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"Dark, darkness, dark. My world was nothing but black. No hope, no memories, nothing…" Except from Alexandrea's Journal

I sit in my room. My dark room. Conn brought me back here. He betrayed me. I am too shocked to do anything but fume. He said he loved me. He said he would be back. He never came back. He didn't even try to find me. He didn't try to save me. I received a beating for my escape attempt and Conn received a reward. Sold out for money, the money he left me to get. Ironic that he left for me and now gets money off of me.

I never want to see him again, but to my good fortune, he comes to visit me. "Alexa," he says.

"Go away," I snap.

"Alexa, please, listen to me."

"Why?" I ask.

"I had to."

"Had to?"

"If I didn't you would have been caught anyway and I would have been arrested and charged."

"It's always about you," I say bitterly.

"What is that suppose to mean?" he asks, a hint of pain is in his voice.

"You didn't have to leave, but you did. Now I find you again and you are working with that foul man."

"I had to leave, I had to for us."

"Us? There isn't any 'us' any more. You left, things happened, and people change." I turn my back to him.

"Alexa, I love you. Everything I've done is because I love you. Believe me."

I rip the bracelet off my wrist and throw it at his head. "Take it. I don't want it any more." He looks at me as if I just slapped him. He tries to say something else, but decides against it and leaves. As he leaves, a tear slides down my nose. The person I trusted most, besides Father, betrayed me. He keeps me captive in Hell and expects me to fawn all over him like he is some knight in shinning armor. Arthur would not have done that. Arthur would have saved me. My thoughts trail to Arthur and his knights. They were not polished like the Roman solders but they were gallant and courageous. They would save me if they were here. Gawain would have let me go. It is strange that Gawain creeps into my thoughts. I didn't even think the blonde knight had made such a large impression on me.

Angry at everything, I sit in the dark; my memories are no longer comforting. I feel nothing, I see nothing. Nothing. Sitting in the dark, all I can see is his face, Conn's face as he led me back to this horrid room. Time passes again. I don't know how much. Fulcinia has come a few more times. Marius many more times than that. I used my bottle shards, I sliced him, but I didn't get a good jab in, it was only a scratch. He gave me a beating for the attempt.

The dark surrounds me, pain is the only way I know I am still alive. Marius's visits have completely stopped and I am forgotten like some old trinket. I am not complaining, I prefer to be left alone in my misery, in the darkness. Fulcinia still visits though. She brings me food and water. She talks to me, for I have forgotten my voice a long time ago. It is a comfort to hear her voice. A small light in my dark existence.

"Are you well?" she asks me as she places a piece of bread in my hands. She has a candle with her. I shy away from the light. Faint though it is, it still hurts my eyes. "Poor child," she whispers. "He leaves you here in the dark with no food or water. I think he probably has forgotten about you. It is almost as bad as his dungeon. At least he does not remember you enough to torture you." She continues to talk as I eat. I wonder why Marius forgot me. Not that I am upset over the fact, its just that I wonder why he has not let me go. I miss the sun, light, wind, fresh air. Lost in my thoughts, I don't even notice Fulcinia leave. She left me the bottle of water and the basket that has some more food. This amount of food means she will not be able to come back for a while. Sighing, I tear the food into portions and hide them under the bed. I will have to monitor my food and water intake.

Time passes, as always, I have no idea how much has passed. I have another visitor, not Fulcinia though. "Alexa?" Conn's voice calls. I try to tell him to go away, but my voice refuses to work. The door opens and light floods in blinding me. "Alexa," he says gentle as he closes the door. Blinded, I rely on my ears. I hear him come towards me. I pull back against the wall. "Alexa," his voice sounds pained. "What have they done to you?" I can only imagine that he is talking about the state I'm in. I must look a wreck. My hair is greasy and my skin dirty and covered with old, dried blood. "Alexa," he says.

I turn my back to him. I did not want to look at him. Looking at him only reminded me of the past and his betrayal. I have almost pushed all of the memories away and did not wish to have another flood of them. "I cannot believe they would treat you like this," he says. "You're so pale and thin. Do they not feed you? Is this a way to treat a lady?" At the sound of lady I remember the knights and how they called me lady. I am no lady. I am just a player playing my part to survive in this Hell hole.

"Go away," I croak.

"Alexa." He kneels next to me and touches my back lightly. "What did he do?' he asks as he runs his fingers across the old scabs on my back.

I pull away from him. "Go," I say.

"Does he feed you?" He grabs my wrist. "No, he probably doesn't. That's bastard," he says angrily. I gasp. He realizes that he has hurt me and sets my arm down gently. "I'm sorry, if I had known what he was going to do with you, I would have let you go. I would have gone with you. We could have gone off on our own and…"

"Just go," I say bitterly. Still facing the wall, I hear him get up.

"I will redeem for my sin, I promise you that." He moves towards the door.

"How long," I ask hoarsely.

"It has been over a year," he says quietly. "I will come back with food, water, and a blanket." He leaves. I think about what he told me. I have been here for over a year. I didn't know that. It seemed much longer and yet shorter at the same time. I don't know how long I will be able to bear this. A year in the darkness. I don't think I can bear another year.

As promised, Conn returns with water, enough to wash in; a candle, food, a God sent since Fulcinia's store had run out a few days ago; and a blanket and cloths. He lights the candle and pours some water into a basin. I close my eyes, the small light is painful. He comes towards me. "Alexa, come. I've brought some of Mother's ointment for your wounds." I try to move but my limbs are frozen. He sees that and comes to me. Gently, he picks me up as if I was no heavier then a feather and carries me to the bed. My body stiffens, automatically remembering what happens on the bed. "At ease my love," he whispers. "No harm shall come to you." I force my body to relax and sit at the edge of the bed. He places the candle on the floor next to me and pulls the basin of water towards me. "I'm sorry it's cold, but if I were to order warm water it would look suspicious and I think it would be best for you if no one suspected my visits." In the dim light, I can see his face. He looks older and grimmer since the last time we met. Gingerly, I place my hand on his face. It is so warm. I realize that the worry in his face is for me. I see my arms; my bones jut out in odd angles. I was thin but not this thin. I can only imagine how the rest of me look.

"Turn around, let me clean the blood from your back." I comply. My dress is nothing but shredded rags and it is easy for Conn to wash my old wounds. The cold water makes my skin tingle.

"Why?" I ask, still limited to small sentences since my voice seems to not want to work.

"I didn't know what he was going to do to you. I was just following orders," he said, thinking that was what I meant. I shake my head.

"Why come back?"

"I had to come. I had to see what became of you. They never let you out. I thought they just kept you here until you got use to the idea of living here. His lordship said that you were the reluctant bride to his son and you needed time to adjust. But when I did not see anything of you, even at the feasts I began to worry. I came back to this room and found you.

"I must admit that I was mad that you were betrothed to the lord's son, but I figure that was a lie, a cover up to get you here. But why?"

"Mother," I said. "He was Mother's master." Like anyone who lived on Father's land, Conn knew how Father saved Mother from and abusive master.

"No, he can't be," Conn said.

"Yes. He is."

Conn continues to clean my wounds and when he is done, he uses the rest of the water in the basin on my hair. He gently massages the water into my hair and untangles the knots and other objects in my hair. When he is done, and the remanding water in the basin is black-red, he hands me a robe. "One of the lass's from the village gave this too me for you. It should fit you." I touch it lightly; it is a rough material, but heavy and most likely warmer then the rags I wore now. Conn turns around to let me dress. I try to get out of my old dress but my limbs will not comply and I end up asking for Conn's help. He gently removes my dress, averting his eyes from looking straight at me, and wraps me up in the new robe like a babe.

He takes my torn dress and bundles it up. "Here," he says as he hands me a cloak. "It will keep you warm." He drapes it over my shoulders and places the hood on my head. He then gives me a bag of food and a jug of water. "This is the best I can do at the moment. When I can, I will be back with more." Looking at me, I see that he really does care. The same look he gave me before all of this happened reflects in his eyes. I feel horrible. How can he still love me after all the mean things I said to him. How can he still love me with the way I look and knowing what has happened to me. I feel like crying, if only I had tears to shed.

"Thank you," I croak. He smiles at me.

"I will find a way to get you out of here," he says. "We will go a way and live happily. We will get married and live life like this never happened." He kisses my forehead, grabs the basin, my old dress, and candle and leaves. As the darkness descends again, I ball up into Conn's cloak; it is his for it smells like him. I close my eyes and dream. Perhaps there is hope. I fall asleep, for the first time in a long time, happy. As happy as I could be considering my circumstances.