Note: Thanks for all the reviews! Just to let you know, I probably won't be able to update for atleast a week and a half to two. Sorry to put you on hold for that long but I am going on a trip. I hope you like it. Let me know what you think. I was wondering if the way the flashbacks are done in are okay or is it too confusion? Let me know about that or anything else you think of. Thanks and I promise to update asap when I get back. Have a nice week.
"They treate me as if I will break. I will not. I hate it. They are polite but I don't want polite, I want someone to talk to. Someone to laugh with. A friend…"
Written about the knights in Alexandrea's Journal
I wake to the sound of clashing metal. Slowly, I pull myself up and peer through the window. The knights are breaking camp, well most of them are, Galahad and Gawain are having a little duel with each other. I smile as I watch them parry and block; they are children at heart. I change my dress and climb out of the carriage. As soon as I emerge, the knight stop what they are doing and they all look at me. I blush slightly, so much attention makes me nervous, and I try my best to be graceful as I head towards the river to clean up.
I wash my face and try to tame my hair when Arthur approaches me. "Milady, we will be leaving momentarily."
I smile and say, "Thank you, I shall not be long." He nods and walks away. I finish pinning up my hair and inspect my reflection. I am no beauty but I will do. I don't even know why I put forth the effort to do my hair. It would just be a pile of knots before the day is done. It's probably habit that's all; Mother always made me do my hair.
Once satisfied, I walk back to the camp. Everything is cleaned up and the knights are preparing their mounts. I look for Arthur and attempt, yet again, to get him to allow me to ride to day. "Sir, might I ride today? The air would do me some good."
He looks at me for a moment and then asks, "Do you not think you would be more comfortable in the carriage?"
"I would like to ride, it that would be possible. I have spent so much time in the carriage, I'm growing restless."
He sighs, "Very well milady, on the condition that you stay within the protective circle of my men and do as I tell you."
"You have my word, and if I grow tired, I will go back to the carriage and not hinder you."
"Very well. Go to Bors and he will get you a horse." I smile and thank him as I walk away. At last, I will finally get to ride. If I spend another day in the stuffy carriage I would die.
I find Bors and he finds me a mount. It is a dull, lifeless mare, the one the used for baggage. I am not at all pleased with her and it insults me that they do not think me capable to ride a spirited animal, but I cannot blame them, it is their job to get me to Marius's home alive and they are probably going about it as well as they know how to. I thank him for the horse and allow him to help me up.
The animal plods slowly along. I miss Apollo. He and I were one. How I wish I was on him, he and I could fly. I think of all the races we had won against Conn and Max. They never understood how I always won, but I did, Apollo and I were made for each other. It was as if he could read my thoughts and I could read his. Together we were unbeatable. It was a common site to see us flying through the fields, a black horse with two manes. I suppress the urge to let down my locks and let the wind dance with them. I must behave or I might be placed into the carriage again.
The knights continue their rotating circle around me. Tristan rides a head to scout out for dangers ahead while Bors scouts behind to make sure there are no unexpected visitors following us. Arthur leads the way with Lancelot close behind him. A large knight and two others ride to the left of me and Gawain, Galahad and another ride to my right. Talking is out of the question for the knights keep their distance from me as if I were some creature waiting to pounce. I am forced to remember.
We ride Conn and I for Max had other obligations. We ride to our old hide out and sit quietly among the trees. Many things have changed. It has been over a year since the river incident and they finally discovered that I was a girl. When they first started treating me differently, I liked it. They were nice and it was fun to watch them trip over themselves, but now it was getting annoying. They were much more fun when they didn't know I was a girl. Our rides had gotten fewer until now they would only ride with me once a week, and when they did it was only one of them. Today it is Conn. He has changed most over the past year.
He has grown taller and all the village lasses fawn over him. If I were a village lass I suppose I would fawn over him too but I am not and I don't. We have not spoken much; I miss the old days when we were carefree and open. Mother is trying to turn me into a lady and Conn and Max are going their separate ways. They fight more often and I have no idea over what. I assume it is a girl but I have not seen them with any so I have no clue who the young lady is.
I end the outing short, for Conn seems distant and won't tell me what's on his mind. When we get home, Max is waiting for us, he was mad. He and Conn exchanged looks. I sensed the discomfort and left them to themselves. They probably fell for the same lass again; I only hope they will get over it.
The images of Conn and Max fade away as I notice Arthur pulling back. He falls into step with me and nods. "How are you faring, milady?"
"Quite well, commander, thank you."
"Do you find your mount suitable?"
"She's fine, although I would have chosen one more spirited," I say.
"We thought it would be best to start you out on something tame, lady. We did not want you to fall and hurt yourself."
Fall and hurt myself, how insulting. I have been riding since I was a little girl. I was practically born in the saddle. I bite my tongue to stop any sharp remarks from escaping. It is not his fault he's ignorant, I have to keep reminding myself about that. These knights are ignorant about me and about everything. They are doing their best to protect me and I can understand that, it is just hard to contain my thoughts inside my head. I use to vent to Father, he understood me and knew exactly what to say, but he was different. I rather doubt the Commander would be open to my views and abilities. I have a feeling that I will have to completely change if I am to survive in my new residence.
About midday we stop for lunch. Arthur keeps a close eye on me. I wonder why. I have been well behaved all day; I even resisted the urge to gallop off with the wind. I sit off to the side like I did the night before. They prepare the meal and once again I find a plate in front of me. I take it and eat its contents. I do believe this rest is on my account, which angers me. Why can't these men understand that we are not all like the Bishop?
We start again soon after we eat. Everyone switches their positions. The large knight, Dagonet is now to my right with Bors and Galahad while Gawain, Tristan and Lancelot ride to my left. Once again they spread themselves out and away from me. I wonder if it's against the rules to associate with other people besides themselves. As before I am left to my thoughts and the dull mare plods along.
I see Conn and Max again. They are fighting. I have never seen them actually fist fight before. I come into the stables and they are rolling about on the ground. Jon, the stable master pries them apart and demands to know what they fight about. They say nothing and are restricted to the grounds. Conn and Max stocks off in opposite directions and I am left confused. Had this woman played with them this much? If only I could get my hands on her, I would strangle her for causing such a rift between Conn and Max. Never before had they seemed to hate each other. From the time they were boys they had been best friends.
Upset about Conn and Max's fight I go to Father and ask his advice. "Father," I start. "What is wrong with them?"
"They are growing up. They grow restless. They have feelings that they don't know how to deal with and so they take it out on each other," comes Father's vague response.
I shake my head. "Father, I know that much, but I don't know why. I think it might be a girl."
Father smiles knowingly, "Yes, I do believe it's about a young lady."
"Who?" I ask eagerly. Perhaps I can make her fix it.
Father shakes his head, "You really don't know?"
"No, who is she?"
"I think that's a question for Conn and Max to answer." I try to get him to tell me but he doesn't.
"Milady…" a voice interrupts. I blink Father's face away and look towards the direction the voice came from. It is Gawain.
"Yes?"
"Are you well?"
"Yes, quite well."
"You just look a bit uncomfortable. We thought you might not be feeling well. If you want we can stop and let you get in the carriage."
Again with the carriage. "No, thank you. I think I can manage." I look at the others, they are watching for my reply.
"Might I ask what is wrong?"
"Nothing, I was just thinking how I use to ride around my father's estate on my stallion, Apollo. We use to rule the land. I miss him very much." Gawain blinks. He didn't expect that. I smile. "I am quite an accomplished rider. I have been riding since I was four." I cannot resist gloating when I see their faces. They are dumbfounded.
"I thought Romans never let their women out of their houses," Lancelot states sarcastically.
"Oh, sir, indeed they do, but you see I'm not a Roman and therefore their rules did not apply to me. My father believed that a girl was as good as a boy and therefore should be as knowledgeable as one." Lancelot grows silent. I cannot help but smile at my small victory. The other knights seem rather impressed at this and they loosen up a bit.
As night falls, we look for a place to break camp. We find one and a repeat of the night before happens, with the exception of more taking around the camp. I listen to the knights and I watch them. They are a jovial group when not in the company of an unwanted noble. I know how they feel. I always hated when the Bishop and other people such as he came and visited Father. Although I would wish they would realize that they did not need to act like I am some one important. I'm just a traitor's daughter, hardly worth the effort to impress. Besides I find people being themselves much more impressing then the rich nobles back in Rome. Here everything is simple; there are not intrigues, politics, nothing just the need to survive and companionship, something you hardly ever witnessed among the rich.
We finish the evening meal and I approach Arthur. "Sir, might I ask how much longer it is until we reach our destination?"
"We should be there in two more days, milady." I smile.
"Thank you." Two days, two days until everything is final. There is no turning back now. No turning back at all. I take a deep breath and climb into the carriage to sleep. I want to sleep outside, but I think I will ask tomorrow, for I have already pushed to far to ride today. I will have to work on them some more. Perhaps I can get them to stop calling me Lady and use my name. It has been such a long time since I heard my name spoken aloud I am afraid that I have forgotten it.
I curl up in my covers and listen to the calming singing of the crickets. I remember when we use to sneak out at night to star gaze, Father and I. Mother did not like it when I did unconventional things, I don't know why. Perhaps it was the fact that unconventional meant alienation from society. I did not care if I was liked or not by the strangers that were so important to my parents but I did my best not to completely embarrass them when he had visitors, although I knew Father cared less about impressing them then I did. We both did it for Mother who tried so hard to accepted, although she never was for she was a slave, a witch.
Once in a while, Conn and Max would accompany us on our night time excursions. I shake my head and sigh. I wish these images would quit plaguing me. How am I to forget one life and fully accept the other when the past life will not let me go? The harder I try the more forceful the memories become.
Father and I sneak out, a week after Conn and Max's fight. We come to our star gazing rock and lay on our backs staring up into the night sky. I have hardly seen anything of Max and Conn. I am angry at them for not talking to me. Father points out constellations in the sky and tells me their stories. I tune him out; I am too confused about Conn and Max to enjoy this trip. Finally, we head back towards home. Father must have sensed that I am preoccupied. On the way back we meet up with Conn. He nods to Father and then to me.
"Where have you been?" I demand. "I have been so worried." Father eyes us.
"I will wait for you by the glen," he says and walks away.
"Conn, what is wrong with you and Max? Is it another lady?"
Conn looks at me. I look at him. "Alexa…"
"Alexa?" a voice says. I sit up. I'm in the carriage. "Alexa," the voice calls again. "I sit up and peek through the curtain. My name, my name. It is Gawain. "Alexa."
I smile, "You used my name.'
He chuckles, "Yes."
"What is it?"
"I was wondering…"
"Yes?"
"Would you like to go riding?"
I smile. "Yes."