Note: Thanks for all of the reviews! So here is another installment. I hope you like it. Thanks for reading!
"Time no longer exists. Everything is a large blur. The Dark is my company. The Dark and Memory…"
Excerpt from Alexandrea's Journal
I lay huddled in a ball in the corner farthest from the bed. Memories of the previous night flood my mind. I will them away. I think of Conn, of his gentle touch, of his gentle kisses. He wants to marry me. Father consents but Mother refuses. She thinks I can do better then a poor village lad. I am angry with her. How can she be so selective? She too, was once poor. I don't care of Conn has no money; I have enough for us to live on comfortably. I told him this but Conn would not hear anything on the subject. He says that he will make his fortune and make himself worthy of me. Worthy? Why does he think he has to make himself worthy, I want him, and only him.
We are walking, stealing quick kisses here and there as we go. "Alexa, we have to talk."
I look up at him, "What is it?"
"I love you. I love you and want you to be my wife, but I have to prove myself first. "
"No, no you don't."
He put his hand over my mouth, "Yes, I do. That is why I have to go away for a while. I'm joining the army and make my fortune that way."
"No, don't you dare!" I cry when he let me speak. "You'll get killed. It could take years for you to come back. I won't let you."
"Alexa, I have too." He kisses me again. "You must understand." He looks at me.
"Why? I don't want you to go."
"I will be back. I promise you. I love you and not even Hell can separate us."
He kisses me again. "Please don't go," I whisper. "Please." He says nothing; he just holds me and his arms.
The next day, I wait by the stables. Father gave Conn a horse and I waited with it for Conn. He comes, all dressed for travel. We say nothing, we just hold each other. He kisses me goodbye and leaves. I stand and watch him go. "Remember!" I cry after him. "Remember!" He rides on. He leaves. I close my eyes. I will not cry. I will not.
"I will not cry," I whisper to myself as I lay on the cold stone floor. I don't know how long I have been here. All I know is that Marius has visited me five times, all of which that have been when the light around the door is gone. Slowly, I get up. I have to get out. Inspecting the door, I find that it has a loose hinge. If only I could get it off. Footsteps approach the door and I fly back to my corner. The door creaks open and I brace myself for another visit from Marius, but to my surprise it is his wife.
"Hush child," she says softly. The light in the hall is blinding and I have to shield my eyes. She closes the door and lights a candle. Looking at me, she sighs and beckons me towards her. "It's alright child. I will not harm you." Her voice is calming and, for some reason, I trust her and come towards her. She has a basin full of water and a basket with her. Slowly, she takes a cloth and begins to clean my new cuts and bruises that I have acquired since I have arrived. When she is finished cleaning my cuts, she places the basket before me, it has food in it. Famished, I attach a loaf of bread, and almost choke on it. "Easy, it's not going anywhere." She offers me a bottle; I drink from it eagerly to discover fresh water. She sits with me as I eat. When I am done, she takes the basket and basin, leaving me the bottle of water. "I will try to come back as soon as I can," she says gently.
She gets up to go. "Thank you," I croak. She smiles down at me, it is a sad smile. It is almost as if she knew what it is that I am going through. "Name?" I ask.
"Fulcinia." She leaves. Fulcinia, God's angel. He had not forgotten me. With my stomach now full, I go back to my corner with my bottle. It is a ceramic bottle. I fiddle with it absentmindedly. Then it hits me. I have been given a tool. I drink all the water from it and break it. It shatters and I pick up the pieces, cutting my hands but not caring. I tore a piece of cloth from my dress and wrapped them in it, leaving the largest piece out. I hold the piece in my hand. What I was going to do with it, I did not know, but I feel better having it with me. I tuck the cloth under the bed and hide the piece in my hand inside my skirts. When the time came, I would know exactly what to do with it.
Not long after Fulcinia left, Marius came. He does is duty and leaves me alone again. It does not hurt as much now. It is the pain that lets me know I'm still alive. Memories of Conn flood my mind, and I welcome them. We are swimming. He pulls me into the water, ruining another gown, but I don't care. I try to be mad at him, but he washes my anger away by wrapping me up in his arms and kisses me. I do love it when he kisses me. Lately, his kisses have become more forceful, as if he is yearning for something more. I don't know what it is he wants, and he will not tell me. I am quite content with kissing him. We are interrupted by Max, who has been very strange around me. "Alexa, your father wants you."
Sighing, I move away from Conn and let Max help me back to shore. He carries a cloak with him that he wraps around my wet shoulders. I thank him and look longingly at Conn. He comes towards shore and climbs out, his black hair plastered to his tanned face. "I'll take her," he volunteers.
"No, I have too." He takes my arm and leads me away. He takes me to the stable where Father waits, looking somewhat agitated.
"Thank you Maximus, you may go." With that, Max leaves. I turn to Father. "What are you doing?" he asks.
"Nothing," I reply.
"Have I taught you nothing?" he asks.
"What do you mean?" I look at him, confused.
"I know about you and Conn. I give you my blessing, but I think you are moving a bit to fast. You have only been with him for a month and you already have him all over you. As a father I am worried. You spend far too much time alone with him. If you are to marry, then it will be the proper way. I will not have you giving yourself away before your union is sanctioned, which is why I am issuing you a chaperone. Coriel is to always with you when you and Conn are together, and no more swims together, it is to tempting."
"But Father, we are not doing anything wrong," I argue. "We just kiss."
"Kissing can lead to other things." I am confused, Father have never acted this way before. "Do you promise me to never see Conn unless someone else is there?"
"I promise," I mutter. This seems to satisfy him and he tells me to go and get cleaned up for dinner. Darkness falls and I am back in the present. If Father could only see me now. I sigh and close my eyes. The present is too much to think about.
I don't know how long I've been here. I would guess a few weeks. Fulcinia visits me as often as she can, usually when Marius is away aggravating the villagers. It is hard to believe that she is married to such a monster, but then Roman nobility rarely has a say in who they marry, actually it mainly applies to the women. She brings me food and water and soothes my cuts and bruises I keep acquiring every time I get a little to rebellious for Marius tastes. I tried to fight back, but he is much larger then I and I am weak from being holed up in this room all the time. Fulcinia tells me, I have been here for almost three months. It seems much longer. I thank God that Marius's visits have grown fewer. I still have the shards of the first bottle Fulcinia left me. She hasn't left me any more, but I am pretty sure she knows I still have the other one. I know she will not tell on me. She knows what it is like to be at the receiving end of Marius's rages.
All my days blend into one. The only time I know different is when Fulcinia tells me so. Marius comes and goes, I am ever watchful for a chance to escape. Finally my chance comes. Marius has come drunk and forgets to shut the door all the way. I see the chance and wait until he is finished with me and sleeping on the bed. Slowly, I slip out from under him and run. I fly through the door and down the hall. The light hurts my eyes but I keep on running. I run through a labyrinth of corridors until I find one that leads outside. Elated, I race out only to find my escape thwarted by an armed guard. He moves in front of me and stops my escape. I try to dodge him but he catches me. "Let me go!" I cry. "Let me go!" I struggle, but the guard is too strong for me. He turns me around to face him.
I glare up at him. Our eyes meet. My jaw drops. "Conn?"
"Alexa?" he whispers.
"Let me go, please?" I ask. "He'll…" Conn shakes his head. "Conn?"
"I can't," he says, his face distorted with guilt. "I have my orders. I am not to let his lordships new slave escape."
"But it's me, Alexa. You love me remember. Remember? The bracelet. Remember!" This cannot be happening. This cannot be happening. "Please, let me go!" There is a strange feeling in my chest, almost as if my heart is being ripped out. If I had tears to cry, I would cry.
"I have my orders," he says quietly.
"Damn your bloody orders!" I cry and try to break away. How could he? How could he? Conn, my Conn, betray me. How could he? I scream at him, asking him why, why is he doing this. He does not answer my calls. He just leads me back the way I came. Back into the darkness. Back into Hell, taking away my only comfort, my memories of him, of us, of everything.