned to the Dursley's this summer Harry had taken care of the bird and everything was fine. He had no idea that the boy was denying the torture he suffered at the hands of his uncle because of the owl. He had no idea Dursley would stoop so low as to keep Hedwig hostage to shut the boy up.
Hedwig had a magical connection to her master and seemed to let her master know she was safe and with him now. Harry gave himself permission to let go of the secrets he had been forced to keep and begin to break through the awful memories he was reliving. Harry slowly woke up from his nightmares and after a few hours he opened his eyes.
Snape was sitting next to Harry with his hand on the boy's shoulder and had been watching as Hedwig suddenly stood straight up and stretched her long white wings with a few flaps. The bird was really quite extraordinary and seemed to look into your very soul at times. Snape finally looked back at Harry's face and saw the boy looking up at the ceiling once again.
"Your back with us," Snape stated expelling a deep breath, clearly relieved.
Harry blinked a few times and held tighter to Hedwig. He didn't say anything but continued looking up and stroking the owl gently.
Snape reached for Harry's hair to push it off his forehead but Harry jerked away from his touch, frightening the owl in the process. Hedwig still hadn't made a sound but she fluttered off Harry's chest and up to the headboard of the infirmary bed. Harry seemed startled at the bird's sudden movements and had a fleeting panicked expression on his face, but his expression quickly turned angry once he looked towards the Professor.
"Harry are you okay?" Snape asked in a quiet voice.
Harry gave him a look of loathing and turned his head towards the window without answering. Deep inside Harry longed for that safe feeling that he had when the Professor was around but he didn't think he could trust Snape anymore. Being bound to the bed had been the worse torture Snape could have inflicted on him. All those bad memories were no longer suppressed but were now fresh in Harry's mind. He could almost feel the welts on his chest and stomach again and actually stuck his hand in his pajama shirt. There weren't any wounds left but Harry remembered every single one as if it were yesterday. He blamed Snape for opening up the floodgates and making it impossible to push the memories away any longer.
Harry had been relieved beyond measure at having Hedwig back and that was some solace at least. Hedwig flapped her snowy white wings again and pecked at Harry's ear. Harry reached over to his nightstand and fished out a piece of chicken from the soup he hadn't eaten earlier. The bird ate with gusto and Harry knew she probably hadn't been fed properly.
"Harry I am truly sorry for putting that spell on the covers to keep you in bed. I had no idea you would react so severely. If I could take it back I would. Please do not look at me like that. I had no idea your uncle bound you to the bed," Snape supplicated in a quiet voice.
Harry suddenly sat upright and faced the professor, "How the bloody hell do you know about that?" Harry was humiliated that anyone else would know what had happened to him in the bedroom.
"I went to see your Uncle Vernon," Snape said in a quieter voice.
Harry quickly squeezed his eyes closed and shook his head as if he was trying to rid himself of the bad memories. He was mortified beyond belief that Snape now knew all his secrets and had probably looked through Vernon's memories as well. Harry was so ashamed that Snape had seen everything.
"Harry listen, I took care of him. He can not hurt you ever again."
Harry welled up with rage at those words and shouted, "Oh yeah! I've heard those words before. I don't trust you Severus! How can you even say that you took care of Uncle Vernon? Believe me he always has the last say and I have no doubt I'll be back at the Dursley's again! So just get the bloody hell out of here and leave me the fuck alone!"
Snape was shocked at the way Harry had just spoken to him. It took him a moment to compose himself. Did Harry actually think Dursley would get hold of him again and Snape would let him? The more Snape thought about it the more he could see how Harry might think that. Judging from the past Snape had been helpless at keeping Harry away from Vernon.
Snape's look of shock disappeared as he knew he had to be the parent in this situation and took on a look of sternness, "Mr. Potter, I am not only a professor at this school but also your guardian. I will not be spoken to in that manner. I will let it pass this one time but that is only due to the recent situation. If this had been any other time you would be in grave trouble."
"Oh yeah? What are you going to do to me huh? Now that you saw how I was treated at the Dursley's you can pick from a whole bunch of ways to torture me. Why not beat me with a belt buckle or burn me with a cigarette or better yet, why not stab me with a knife! Anyone of those will get me to do what you want!" Harry's voice was giving out again and the last came out in an emotional raspy voice.
Snape reached for his hand again and Harry moved it quickly. "Harry I do care what happens to you."
"Just stop Severus, just stop pretending to care. I don't think I want you taking care of me anymore. It just hurts too much," Harry was so furious he was panting and trying to catch his breath. "At least when you used to treat me like dirt I knew where I stood with you."
"What in Merlin's name are you going on about?" Snape could not believe that Harry actually thought he didn't care. "How could you even question my concern for you?"
"I'm not so sure Mrs. Weasley would have bound her kids to the bed, and I can't imagine Mrs. Granger forcing Hermione to do something the way you just did to me. Why did you do that Severus? Why did you force me like that? You don't even know how it felt to have all the bad memories come back at me like that. It felt worse than dying and you did it to me! I just hate you and want you to get away from me!"
"I had absolutely no idea you would react that way!"
Snape was hurt by Harry's accusations, this was getting too painful. He was not prepared for the emotions he would be feeling for Harry. He had never felt the need to protect anyone like he did for Harry.
"Do you wish me to leave?" Snape hoped Harry said no but knew what the boy would say before he said it.
"Yeah," Harry said with force as he wiped at a tear that had escaped.
At this point Snape thought maybe the boy needed more time to digest the situation. Snape hoped Harry would calm down and realize just how much he really did care for him. He actually felt heaviness on his heart at leaving the boy so angry at him. As much as he did not want to leave Harry on his own he decided to go back down to the dungeon and work on duplicating the antidote. He slowly stood up and stopped at the foot of the bed.
"Harry I hope you come to the conclusion that I had no intention of doing such psychological harm to you. I never would have forced you to the bed if I had known. Nor would I ever hurt you, ever! We have so much to talk about and I want to be there for you but you have to forgive me, once again. I don't want to keep upsetting you so I won't come to you unless you ask me to. But know this, I am still your guardian and will still be watching out for you. I just wish you would let me be a father too," With that said Severus walked out the door and headed down to the dungeons.
Harry was so confused and upset at everything. He turned onto his stomach and punched his pillow then collapsed on it and cried. The memories were so fresh and now he had no one to be there with him. He was so angry at Snape for ruining everything and angry at himself for being so scared.
A little later after he had calmed down and ordered food for Hedwig, his friends came in to say good night and stayed until Madame Pomfrey kicked them out. They had asked about Snape and Harry gave a non committal reply about his whereabouts. Truthfully Harry thought the Potion teacher had probably just got tired of him and decided this father thing wasn't worth the time.
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The next morning Hedwig came flying up to Harry's bed and gave him a nip on the ear to wake him. Harry sat straight up and looked closely at Hedwig. She seemed much stronger and healthier already. Harry figured it was because of Hagrid's magical care for her. Harry had sent Hedwig down to Hagrid last night to be checked over and healed. Now the bird looked great and Harry felt pretty good himself.
Madame Pomfrey walked in and assessed the Gryffindor carefully. She had received a long list from Severus this morning on symptoms to watch for. Finally after a good hour she simply said, "Well Mr. Potter I think you may attend classes today."
Harry was excited beyond belief. He couldn't wait to get out of here and see all his friends again. He quickly threw his legs over the side of the bed and was just about to stand when Madame Pomfrey put a hand to his chest.
"Just a minute young man. There are whole lists of rules you must abide by or end up back here again! First Professor Snape says you must eat at least three full meals a day. Second you must get your full eight hours of sleep and lastly if any sort of odd pain occurs you must promise to tell the professor or myself. Is that understood?" Madame Pomfrey said and was mildly curious as to why the Professor had given her the list instead of telling Potter himself.
"Yes Madame Pomfrey," Harry said as he leapt out of the bed. He headed to the bathroom to shower and change into the school uniform Snape must have brought in for him last night while he was sleeping.
Harry held the uniform in his hands and knew this was another brand new set that Snape must of just had made. He picked up his cloak and saw the fur lining and silver Gryffindor clasp on it. He still wasn't used to someone actually buying him new clothes and caring that he should actually look nice. The Dursley's had never given a care to how he looked and had even told him how ashamed of him they were. Harry looked at the handmade shirt and saw his initials sewn inside. He felt so hollow and alone, almost as if he were missing something very important to him.
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Harry walked into the Great Hall for breakfast feeling as if every eye in the place was on him. As he scanned the room he found that he was right, almost everyone was staring at him. He spotted Hermione and Ron at the long table and made his way towards them. Suddenly Lavender Brown got up and came at him with her arms outstretched.
"Oh Harry, it's so good to see you back! We were so worried."
Before Harry knew what was happening he was surrounded by girls giving him hugs and kisses and welcoming him back. He really had no idea the drama his disappearance had caused the school.
Up at the teacher's table Professor Snape had been waiting for Harry's arrival and was surprised by the welcome he received. It almost looked as if Harry was having trouble getting himself away from the group of girls that seemed to be getting even larger. Snape caught Ron's attention and nodded towards Harry. Ron stood up and looked at what the Professor was indicating and knew right away his friend needed help. He nodded at the professor as he walked by the head table and made his way to Harry.
Harry tried to untangle himself from the now large group but was having trouble when Ron suddenly appeared at his side and grasped his arm.
"Alright everyone let the man through. The poor bloke hasn't even had a chance to eat yet," Ron yelled as he pulled him through the crowd and pushed Harry towards the open seat next to Hermione. Harry stumbled into the bench and quickly sat down with gratitude towards Ron.
"Blimey Harry, I think you need body guards to walk the halls now! If I had known disappearing would cause that kind of thing I would have done it ages ago," Ron laughed as he sat back down to finish his breakfast.
"Ronald, what happened to Harry was serious. Don't kid about it, he almost died," Hermione admonished.
Ron just gave Hermione a smirk and continued eating his ham and eggs.
Harry spoke up, "Hermione, don't make it seem so dramatic. I'm still here aren't I?"
Ron looked to Harry with a grin and passed him the toast. Harry had just taken a bite of toast when he was grabbed from behind by Luna. Luna sat the rest of the breakfast with them and told the trio about all the Harry Potter sightings her father had heard about. Her father ran a newspaper and had been flooded with owls when Harry's disappearance had been reported. There were sightings of him from Hogsmeade to America. She made Harry laugh when she told of the sighting of him on a secret pirate ship in the Red Sea. He had no idea he had been such big news.
When breakfast was over they made their way to Transfiguration with Neville and Dean. If Ron and Hermione had not been standing on either side of Harry he probably wouldn't have made it to class on time. Every few steps he was stopped and welcomed back or asked for an autograph. Finally Hermione was in such a panic at being late she made Harry's friends form a circle around him and wouldn't let anyone stop them to talk as they made there way to the classroom.
Harry was happy to be amongst his friends again and even began to push away some of the dark memories he constantly felt creeping in on him. He had a hard time concentrating during transfiguration and failed several attempts at turning a rock into a snapping frog. His rock wouldn't budge and he finally gave up hope of it changing, earning himself extra homework.
School work didn't get any better for Harry in Herbology. He had a hard time pushing the memories away and actually flinched when Ron threw an arm over his shoulder. Harry laughed it off but was actually humiliated by the way he had reacted to a friend's hug. Ron had looked at him with an understanding look that made everything even worse for Harry.
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The last class of the day was Potions and Harry thought about not going but knew Snape would come looking for him. In the end he decided to go sit in the very back of the class with Dean and Neville. When Snape entered he was in a foul mood and within minutes took points from Gryffindor for some small thing Neville did. Harry kept his head down and was sure not to make eye contact with the professor. He went to get the needed ingredients from the front of the class for the potion they were working on and had another run in with Crabbe.
As he was walking back to his seat Crabbe stuck his foot out and tripped him. Harry stumbled forward but didn't fall. However his tuberworms flew out of his jar and landed on the floor. He gave Crabbe an angry look but wasn't in the mood to get into a fight. He noticed Malfoy hadn't joined in on the sniggering that followed and was actually looking down. It was an odd reaction from the Slytherin and Harry thought it might have something to do with Malfoy still believing he had hit Harry with the Cructiatus Curse. Harry hadn't said anything to anyone about it and had actually forgotten it happened.
Some of the other students, mainly girls, helped Harry collect the squirming worms and place them back in his jar. Harry thanked them and went back to his chair feeling like the day couldn't get any worse.
Harry and Neville's potion had not turned out as it was supposed to. The potion was supposed to turn yellow but theirs was blue and had black smoke billowing out into the air. Within seconds it boiled over and the blue goo ran down the sides of the cauldron onto the table and floor. Harry didn't know how to stop it. He was panicking as the thick black smoke began to fill the classroom so much that he couldn't even see Neville sitting next to him anymore.
Snape marched to the back of the class with a furious look on his face and snarled out, "Who did this? What brainless idiot put fernweed in this potion instead of fenweed!"
Snape raised his wand and the black smoke and blue goo disappeared. Snape saw Harry standing in front of him and instantly knew this had been Harry's mistake by the look of terror on the boy's face. Snape froze as Harry quickly looked down. The whole class was silent and watching to see how Harry's guardian would react to him. By now the whole school knew that Snape was adopting Harry and most wondered if Harry would get special treatment now.
"Well Mr. Potter it seems that your mind must be elsewhere. This is a mistake I would expect from a first year or even Longbottom here but I most definitely did not expect this from you," Snape watched as Harry's look of fear turned to one of defiance and was glad the boy still had enough courage to get angry back at him. He hated to goad the boy into anger but wanted to see how damaged he really was. Several of the teachers had reported to Severus how Harry was disconnected and despondent in class today.
"I didn't do it on purpose," Harry said with irritation.
"You will address me as Professor or Sir," Snape said sternly.
Harry took a deep breath and looked the professor in the eye, "I didn't do it on purpose, Sir."
"Well Mr. Potter, I believe you are in need of attending remedial potions class tomorrow during your free period. Perhaps that will help get your brain working once again."
"But Severus I have Quiddich tomorrow during free time and lunch!" Harry blurted out without thinking. Several students gasped at the use of the Potion Master's first name.
"I gave Madame Pomfrey firm orders that if you were released from the infirmary that you were to eat three full meals a day. Already you are disobeying my orders and skipping lunch?" Snape knew Harry would be taking the next dose of the antidote tomorrow evening and wanted to make sure the boy didn't make himself sick by not eating.
"Dunno, I guess I hadn't thought about it. I was just so excited to ride my broom that I thought …"
Snape suddenly cut him off, "Ride your broom? Who says you are well enough to fly? I do not remember giving you permission to fly yet Mr. Potter!"
"But you have to … I mean, please Professor. It's really important to me," Harry pleaded, totally oblivious the entire class was witnessing the exchange between the two.
"Mr. Potter you are not fully recovered as of yet and I will not put your health at risk."
Harry looked down and mumbled out, "You just want to keep making my life more miserable."
"Stop mumbling and look up when you speak to me. Furthermore, you had better think about what you just said before repeating it," Snape said rather harshly and took a threatening step closer to Harry.
Harry backed up but did look the professor in the eye, "You just don't understand. What if I just play for half the practice and I promise I won't over do it and I won't fly too fast or …"
Snape cut him off again, "Potter stop begging, it is not fitting and it will not change my mind."
"I'm not begging, I'm just … why do you have to be so strict with me? It's just flying sir, its not like I'm going out to fight Voldemort or something!"
Both Severus and Harry heard loud gasps from the class at the use of the Dark Lord's name.
Harry looked around for the first time and noticed that everyone was watching. His face flushed with embarrassment and he quickly looked down again.
Severus looked around and was also surprised the entire exchange had been witnessed by the whole class. He stood up straighter and turned towards the students with a scowl on his face. The students quickly went back to their work.
Snape turned back towards Harry once again and said in a much quieter voice, "My decision stands. I will not put your health at risk for a ridiculous game."
Harry was angry that Snape was being so stubborn and said without thinking, "I wouldn't be sick if it wasn't for you!" Harry grabbed his book bag and raced to the door leaving behind a shocked and wounded Snape.
Snape quickly recovered from Harry's words and called out, "Mr. Potter stop!"
Harry froze as he once again was reminded of Vernon's strict punishment for walking away without permission. He slowly turned back to the Professor as Snape strode towards him. Harry unknowingly took a few steps back as the professor approached and clearly had fear in his eyes.
The fear in Harry's eyes made Severus stop short and calm down a bit. The last thing he wanted was to scare him. Harry's last words had actually had an impact on Snape. He had been feeling very guilty over the harm his own aunt had put Harry in and did want to make up for it in some way.
"It seems we have come to an impasse Mr. Potter. First off I will not tolerate your impertinent conduct in class. Is that understood? "
Harry balled up his fists in anger but answered, "Yes sir."
"Now apologize to the class for the interruption you have caused."
Harry was beyond humiliation but looked up and quietly said "Sorry."
The Slytherins snickered but everyone else looked sympathetic.
Snape stepped closer to Harry and put a hand on his shoulder trying to come to a decision. "Do you truly feel well enough to ride your broom?"
Harry immediately said, "Yes sir."
"Would you have any objections to my coming to your practice tomorrow and keeping an eye on you?"
"Erm, no sir. I guess that would be okay," Harry was shocked Snape was letting him practice and even more shocked Snape would cancel a class to keep an eye on him. All of a sudden Harry felt so much better, as if a load had been lifted from his shoulders.
Snape could see the relief clearly written on Harry's face and knew he had done the right thing by giving in on this, he just wished he hadn't been forced to do it in front of the whole class. Now he would have to be extra strict with his students or lose his hard earned reputation.
He quickly turned on his heel facing the class and barked out, "Class back to work and Mr. Potter take your seat or lose 50 points!"
Harry went back to his seat and tried not to laugh at the looks of awe clearly written on the Slytherins faces.
When class ended Harry took his time packing his bag so he would be the last one out. After the last student walked out the door Harry walked up to the professor's desk and waited for the professor to notice him.
Severus looked up from his paperwork and looked into Harry's eyes, "Well, we put on quite a show, don't you think?"
"Yeah, I guess I was little distraught," Harry said while pushing his book bag further up on his shoulder.
Severus walked around the desk and stood in front of Harry.
"May I ask how you are dealing with … everything?"
"I'm okay, you know…" Harry trailed off, not knowing what to say.
"Hmm, that is not what I heard from several of your teachers. They say you are having difficulty concentrating, and after watching you in my class I feel I must agree," Snape said with his hands clasped in front of him.
"I-it's just really hard to concentrate. I can't stop thinking about stuff and it just keeps getting in the way. I hate the way I act all jumpy and hate the way everyone is always starring at me. I don't know Severus, I just wish I could get away from here sometimes. I just need to get my head together and stop thinking about Uncle Vernon all the time," Harry said not knowing he was so desperate to talk about it.
Severus was so relieved Harry was talking with him once again and even more relieved he was opening up about Dursley. He wanted to help the boy anyway he could to get past the atrocities that he had suffered.
"Well, you do have your own bedroom in my rooms here at Hogwarts. Maybe you could take the antidote down there and stay for the weekend too. It would give you a little break from your fans."
"Are you sure you want me around the whole weekend sir?"
"Harry, when will you learn to accept this relationship between us? You keep denying that you are actually worthy of my time and concern," Snape said and watched as Harry let his shoulders relax.
Harry looked up at Severus and asked, "Professor, does it bother you that everyone knows that your going to be my dad … I-I mean guardian?"
Severus placed both hands on Harry's shoulders and pulled him closer.
"Harry nothing would give me more pleasure than becoming your … Dad. And once it is official I will be proud to call you my son."
Harry closed the gap between them and leaned his forehead against the Professor's chest. Severus placed a hand on the back of Harry's head.
"Son, it's good to have you back."
Harry felt exactly the same way.
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The next morning during breakfast the owls came with the morning mail. A large lavender owl landed before Snape and Harry watched as the professor held the life saving vial in his hand with care. Snape looked up and saw Harry watching him as he carefully put it in his inside pocket. Their eye's connected and Snape gave Harry a small sad smile. Harry smiled back but really wanted to cry at the thought of having to take that horrible antidote the rest of his life. His face must have conveyed some of what he was thinking because Snape wrote something on a paper and gave it to a house elf to bring to Harry.
A second later the house elf handed Harry the note and disappeared. Harry opened the note and read it;
Just a few more doses until I find the cure. Be careful at practice today.
Severus
Harry folded the note back up and stuck it in his pocket. He looked back towards the professor and this time gave him a genuine smile and a nod. Suddenly he felt so much better.
He left the Great hall with a smile knowing that he would be back on his broom today and playing Quiddich and that someone actually cared enough to come watch and make sure he didn't get hurt.
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TBC
Hi All - I'm back home now and very happy to be on land again. Thanks for all your words of encouragement and for letting me know how you feel about this story so far. I will definitely keep it a hurt/comfort thing and not change anything else. I have another week before school starts and would like to get this story finished but I think I might have about 10 more chapters to go. Please review, thanks