I took the haunting ticket and I got on a plane. I felt my heart almost stop when it took off. I
was one of the first to hear of the attack on September 11th, and planes weren't my favorite
mode of transportation now.
As I neared my destination I thought of the many phone calls Big and I have had in the last
few years. Two best friends talking about memories only they shared. Going through the
alphabet to think of that elusive name of the favorite actor in that movie you both saw. I
remembered all the sentences Big would finish when I was thinking of the same thing. I never
told him that. I think he would have found it corny. Big told me about the vineyard and the perfect
prize winning wines he was producing. It sounded so wonderful. I never let on I was missing him
as bad a I was although I can still hear him saying, "I miss you, kid, I really do." I would reply
with a "Me too." or "Ditto" or something like that. Then I would hang up and feel my body ache
without him.
So now would he be glad to see me? Oh my God what if he's seeing someone or
worse married? I should have let him know I was coming. Damn my impulsive nature. Maybe I
should just get on another plane and go home, but I really wanted to see him. It's now or never. I
heard the pilot say over the loud speaker, "We will be touching down at the Napa County Airport
in about 15 minutes, please buckle your seatbelts and observe the no smoking sign, and have a
good day."
I looked out the window and saw the beautiful lush green valley and grape arbors nearby. I
wondered could that be Big's place? As we touched down I felt a sigh of relief that we had made it
safely even though my stomach was in my throat. I hurried through the airport getting my
luggage and hailing a taxi to take me to Big's.I wasn't in Kansas anymore. I got in and asked the
driver to take me to the Lorrington Winery. He knew where it was and told me we were nearby.
So the vineyard I saw may have been Big's after all.
I remember we traveled for about 20 minutes from the airport and then up a winding dirt road. I
put the car window down and the smell of the grapes were all around me. Up ahead I saw a sign
that read, "Lorrington Winery". We turned into what looked like a tunnel of trees holding hands
above me for about a half a mile. Then I saw it, a stone house much like what you would see in
Italy. There were flowers out front, archways to the door and grapes draped over arbors on each
side.
Not at all what I expected Big to live in. I went up to the front door and rang the bell. No one
answered. I had my speech prepared to cover all the scenarios. I rehearsed what to say if his
butler, girlfriend or wife answered the door. But no one answering, I wasn't prepared for that. I
turned around to tell the driver to take me back to the airport when the door opened, and a voice
said," Did you get lonely, kid?" I turned around and felt myself stop breathing as I looked into his
eyes. I opened my mouth but nothing came out. Imagine that, me, speechless
All I could do was look into those mesmerizing brown eyes and nod my head. He saw I was
having a hard time finding the words so he did what he did so easily he said, "Look what flying
did to you, come on in and taste the best damn wine you have ever had." I went in and he took
my luggage and asked, "Are you staying a while?" Again I nodded. Much like the dogs that sit in
the back of a car window. I just kept nodding. Shit, where was my voice. I had this all planned.
Maybe it's not meant to be after all. Big felt my uneasiness and took my hand and said, "Come on
let me show you around my castle." We went from room to room and everything I saw was like
him. The leather furniture mixed in with the Italian influence and the touch of elegances every
where. Finally I was able to speak. "Who was your decorator?" I said. Not hello or I missed you
or I need you but that. Big replied, "I hooked up with a decorator in Napa a few years ago and she was
able to help me put this all together." I felt my heart sink. Did he say what I heard? He hooked up
with...and she...there was someone, I've missed my chance. I waited to hear him say she's my
fiancée now,
or worse my wife but instead he said," Yeah she's the daughter of one of my workers, great to
look at but jail bait all the way and I like my freedom too much." "How about you Carrie, what
have you been doing and how are the girls?" He was keeping the conversation light. How "Big" of
him. "Everyone is, healthy and happy." (Except me) I wanted to say but didn't. He sensed I was
tense and asked if I wanted to rest before supper .He had planned to take me out to a great
Italian restaurant in town named "Napoli's". I told him I needed to rest, jet lag and such. He show
beautiful room facing the arbors and told me to be ready by 6 to go out to eat." Then he said
something I will never forget, "Carrie make yourself at home, I'm glad you're here." Again yep
you guessed it, I nodded. He closed the door and I couldn't believe I was here. Finally here but I
hadn't got anywhere, really. There was so much I needed to say to Big but I couldn't find the
words or the time. Time...yes it was time, time for a nap. Jet lag was catching up to me.