Note:Thanks for the reviews! Here is another chapter. Sorry it's kind of fast. I hope it's okay. Happy reading!
"I am alone. Alone with my memories…"
Excerpt from Alexandrea's Journal
"No! You cannot."
"What?" he asks innocently.
"Gawain, I know the look in your eyes. Forget about it. I'm a heartache waiting to happen."
He blinks, shocked. "How did…"
"It's not the first time. You might think you love me but you don't. If not love, like me perhaps, you don't. We'll never see each other again after tomorrow. Forget anything you feel about me. I am but a fleeting memory."
"We don't have to be," he says. "I don't know what it is about you, but since the first moment I saw you, I've been drawn to you. When we went riding that night I knew you were different from any woman I have ever met or will ever met. You're a walking contradiction and unpredictable. You're…"
"A fleeting memory best forgotten for ever." He looks at me. "I mean it."
"You could come back with me. We could say you got lost or killed. We could come up with something. You don't have to go. You could run away." How he knew what I am thinking about I do not know, but to hear these thing spoken out loud made me remember what Father once told me. "To run away is to admit defeat. Do not let defeat win." I shake my head.
"No. I will go. I will not run away. I will not."
"I don't understand. Why?"
"I'm not going to admit defeat. Running away is admitting defeat."
"What about what you want?"
"I want to live. I can do that anywhere. If I runaway they might punish you knights for loosing me. I cannot hide at the fort because the Roman guards saw me. I have no where else to go." I try to think of other excuses. Love is a fickle thing. One can never know if they are really in love or just infatuated.
"But…" I get up and he follows.
"We should be getting back," I say lightly. Before he can say anything else, I climb onto the back of my horse and ride back the way I came as fast as I can. Tristan sees me and he greets me.
"Out for a midnight ride?"
"Yes." I climb off the horse as he takes it and leads it to the other mounts. "Good night," I say as I climb back into the carriage and close the door. I hear Gawain ride up. I can see him, confused. He will never understand. Perhaps someday I might understand why I'm going into the unknown.
The next morning, Gawain passes me confused looks. I am back in the carriage, since we should arrive any moment. I hold my breath and pray that my fears are only that. I pray that reality will be less harsh then my nightmares. As predicated, by noon we arrive. It is a small fortress with its own village. We come to a stop at the gate and Arthur announces us. "I am Arthur Castus, Commander of the knights of Hadrian's Wall. We bring you Lady Alexandrea, daughter of Pelagius." A fat bald man peaks up from over the battlement.
"Enter," he cries. Slowly, the gates open. They go in. Arthur opens the carriage door and helps me out. I remind myself that I am a lady and try to act like one. I am still starched and bruised, but most of them are hidden underneath my clothes. I am greeted by the fat man. In the back ground, a woman stands with a boy. He looks to be about my age and I infer that he is Alecto, my supposed groom.
"Alexandrea, we have been waiting. God bless you have arrived unharmed," the fat man, Marius says as he hugs me. He smiles, but underneath his smile, I see something else. His pleasant face is just a mask. From the moment I see him, my fears are gratified. I have brought myself to Hell. I knew it. I look at Alecto and his mother. His mother is beautiful but her face speaks of tales of woe. I look at the knights; they do not seem to see what I see. I sigh. If things go wrong, I will have only myself to rely upon; I only hope I am strong enough to make it through the trials that lay ahead of me.
They have a feast prepared and we all feast. The knights are jovial and Marius wears his mask well. There is something about his wife that puzzles me. I wish I knew what it is she is hiding behind her painted face.
The feast ends too soon and the knights decide to leave. I bide them all farewell. Arthur is the last to leave; he seems to sense I am uneasy. "All will be well. If it's not, send word to me and I shall come back and take you away." I smile, knowing I would never do that. He and his knights were too nice to condemn them to eternal servitude. I assure him that I will and I stand on the battlement, watching as the last of my hope dies and dread grows.
As soon as the knights are gone, Marius beckons me to his chamber. Reluctantly, I go. He says nothing; he just looks at me, inspecting me as if I were a horse at market. "You resemble your mother." I blink.
"You knew my mother?"
"Don't speak unless spoken too!" he snaps. "Yes, very much like her in looks." He walks towards me. I watch him. He circles me like a vulture. "Fresh meat," he mutters as he trails his finger down my face, my neck making his way towards my chest. "Very nice." I glare at him. What ever he thinks he's going to do, he is mistaken. He circles me a few more times before he dismisses me. "You are dismissed." He watches me leave.
Outside of his quarters, I am met by a guard. He leads me through corridors and locks me away in the farthest recesses of the manor. So this is my fate. To be locked away for his lordship's carnal pleasures.
My room is small and windowless. It is dark; the only light comes from the cracks in the door. I feel my way around, finding only four walls and a bed. Sighing, I find a corner and sit. I do not do well in enclosed spaces, and this is as enclosed as a person can get. I press against the cool stone wall and let loose my mind. If I am to be trapped in this lightless world, the past is a much better place to dwell.
I remember Apollo, the feel of the wind flying through my hair. I replay memories of riding Apollo over and over again. I have no idea how much time has passed. All I know is that the light in the hall has disappeared and I am now in total darkness. It is in the darkness that he comes. The lock clicks warning as he enters my room. He carries a lamp and my eyes hurt from its small light. He closes the door behind him, sets the lamp on the floor and orders me to stand up. I remain huddled in my corner. He orders me to stand again, and again I refuse. He grows angry and comes towards me, looming over me, a creature of nightmares. He grabs my arm and jerks me to my feet. "You will do as I order you too." I pull away from him. "I am your master as was I your mother's. You do as I say and no harm will come to you. You fight and pain will follow." I am stunned. Marius was the man Father saved Mother from. The dread I felt before has returned. I knew there was something strange about being sent here. Now I know why. Marius was having his revenge on my parents. He now enslaved the daughter of the man he hated. He held the power and there is nothing I can do to change that.
I close my eyes and will my mind away. I will myself to remember Conn, Father, Mother, Arthur, Gawain, and the knights. I think I should have gone with them as Marius moves me to the bed. I think I would be better off dead. I think…