Hours later Harry awoke to something slamming against the wall in the lab and Severus swearing obscenely under his breath. He sat up quickly and looked around the lab. The lab was dimly lit and had the same smell of herbs as the lab at Snape Manor. He stood up from the cot and Snape walked towards him with a tense look on his face. Harry instinctively took a few steps back and grabbed his throbbing arm to his chest.
"Do not do that Mr. Potter!" Snape said with irritation.
"What sir? What did I do?" Harry froze, continuing to keep his eyes on the restive professor.
The professor shook his head and took a calming breath before saying, "Nothing, it is not your fault."
Suddenly Snape felt the need to explain, "I do not like watching you step back and show fear of me. It seems you do that more often then not."
Harry was utterly humiliated. And worse, he knew the professor would insist on the black book now.
"I-I don't know why I just did that sir, I can't stop myself from doing that. I just … I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize!" The professor snapped, his nerves on edge after spending the entire evening on a fruitless endevor. "That is the other matter we must address as well. You apologize when it clearly is not your wrong doing. Damn Dursley did that to you!" Snape shook his head and walked away from Harry.
Harry stood watching Snape. Damn Dursley did that? What?
Harry felt ashamed, not about Vernon so much as about feeling that the professor was disappointed in him. "Exactly what do you mean about Vernon and doing something to me?"
"What I mean Mr. Potter is that you have changed dramatically since fifth year. I attribute that to Dursley," Snape answered in a matter of fact tone and continued working with his potion, his anger gone now.
Harry felt his face warm up. So, is that what everyone saw him as, this wounded, frightened boy. Bloody hell that was not the way he wanted to act and certainly not the way he wanted other people to see him. He had to kill Voldemort one day for Merlin's sake! He couldn't be perceived as some weakling crybaby!
Snape looked up at him, studying him for a minute before saying, "Suffice it to say, Mr. Potter it is not your fault. You had no control over that situation."
Those were just the thoughts he had been consumed with since returning to school. "That's just it! What happened to the uncontrolled magic? I can't understand why I could blow up my aunt over a few nasty words about my parents and have a snake scare Dudley but when my uncle …" Harry suddenly stopped, not wanting to reveal anything further.
"When your uncle what? Continue," commanded Snape.
Harry shook his head and looked down at his feet.
"Look at me when I am speaking," came the stern command. "I said continue."
Harry forced himself to look the professor in the eye, "Well, it's just that I don't know what happened to me this past summer. I mean I never, ever would have let Uncle Vernon hurt me like that before, but this summer I felt… I don't know …helpless to stop it. It was so weird. I kept thinking my wandless magic might kick in but it never did. That thought has been bothering me."
"Have you ever considered that it might not have kicked in as you put it, because you might have felt that you deserved it?" the professor stopped stirring and scrutinized Harry's reaction to that.
Harry felt as if he had been doused with cold water and took a sudden breath in. Had he deserved what that disgusting pig had done to him? He thought back to the first beating and remembered feeling like he was paying the price for getting Sirius killed. Maybe Snape had a point after all. Maybe he did deserve it.
"I guess your right, I did deserve some of it. But not …"
Snape abruptly cut him off, "I did not say you deserved any of it! Of all the idiotic things to think boy, what must be going through that mind of yours? I said, you might have felt that you deserved it, therefore the uncontrolled magic that you seem to possess when you are angry did not react the same as before. For Merlin's sake Harry, stop thinking you are the cause for all things evil in this world."
"Do you really think that? I don't want to be like this anymore either you know. It's not like I'm proud of the way I turned out!" Harry swallowed a lump that had formed in his throat. He had to get back to being the way he used to be and stop being such a disappointment to the professor.
"Harry I have had a long night with no sleep and feel I am not conveying my thoughts on the abuse you suffered sufficiently. I suppose your bravery will return to you when you have healed emotionally. Now let's end this discussion until I have had time to reflect on a more appropriate way of conveying my feelings on the matter."
Now he thinks I'm not brave anymore too. "Good. I didn't want to talk about it anyway."
Snape thought that over and replied, "No, you never do, do you? The black book is in order today before anything else." Snape turned his back on the boy, and gathered up more ingredients.
"No, I'm not doing that book thing. It's not something I feel like getting into right now," Harry stated. Maybe being a little more assertive would help take away the fear that was always lurking in the shadows.
"Writing in the book was never up for debate Harry. I am your guardian and you will do as you are told," came the stern voice.
"Tell me about the plan and then maybe I'll consider it," Harry challenged.
"You will do it regardless. The plan is rather complicated but all I need from you is to keep our encounter with Vespa a secret. No one and I mean absolutely no one is to find out about the poison and what happened yesterday. Do I make myself clear Mr. Potter?"
"Yes sir. I can keep a secret you know. I can do a lot more than that too. You know I have come up with pretty detailed plans of my own in the past."
Snape rolled his eyes at that and said sarcastically, "If you are referring to your past escapades at this school then, no thank you, I do not require your assistance. If you recall, you needed help to survive those astounding plans."
Harry looked indignant, "Those astounding plans did save a few friends and …" he suddenly stopped talking as he realized one of his plans had actually killed a friend, Sirius.
Snape came to the same supposition at exactly the same time. "Harry you only did what you thought was best for Black. You were trying to help and I am sure he knew that before he passed."
Harry couldn't stand to hear Severus talking about his Godfather, even if it wasn't anything bad about him.
"Just forget it. I'll keep my mouth shut!"
Snape watched the boy take control of his emotions again knowing that Harry still had tremendous guilt over the whole incident. If he could only let out his guilt and pain it would begin the healing process.
"Perhaps that should be the first topic to write about in your book?"
"Severus you act like this is just another assignment in your class. I'm not doing it though. You can give me a Troll for this one," Harry stated in anger.
"If the thought of Sirius is too painful then begin with Dursley."
"Oh sure, that's a lot less painful," Harry replied sarcastically. "I'm not writing down anything that has to do with Vernon. I think the whole idea is stupid," Harry said as he made his way to the stairs.
"Mr. Potter! You will do as you are told," Snape used his low dangerous voice. The one Harry hated hearing the most.
"Severus, you can't make me bring up those memories anymore than you can make me return to my old self again. I know I'm not the son you had hoped for but I can't deal with that other stuff right now," the emotions Harry felt were barely containable.
"Harry, you can be so dimwitted at times. I never said you were a disappointment to me, as a matter of fact …" Severus stopped speaking as the dark mark on his arm flared up with intensity and he tried to hide the pain he was in.
"Go on! We'll finish this later!" Snape snapped, wanting Harry to leave before the dark mark flared with more pain, as Severus knew it would. The last thing he wanted was for Harry to see him in pain and take that upon his shoulders as well.
Harry ran up the steps, slamming the door behind him in anger.
Snape was on edge and felt the tremendous weight on his shoulders to find the antidote. The last five antidotes had not worked and he had thought he was so close. Harry had slept the night in the lab and he had watched as the boy clenched his stomach in pain several times through out the night. It had been a whole day since they had seen Vespa at Diagon Alley and the clock was ticking. He really did not want to have to implement "the plan" but as time moved on he knew he was closer to doing just that.
Snape began going over the conversation he had just had with Harry and realized the boy actually thoughthe found him to be an unworthy son. He thought of a way he could prove to Harry that he was indeed not a disappointment to him. He floo called Madame Bones and they set a meeting that day to begin the adoption process. At this point Vespa had nothing to hold over him and the adoption could take place.
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After Harry showered and changed, he walked past the black book on Snape's desk, pushing it under a few letters. He just couldn't deal with that right now. Instead he went upstairs to find his friends at breakfast. He wasn't sure what kind of retribution he would suffer for disobeying Snape but right now he didn't care.
The moment he stepped into the Great Hall and smelled the delicious aroma of Sunday breakfast, he realized how hungry he was. He looked down the Gryffindor table and spotted Ron stuffing his mouth with ham and made his way to him. Several people had stopped to watch him and whispers could be heard around. Harry was not certain what they were whispering about and tried to ignore them.
Ron looked up as Harry sat down with surprise at first and then alarm clearly written on his face.
"Whoa Harry, did Snape do that to you?" Ron asked and pointed to Harry's face.
Harry had completely forgotten about the red handprint on his cheek.
"No!" Harry said emphatically, "Snape's not like that, he wouldn't hurt me."
"Who did it then? And what's wrong with your arm?" Ron asked as he stuck another fork full of food into his mouth.
"It's a long story, I'll tell you later but Snape did not do it," Harry said as he began piling food on a plate.
Ron shook his head and asked, "Do you think you'll be able to play Quiddich with that arm?"
"Yeah I can play." Suddenly Harry had a brilliant idea, "Hey Ron have you ever heard of a hover board?"
"Sure, I saw one in Diagon Alley this summer. It looked really brilliant but they wouldn't let me try it out."
"Well, you can try my hover board then!"
"No way? You mean Snape …" Ron began saying before Harry cut him off.
"It's under my bed. Come on!" Harry said with true excitement forgetting about his plate full of hot food. He couldn't wait to show Ron the moves he could make on the board. Harry needed to shake the feeling of impending doom he had ever since meeting up with Vespa. The hover board was just the thing to take his mind off everything.
When they came out of Gryffindor Tower Hermione, Ginny and Seamus joined along to see how the hover board worked. Hermione walked next to Ron and pulled his and Seamus' arm so Ginny could speak with Harry alone.
Ginny talked about classes and then about Quiddich before she got up the courage to bring up the dance.
She took a deep breath before asking, "Harry are you going to the Welcome Dance?" Ginny had hoped Harry would ask her but came to the conclusion that she would need to ask him.
"Erm, I don't think I'm going. I have some stuff to do with the professor," Harry knew that by Friday he would most likely be in intense pain from the poison. Going to a dance would be the last thing on his mind. "Are you going?" He asked, hoping she said no.
"Well, I guess I am. My mum sent a dress and everything so I kinda feel like I should go," Ginny wasn't sure which of the guys who had asked her she would go with, now that Harry wasn't going.
"Oh," was all Harry managed to say. His heart dropped at hearing that she had a date, wishing it could have been him taking her. He wondered how long the poison would take to really make him sick.
"Do you want to study together tomorrow night?" Ginny asked bravely. If Harry wasn't going to take her to the dance at least she could get a study date out of him.
"Okay. I am pretty behind in most of my classes so I know I have a lot of catching up to do," suddenly he felt much better, almost the same way he felt when he rode a broom the first time. He and Snape had decided that he would continue with his studies and classes as long as he could manage, hoping for a good outcome.
Seamus caught up with them and immediately brought up the Welcome Dance.
"You are goin aren't you Harry?" Seamus asked.
"I can't," Harry really didn't feel like thinking about that dance anymore.
"To bad because my date is someone you might remember. She goes to Beauxbatons, I met her over the summer when I stayed with my aunt and uncle in France," Seamus said.
Both Harry and Ginny looked to Seamus with surprise. "Well, who is it then? Don't keep us in suspense," Ginny asked totally intrigued. Seamus had been talking about a summer fling but hadn't let anyone know who it was yet. She had started to believe he was just making it up.
"Do you remember Fleur Delacour's little sister? The one you saved from the Black Lake, Harry?"
Harry remembered quite well. How could he ever forget anything to do with the Tri-wizard Tournament?
"Yeah, I remember. You mean Gabriele Delacour, she's the one you're dating?" Harry asked with surprise.
"We hung out all summer and I've been begging Professor Dumbledore to let her come to the dance. Anyway Dumbledore finally just told me she could come to the dance," Seamus announced proudly.
Harry was shocked but happy for his friend, "How is she going to get here?"
"Dumbledore is going to arrange a portkey for her. She's going to port right into the school. He said he was only doing it because of the Tri-Wizard tournament fiasco and wanted to make a better impression. He gave me a big lecture on how much trouble everyone was going through to get her here and how I better be a perfect gentleman. Any way's at least I get to see her again."
By then Ron and Hermione had caught up with them and both Gryffindor were just as surprised over Seamus' new girlfriend. They began to question him about her until they finally reached the outskirts of the lawn.
Now Harry really wished he could go to the dance. What he wouldn't give to see the look on Malfoy's face when Seamus walks in with a half Veela Beauxbatons girl!
When they were close to the Forbidden Forest Harry explained to Ron exactly how the board worked and offered to let him take the first ride. Ron refused and said he'd rather Harry show him how it worked first. A crowd was beginning to form since a few people had seen Harry and Ron running out of the castle with the board. Neville, Seamus, Ginny and Hermione were standing around the board with a few other students standing back to watch.
"Harry are you sure you're well enough to be riding that? I mean when we saw you a few days ago you looked pretty bad. The professor said you had the muggle flu," Hermione said with concern as she eyed the way Harry was protecting his arm. "And what happened to your face and arm?"
"Nothing, I'll tell you later," Harry answered and looked over to the crowd beginning to form.
"Harry is Professor Snape aware that you have that thing out here?" Hermione asked with apprehension as she pointed to the board.
Harry rolled his eyes at her, "Hermione, its fine. The professor doesn't care," He lied knowing how mad the professor would be if he found out about this. But he really needed to get out of the dungeons and feel normal for a little while.
He tried to explain how easy it was to ride the board, "It's just like muggle surfing, only in the air. I'm not even using my arms." Harry let go of the hurt arm and shook it a little as if to shake the pain away. It still hurt but he was too excited to not ride the board.
"Honestly Harry, you should have protection of some sort," Hermione said in an exasperated tone.
Harry waved her off and stood on the board as it began to rise off the ground. He leaned forward and immediately started zooming across the grass towards the Forbidden Forest. Just as he was about to hit the big pine tree he leaned back and tipped up the front of the board, causing it to go into a giant loop. He could hear Ron and the guys cheering. He flew around a few more times and then decided to try something even more daring. He let the board rise until it was almost level with the top of the pine tree and then pushed his foot down on the front of the board. The board came spiraling down towards the lawn and Harry lost his balance. He was flung off the spinning board and landed half way down the pine tree.
Harry felt the branches scratching his face and arms and grabbed onto the branch before he fell the rest of the way down. He was hanging onto the branch, about 30 feet in the air! He could see everyone down below panicking and watched as his board crashed into another tree. Harry could barely hold onto the branch as his bad arm was throbbing with pain.
Hermione ran towards the castle as Harry tried to stop her but she couldn't hear him. Ron went to get the hover board and stood on it. He was rising steadily and tentatively holding his balance. He leaned forward and the board started moving towards Harry. Ron steadied himself and let the board rise again until it was level with Harry. He slowly leaned forward and was almost within reaching distance of Harry when a blinding lightening bolt raced past him. The bolt hit Harry and Ron watched as Harry slowly fell out of the tree. It looked as if Harry were suspended in water as he swayed down towards the ground, landing with a small thump in a pile of leaves.
Harry grabbed his throbbing arm and looked around for the person who had cast the charm. Standing at the edge of the grass was Professor Snape next to Hermione, with his wand held before him. Harry froze until he heard Ron screaming. Harry looked up as Ron came hurtling down to the ground, head first. Just before impact Professor Snape cast the same charm on Ron and the Gryffindor landed softly in the grass, tumbling over into a somersault. Ron quickly scrambled to his feet and was taking deep breathes to calm his racing heart.
Snape came towards them with robes billowing and an angry glare. Harry willed himself not to step back but it took everything he had to hold his ground. Ron on the other hand was stepping back behind Harry with a very worried look on his face.
Snape stopped directly in front of the Gryffindor's with his hands clasped before him and a stern look on his face. He had noticed how Harry had stood his ground and felt a small surge of pride for the boy. He didn't say anything but just stared at the two boys.
Somehow that was more unnerving to them then being yelled at by the professor.
After a few minutes of very uncomfortable silence Professor Snape finally spoke.
"Accio hover board," He said as he held his hand out. The board flew to him and he tucked it under his arm then turned on his heel and headed back to the castle without saying another word.
Ron breathed a sigh of relief but Harry felt worse then ever. He almost wished Snape had yelled at him or something. The crowd around them started to disperse and Hermione walked over to them.
"I told you guys to be careful. You're lucky you weren't killed Harry. And Ron you would have broken your neck if Professor Snape hadn't of saved you."
Harry stared after the professor until he could no longer see him. He felt like he had just let Snape down again and felt horrible. After more lectures from Hermione on their recklessness they went to the castle to finish up their homework.
Later that evening he had a hard time concentrating on his homework as thoughts of being alone in this mess began to close in on him. He had wanted to tell Ron and Hermione about the poison but Professor Snape had disagreed. Harry wished he could at least talk with professor Snape about it but knew he would be furious over the whole hover board incident now. Maybe giving him some space was a good idea right now.
Harry was sitting on the floor before the fire with his books spread out in front of him. He could see Ginny out of the corner of his eye talking with Dean and laughing. By the time they finished talking, Dean sat close to Ginny with a very satisfied look on his face. At that moment Harry hated Vespa with a vengeance. Because of her he would lose Ginny to Dean again. He just knew it. He couldn't take the sight of them together anymore and abruptly got up to go to bed.
Ginny noticed and stopped him, "Harry where are you going? I thought we could all play wizard scrabble together."
Harry looked over to Dean with disgust then shook his head and continued walking towards the staircase.
"Harry what's wrong?" Ginny got up and grabbed Harry's arm, forcing him to turn and look at her.
"Nothings wrong, I'm just tired," He didn't sound very convincing but didn't really have a right to get angry at her. He tried to turn back around but Ginny wouldn't let go of his arm. Harry looked down at Ginny, feeling her firm hand on his forearm. Merlin, he felt his insides drop. He suddenly needed to get away from there before he did something to embarrass himself. Harry pulled his arm out of her grasp and headed up the staircase to his dorm room. He flung himself on his bed, trying to think of something else besides Ginny.
An hour later he was still fully dressed on top of the covers as he started nodding off to sleep. Without any warning his scar broke out into a fierce burning that felt like it might explode. He grabbed his head and started rocking back and forth on his knees trying not to scream out in pain. There was no vision or message from Voldemort, only the most intense pain he had every felt emanating from his scar.
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