I Would (Literally) Die For You

by Average Canadian

Annabeth knew she was doomed the moment she burped up a small glass-like heart filled with stars. She was a soulmate. Percy Jackson's soulmate. Goode's bad-boy, heart throb and popular mess wasn't just her life-long enemy but her best friend's life-long crush. How could the universe be so wrong? If she didn't bond with him, she'd die. So she guessed she'd die then. Soulmate AU.

2. Early Winter

LET'S GOOOO PART TWOOOOO. I EDITED FOR NINE HOURS TO MAKE THIS SELF MADE DEADLINE AND I NAILED ITTTT.

Happy reading. :)

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Early Winter

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"HEY JACKSON!"

Yeah, it was the first snow of the year. Yeah, it was all prettyish and glowy, and kids were outside making snowballs to launch at each other in the winter wonderland.

But NO. Packable snow does not make it okay to load the entire parking lot up with an army of snowmen weaponised with stick swords and cardboard shields. My already crappy car couldn't roll over all the snow these goons had filed into the parking lot.

"Ah great Beth the bitch is back," Connor grumbled.

"Don't you mean snitch the bitch?" Travis said while leaning against a locker cockily.

I ignored them. All of them. Even the ones gathering eagerly because they all damn well knew that when yelled 'Jackson', a fiasco was about to go down.

"Do you know how close my car came to dying trying to get in through that parking lot?" I hissed.

For some reason, the sight of me brought an instant smirk to Percy's face. He'd picked up this habit of teasing me the moment I was within earshot. I wasn't going to destroy him over it. Honestly speaking, it was a semi-bearable medium. We were no longer out for blood from each other, but neither of us were in the business of making friendship bracelets either.

"As close as your ego is to the sky?" Percy asked.

"No, closer than your two brain cells get when you're trying to figure out how to fit a plug into a socket." I retorted. "Shovel. Off. The. Snow. My poor grungy little car can't handle it."

"Buy a new car?"

"Just so you and your toddlers can play army man? As if!"

"It's not my fault you're the only person in the school who has a clunker for a vehicle."

"And it's not my fault your values lie six inches away from hell itself."

"Kids, kids, you're both pretty." Piper stepped in between us with a tiny smile. "How about Percy shovels out a path if the snow on the parking lot isn't melted by last period bell?"

A grumbling pause passed between us. In unison we let our fight go. Percy nodded and I cocked my head at Piper.

"Wow, you're really picking up that compromise capability Jason has aren't you?"

"I know right?! Guh, if only I could have his debate skills and sense of style. Then I'd be set for life." She sighed wantingly.

Percy and his goons edged off to the side. Unfortunately Jason wasn't in their midst or else that conversation would've gone a little differently. More amiable for me probably.

"Your style isn't too bad," I said weakly in return. But who was I kidding? It was Piper Mclean, sweater queen and the only girl on the planet with the ability to make makeup redundant.

"Really? I wear practically the same thing everyday," Piper said as she brushed down her hoodie self consciously. "I've noticed that you've started to wear a ton of hoodies too. I must be rubbing off on you."

I laughed. But ugh, no, that awful fake laugh that makes conversations stop and weirded out side glances be thrown. I wasn't a fan of hoodies. I was more of a thick knitted sweater kind of girl. But the huge front pockets on hoodies gave me a space to discreetly shove any soulmate hearts I made throughout the day. I had two there now.

Jitters were pulsing in my nerves because the one soulmate reader I knew was standing right in front of me. Being locker neighbours with her was getting harder and harder.

Piper reached from my sweater curiously. "But yours are way better quality. Where'd you get them?"

I flinched back and averted my gaze. "Costco. They had this buy one get one free deal and I pretty much cleared them out."

I laughed. Again. Heavens and earth, would someone stop me from laughing? Where was Rachel when I needed her!

Piper cocked her head at me. "Costco. Huh. I'll be sure to check that out."

"Please do."

And then my awkward ass walked away.

.oOo.

"He's barely talked to me!" Rachel was storming around my real room. Maniacally tearing through my drawers and wardrobe. Picking up one article of clothing after another and holding it to her hips or torso. Concern, fear, worry were flickering over her face sporadically. I could make out the wrinkles in her nose through the floor length mirror she stood in front of. From the canopied bed I watched, amused.

She'd used up all of her good outfits around Percy so now she was ready to try some of mine.

I wished I could tell her that Percy wasn't impressed by flashy clothes. He was much too simple for that. Caveman simplicity goes like this: Girl = ugga bugga. And not much else.

"Well he is dense," I said. "Maybe he doesn't know it's you?"

Lies. He knew. I fricken told him. If that boy didn't make a move soon I was going to replace his shampoo with hair remover.

"I've tried everything Tribulation Magazine recommended. Perfumes, clothes, makeup, poise, tone, flirtatious eyes. UGH! Where have I gone wrong?!"

"Probably when you started trusting a magazine called 'Tribulation'?"

"This is serious Annabeth!" Rachel huffed and grabbed a full armload of shirts in her frustration. Zipping through them one after the other like a cartoon trying to flag down something airborne. "I'm giving this my all and Percy hasn't so much as glanced at me. What if I'm doing something wrong? What if...- hey wait a minute. This is mine!"

She paused on a pastel green top with a square neckline and fit waist. From the bed, I rolled onto my stomach and laughed sheepishly.

"I swear I was gonna give it back?"

Rachel groaned again and threw it onto the pile. Defeated, she sank onto the mattress and flopped to her back. A fan of red curls landed inches away from my nose.

"What if he knows it's me?" she muttered. "What if he's resisting? What if he'd rather die than be with me?"

"Impossible," I scoffed and reached across to flick her forehead. With her murky eyes still tormented by emotion, Rachel glared at me. I wasn't in the mood for backing down so I hard glowered back.

"You are amazing," I said without a shred of doubt. "You are loyal, and fierce, and so incredibly creatively talented. You forget that Percy isn't going to fall in love with your fancy outfits, or pretty face. He's your soulmate. He'll love you for being you. So please would you stop with this barbie mayhem, and could you just return to your old lovable self?"

Please. I don't want some of our last months together with you worrying about looks.

Rachel still looked glum and slightly hesitant. I had the feeling she was hiding her fear of being awkward or unlikeable behind these costumes.

"I don't think I'm half as good as you think I am," Rachel muttered.

"And I don't think I'm even a tenth as good as you think I am, but here we are." I retorted. "If Percy mans up then he can bump some sense into you as well."

"If he mans up."

"Haha. Yeah. The giant 'if'."

Rachel was silent again so I flicked her one more time. Annoying people out of a bad mood is surprisingly effective. Also it was kind of amusing making her forehead the same shade as her curls.

"In the meantime, how about some take out? We could watch some ancient movie or throw pebbles at Mr. Crouchie's window to make sure he's alive," I suggested.

"Depends. When's the last time you saw the old geezer?"

"Ah, this morning. He was chewing his lucky rabbit's foot and paused every once in a while to cackle about 'dem boys that didn't see it coming'."

"Yeesh that guy seriously needs to be in an old age home."

"Eh, the rich do as they please. So, take out?"

Rachel was not enthused. "Microwavable Ramen."

"Ew, how bland."

"Well I'm in an uninspired mood right now."

"Okay fine, ramen. I'll find a dark corner and we can sit there and belly ache about the trials of our lives and how much pity we deserve. How the world has fallen into a desolate place unfit for two innocent girls such as ourselves. And then we can take turns finding therapists online through a single phone, and cry to a third party to truly justify our pain and torturous existences." I mocked dramatically. A sneaky smirk crept onto my lips even though I tried to fight it away with every word.

Rachel's expression pursed and she threw herself sideways to hide her breaking smile. Even then her shoulders shuddered in a silent laugh.

"Fine," she said. "Chinese food."

"And what kind of Chinese food does Milady want?" I asked while rolling to my feet. Circling around to the other side of the bed as I waited for her well thought on answer.

"I don't know. Surprise me."

"Flaming hot chicken feet it is."

"Wait no-"

The door shut behind me, and I snickered to myself in the tall hallway. Naturally I wasn't going to order her flaming hot chicken feet, as delicious as that sounds. I was thinking of something more typical. Chow mein. Chicken balls. Fried rice and bean sprouts dosed in soy sauce and broth.

My stomach danced in my gut at the thought of it. I didn't realize how hungry I was. Rachel and I had been upstairs since daylight and now the night was bearing in through the windows darker than the hair on Percy Jackson's head.

10:45 p.m

The microwave clock never lied. My heart pinched slightly as I slipped the home phone off the hook. The great silence of my house was pervasive and ever present when Rachel wasn't right by my side.

Down the hall I could see the door to my father's study. A vacant strip of darkness lined the space between the door and the floor. Lights off. Empty. He was still at the library. Or maybe he had a particularly tough case at the hospital. For a heartening second I entertained the idea of leaving him a note on his desk. Just a dumb joke or little riddle would do. Something, anything that would make up for this soul sucking lack of interaction.

I started dialing the number of the chinese food place instead. Ama-Zhang Chinese food and Boba. I think the leaflet had shown up a few days ago and I wanted to try them out anyways. (Plus the leaflet came with an opening store coupon. Buy two meals and get three spring rolls for free.)

When I was done, Rachel was leaning against the wall in the hallway. Clad in her classy button up pajamas and finishing off a french braid that reigned in her wildfire hair.

I never understood having classy pajamas. I was in a pair of thrift store sweat pants and a shirt I'm pretty sure met a vicious racoon at some point. Yes, they were comfy.

"No sign of your paternal unit?"

"Well he has to return to the mothership every other night otherwise his true identity will fade and he will be revealed as an alien."

"No, really? What about you? Pray, might you be the long lost queen of mars? Where is your portal to mars? Does it give you self worth?"

"Cut it out you joker, and do something that'll make me laugh." I shoved her playfully.

"I could tie a donut to a string, put it over the banister edge and make you dance for it without using your hands."

"No."

.oOo.

Third donut in, the doorbell rang.

Now I know Rachel should've been the one to answer the door. With her perfectly done braid, classy navy matching PJ's and dazzling smile she was a perfect candidate, but I didn't think that far. My brain went; oh! Food! And I galloped to the front door.

Any delivery boy would be startled when the mansion's elegant french doors parted violently and there stood a teenage girl covered in white powder with the likings of a hobo who had just clawed her lunch from the scaly fingers of a rat. This delivery boy not only had the shock value but also the revelation of oh crap. I know this grease stained insomniac hobo girl.

Because yes. It was Percy freakin Jackson at the door.

"Powdered sugar. It's- IT'S POWDERED SUGAR." I screeched at him while aggressively yanking the paper bag of food from his arms.

Percy still stared at my coated shirt. "Are you sure it's not cocaine, Chase?"

I slammed the door shut.
"You still have to pay for that!" Percy shouted through the glass.

From behind the staircase in the kitchen, I could hear Rachel's feet hit the floor and she appeared a moment later. Concerned.

"What's the matter? What happened? Why were you screaming?"

In one smooth motion I had set the bag of food on the floor, flung open one of the french doors and shoved Rachel in front of it so she stood nose to nose with Jackson.

"Pay the man. He brought us food."

"Percy?!"

"Rachel!"

"Annabeth," I introduced professionally. "Now that we are all acquainted, Rachel; pay the gremlin."

Surprisingly Percy didn't attack back at the name I had just pinned on him. He did, however, manage a very panicked glare.

"How much?" Rachel asked meekly.

"Fifty two, eighty one. There's another bag in the car."

"Well we ordered a ton of food…" Rachel laughed awkwardly. "Would you like to maybe... join us?"

No no no no no no no. Ma'am, we are in our PAJAMAS.

"I'm, uh. Well you see… I caaaan't. It's really really late and I was just finishing Frank's shift when your order came in so I've run overtime and… it's just not…"

"Oh…" Rachel muttered. "That's too bad."

"Yeah," I chimed in. A little too eagerly. "Too bad. Darn…. Well, beat it hopscotch. You're lowering the value of the property just by being here. "

Again, Percy didn't react. Standing there in the swath of cold with his arms tucked behind his back and his legs drawn in together. He looked uncomfortable. And cold. But mostly uncomfortable.

Rachel's eyes were no longer filled with that nervous excitement. Instead she held her gaze to her wallet as she thumbed out the amount needed. Finally she settled on a hundred dollar bill.

"Keep the change," she said.

"But that's like forty… dollars…?" Percy trailed off when Rachel walked away. Dejectedly picking up the first bag of takeout as she went.

Given up.

Percy glanced at me for a moment but didn't register my sudden glower. For some reason I got the sense that he was lost in his own little head (despite the tininess of it). He couldn't tell I was ready to deconstruct him brick by brick in a moment. As was my intention when I followed him barefoot outside into the negative weather.

Thankfully it was a windless night, however the pads of my feet still burned with cold on the frigid concrete. I was determined. I wrapped my bare arms around myself and approached the van Percy was ruffling through with fiery intentions flooding my veins.

"What's wrong with you?" I seethed. My teeth were already starting to chatter together.

Percy wheeled around, alarmed. Relaxing when he had to look down at my pathetic form.

"Me?! Do you even see yourself right now? If I called the zoo I'm pretty sure they'd pick you up."

Growling, I pushed him against the car. Dominating him with a moment of dark murderous threats streaming through my eyes before I had to go back to prancing from one foot to the other to relieve myself of the biting cold.

"I told you three weeks ago that Rachel was your soulmate. Three. Weeks. For those three weeks she has tried everything just to get your attention and you frickin shun her!"

"I-"

"Now she literally invites you inside, with the offer of free food and you turn her down? What the hell is going on in your head? No. I don't want an answer. I'm going inside. It is too damn cold to talk out here like this."

I managed to turn around before Percy hooked an arm around my waist and tugged me backwards. I fell into the passenger seat of the van rump first. It was warmer in there so I perched like a little quasimodo on the seat and let Percy shut the door.

He came round to plop in the driver's seat and flicked on the van. Spilling heat into the cabin the moment it revved to life.

"I don't know what to do!" Percy finally exclaimed as he sat back in his seat.

I held my numb fingers over the vents and glanced at him through the sides of my eyes.

"I mean soulmates?! That's huge! I'm not ready for that. I've never even been in a real relationship, and now I have to be in one for the rest of my life?"

"Well-"

"And Rachel Elizabeth Dare of all people? Like- what- how- How do I talk to her?! She's so talented and hardworking and pretty and articulate. She starts talking about the different shades and hues and how they make emotion or some deep shit like that… meanwhile my head can't even form two syllables next to each other. Nevermind being able to do the art."

Percy genuinely looked defeated. Lost. At the same time he was looking at me like I held the map. I'd never seen him like this before. I never expected him to turn to me for help either.

"First of all," I said matter of factly. "You don't need to bond right away. Or even acknowledge your soulmate status right away. You can take things slow y'know. Just as long as you're progressing forward and not resisting."

"I'm not resisting!"

"Declining her offer of chinese food and some hang out time? That's resisting. Avoiding her in the halls? That's resisting. Keeping conversations short and pert is resisting too."

Percy slumped lower in the seat. A long empty exhale sputtered past his lips as he stared vacantly at the steering wheel.

"Then how do I start, huh? Do I bring her flowers? Do I just ask her out to a restaurant or movie? Do I freakin go old school and ask her dad for permission to date her freakin daughter?! I just... I don't know what to do."

I scoffed and flicked his temple. When he glowered up at me I made a point to not hide that I was laughing at him.

"How about just saying hello?"

"That's too simple! It's too-"
"No it's not. Just talk to her like how we're talking right now." I shrugged.

"But this is different."

"How?"

"You're so easy to talk to. Rachel… even thinking about talking to her makes my stomach feel like goo."

Shaking my head, I turned sideways on my seat to face Percy head on. Staring at him earnestly.

"I'll help you talk to her."

"Don't kid."

"No really, I'll give you pointers on how to talk to Rachel."

Percy's gaze slid over to me with the slit of suspicion. "And why would you do that? Why are you helping me? You said you hated me."

Rachel can't die.

"Even I can't fight against soulmate magic. Plus Rachel is miserable because she's convinced that you would rather resist and die than talk to her."

"That's stupid."

"Well the best way to convince her otherwise would be to come inside and actually talk to her. Right?"

Percy picked at a tear in the seat. His eyes downcast. "Yeah… yeah okay."

"You don't need to talk about the soulmate thing. Actually just pretend the soulmate bit doesn't even exist. Pretend she's just a pretty girl you wanna date," I assured.

Percy took a deep unwavering breath and tilted back and forward a bit. Fraught with nerves.

"Does she always look like that right before she's going to sleep? So… so… together?"

"Yeah pretty much."

"Augh. Why couldn't she look like you? That would make her half as intimidating to talk to!" He was half-smiling. Percy could never quite hide his teasing smile.

I cuffed him upside the head with a scoff.

"You don't look too fresh either, Jackson."

"Hey, at least I don't look like a crack body they just pulled from the river Chase."

"No, you're the mess of seaweed, trash and sewage they pulled out looking for the body in the first place."

"Well I've been working all night. What's your excuse?"

"Looking poor is the new rich. Now are you going to bring the food inside? Or am I gonna have to do everything, including dragging you in there by your ears?"

"I'm going! I'm going!"

.oOo.

Rachel dropped her chow mein when I walked in the kitchen with Percy in tow.

I laid out a cheap lie with a dull face and watched her ignite.

It was a hard poker face to maintain. Sparkles were dancing in her eyes, she nearly popped. It's hard to look annoyed when your best friend is short circuiting from joy.

Percy on the other hand gave me a strangled look and I came close to laughing. This boy couldn't stand being within six feet of his soulmate and it was hilarious. I had half a mind to leave him alone with her just to see how deep in an awkward grave he would dig for himself.

Good thing I was there however because those two couldn't get through a single sentence.

"How about a movie?" I offered robotically.

Yeah. A movie was good, they agreed.

However we didn't make it far. Just down to the Great Below.

CUT!

'And what is the Great Below?' you might ask if you were indeed interested? Oh ho ho. I'll tell you dear reader.

My basement. Over a thousand square feet of innovative gear, smooth hardwood flooring, and well lit spaces designed for entertaining guests.

Young guests.

It was a total teenager pad. Again, my father tried to make up for his absence with stuff. My junior year of highschool he ripped out the leaky storage rooms he had down there and hired someone to rebuild it for him with me in mind.

I gave no definitive answers with what I wanted, so the hired designer just went to town with whatever he thought 'kids' would be into nowadays.

Gaming systems, every kind of table sport you can imagine plus some. A living space with a fireplace, party LED's lining every corner, a mini movie theatre in a room to the side and a fully functioning bowling alley on the other. There was a zipline that spanned across the main room and a bar that dispensed ice cream sundaes, sodas, and just about any other treat when it was fully stocked. (Give me a hat of shame because I'd never actually used it)

The most expensive piece about the room was the long wall backing the fireplace. Ten inch glass replaced what used to be concrete and drywall and gave us a full view into the olympic sized swimming pool. Shimmering blue flooded the room in a gorgeous ambient hue that tinted every surface.

Alright. ACTION!

"Just how rich are you?" Percy gawked.

"We have seven luxury cars including a 1964 ferrari my dad treats like his baby."

"And you drive that grease bucket of a matchbox?" Percy huffed.

I shrugged while padding past one of the sofas. "I'm made of interesting qualities."

"I'll say," Percy snorted. "If interesting qualities were… were…"

Suddenly Percy's face stretched with awe. His hands fell to his sides as if surrendering to the great sight. As if seeing a greater being.

I made a face. "Did I just break you?"

Timidly, Rachel nudged him but he was too lost. Fixated on something that pulled his energy flat.

"Percy? Are you okay?" Rachel gently prodded him one last time.

"That's a pool." As if in a trance he glided forward. Tenderly reaching out towards the glass once he was close as if he were magnetized. "That's not a screen… that's a giant giant pool."

"Wow. Amazing Captain Obvious. I was close to calling it a duck." I rolled my eyes at him.

In distaste, Percy snuffed in my direction but didn't dignify my taunt with a response.

"You're on the swim team, right Percy?" Rachel asked innocently. As if she hadn't obsessed over going to every swim meet there was just to get a glimpse of him in the water. (Cough Cough and a speedo cough cough).

Blankly, Percy nodded.

"You must really like to swim if you're so taken aback by this." Rachel giggled.

Giggled. Auuugh. Yuck. That made my skin crawl.

"Like it? You can't just like swimming," Percy muttered. "It's- it's just everything. It's movement, and exhilaration and power. Swimming is like- geez how do I explain this? Swimming, swimming, swimming is like- like how would you feel if you found a way to make air work for you? Found a way to make air help you move in any direction?"

Suddenly he seemed to realize the way he was talking to Rachel Elizabeth Dare. Completely animated, sparked into a fire of passion. With a nervous stiffening of his shoulders a blush floated up his neck and into his cheeks. His daring smile was even pursed back by the nerves.

"Like flying." Rachel was just as bright red, although the tinge of blue light hid it a tad better on her pale face. Plus, despite her clear jitters she was entranced into holding sparkles in her eyes and a dopey smile on her lips.

"YES!" Percy flew full back into his vibrancy with a snap of his fingers. "Flying! It's just like flying when you know how to move in the water. How to sail underwater or float on command. Suddenly all those human restrictions, gravity itself is loosened because of… well because of a kind of art in movement."

Rachel shuffled her socked feet against the floor. Biting down her smile as she looked back up at him shyly. "I guess we kinda have that in common then. We're both obsessed with a sort of art."

"Yeah… I guess we do…" Percy smiled.

Ah yes, the first seeds of my foreseen death. How lovely.

Just when I blinked the two of them turned apart. Both of them had the sudden urge to cough apparently.

I could see the swell in their throats. The panicked clasp of their fingers at their lips and the 'inconspicuous' way they let their hands fall to their pockets. If I was as obvious as they were when they tried to hide their soulmate hearts then I was screwed.

Their little cough, throat clearing facade let back in the rigid awkwardness almost instantly. Someone had to say something. We all had the urge to, yet the silence was eating holes in our ears.

I stood by, observing. But clearly that was a bad move because Percy started flashing me his green eyes. SOS.

"Soooo swimming huh? Can you get scholarships for that kind of thing?" I asked easily.

Bad call, bad call. Percy's lips pursed back in stress.

"...Yes?" he stuttered.

Why the hesitancy? Oh styx, had I hit a nerve?

"Our school has scouts every year! You know that Annabeth!" Rachel said. "Percy is obviously going to get scouted. He's the best swimmer this state has."

"Second best." Percy muttered. "We were bested last year at states by a Norbert from Pigsmoles."

"They'll be sending out scouts soon right? Almost at the next meet I would guess." Rachel said eagerly.

Percy's eyes flashed in my direction again. Slowly he was crumbling in on himself. Drawing back his shoulders, folding his arms over his chest. Keeping his head facing downwards as if he were a sunflower who found the earth's core attractive.

"Styx, I hope not," he uttered.

"What? How come?"

"I'm not ready. I'm so far from ready." Again Percy glanced at me. Help me out was bleeding from his expression but I had no idea how to naturally cue off this conversation which was clearly stressing him to the moon and back.

"How about some cheese, anyone?" I asked weakly. "We have… a lot of cheese."

Rachel gave me a severely disappointed look.

"What?" I asked innocently. "I want to talk about cheese."

Percy shot me an even more severe look of disappointment.

I glared back at him. Fine then. Get yourself out of your own hole. Pig.

"Why don't you think you're ready? You're so good Percy." Rachel returned to the not wanted topic. It wasn't her fault. She was conversationally dense. I had a theory that her mom's rich perfumes soaked in her head as a baby.

And Ugh. She did not have to butter him up like this. Compliments are a dime a dozen people.

"I'm just… I haven't trained enough."

"You train every day after school when you have the time, plus swim practice." Rachel said determinedly, taking a step forward.

"You've… you've noticed that?" An instant blush roared against Percy's skin and he rubbed the back of his neck.

"Well yeah…" Rachel shuffled her feet. "It's kinda obvious right? Why wouldn't you get scouted after all your hard work?"

"Hard work does not always equate success," I said.

Rachel swatted at me.

"Not a ton of hard work anyways. I don't really practice as much as I should. Coach can't give me access to the pool without supervision, so I can only train when he's in his office."

I snorted. "Oof, that must be stressfuuuuuu-."

That's when I realized why Percy didn't want to talk about this. Unlike the rest of Goode High, Percy came from a low income family. He wasn't a trust fund baby. With his pretty shoddy academics and unimpressive background, getting scouted was one of his only chances to get in, and stay in a university or college.

Not exactly something you want to discuss on the first night with the girl you were going to spend the rest of your life with.

"Well if you need to train more, you can always come here and swim," Rachel offered very sweetly.

Pardon, dost my ears deceive me? She's speaking gobbledygook again.

"It's an indoor pool, so weather's not a problem. Annabeth and I hardly use it so it's just sitting there anyways. We could dig up a spare key if you want." Rachel continued with her blasphemy.

"Really?" Percy's entire face seemed to lift.

"No. Rachel's rotten at practical jokes. The best she can do is 'surprise! you're disappointed," I deadpanned.

"Why can't he practice here?" Rachel turned to look at me with those eyes again. Y'know. Those eyes. Not the cute puppy dog pwease? eyes. The eyes that were embossed with a bold fight but also loyal indebtedness. Like a pirate who's life had been saved by the very man who sunk his ship. A dude, I love you and all, but you need to do this for me or I'll kill you.

"Because… I don't want him to?" I cringed. Shifting my gaze over to Percy and half expecting him to be making a threatening action at me.

Percy had the puppy dog eyes. No. Seal eyes. The kind that glistened with a mix of desperation and ardent need. Paired with his brows twisted up, and his lip unconsciously out farther than it should be, he was a handful of fur away from being mistaken for an orphaned seal pup. It gave my heart a throbbing seize. Heat bristled up my cheeks.

Turning away, I let go of my empty breath and rubbed my eyes with the heels of my hands.

Not cute. You did NOT just think Percy frickin Jackson looked cute.

"Okay fine," I said. "You can swim here."

I had barely gotten the words out when a burp forced its way past my throat. Only just, I managed to cover it and slipped my little heart into the palm of my hand.

Neither of them noticed. Nice.

"Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" Percy was jumping up and down.

Just like a child.

"'You won't even know I'm here, I promise," Percy said.

"Well duh. This mansion is huge. If someone broke in and held a seance I doubt I'd notice that either." I rolled my eyes. Again. "Now are we going to eat and watch a movie or are we going to sit here and admire my very empty pool."

"Movie." Rachel said while directing Percy towards the curtained threshold hemmed with bulb lights. "You're going to love the mini theater."

Watching her walk ahead of me, shoulder to shoulder with him, my heart did a little spiral. Semi-sweet, semi-bitter kind of spiral. Tonight was the first night I felt like I was passing the torch off to Percy. From then on until my death he would take up the best friend role next to Grover.

And that hurt. I didn't want to admit how badly that hurt.

Maybe Rachel caught a glance of my stony expression because she snatched me in the darkness of the theater and wrapped me in a tight lasting hug. Trademark Rachel hug based on the rib cracking quality.

"You're the greatest Annabeth," she muttered in my ear. "You are quite literally the greatest friend a girl could have."

I was glad the dim lights couldn't pick up on my tear filled eyes. I squinted away the blurriness and squirmed weakly.

"Oxygen!"

.oOo.

Sally had a line in her book that I loved. For context it was the mother character speaking to her child. 'Purpose? Why does it have to be grande? Why can't my purpose simply be to love you?'

It made me feel a bit better about not being able to find, hold or fulfill any 'grande' purpose in my life. My purpose was to secure Rachel's happiness. That was all. I told myself that I didn't need anything more.

But the day I walked into English first period and saw Percy freaking Jackson in my seat I was ready to end all purpose. His and mine.

Rachel was comparing hand sizes with him. Being ridiculously sweet and smiling at him as if he were the entire world in one view. Cocking her head to the side in that faux cute look she used on guys she'd flirt with.

He was on time to sit next to her. To STEAL my seat! I seethed.

But don't worry. I handled it like a champ.

I was calm. I was serene.

I stormed past like the road runner fleeing the coyote and would've beelined right to the back, perhaps even straight through the wall, if Grover hadn't reached out and snagged me down into an empty seat.

"So, hallway 'encounters' have turned into classroom chums," he said.

I didn't say anything. My chest was thrumming spots into my vision. It was like I was feeling every little soulmate heart in my bag burst into flames. And that was not a nice feeling, if you couldn't pick up on context clues there.

"You're not going to kill him are you? Annabeth? …Annabeth? Please don't."

I must've looked a bit murderous. Grover was clearly ready to grab the fire extinguisher.

"The amount of jars of mayonnaise I'd have to buy to fill his room isn't worth it," I said, then gracefully face-planted into the desk with a thump.

And I stayed like that throughout the entire duration of class. Mr. Blofis had the wisdom to leave me face down. Although he kinda wedged the paper between my forehead and desk when it was journaling time. Maybe trying to get my attention.

I didn't care. I didn't pay attention.

I ignored everything the entire day.

Well no, that's not completely true. I started writing out my will and testament when Rachel and Percy randomly decided to eat lunch together in the upstairs hallway. Alone. By themselves. Sitting hip to hip. Sharing snacks…. Idiots.

But other than that I breezed through the day without paying much attention to anything. Not even Sally while she tittered excitedly about the next part of her book. My mind was in a total fog. Even more so during dinner when Percy was sitting across from me, pushing his squash around with a fork. Looking into the distance dreamily, and no doubt thinking of a certain redhead.

"Annabeth?"

"Hmm?"

No. Still wasn't listening.

"Annabeth?"

"Yup. Nope. I'm here." I straightened my spine in hopes that it would keep me 'in the moment' and dutifully glanced from one person to the next. All of whom were staring at me with varying levels of concern. Except Stella, naturally. She was once one more nosedive from being completely coated in baby food.

"Are you okay?" Paul. Paul said that right?

"Yeah, I'm fine," I said, like it was obvious that I was fine. The concerned looks grew deeper. "I just have a lot on my mind right now."

"Anything we can help with?" Sally offered instantly. "Is this betaing thing a little too much right now? I know senior year can be stressful."

I waved her off gallantly. "Oh no. It's fine. I really enjoy betaing for you."

She did not look convinced.

"It's just the anniversary of my mother's death is coming up and I can't remember what her favorite flowers were, and the more I think about it the more I realize I can't really remember her face. And when I realize I can't remember her face I try to remember where in the house we have a photo album with her in it, but I can't remember that either. So it's just this whole cycle of not remembering- I mean losing the memory. Or, well, memories. Ugh that's a bad way to put it. But- uuhhh… Damn. I can't remember the word for not remembering." My rambled lie fell apart. When the silence engulfed the table my cheeks warmed to a dull simmer.

"You mean forgetting?" Percy said slowly.

"That's the word." I chuckled nervously. "I… forgot."

"The irony isn't escaping me."

I groaned. "Leave me alone, Jackson. I'm dyslexic and grumpy and really have to buy flowers now."

I set my utensils down and they clattered a bit louder than I anticipated against the plate. It made me seem angry and upset. But I wasn't! I promise I wasn't!

Despite that, Sally visually tensed, leading Paul to tense. Percy looked between the two of them, then at me. Bewildered.

"No no, I'm sorry." I put my hands up. "I'm just a little stressed."

That was the truth of it. Rachel and Percy suddenly finding their flow with each other had knocked me off guard. If things moved too quickly, I'd be dead before Christmas.

"Oh no, of course," Sally set her knife and fork down on her empty plate. "While Paul and I do the dishes, Percy, why don't you take the car and help Annabeth pick out some flowers?"

Oh no. No no. Please no.

"Uhhh sure." Percy glanced at me awkwardly. My unenthralled attitude must've been leaking onto my face because he started squirming in his seat.

"It's okay. I'll just do it on my way home."

"Nonsense dear. Percy will go and Percy can pay for them too." Sally stood up with a sense of finality. I would have argued with her but she started scrubbing Stella's food encrusted face just then. Never argue with a mother. She might turn her child on you.

"I'll get the keys?" Percy offered weakly.

.oOo.

We ended up driving in silence. I kind of got the feeling that Percy could tell I wasn't in a talkative mood because he didn't even try to say anything. Maybe he knew I was fibbing about the flower thing too because he ended up driving us to the nearest grocery store. Fandals CO.

Or I was just giving him too much credit, and his little caveman brain didn't remember flower shops existed.

"Yellow or blue?" was the first thing he asked.

They had their flowers in an open refrigerator right next to the discount sushi. I pretended to look very occupied like this mattered to me a great deal. Like my father didn't pay the cemetery hand to put fresh lilies on her grave every week. But it was hard to be occupied. A catchy song was playing in the background which made reading the flower names nearly impossible. Stupid swimmy letters.

"The blue looks fake don't they? The blue looks kind of dyed." I tapped my chin thoughtfully. "Plus there's an entire row of roses you missed right here."

Percy blanked. "Yeah but they're red?"

He had the audacity to look at me like I was the one not making any sense. I scoffed at him. "Your point?"

"I don't think red roses are something you put on graves. Red roses are like a symbol of love right? Aren't you supposed to give them to people you love? Y'know like Valentine's day, and special dates and anniversaries?"

He wasn't looking at me anymore. I wasn't entirely sure he was looking at the flowers either. His eyes had shifted out. I could tell by the way he slightly nibbled the corner of his lip he was thinking about Rachel. My heart pricked.

"She doesn't like flowers," I mumbled. "She was forced to draw flowers as a study for too long and now she hates them. If you want to make her happy, make her something."

Percy flinched. For a moment he seemed to be drinking in my words, and they puzzled him deeply.

"I've never made anything in my life."

"That's a lie. You've made plenty of messes. I'm a reliable witness."

"Oh? glad to know you've been watching me Chase." Percy bumped me teasingly.

I flicked him right between his eyebrows. "Remind me why I'm helping you try and date my best friend?"

"I'm not dating her." Percy said. "I'm not dating her yet. I have no idea how to even get into that territory."

"Good."

"Good?"

"No moving too fast. That should be a cardinal rule."

"Why?"

"Does there need to be a reason?" I crossed my arms. "You two are already going to be spending the rest of your lives together. If I were you, I'd be in no rush. Take your time, enjoy the process. -Now I think I'll get these white ones."

Percy prodded a red rose head with his pointer finger. Knots of thought were being worked out behind those wild green eyes.

"I suppose," he said slowly.

I think the white ones were Dahlias. I'm not a flower expert, and the label wasn't registering in my mind. Regardless, they were pretty enough so I pulled them from the black bucket they sat in and shook off the water clinging to their stems.

"You don't need to actually get them," Percy said. Bored. "I know that whole speech was a front. You're a terrible liar by the way."
"Figures," I huffed. But I kept the flowers close to my face. They smelled nice, and maybe it would be good if I visited my mother's grave. I was in the market for a cemetery lot anyways, might as well see what slots were open.

"So what is it?"

"What is what?"

"What's stressing you out so much?" Percy pretended like he didn't really care. He was perusing the questionable looking sushi with his hands inside his swim team hoodie pocket. I caught the moment he flicked his eyes in my direction. A slight upturn in his brows.

From deep within my chest, the fragile barriers crumbled apart like pillars made of sand. I might as well be honest, I told myself. I let my shoulders fall.

"Don't push me out," I muttered, slotting the Dahlias back into their little black bucket.

Maybe grave hunting could wait.

Percy tilted his head towards me. Silently asking with his eyes.

A deep sigh built up in the back of my throat. I focused behind him. Staring at the clerk who was restocking the apples in a big wooden crate.

"Today, you and Rachel were really close. And I'm trying not to feel like you're stealing her away from me… but... "

"Oh."

"It's just… Rachel's like a sister to me. She's the closest person I have next to Grover. When I was a kid I kind of had a rage thing going on after my dad remarried and… Rachel was the only friend who stayed with me through that. I know I'm not losing her, it's just…"

"It feels that way," Percy finished. "How could it not. I took your seat in English and Biology. Not to mention lunch and… I didn't think about it from your perspective. Sorry."

"No, it's fine. I guess I'm just overreacting. But also, I'd really appreciate it if you don't take my spot anymore."

Percy laughed slightly nervously and rubbed the back of his neck. "I don't really have a choice on that, do I? I think at some point you'd get sick of it and throw me through a wall."

"Eh. That sounds on brand." I tried to hide my breaking smile.

A fraction of silence passed between us and I was reminded that this branch of Fandals Co liked to play overly dancy music. Momentarily, I fantasized about cutting the sound system cords with a big fat kitchen knife they had on display at the opposite end of the store. It was a sweet thought.

"Why don't we all just hang out together?" Percy asks out of the blue. His face all coiled up like he's thinking very seriously on the matter. "That movie night was fun and… well we don't hate each other anymore. Right? We don't need to divide our time with Rachel like a divorced couple fighting for custody."

"Uuuuuuuh…"

Why not? Well I don't know, let me check my list. You're infuriating sometimes, you hang out with the worst of people and there is a very slim chance you will fall in love with me if I don't keep your complete focus on Rachel.

"Not to mention, if I'm going to be with Rachel for the rest of our lives that means we'll be seeing each other a lot so we might as well just be friends." Percy knew he was making sense. He held the confidence of it.

All I could do was sit and stare at him with a million worthless excuses passing over my tongue.

I didn't want to start growing the list written in my death note. The two people, Rachel and Grover, were on the list. So far I had everything worked out for them. When I died my father would hopefully understand everything at that point. Hopefully, if he followed instruction, he'd bring Grover and Rachel aside and inform them that I had a sudden heart attack brought on by an undiagnosed condition. That way, Rachel would never know of the love triangle and would never ever blame herself for my death. She'd live on happily and would eventually get over it all. Hopefully.

Now that I was dying, this wasn't a time to make friends. This wasn't a time to lengthen the list and bring in more variables. It was too risky. Percy was just supposed to be my little pupil and moldable thing I would make sure was suitable for Rachel before I passed. Not my friend.

Actions speak louder than words.

Instead of finding a reasonable excuse, I decided to jump to the next best thing: Lying.

"Sure," I relented. "Why not? But don't do anything that'll make me double back on this decision Jackson." I smirked at him snootily. Baiting him to cover the lie.

"Me? Please. I'm the picture of a perfect friend. Just you see."

And then he smiled. One of those smiles that takes your whole face to make. All the while looking at me so brightly for a moment I felt treasured.

Heat crept up my neck.

"So uh, are we just going to stand in a grocery store, not buying anything?" I turned away just in time. There was a heart on my tongue I needed to whisk into my sleeve.

Percy belched an ugly noise. Seconds later a heart dropped from his lips into his palm.

"Damn pesky things. They just come anytime now, don't they?" Percy chuckled at me.

My sternum was tickling with an unsaid emotion. I grabbed at the material of my sweater above my chest and scrunched it up. Desperately trying to shove it all down.

"Why don't I tour you around the store and show you all of Rachel's favorite snacks?" I offered. Strangled.

"You would do that?"

"Duh."

"Alright! Yes! Show me!" Percy beamed before he pranced down one of the aisles.

Just like a child, I thought.

.oOo.

"You're not joining them for lunch?" Piper asked as she watched Percy, Rachel and Grover head out for some burgers. (Rachel had coupons)

"Naw, I have a debate club meeting." I used the same lie twice.

Piper made a face at me. "There is no debate club today? Jason said so this morning."

Styx.

"Oh really?" I feigned the worst surprise of all time. "Sweet."

"So you could technically still catch up with them." Piper pointed down the hall. They were just stepping on to the elevator.

"...naw…"

.oOo.

I needed to tell my Dad. I figured it might be a nice gesture to let him know that his one and only daughter was going to die.

Y'know, give him ample time to really practice the fake crying before my funeral.

No. No wait, forget that. That's mean.

I'm not sure what he actually felt about me, but he was going to cry at my funeral. Right? That's what fathers do at their daughters' funerals. They cry. So of course he would.

Moving on.

I wasn't sure if I should say anything to my dad anymore. I had a big fat pros and cons list in front of my nose at the kitchen island counter late one evening after Grover had gone home from a gaming session. My father was bound to pass at any moment. It was one of the rare occasions where he was working in the garage, tuning up his 1964 ferrari (a.k.a his only child) and would need to wash his hands at the sink for a full five minutes afterwards. A full five minutes of his presence. It was a platinum opportunity I couldn't mess up so I needed to figure things out quickly. I wanted to get everything over with.

Written in capital letters midway through the PROS list was; HE'S A DOCTOR. HE CAN HELP.

The cons was: Unpredictable. Will he even care?

I didn't want to dwell on the possibility that he didn't care so I brushed it aside in my mind. I was also juggling the idea of creating letters for my brothers anyways. Matthew and Bobby would be around eleven. Would they even want to hear from me after I passed on? Maybe sending them gifts would be the better move. Little boys always like gifts.

Well, I guess not so little anymore.

"By your face, it looks like you're doing some hardcore calculus."

Percy was leaning against the doorframe, behind him was the long hallway to the pool out back. Smelling of chlorine and still slick with pool water. Not to mention shirtless.

I bristled. "How long have you been standing there?"

It was like starting up an engine. My heart began whirring faster than a turbine on a 747 aircraft. Religiously, I kept my gaze up. Not daring to break our eye contact for even a second less his teases rained out again.

"Long enough to know you're doing something difficult," Percy said. He had the audacity to move closer while in such a state. "Your eyebrows get all puckered up and you chew the corner of your mouth when you're doing something difficult."

I was reshuffling papers already, so by the time he strolled up I had an article on the ancient scythian warriors at the top of the pile.

"Wow, creepy. Where's your shirt?" I asked. Nonchalantly, might I add.

But that teasing smile was still creeping up on his face. "Noticed that, did you-?"

He was within arm's reach, that was his first mistake. His second was winking at me. Before he could even finish his sentence I smacked him hard enough across the abs that the pad of my hand burned. Percy crumbled forward, winded.

"What the heck man?" he wheezed against his knees.

"I'll ask again. Where's your shirt?" This time I retrieved my trusty ruler from my pencil case.

Percy squirmed away from me, recovering quickly. "I lost it! I lost it!"

"Wrong answer." I raised the ruler.

"No really! Sometimes I just get super excited to swim and clothes go places I can't be bothered to remember." Percy was nearly squealing. Not unlike a greased pig being shown around the fair.

I decided to be a merciful ruler and lowered my weapon. "So you think it's in here?"

"Maybe? I pass the kitchen to get to the pool. I just kinda… shed."

"Well kindly never shed again."

"I'll think about it."

"Please. That process could take years."

In irony with my words, it took him a moment for my burn to sink into his thick skull. Unimpressed Percy glowered but surprisingly opted not to fire back.

"This is a very large kitchen. It could be here"

"It is."

Two white farmer's sinks, stacked ovens, white cabinets with paneled glass windows showcasing hundreds of plate sets, and a mega deluxe fridge with a touch screen. It was a kitchen built to feed a huge family but only served snacks to an overstressed Doctor.

"But it's not like your shirt fell into the dishwasher." I pointed out.

"Good point. However, I've already checked the pool room, the sauna, the showers, and the hallway leading up to here. Either someone stole my shirt, or it just walked away."

"I did not steal your shirt!" I scoffed. Insulted.

"I'm not saying you did!" Percy backtracked.

"Well I'm the only other person here," I enlightened saltily. "Unless you think Santa Claus now has it on."

And then my father walked in.

Goody goody.

He paused. Took in the sight of me arguing with an attractive shirtless boy in our kitchen. Continued on his confused way to the fridge and retrieved an old quesadilla from a doggy bag box those restaurants send home. Raised an eyebrow at Percy, avoided eye contact with me and slid out the door again. Hands still dirty from mechanic work and shirt streaked with oil.

I heard the mud room door thunk close and buried my face in my hands. If my heart was a little plane turbine before, it was a rocket engine now. How was I supposed to talk to him after that?!

"Maybe he has my-"

"He does not. Have. Your shirt," I groaned.

"Who is that anyways?" Percy said. Peering down the hall as if he expected my father to pop up again like a creepy puppet show. "Is he like a janitor? Or maintenance man? Maybe an in-home garden gnome polisher?"

"That's my Dad." I reshuffled my papers. Screw this crap, I was going upstairs. Percy could find his own shirt on his own time.

"Your Dad?!"

"Yes. Can't you see the family resemblance? Apparently being a hermit is hereditary."

Take a hint boy. Leave. I'm done.

Instead Percy leaned closer into the marble counter. You'd think the cold surface would scare him off but no. His deep green eyes were scalding mine. I couldn't breathe.

"So he doesn't care that he has a semi-nude stranger in his house?" he whispered.

I felt like bringing out a black board and explaining to Percy in detail the quality of walls mansions had. Sound did not travel through them, so he:

A) Did not have to lean in that close.

And B) Did not have to whisper.

Instead I just took my pointed finger and squashed his lil nose into his face until he backed off.

"No. My Dad doesn't really care who comes and who goes. As long as they aren't thieves." I picked up my binder and pencil case, then slid off the stool. "It was a good thing he saw you with me otherwise he would've called the cops."

I started for the stairs and muttered a few empty curses when I heard Percy's footsteps thunking after me.

"You didn't tell your dad I was borrowing your pool?!" Percy asked, aghast. 'Askhast' if you will.

"It just didn't come up in conversation." I shrugged, turning to Percy when I reached the rich carpet of the curving stairs smack dab in the middle of the front hall. "Now goodnight. Hopefully you find your shirt."

I was halfway up. Almost free.

"Wait. Didn't come up in conversation? What does that mean?" He followed me. Hovering behind me like a little seal waiting for a fishie snack from a fisherman. Clenching the binder to my chest a little tighter, I worked out a knot of impatience.

"Means we didn't talk about it, Jackson." I twirled around to stare cooly at him.

"But how could you not? It's such a simple thing to-"

"Remember what I said earlier? About how your mom will never abandon you because you're her son, but nothing will stop her from resenting you for taking away her family?" I said in one bitter breath.

Percy didn't speak. His lips tucked in and there was the slightest crease in his eyebrows. I had a feeling he already knew where this was going just by reading my dark expression.

"Well that's what it looks like when a parent resents their child. It's silence. It's avoiding school plays and math meets and even parent-teacher conventions. It's just a void where a connection should be."

A crack widened in his lips like he was about to say something, like he wanted to comfort me. Instead his eyes just searched mine, looking for every answer I'd betray. And I hated that I would betray them. That I couldn't contain how I felt.

"So no. I didn't bring it up with him." I finished on a whisper and turned to flee.

I genuinely thought he'd leave it be, but as I marched my way down the hall and into my room I could make out the sound of him thumping after me. Heat started rippling into my skull from the pressure of my clenched teeth. Childishly, I thought about slamming my door in his face and then bracing the bed against it. Unfortunately confrontations are better played out than avoided.

"But can't you fix this? Call your stepmother?" He sounded so naive.

I wrestled through a drawer to my dresser and threw a cotton shirt at him. "Wear this."

Percy wasn't even thinking apparently because he slipped it on without glancing at it. Still intent on our conversation. His eyes followed me around the room, concerned, devoted, questioning.

"But if you just called her-"

"She moved to London, England, Jackson." I rolled my eyes. "She hasn't made a single attempt at communication and besides that it's been five years. She's probably remarried with a million other children by now and the last thing she'd want is a phone call made by her ex-stepdaughter from hell."

"You were not that bad."

"Oh I'm sorry. Were you there? I was-"

"I knew you then, don't you dare forget that I knew you then too. And we weren't exactly buddies. I can honestly say that you weren't that bad."

Percy took a step towards me in full defiance of my anger. He looked semi-peeved himself, and with the hard tone in his voice it sounded like he was miffed I could say such awful things about someone he knew. I almost laughed at the irony of him trying to defend me from me.

Instead I scoffed at him. "Whatever I did to you, that was only a fraction of the things I did to Helen."

"You were just a kid-"

"A kid who pillaged their marriage. A kid who- who did horrible mean pranks and blamed it on the twins. Hair remover in her shampoo, rocks taped under the weight scale, texting her boss bad words, ticks in her nightgown." I ran a hand through my hair. Hauntings of old memories surfaced in my mind. Suffocating me. "Do you know how bad I was? While they were married for those six years, Helen had to replace her wedding ring eight times because I always did something to it. I once dosed one in battery acid and put it back so it burned her finger."

"Chase." Percy reached out towards me but I shied away. Going to the edge of my bed with my arms crossed. A sting ignited behind my eyes from the start of held-in tears.

But I couldn't cry. I couldn't. Not with him there behind me. Not with the knowledge that he'd go all gooey on me too if he saw me cry.

For once, I wished he was still a dick to me. I wished he wasn't intent on being my friend.

Instead, I could hear him breathing behind me. Deciding on what to do, on what to say. Just out of reach of me as I composed myself once more. Making me regret every little confession I had said up until that point.

"You were just a kid who was hurting," Percy murmured. So gently, so tenderly, but it somehow felt like his voice was sanding down the back of my brain. "Shit. I know what that's like."

"Please, Jackson. I was a wretched little monster not worth a box of fruit loops. Not worth the trouble of housing for goodness sakes. Don't try to make past me out to be a misunderstood child. I was a nightmare goblin, and I deserved every consequence of my actions."

I knew better. I still did it all but I knew better.

All I could think about were my misdeeds. Helens crumbling face. The strain in her eyes every time I did one more abominable act against her. Back then, I could see I was hurting her. I could see it on her face, in the way she moved, how she wilted when I was around. I saw it all and I reveled in it. I loved it.

How twisted did I have to be…

The spill of emotions started bubbling up again. Despairingly, I clenched my arms tighter to my torso. A wave of heat jerked my insides in a loop. I wanted to smash something, or throw something, or meticulously tie something into a gazillion knots. I wanted to stop the guilt with a giant cork stopper and let it rot away wherever it was being held in my body.

"You were a hurt kid-"

"Jackson. Stop," I growled. "There's no way to fix this. Stop trying."

"How do you know it's unfixable, huh? If you've never tried-"

"There is no way to fix their marriage. My Dad is still miserable over that marriage."

"Has he told you that?"

"No."

"Then how do you know?"

"It's just… he never settles when he's miserable, okay? After my mom died, my Dad went back to school and went from a historian to lawyer. When he was married to Helen he was happily a lawyer until she left. Then he went back to school to become a doctor. I thought once he graduated he would settle again and maybe I could start talking to him but he didn't settle. He's back in school, this time for aerospace engineering. Aerospace engineering. I was such a horrible daughter that he's going to keep career jumping up the ladder until he dies. What even comes after aerospace engineering? Just a full NASA space suit makeover and a note? 'Dear Annabeth, I've gone to live in the new moon colony I founded trying to avoid you. Please inform your teacher I'll be absent for the parent-teacher convention. Best regards -Dad'. I wouldn't be surprised. I wouldn't frickin be surprised."

My tears were dangerously close to spilling over. Clenching my fists, I turned my gaze to the ceiling to fight them back and steadied the ragged sob gremlin that was attempting to take over my lungs.

Percy stepped up to my side silently, forcing me to hide behind my hair.

"You were just a kid," he mumbled sadly. "You were hurt. You needed an outlet for that hurt."

From the corner of my eye, I saw him open his arms. An offer of a hug and an understanding smile so soft you'd think it'd hide his precious dimples.

My shoulders fell back. A tear fell over. I turned farther away from Rachel's soulmate.

"Chase."

I held myself tighter. Twisting my lips down until I couldn't force away the expression any longer. A smile broke through. Relieving my twisted core with a lightness I cherished in that moment. My shoulders started to tremble with laughter that danced out of my stomach like drunk fairies.

"Chase?"

"I- I can't believe I got you to wear that shirt."

It was pink and glittery with bright purple bubble letters right across his chest. 'Just call me princess cupcake cutie'. Beneath the eye bleeding lettering was a cartoon cat dressed up in a cupcake and coated in sequins. Rachel had bought me the shirt as a gag.

Funnier still was the fact that it was too small for Percy so it clung to his muscular body oxymoronically.

Percy examined the shirt with a mix of disgust, disdain, amusement, and confusion.

"I feel strangely violated… and bright."

"Ha. Well, enjoy it. It's the only time you'll ever actually be bright," I teased. I knew my eyes were still red (probably) but I smiled up at Percy anyways.

"I should swallow a flashlight. That'll show you." Percy jibed back.

"Hold on, let me get my phone. This is blackmail material." I scanned my room for the device but Percy was already halfway to the door.

"Over my dead body," he yelled.

"That can be arranged!" I called after him. But he was gone.

I started digesting the events of that night. Pondering if I should go down and explain what was actually happening to my dad. Hopefully so he wouldn't think that I had shirtless boys over all the time, or that I was indeed comfortable with having shirtless boys around at all.

Before I could decide, a set of quick footsteps marched into my room and Percy collided with my back.

Like velcro he wrapped his arms around me tightly, yet only briefly.

"For the record, we're not who we used to be. We're better. Got it?" he muttered in my ear.

Then he was gone.

Leaving me without a scarce bit of breath, or strength in my legs, or the will power to slow down my heart that swung in my chest like a wrecking ball. In one final act my whole body heaved with flutters and I expelled two little soulmate hearts that fell to the floor with a sharp ring.

.oOo.

I couldn't sleep that night. My chest hurt.

Somehow I'd wandered down to the great below. Chewing on my thoughts like how hillbillies chew tobacco. Fast, but getting nowhere.

I sat, bathed in blue light, on the little white sofa facing the pool. Images of Percy swam around my head like a frantic dance. Meanwhile I was chasing those images, trying to get them out. It made me dizzy, and grumpy. Mostly I wished my head would just shut up so I could sleep. As I sat there, dazed with tiredness, a single blue t-shirt came into view behind the glass. Floating, gliding, dancing in the water.

It turned once, pushed by the current of the filter, before slipping down into the depths of the pool and settling on the bottom. Just stopping by to say hello.

Miserably, I curled up into a ball and pulled my hood over my head. Now intensely thinking about Percy without a stopper. His smile, his warmth, his humor, his laugh, his honesty, his loyalty, his charm. I clamped my hands around my head trying to make it all stop. Another heart on my tongue.

.oOo.

"I have to call off that hot chocolate deal I have with you. I have detention." I told Rachel in the halls after school. Apparently sleeping during class was unacceptable.

"It's fine," she snipped. "I was busy anyways."

"Whoa," I backtracked. "What was that? What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

But she was cold. Her tone was sharp.

"Rach." I pulled on her arm to stop her from walking away from me. "What's the matter?"

Her red eyebrows furrowed down as she glared at my hand. Unable to even meet my eyes.

"I thought we didn't hold secrets from each other," she scoffed.

My heart rocketed into my throat. Suddenly the world felt cold and bristly. My bag full of soulmate hearts was heavy against my back. "What secrets? Rach?"

She tore away from my grip and thundered down the hallway. Melting into the boisterous flow of students around her. Only her fiery red hair bouncing to the rhythm of her walk waved back at me.

"Do you want me to talk to her?" Grover asked nervously. He was the least confrontational guy on the planet, so offering this was offering to step outside his comfort zone by a huge margin. I didn't want to bother him… but my heart was just so twisted with worry.

What if she found out about my soulmate hearts? What if she knew… that being with Percy meant my death. Grover had a soothing nature about him that was inexplicable.

"I would really appreciate it man." I smiled weakly at him. "But only if you want to."

Grover shifted his crutches and puffed out his chest. A defiant look on his face when he nodded.

"I can do this."

"I believe in you."

I would've stayed to hype him up, but I had detention to get to. I was already late, so I was risking a full week's worth of detentions. As I was running, I was flicking over possibilities in my head on what Rachel could've figured out. Maybe she was grumpy. Maybe there was something else she had found out.

But what other secrets had I kept?

"Oof." My elbow knocked into someone's gut, and all three binders I was holding scattered on the ground. Scattering loose sheets of paper as it went because the world hates me.

"Ugh. I'm sorry Annabeth." Piper Mclean was holding her stomach. Princely boy Jason was already on the floor picking them up one by one. My heart pounded harder. I dropped to my knees to help him.

Why Piper? Why Piper?

"Why don't you just put them in your bag?" He asked as he handed them back to me.

Bag is full of flippin soulmate hearts.

"No room. I have a lot of library books out right now. Debate materials. You know how research intensive it is," I laughed off. "Sorry for bumping into you guys. I'm late for detention."

"You? Detention?" Piper guffawed. "Thought I'd never see the day."

There was this glint in her eyes I didn't like. A bubbly happiness that seemed to pop up only when she'd set her sights on talking to me. I hoped all it was only an attempt at being friendlier with me. I hoped.

"Mr. D hates sleepy students." I shrugged. "Anyways… see you two later."

They waved and I continued on my way. Puzzling still about Rachel and worrying about Piper's creepy insights. Whatever, I couldn't dwell on everything. I had work to do.

Annnnnd just my luck, Percy was the only other kid in detention with me. Probably from starting a food fight in the caf. Or maybe it was his little chemical fire in chemistry that landed him at the desk two back from mine.

I was planning on ignoring him the entire time, but a royal five minutes into detention Mr. D conked out like a toddler who'd just made an exhausting poop. The moment his snores started trembling through the sun soaked room Percy plopped himself in the seat right next to mine and looked at me as if he had a shitty business proposition to make. Smelling like chlorine and pinching his brows up in that almost seal worthy look too.

"Cut it Jackson, I'm here for one punishment only. Being forced to sit next to you would make it two."

"Har har Chase. You're hilarious. But seriously, I need your help. I'm kind of panicking here."

"I'm not surprised. It doesn't take much to startle a chicken in the first place."

Percy didn't take to my teasing. He folded his hands on the desk and stared at them, truly bewildered by something.

"I asked Rachel out."

"You WHAT?!"

Mr. D snorted and shifted in his rolly chair. Mumbling something about damn dandelions while wiping one meaty hand under his hairy nose.

"You what?!" I whisper-yelled this time. I grabbed Percy by the collar of his shirt and shook him lightly. An unease was already in my stomach. A growing pit. I was losing my grip, losing control. It drowned me in my own anxieties. "What happened to taking your time!"

"It just felt right, okay?" Percy wretched backwards. Smoothing down his clothes with noticeably clammy and shivering hands. "And she said yes, by the way."

"Of course she said yes!" I scoffed at him. Still as quietly as I could. "When concerning you, the only word that ever pops into that girl's brain is freakin 'yes!'. If you asked her to marry you she would've said yes!"

A scorching blush inflated on Percy's face and he swiped at the air as if to clear his clearly overpowering feelings. "That isn't the point! The point is I asked her without even thinking of where I was going to take her!"

I balked. Then I flicked him in the forehead.

"This. Is why. You take your time!" I hissed. Thinking of the will I had half written in the third drawer of my desk at home. Thinking of how, if things got worse, I'd be in the ground before graduation gowns were even ordered. Thinking about my dad, alone in that big house. Unknowingly rooming with a walking corpse.

Don't panic. Don't panic. Work this out.

But my lungs felt tense and restricted. My heart was striking my ribcage with MMA fighter strength. You're going to die. You're going to die. You're going to die.

"Well, now we're going on a date this Saturday night at seven and I have no idea where to take her or what to do or anything!" Percy was panicked too by the looks of it.

"Is this going to be the rest of my life?" I complained to the universe. "Babysitting you two into a relationship. On your golden anniversary are you going to freak out and ask me what kind of present she'd like too?"

"Chase," Percy said, but pleadingly. Like a lost puppy sitting in the kennel at the pound. "I just want it to be perfect."

Don't do it. Let him flounder. Let it be awkward and messy and weird so that they'll be away from each other for at least another two months.

I could remember my mother's funeral. Sunny, warm, and inconsolably bleak. I remember numbly standing by the square pit of her grave, how I could see my reflection in her lacquered coffin. Wondering how messy she looked under the lid. Wondering if she could see me from where she was. Wondering if she liked my little black shoes with the white bows I had picked out.

Could I put my own death off two more months perhaps?

But Rachel.

She wanted picturesque everything. It was the perfectionist in her. It was the artist in her. Helping Percy create the perfect first date wouldn't just make her happy for one night. It would be something she would carry in her cherished memories for the rest of her life.

It would make her so incredibly happy…

I sighed and buried my head in my arms. "Okay. Fine. When did you ask her out?"

"Yesterday. At lunch," Percy said. "I have only four days until Saturday and no ideas on what to do."

I stopped listening after the first word.

Yesterday.

She didn't tell me. Thirteen years of this crush culminating into something more finally and she was so mad at me that she didn't come and talk to me. And she was mad at me since yesterday?!

Ouch. Ouch. Ouch…

I stared at the desk. A knot in my chest.

"Styx, I'm so nervous and excited and scared. I can't feel my cheeks anymore." Percy patted his face with the palms of his hands to try and rub sensation back. "I don't even know where to start or what to do. I have nothing."

"What you have is a bad taste in dating counselors," I said while I slipped my hands behind my head, massaging away the start of a migraine.

"Well you've gotten me this far with your advice so I'm willing to ask for more." Percy shrugged.

"You could probably just use a magic eight ball and get the same results."

"I don't believe that. So please, oh great knower of dating, give me your wisdom. Where should this date happen?"

"I don't know. A movie."

"That's… no. I can't take the girl I'll marry on a first date to the movies. This first date needs to be something my best man can make a speech about at our wedding. A story we'll tell our children, or dogs. It'll be something strangers will ask about when they learn that we're soulmates. It needs to be perfect," Percy ranted, impassioned.

"Okay. Bowling then."

"Noooooooooo."

"Fine wise guy, what were you thinking?" I scoffed.

"I… I can't think of anything, that's why I was asking you," he admitted. Partially sulking as he leaned the chair backwards. Balancing it like a total idiot. Did he not know he could fall?

"Well, think. Where would you take other girls you know on dates?" I asked. Half tempted to kick his chair and watch him flail.

"Like who?"

"Mmmmh… like Piper."

"Piper's bonded to Jason?"

I turned and grabbed his nose, shaking his face back and forth with it like a lil teacup handle. He let the chair fall forward and it clacked against the ground with a startling crack. From the front of the room, Mr. D snorted again.

"Hypothetically you doofus," I whispered.

"Hypothetically…" Percy pondered slowly. Rubbing his nose while he was at it. "Hypothetically I'd take Piper to an amusement park. She's not really one for crowds, but she loves a good competition and those carnival games would be right up her alley."

"Good." I ruffled his hair. "Now another one. Where would you take Hazel?"

Percy was tapping out tunes on the desk. Creating a hollow drumming sound as he thought and was surprisingly focused for a boy who couldn't sit still long enough to hear a song to its end.

"The zoo," he decided. "She loves animals, open air, and doesn't like modern songs that people play over intercoms like at bowling alleys, or arcades.

"Good choice, good choice," I said approvingly. "Now-"

"I'd take you to go stargazing," Percy said absentmindedly. His own green eyes were trailing up as if to search for plastic stars. "A picnic basket full of fast food and some weird quiet field in the middle of nowhere. I think you know a ton about stars and you'd like to sit there and be all know-it-all and point them all out and what everything means."

Styx.

I didn't even know I wanted that until he said it. My galloping heart made a leap, hitching my lungs to a halt for a minute.

"Exercise over. Good job," I wheezed. "Now, using what you just did there, build a date for Rachel."

"But I have a feeling she's been to the art gallery a million times already," Percy sighed. Still lost in thought I suspected.

"Why not just take her stargazing?" I asked. "I mean, granted it is a bit cold but that just means more cuddle opportunities. Plus you could take Rachel's dad's pick up truck and fill it with blankets and pillows. A few thermos' of hot chocolate or coffee and you're set."

"Naw. Seems too personal for a first date y'know? I'm not that close with Rachel yet." Percy was really really out of it. I flicked him in the ear.

"You said you'd take me!" I scoffed. "Why not Rachel?"

Crimson rose on Percy's cheeks and for a moment he seemed tongue tied. He made a few gestures knotted to his incomplete and unsaid thoughts before he collapsed in on himself internally.

"I don't know… I guess because you know more about my life than she does right now?"

It was like there was a candle behind his face. The longer I looked at him the brighter he got. Finally he just twirled around to face the other way completely and scrunched himself over into the 'I might vomit pose'. I'm glad the idea of going on a date with me was that repulsive.

"That was a dumb exercise anyways," he grumbled, facing the floor.

I patted his back sympathetically.

"There, there," I said. "You won't have to deal with me much longer. Now as for the date, you're right. Rachel has been to the art gallery a million different times. But there is more than one form of art, and Rachel's a fan of all of them."

"Other forms of art… like sculptures and music, and poetry and stuff?" Percy peeked over his shoulder at me. Still blushing.

"Yep. And when sculptures are made out of snow…"

"Like at that winter festival coming to town!" Percy sprang bolt upright, screeching the chair back. "With live music and comedians in an open cafe carved of ice and surrounded by snow and ice sculptures! Chase, you're a GENIUS!"

Mr. D choked on his own saliva and sat up. Blearily looking around with a steep scowl.

"Mr. Jackie-"

"Sir!" Percy was already grabbing for his backpack two desks back. "Detention is over and Chase is a GENIUS!"

Before Mr. D could go on a tirade about waking the superiors and all that, Percy had sprung out the door. Not running, not hopping but something close to frolicking.

I sighed. Three hearts were in my mouth.

.oOo.

Helen was going by her maiden name again. Helen Greenly. I mean, of course she was, it had been five years. I don't know why I searched for her social media. The excuse I had in my brain was that I was looking for up-to-date pictures of my brothers.

But they had their own social media.

I circled the mouse around her face absentmindedly. Her smiling, pretty, happy face. I don't think I ever saw her that happy while she was around me. I sighed and sunk deeper in my bed. Regretting little things that were starting to resurface. Even the venomous looks I gave her.

I was just about to close my laptop when I pressed the wrong button. Not accidentally, but not truly purposefully either. It was like I was in a trance. Either way my laptop screen went blue and it chimed sweetly. Video calling Helen Greenly.

I slammed my laptop closed. Itching with a sudden white sweat and baffled at my own poor decisions. I stared up at the twinkle lights surrounding my tiny room now coursing with more regret than I could handle.

Ah Styx.

.oOo.

Chiquitita, tell me the truth

I'm a shoulder you can cry on

Your best friend, I'm the one you must rely on

The buttery smooth voices of ABBA were drifting through my house. That's how I knew Rachel was there, waiting for me.

Chiquitita was our song. We'd learned every word, every note, every pause by heart. It was the song for road trips, the song we danced to at one in the morning during sleepovers, the song we played when Rachel's grandmother died. It was the song we first heard when we were six years old, dressing up in Mrs. Dare's heels and pearls. Throwing pillows at each other and sloppily applying all sorts of expensive lipsticks.

"What's a best friend?" She had asked me from the bed, trying on her mothers broad brimmed Gucci sun hat.

"Your closest friend. Your favorite one."

"Who's your best friend?"

"You."

"You're mine too!"

That song had cemented us.

I followed the melody to the kitchen, a cramp in my heart and a hope in my mind. She was at the counter. Waiting for me with a solemn expression pulling down her pretty face.

Daintily, I stepped into the kitchen. Still wary of her.

She was rolling an apple around the counter boredly and very unenthused. With the way her lips tightened and how she held her breath for a second too long, I knew she was thinking hard on what to say. Or at least how to say it.

It took her a moment.

"So Percy asked me out," she said. "But I guess you already knew that."

My chest throbbed with unspoken words, and unanswered questions. Dread kneaded a hollow in my brain as I tried to determine if she knew the truth: That this was a love triangle situation and not a simple soulmate bond.

"He told me," I said. My voice sounded weak.

Rachel loosened. Now staring at her decently bruised apple with mournful eyes.

"Why didn't you tell me, Annabeth?"

My heart fluttered into my throat. Over and over I scanned her form looking for a sign, a hidden message. Did she really know the full truth?

She stared back at me solemnly.

"Tell you… tell you what?"

Rachel's hands tightened on the apple.

Chiquitita, you and I know

How the heartaches come and they go and the scars they're leaving

"Just that you go over to Percy's twice a week sometimes and have dinner with his entire family? That his step dad is Paul Blofis? I mean… why? Why did you keep that from me? Percy said you guys talk all the time and I know I asked you to be friends with him I just… I thought you would talk to me about all of it… it's not like you to keep something like this from me."

Oh. Oh thank heavens.

I sighed as all the stress left me in one long ribbon and took a few small steps forward until I was at the island counter, across from her.

"I felt like I couldn't tell you," I said with a seed of truth to it. Locking eyes with her. "I didn't want you using me as an inside to Percy's personal life."

"But why not?" Rachel's expression grew more complicated. Like she was trying to piece out a crossword. "We're best friends… right? We tell each other everything."

"I can't tell you everything about them… you need to learn things for yourself."

"But that's my soulmate's family. That'll be my family too one day when Percy and I get married. You can't even tell me that you're closer with my soulmate and his family than you alluded to be?"

"Rach, your soulmate magic stuff hadn't even started when I began going to the Blofis'. At the time you just would've pried because of your crush and I didn't want to be that guy. I didn't want to constantly tell you about their lives. As time went on it just got a little awkward to bring up that I knew them."

Rachel went back to rolling the apple between her hands on the grey countertop. Staring at it glumly.

"I was a little crush crazy…" she mumbled.

"A little?! Styx girl, I'm pretty sure any mental institution would've loved to examine you for your obsession."

She blushed and wrinkled her nose at me. However, not without a smile. "Crazy recognizes crazy."

"And I'd be the first to admit it," I said. A blossom of warmth in my chest as the tension shattered in one easy smile. "Now, shouldn't you be getting ready? You have a date tonight."

Rachel's blush intensified. "Yeah. That's why I'm really here. I'm-"

"Panicking? Don't know what to wear? How to do your make up or hair? Was wondering if I had any whitening strips left?" I predicted. Thinking of Percy on the day we were in detention. Squishing his face around from stress of the upcoming date.

It was kinda cute, they were so similar.

Rachel's shoulders fell. She looked guilty. "All of the above."

But the sun is still in the sky and shining above you

Let me hear you sing once more like you did before

Sing a new song, Chiquitita

.oOo.

I wasn't going to say anything, but I had the inside scoop. I knew where Rachel was going on this date so I knew exactly how to dress her.

A pair of corduroy overalls, a big stuffy hot pink puffer jacket and my spongebob toque I had been saving all year.

Haha. Just kidding.

Rachel has this annoying habit of looking good in anything so I convinced her that just a pair of jeans, nice boots, and her black cloth coat was fine. A pair of mittens and a nice pompom hat and bing-bang-boom she was ready to go.

Oh yeah, and some make up. Just to make Percy super super nervous with how pretty she was. I wanted him to stutter all night and wipe his sweaty palms on his pants while she sat across from him all glowy. It would indeed be perfect.

When the doorbell rang that night, I made sure to be the one to answer for two reasons. 1. Because it would give Rachel the opportunity to have the beautiful girl coming down the stairs scene. 2. Because, you see, I had prepared my own perfect appearance to greet him.

My rattiest sweatpants, my most ill fitted t-shirt that was tight around the arms and baggy everywhere else, my hair in the worst of worst ponytails and-

"Is that mayonnaise on your face?" Percy asked, semi-smiling at the absurdity as he stepped inside out of the cold.

"And vinegar," I said proudly. "I smell like a bad caesar salad."

"Well you look like Caesar after the whole pin cushion incident," Percy teased. His precious dimples flanked his lips while taking in my very disjointed appearance.

Why was he smiling like that? He was supposed to be disgusted or perturbed. Instead he looked endeared.

My knees went soft just as my heart started up like an outback motor. I felt like whipping my heart back into submission but sadly it's an organ you can't control. How obnoxious.

"I assume you're just going to sit here and veg?" he asked.

"Yup," I said. Making a mental note to make a dirt facial mask next time. Or maybe snail mucus. "I'm going to watch M.A.S.H and gorge on ice cream. Maybe run around in a bunny suit outside and see how many neighbours I can freak out."

"What, running around dressed as a bunny isn't your normal behavior?" Percy's grin slanted to one side. I held back a burp.

"Naw, usually it's a giraffe costume. You see the height of it means I can freak out people on more than one floor. I'm scaling down for tonight, out of charity for my neighbours well being of course."

Chuckling, Percy shook his head. "Sounds fun. I'm almost tempted to join you."

"Don't you dare, we have a date tonight." Rachel's voice echoed from the top of the stairs.

Perfect timing. Perfect lighting. A perfect glimmer in her hair and eyes. Oozing radiance out of every way she moved. Floating, that's how she made her way down the stairs like a dainty angel.

Percy's mouth fell open into a gape, deer in the headlights style. Trapped by the beauty.

"You don't need a bunny costume to make a fool out of yourself," I smirked, shutting his mouth with three fingers. My heart was convulsing.

He elbowed me without twitching an eyebrow.

By the time Rachel reached the bottom of the stairs. Both of them were a stupid shade of red and unable to completely look eachother in the eyes.

Gross.

"Alright, be back by eleven," I said chirpily but feeling old. Briskly, I ushered them outside then promptly slammed the door. Started to walk away, remembered something and ran back to yank it open again. "And no inappropriate behavior! None of that sex stuff, ya hear?"

No kissing. Please for the love of all good things, no kissing.

"Annabeth!" Rachel gasped, scandalized.

"Okay, love you Rach. Bye!"

I slammed the door again.

And all but deflated. My heart was finally coming down off its race track. But it ached. It was like there was a little termite deep within there, chewing out my core. A clasped a fist to my chest and sank back against the door. Finally allowing the burps to come up to my lips.

Five of them. One edged with blood that left a nasty acrylic taste in my mouth. It wasn't the first time blood showed up. When you hold your soulmate hearts in for too long that's what happens. It was just another step in my long staircase down into a grave.

Sighing, I cradled the hearts in my hand and brought them upstairs. At the base of my bed there was an old wooden trunk I'd turned into the new storage place for my hearts. It was already one third the way full and a magical sight. Like opening up a portal to galaxies far far away.

I rubbed the last one clean of blood before dropping it and the other four into the trunk. Feeling hollow, I closed the trunk and bolted the thick latch closed. Still seeing stars behind my eyes, haunted by their beauty.

If you must know: Dying is exhausting.

.oOo.

Date three was at a Christmas party.

Well, technically date three. I got to tag along because I got invited too. For half the night I stood by the entrance to the living room, watching Leo Valdez shoot random dancers with a marshmallow gun and the Stoll boys go spying on all the closets looking for couples to embarrass. Drenched in an atmosphere so loud that I momentarily forgot how to think.

Percy and Rachel had gotten over their new relationship jitters. From the corner of my eye I could see them in the darkest edge of the room. Their fingers interlaced, their eyes all dewy and light from affection. Every few minutes Percy would tilt his head in and whisper something intimately close to her ear. A dumb smile twisted up his lips. Sometimes he took the liberty of drawing her hair away from her face with the side of his thumb.

Rachel was basking in his attention. I could practically hear her giggles from where I was standing. Even through the rippling neon lights, I could make out her blush. The way her eyes trailed over his lips. Tempted.

And no one will ever be like that with you. A dark voice said inside of my head. You'll never know love like that.

I told myself I never wanted that stuff. Hugs? Kisses? Physical affection? Gross.

You don't deserve it anyways.

Sighing, I pushed off of the wall and steadied myself at the thought of them bonding tonight. Of having only two excruciating weeks left.

Nauseous, I made my way to the back door.

Outside, the air was starchy and clear. Cold enough to bite at the end of your nose but with an undeniable freshness that filled my lungs like a new puff of life.

I meandered down the sloping lawn coated in crisp glittering snow and settled at the end with my hands hidden in my thick burly coat pockets. Looking over a shallow stream that glinted in faint moonlight.

I didn't look up.
I didn't want to see any stars.

Not now.

Instead I dug around my inside pocket and tugged out a little notebook, semi larger than the flat of my hand. I was already on page thirty, and still writing things.

The heading for the latest page read. 'Absolute things to do before the Great Inevitable'. My handwriting was usually so clean and precise. It just looked sloppy then. Even the list below seemed ill written. A list I had been turning over and over in my brain as time progressed. Chewing it down like a tough piece of meat.

Tell my Dad. He needs to know before I die to prepare.

Get Grover a Girlfriend? Or at least another friend. Can't leave a buddy hanging.

Sell all of my stuff. No use making it harder for my Dad.

Buy Bobby and Matthew the most kick ass gifts.

Write a letter to Helen apologizing…

Don't fall in love with Percy Jackson.

I lingered on that last one. Semi-disturbed that I even needed to add that last one to the list. Never in a million years would I have thought how strongly soulmate magic makes you think of things. Things were getting bad when even the colour of a bookmark made you spiral into a boy centered line of thought.

"Annabeth? Is that you?" Piper Mclean appeared at the crest of a little hill to my left. Startling me enough that I flinched. She laughed at that. "I thought I saw you walk down here! Come! Join us!"

She waved me on and jogged back over the incline. Conflicted, I looked back to the house throbbing with music and fizzing with lights while pocketing my notebook. But between Piper Mclean and a party, I'd have to choose Piper Mclean.

Over the hill I was surprised to find a circle of wooden deck chairs surrounding a metal pit alive with flames and crackling with heat. Creating a peach glow against the snow and making it look like sunset clouds were gathered around the base of the fire. Piper was sitting by the edge of the stream, her excited face aglow in the firelight with Hazel levesque sitting right next to her.

I took a seat on the opposite side of the flames.

"I didn't think you were a party person," I confessed.

"I'm not. You should hear my dad's stories of Hollywood parties. They're nightmares. I'm only here because Jason has to make a good impression on Braxton since his father is a potential client of Jason's dad's." Piper explained. "But all business is convoluted and messy so I don't know if it will actually work."

"I'm here for the food," Hazel said nonchalantly while delicately picking off a brownie from her paper plate of goodies balanced on her lap. "And because Piper's here. Why're you here Annabeth?"

"I'm here in protest of the magnetism between two forces."

"What?"

"I'm the chaperone and safe driver," I decided. "Just in case one of my friends drinks out of the wrong punch bowl."

"Well the Stoll boys are here so no punch bowl is safe," Piper said. "Hazel and I are going to go back inside at twelve and steal all the super drunk kids' car keys. Wanna join us? It'll be like mission impossible, but easy."

"Yeah sure. I can be the distraction and spill drinks on them. You be the nice ones and 'dry them off' and snag their keys." I conjured up a plan easily. However my heart wasn't in it. That list was playing in my mind like a broken record.

"Oooh. I like her. She's devious." Hazel said through a mouthful of chips. "Piper's right. We should hang out with you more."

I laughed nervously. Glancing in between the two of them to find the joke. There wasn't one.

"Wait, you've really discussed hanging out with me?" I asked, perplexed.

"Well yeah," Piper said. "You're a cool gal Annabeth. Why wouldn't we want to?"

It may have been the firelight, but there was something in her eyes. A skittishness. A nervousness. Like she was afraid of being found out. The fact that she was holding the handles to her wooden deck chair wasn't reassuring either.

My gaze must've sharpened because Piper shifted in her seat and glanced at Hazel.

"We should go go-karting or something." Hazel was still focused on her plate of snacks. She hadn't even noticed the tension starting to rise. The silent conversation that had just come up to bat.

I know your secret. Piper seemed to be saying. Just as easily she had melted back into a comfortable stance. If she couldn't con me into becoming her friend and telling the secret myself, then she was just going to own it. She glanced at my pockets. You're affected by soulmate magic.

"Sorry. I'm not interested." I said coldly. "Go-karts make me sick."

"Well maybe they only make you sick because you think they'll make you sick," Piper said earnestly. "Maybe it's all in your head?"

Code: I know you think you're glitched. But believe me, you're probably wrong.

"No. I had a scarring Go-kart accident when I was a kid. I know what I'm talking about," I jibed back.

Code: Back off.

Piper's lips tightened and she straightened her shoulders. In for a fight.

"Well maybe going go-karting will help you overcome this… psychosomatic sickness you get while doing it."

Code: Trust me.

"In the go-kart accident I broke my arm, I'd hate for that to happen to you if we went go-karting."

Code: Seriously. I will break your arm, you brunette beauty queen.

My heart was pounding in my head, making my skin forget the cold for a moment. If I wasn't so proud, I'd walk away without saying another word. But no, I was the bull, she was the red cape.

"Well I used to have a fear of go-karts and now I can go go-karting." Piper crossed her arms.

Code: You could be like me. Just freaking out from being glitched when you're not.

I looked for Hazel to inject some common sense into this nonsense conversation, but she was ensnared in our pointless argument and was fervently eating snacks as if she were watching an intense movie.

I scoffed, exasperated, and threw up my hands. "Well I just don't want to go go-karting, okay? Don't make me lace your intestines into an lovely doily over it."

Code: I will lace your intestines into a very lovely doily unless you drop it.

"But I can help!" Piper insisted. Rising to her feet and standing over the fire with a passion in her eyes. Or maybe it was just the firelight again.

"No you can't!" I barked back. A hot sting started in the back of my head. Growing pressure there like mold. I stood up, emblazoned with emotion.

"We both can!" Piper started around the fire. Fixed on me like a hound after a coon. Her stained glass eyes pinched up in a purely sympathetic gaze that I hated with every boiling throb pulsing down my limbs. "Hazel was so wonderful when it was me. All those signs, those ads in the paper. She knows how to get the word out if you really are glitched. You don't need to die Annabeth. Don't just give up like I had!"

Hazel dropped her paper plate. The last two pretzels catapulted into the snow. Finally she had understanding in her golden eyes and she stared at me pitifully.

For a solemn moment all we could hear was the giggles of the stream, the empty wind clattering through fleshless trees, the deep rooted crackles in the fire and the rhythm of the party we were no longer a part of. I clenched my jaw so tightly my teeth clicked, and stress expanded up my skull.

"Oh Annabeth," Hazel said. Shocked. "I-"

"No." I growled. "No! You can't help me! You. Can't."

I was going to cry.

I couldn't cry.

I couldn't let this overwhelm me.

"SO take your dumb offer of signs and ads and getting word out and shove it. Shove it right up where the sun don't shine and keep it there," I seethed. Bleeding contempt from every pore as I glared heavily at her. Fighting through the thickening ache in my throat, and the swell of tears burning my vision. "Just DROP IT."

Piper stiffened. Her lower lip trembled as she fisted her hands.

"Fine," she said curtly. "If that's what you want."

"It is." I scowled. Dropping back into the wooden chair so I could set my glare at the fire. A worthy staring contest opponent.

Wordlessly, Piper hooked arms with Hazel and they started up the hill. Leaving me with a wallowing pit eating away at the center of my gut.

Who does she think she is? I grumbled bitterly. Pushing her nose in my business like she belongs in it.

Despite everything I was feeling, I reached in my pocket and pulled out my notebook and pen. Carefully I inscribed number seven.

Write a letter apologizing to Piper and have it sent posthumously.

The guilt. Why was I always feeling guilty? Why did I always lash out like this? I was still seething at Piper but even then I could feel the unjust sting of my own words. How I cut someone who was just trying to help. No matter how annoying, she didn't deserve my wrath.

Neither of them did.

I was just dotting the period when someone wretched the notebook out of my hand. Travis stood over my shoulder, grinning like the Cheshire cat and waving the pages in front of my face. Reeking of alcohol and poor life decisions.

"Really Annabeth, coming to a party just to write in your diary? How rude."

Behind him I could see Piper and Hazel racing down the hill again, yelling at him to quit it.

I wasn't going to wait for them.

I wasn't in the mood for bartering either.

That rage was still hot in my chest. I punched Travis right under his jaw.

With a scream he staggered back, leaking blood from the corner of his mouth and wide eyed with stupor.

"Bitch!" He screeched while tossing the notebook to Connor.

I knew this game. They'd throw it between each other to watch me dance. Well honey, I wasn't playing puppet today.

I threw myself at Travis and body slammed him. A pained gasp spazzed out of his deflated lungs when we collided with the frozen earth. I lifted my fist before he could even blink and nailed him in the eye. Then the nose. Then the mouth. My knuckles prickled from impact and pain. Driving my clenched hands down over and over. Rhythmically, robotically. Pouring all of my repressed anger, my grief, my pain into his face.

Travis was fumbling. His eyes rolled back. I could hear Connor's voice in the background screaming at me. I could feel Piper and Hazel's quiet presence as they watched just shy of the firelight. A little squirt of bloody spit flew out of Travi's mouth. Staining my coat. He wasn't fighting back anymore.

Connor was on me a second later. Dragging me away by the arms to protect his brother. Seeing my chance I made a mad grab for the notebook squished in his grasp. My fingers brushed just shy of the crinkled pages.

In fury, Connor chucked it as far as he could. Gracefully fluttering, it arched over the stream and landed on the opposite bank, cushioned in snow. The glint of the metal spiral spine winked back at me. Before I could race for it, I was on the ground. Inches from the fire. Listening to every squeal of wood being obliterated, the sting of smoke in my eyes.

"Are you crazy?" he scoffed. Looking murderous from my vantage point. Piper and Hazel shouted at him. Racing towards my aid.

With my heart pounding I rolled to the side, missing his fist by a breath. I dodged past him, scrambling to my feet. There was a fallen log reaching across the stream. I ran for it. Using the rough bark as traction to stay balanced. My heart in my throat. My brain reeling.

Get it back. Get it back. Get it back!

All of my most intimate secrets were on that notebook.

Almost there, halfway across the log Connor started at me with snowballs. With his pitcher's arm, he nailed me in the face on the first try.

I went from sparks of burning cold scraping up my cheeks to a vibrant shock of frigid water consuming my entire body. Instantly sucked dry of any warmth I had as the liquid washed over me.

Sputtering, I stood up in the water drenched. Ready to snarl a volley of words so lethal at Connor that he'd pass away on the spot. But someone got to him first.

Someone who had clearly seen Connor dunk me because they sprinted right up to the laughing asshole and did an upward strike on the back of his skull. A concerning crack echoed over the empty wasteland of a backyard.

Connor recovered quickly and twirled around holding his head defensively.

In the firelight, Percy never looked more intimidating. Even from where I was, finally dragged out on the opposite shore holding my notebook, I could tell his eyes were glowing green.

Greek fire green. My breath hitched.

"Dude, what the hell?" Connor managed before Percy kneed him in the gut and picked his stick figure body up off the ground by his shirt.

"I told you. Don't. Mess. With. Chase," he snarled through gritted teeth.

I never thought of Percy as muscular. I avoided thinking about his physique altogether. But when you watch someone throw another human being like they're made of grass clippings, you know they have power.

Connor landed in the water where I had been with a mighty splash. Confused, ashamed, and angry he scampered out and half limped half jogged his way past a boggled Piper and Hazel. Past his still unconscious brother even.

Percy charged into the water, spraying it in every direction, crossed, and came right up to me. Concern tied up his beautiful black brows and brought out his enchanting green eyes. He was looking me over. Looking for injuries.

"Are you okay?" he asked, stricken.

Even though I was violently shivering, there was a warm sensation tingling right in the left of my sternum. Like a bubble of dizzying fairy dust was clustering around the holes in my heart. A gasp of relief for my achy chest and wilting soul.

I… want to kiss you.

The thought burned against my brain with need.
I thought of Rachel. Her glamorous future as a famous artist, her world changing art. How she was the perfect girlfriend for Percy. The perfect future wife.

My tongue turned sour. All the glowy feelings turned to ash. I couldn't be thinking about these things.

I couldn't.

Thrusting my chin forward, I forced a glower. "What the hell are you doing here?"

I was trying to hold back more tears. I was trying to keep it together. But it was hard. Everything was hitting me so hard. All I knew at that moment was that I adored Percy's face. I adored him. But I couldn't do that. I couldn't think about this boy in that way.

I had to die. I didn't want to lose Rachel. I didn't want to be the reason behind my broken family, or have a dead mother or resent the wealth I was privileged to have. I didn't want to make lists in preparation of taking an eternal holiday in the ground. But I had to.

My eyes burned.

"I heard someone say that they came out here to torment you and…" he was out of breath. He was still searching my face. He was also only wearing a t-shirt. He should've been cold. But even at my harshly spoken words, my clear distaste for him being there, he was reaching for me. Trying to comfort me.

From my gut, I could feel hearts forming despite the protests in my head. Many, many hearts. Overwhelming me. I had just held them down with a grimace when Piper gasped. Sharp and clear and covered with one of her dainty hands. We locked eyes from across the stream. I felt like letting myself succumb to the cold water.

She knew. She could suddenly see the triangle I was faced with.

Instead, I gritted my teeth and pushed Percy away. Feeling cracked. Feeling lost. Feeling like a volcano that's just had enough of this world's shit.

"Well you didn't have to play hero. I was handling it," I snapped. I didn't want to see his face.

I stormed back across the stream. Burning from the cold and losing sensation in my fingers and cheeks. At least I had my notebook back, although soaked as it was.

"Chase-?"

"Just leave me alone Jackson." I crossed my arms. A tear breached my eyes and skidded down my cheek. Burning tracks into my icy skin. Then another. I fell forward into a run without even thinking. Pressure piled up in my chest, I whizzed past the fire. Past Piper and Hazel and over unconscious Travis. I heard Percy calling my name but I sprinted on.

In through the woods. Over snow covered logs and down lanes of trees with fractured moonlight coming in through the branches. When my lungs felt raw and my arms were frozen stiff I stopped against a tree. Breathing out vaporous clouds that felt like sandpaper and wheezing from the pain.

Not the physical pain.

Tears, that felt like lava, collected on my lashes. Spurring on the deep throb of grief in my neck.

Giving in, I crumbled into the snow. Sobbing into the dead ground. Crying about Percy, about Rachel. About my Dad's distance. Crying about my own erased future. Crying about how I didn't want to cry.

But then a hand tenderly slipped onto my back.

Desperately, I tried to dry my eyes with my sleeve but with the way Piper was looking at me, and how Hazel rubbed my back made me crack more. I fell into them. Finally releasing. Finally expelling this blob of pain and garbage from my chest. Stuttering apologies, and sneezing out incoherent words.

"I don't want this," I cried pathetically. "I-I don't want this."

Piper shushed me gently. She took off my sopping coat and gave me her dry one. She was hugging me tightly when the roll of air razored up my esophagus.

I doubled over, belching out a steaming mix of blood and hearts over my frozen knees. Too many to count behind my swimming eyes. The overpowering metallic taste made me retch.

Piper held me tighter. Hazel rubbed warmth back into my arms.

"We're here," she said. "We're here and we're not leaving."

Another wave of hearts lurched up my gut, staining the snow crimson. Hazel held back my frozen hair.

"We're not leaving. Ever."

.oOo.

They dried me off. They found a spare set of clothes to replace my soaked and bloody ones. They helped me collect my hearts and put them in a little baggy I could hide in my purse. They braided my messy hair, they rubbed my face clean of drying blood and tear streaks, and they got Rachel to get ready to leave. Not saying anything more than they had to, and not doing anything less than everything.

"We good?" Percy asked when I walked past him on my way to my car half an hour later. Concern blotted his tone. "Are you still… mad at me?"

I was struck with how small he looked with the backdrop of an empty street lined in patterned light. He looked scared.

"No," I said hollowly. "I'm not mad."

"Annabeth!" Rachel appeared around the corner of a van. All partied out and frantic looking. "Percy told me what happened! Are you-"

"I'm fine. Just cold. Can we go home now?"

Rachel crushed me in her bone cracking hug. "Of course."

"Oxygen." I said tonelessly.

.oOo.

I was sluggish. I avoided Piper and Hazel like the plague. Or at least like some pandemic/ quarantine worthy illness. (You probably don't understand what I mean). And my homework suddenly felt like it was impossible to do. My Dad's 'walk by's' felt like they were getting shorter every day and every time Rachel came over she'd bring Percy freakin Jackson.

To watch movies. To make sundaes. To watch him swim. To crash with fast food.

My patience was drawing thin. I hated how my heart would coil when I saw her snuggle up next to him. Or how he'd swim after her from behind the glass. How she could just sit with his head in her lap as we watched a movie and play with his hair. How he'd smile up at her, dimples full blazed. Happy. Content.

My heart ached with an emptiness.

I was a mess.

So much so that even Percy mentioned something about it. After he'd come home late from art club he tossed Estelle in the air a few times to make her laugh, tickled her tummy, kissed his mom on the cheek and stopped dead when he saw me.

"Man, you don't look too good," he said.

"Now you know what I think every time I see your ugly mug." I scowled up at him from the kitchen table.

I could see Sally watching us from the corner of her eye by the stove. Semi-smiling sweetly and busying herself with putting more paprika into her dish. I had a hunch she thought I brought about the great change in Percy. If she really knew Rachel well she'd know otherwise.

Percy shrugged off my words and disappeared. I thought it would be the last I would have to deal with him but he appeared by the door again a second later. A hoodie hit my face and slumped onto the table top.

"You're probably getting sick. Stay warm," he said nonchalantly.

From the stove, Sally smirked a smirk that was eerily similar to Percy's. I slipped on the hoodie and buried my head in the sleeves the first chance I got.

When I got home that night, I almost messed up. I had been holding back hearts since the moment I had slipped into the blofis household and was ready to pop. I almost folded over and let them loose on the floor.

But my father was in the hallway. Striding forward to greet me at the door. A sparkle of hope erupted my chest and everything went tight in my lungs.

Don't mess this up, don't mess this up.

He was looking at me. Actually looking at me straight on. Perhaps he'd finally noticed the change in my health? He was a doctor after all. Perhaps he wanted to know what was wrong. Maybe it was-

"Annabeth. Your friends are in the kitchen. I let them in. They've been waiting for half an hour."

Then he turned and walked away. Clicking his office door shut a little harder than regular as if a single interaction with me was far worse than isolation.

My already weary heart caved in my chest. Miserably, I lumbered forward. Dropping my backpack on the stairs as I went.

Piper and Hazel were sitting on the bar stools by the island counter. They said a few things as I walked by but I wasn't paying attention. I ambled my way right over to the white glistening farmer house sink and let the burps flow up my chest.

Six hearts tinkled into the bottom of the sink and a few flecks of blood freckled the white porcelain. When I looked up, Piper and Hazel were silently staring at me.

"You wanted to say something?" I asked tiredly. I didn't even care anymore. With the back of my hand, I wiped the blood from my chin.

"No… we just wanted to make sure you were okay." Hazel mumbled.

"Okay?" I laughed bitterly. "I'm dying. I'm never going to be okay ever again."

No. Don't be rude. I self chastised with a heavy sigh. They haven't done anything wrong. "But thanks," I added weakly. Genuinely.

"We were also wondering about Percy." Piper was staring at her hands folded neatly on the grey countertops. "Does he know?"

I rubbed my eyes with the balls of my palms. "No. He doesn't know."

"So you never even gave him the chance to choose?" Hazel asked. Her big doe eyes were probing me. I felt like a villainous wolf by the way she said it.

"No. And I'm not telling him either. He's going to marry Rachel and live a long happy life with her."

Piper looked away. "That's not how love triangles are supposed to work. The person with the two soulmate possibilities is the one that should choose-"

"Well I chose for him." I ripped off some paper towels and started vigorously rubbing a soul heart-stone to get the blood off.

"You're really doing that huh? You're really dying for your best friend." Piper said.

I looked between the two of them with a raised eyebrow. "Well, wouldn't you?"

They didn't answer that, but the way they looked at each other said enough silent things that I didn't feel like pushing it.

"So what are you gonna do?" Piper asked after the pregnant pause.

"Do?"

"What are your plans, your goals, what do you want to get done before…" she trailed off. Neither of them would even look me in the eye. Neither of them would say it. Did they think I would collapse in shock if I heard the word 'death'?

I took out my notebook and flipped open to the list page, flopped it on the counter in front of them and headed for the stairs. My soulmate hearts cupped in my hands.

I was followed before I even reached the top of the stairs.

"Annabeth, all these things are for other people." Piper said, jogging up after me two stairs at a time. Hazel on her heels.

"So?"
"So? What do you wanna do?"

Trying to ignore their presence, I set the hearts down and undid the latch to the chest. "I wanna do all those things on that list."

"No but, like things for you. What things do you want to do?"

"Nothing. I don't have time to do anything for me." I yanked open the trunks top and dropped the precious little hearts down into their sea of kin one by one. They clinked like champagne glasses on new year's eve.

In truth I'd never thought about what I wanted to do. I didn't want to build any hope of completing a bucket list when I would have to do it all incognito. Suddenly asking Rachel to go traveling with me would seem suspicious. Besides, I was beginning to be scared of what I really wanted.

"That," Hazel said, breathless. "Is a lot of hearts."

They emitted a soft glow that beamed onto the walls and ceiling. Like fairy dust or silver light. Starlight has always been considered beautiful, but when you had a trunk full of it, it was downright magical. I was so used to just getting lost in the sight that I forgot it would be shocking for someone else to see.

"There is no way you can carry all of those around," Piper muttered.

"No, freaking, duh Mclean." I rolled my eyes, then clunked the trunk closed and snapped back the latch. Attaching the lock as an afterthought. The lock I probably didn't really need but felt compelled to have. Seriously, the urge to keep these hearts safe was strong.

"So… how about this. We'll go on a vacation over winter break. Somewhere exotic." Piper shook her head clear of what she just saw and put on a business expression. "Maybe I could get Jason to let us use his dad's island?"

"My Dad has a private jet so we could literally go anywhere." Hazel brought out her phone and started typing down bullet points on her notes app. "He also owns this hotel in Italy so we could go there?"

The balloon in my sternum was forming again. A snaggle-toothed beast was growling, stalking inside my chest. Batting away even the hopes of doing anything cool with these girls. I grit my teeth. "I'm not your charity case, so no thanks. Besides, on Christmas break I'm busy. My dad drags me to these stuffy parties in New York."

"Charity case? Please Annabeth. You're far from that." Piper waved off.

"Why else would you do anything for me?" I felt like roaring, but settled on a simmering tone. Did they think I was stupid?

"Because we want to?" Piper said with an euh duh voice.

I was neither impressed nor convinced. The rude side of me was more and more tempted to kick them out.

"Look," Hazel injected kindly. "We see this incredibly brave selfless girl doing absolutely everything for the people around her. So much so that she doesn't have time to do anything for herself. We just want to do something for her for once. A relaxing holiday wouldn't be the end of the world, would it?"

I was clenching and unclenching my fists. This whole shebang sounded like they were trying to cradle me into a friendship and I couldn't afford that right now. When I died I needed it to be a splish, not a wave.

But a vacation. When was the last time I'd gone on one of those and enjoyed it? When my mother was still around? Before Rachel was carted back and forth from fancy art school's during summer break?

"Not the end of the world." I relented even the tiniest of bits. The beast inside me shriveled slightly.

Hazel lit up like a damn Christmas tree and started rapid dialing into her phone. "Excellent! I'll phone up my Dad and see if I can get the jet for March Break."

"I'll phone up Jason and get him to start sucking up so he can have a week with his Dad's island." Piper chimed.

"Whoa whoa whoa." I waved my hands back and forth as if their words were gnats. "Who's to say I'll even live till March?"

A sly (creepy) smile edged on Piper's face. "Leave it to me."

.oOo.

"Bonding quickly is so unfashionable."

And there I was the next day, sitting at the 'popular' table listening to Piper rant on and on about how bonding quickly was not the way to do things anymore. How she wished Jason and her had real quality time to get to know each other before they were inevitably connected for the rest of their lives.

I don't even really know how I ended up there. My head was groggy. My throat hurt.

Rachel, Grover and I were headed for the back of the caf when Piper and Hazel hollered us over. Apparently they had two vacant seats because they'd turfed Connor and Travis right after that little show they had at some random joe's christmas party.

"Why do I get the vibe that she's only talking to Rachel?" Grover whispered to me from my left.

"Probably because she's very clearly only talking to Rachel," Leo muttered in my ear from my right. "And look-" he pointed subtly "-Everytime Jason speaks up, he's only talking to Percy."

Jason knew about me and the love triangle. Piper had told him of her suspicions about me, and when she learned the truth he wouldn't rest until he knew too. Nosy tootface. I was over it but also still tempted to fill his car with mayonnaise.

"Huh, so odd. That's a weird- uh perfectly normal? I don't know. Let's not speculate as to the reason why this is happening." Grover knotted his fingers in his lap, glancing everywhere but Leo. The poor boy was trying to hide Rachel's secret, bless his heart.

"Pshhh. It's obvious Percy and Rachel are soulmates and Jason and Piper are just meddling." Leo muttered. Then, upon noticing our shocked expressions, grew defensive. "What? My brains surpass just textbooks, okay? I notice things."

"Okay mister brainiac," I challenged, meaning to sound intimidating. However I sounded like a goose that had its beak rolled over by a dump truck. "Who's the asian kid sitting next to Jackson?"

I noticed him when I first sat down but decided not to bring it up. The kid looked like he wanted to disappear under a rug even though he also looked like he ate rugs for breakfast. It was like the body of a bouncer was possessed by a shy kitten. A conflicting mess if you ask me.

"Frank Zhang. Canadian. Allegedly he used to live here a few years ago but moved back out to Canada when his grandpa died. Then his mom died and his grandma was hoping bringing him back here would help re-establish his life and give him a change of scenery."

"Wow, he told you all that?"

"No, I used my big fat brain and figured it out." Leo waggled his eyebrows.

"Really?"

"No again senorita. My foster peeps are making me take cantonese and I overheard a very personal conversation while waiting in the parking lot. Asians have got to stop thinking that just because I'm latino, doesn't mean I can't understand what they're saying. Also his grandma is mean. She called me the tiny spineless scarecrow child."

"Wha- Leo really?" I hissed. This boy should not have stuck around to listen to their entire conversation. I had half a mind to shuck him upside the head. Instead I coughed into my sleeve.

"Really. She was all like 'Frank, don't go near that weird tiny spineless scarecrow child, he reeks of bad vibes.' And if I had a spine I would have totally walked up and given her a piece of my mind."

"Well you were eavesdropping." Grover mumbled. "So that's probably where she was getting the bad vibes from."

"Maybe." Leo shrugged. "But y'know what's giving me bad vibes today?"

"What?" I couldn't help but ask. Leo was popular not because he was smart, but because he was very ensnaring. He knew how to draw people in and get them hooked on what he said. That skill somehow fell flat when it came to flirting however. He flirted with anything that walked. Luckily for me, I was a hot wheezy, in-need-of-tea mess. So no flirts for me.

"Percy." Leo shifted his gaze and I followed his lead.
He was right, Percy seemed… off. And it wasn't something I could even tell before Leo pointed it out. Curse my foggy foggy head.

"Look at him. Normally Rachel would sit right next to him, right? I mean duh, they're dating. But today when Piper was carrying on about getting you guys over here, Rachel faltered. Then she sat in between Hazel and Piper. And he hasn't even looked at her at all."

Grover hummed in realization. "They've had a fight."

"A big fight." Leo grinned. "And now Piper is talking on and on about what?"

"- and like my dad is best friends with that A-List actress Minni Vonmon who also found her soulmate while working the movie 'Pillows', and even they haven't bonded yet and it's been a year! I mean there's something so sweet about that, don't you think Hazel?"

"And romantic," Hazel chipped in helpfully.

"It's an attractive idea for sure." Rachel grumbled with just the tiniest ounce of venom as she glanced at Percy.

"OOooh ho ho. He's definitely in the dog house," Leo cackled quietly.

"I wonder what it could've been about." Grover worried. "Hopefully they didn't use any harsh words."

"Are you kidding me? A fight's only a fight if-"

"And what are you guys whispering over there all secret like?" Rachel cocked her head at the three of us.

Grover panicked, blushed beat red, and pointed at Leo. Leo scoffed indignantly and pointed at me. I sneezed an almighty sneeze that could shake floors, rattle windows and break light fixtures before wiping my nose attractively with the back of my hand.

"We're discussing where the nearest possible pharmacy and the commodities it may have that would allevinate- allivitate -allivi -alleaven - relieve my stuffy nose." I wheezed.

"Forth on Wallhaven sells cold and flu meds." Frank muttered. Barely even glancing at me. "You should try there."

"Tanks."

I sneezed again.

.oOo.

Video calling Helen Greenly. The tones chimed one over the other. Filling my brain like helium in a balloon. Video calling Helen Greenly.

I grit my teeth and gripped the laptop until my knuckles blazed white. Panic crackled in my chest and through my throat. Fluttering like bat wings and steadily condensing my brain into hot tension.

Helen's confused face popped up on the screen before I lost all wit and wiles and slammed my laptop closed. Heavily hyperventilating into my arms and swallowing heartbeats from my thrumming chest.

"What am I doing?" I whispered to myself, shocked.

With an aggravated shriek I rammed my fist into my futon. Then sneezed.

.oOo.

Sally made chicken noodle soup with spinach and cheese paninis for dinner that night. She knew my mom was dead and I think she just took up the torch and started mothering me from the get-go. Perhaps that's why I liked her from the moment I met her.

She was a mom to the world.

Bluntly, she refused to do any editorial work on her beautiful book. Instead she parked me on the couch in front of the TV, gave me tea, some cough medicine and swaddled me in so many blankets I almost cried from being cared for.

She did that mom thing where she hovered while the thermometer was in my mouth. Then when it beeped she clucked her tongue and put her hand to my forehead.

"Aw honey, you have a fever."

I noticed she didn't tell me I should've stayed home. Sally liked to take care of people.

Not unlike Helen, I found myself thinking.

"Do you feel cold? Do you want any more blankets? I think I have a heating pad around here somewhere."

I beamed up at her gratefully. "I'm good."

"Then, let me get you some soup, dear."

A whoosh of cold air shivered over me suddenly as the front door swung open and slammed shut. I nestled deeper into my cocoon as Percy kicked off his boots. He gave me a weird look, but didn't comment.

"Percy, sweetie, is that you?" Sally said from the kitchen.

He grunted a barely coherent response to his mom while shrugging off his coat. Ignoring Stella's delighted chattering from her playpen behind Sally, he disappeared into the kitchen and I could hear the clink of the fridge door open a second later.

"Oh Percy, don't snack now. You'll spoil your dinner, it's in fifteen minutes. Did Paul drive you home?"

"Yo!" Paul slipped in the door that moment. Bringing with him another blast of frigid air from outside. I shivered and pulled my army of blankets tighter around my body.

Paul waved at me, but it stopped in horror at the condition he found me in.

"You are not going to school tomorrow," he said.

I smiled evilly and snorted back some snot. "Try and stop me."

Looking disturbed, he backed into the kitchen. I think I could hear him muttering low words to Sally but it could've been my own pulse in my aching ears.

"Hi sweetheart, hey baby girl my whittle sunshine." Someone cooed at Stella.

Whatever whispers had been uttered were then covered by Stella's cute giggles.

"Percy, do you mind setting the table?" Sally was clinking plates together. Serving food and running the tap water in the sink for some reason.

Percy came into my line of sight without answering his mom. He ducked down to slip on his shoes and knot his laces.

I sat up on the couch and watched him shrug on his coat, a lump in my chest when Sally appeared by the kitchen doorway. Pale and scared, with a fist clenched to her chest nervously.

"Percy? Where are you going?"

"I'm not hungry." Percy grumbled.

The door slammed shut as he left, making Sally wince. Barely, I registered Paul edging his way towards the front door, his stern teacher's face already on, but I never let him get there. I was already putting on my boots. A fire in my gut and flames behind my eyes as I gently took Sally's hands off my shoulders when she told me to stay on the couch, warm and covered.

"I can get through his thick skull." I said without emotion. I didn't want to burn Sally with what I was really thinking of doing to that boy. "Don't worry."

I was so enraged that I barely felt the cold when I breached the darkness. Flecks of delicate snow stung my eyes and nibbled my ears, but I boiled forward. Finding Percy's familiar silhouette in the night. Halfway down the street with his hood pulled up and his hands in his pockets. All he lacked was the skateboard tucked under his arm.

I don't think he heard me storm from behind because when I pushed him he nearly lost his balance.

Clearly he thought he was in a fight because he swung around at me with his fists up.

"Chase?" His fists fell, his eyebrows pinched together. "You're sick! What are you doing out here."

I scoffed and crossed my numb hands. "You're the one who's sick."

"You shouldn't be-"

"You made so much progress, you came so far from that whiny little boy who simply pushed away his family instead of trying to reconnect, and tonight you're just giving all that up? You're resorting back to your old ways, for what? For fun?" I poked him in the chest, a sneer peeling back my lips.

"No. Of course not," he huffed. "It's just…"

He paused to unzip his coat and slip it off. Gently, he slid it around my shoulders and fumbled with the zipper to get it up. Standing so close to me I could feel the vapor of his breath against my cheeks. Warmth webbed its way from my heart down to the tips of my fingers and up around the crown of my head. It was suddenly hard to conjure thoughts.

"I just don't want to be around anyone tonight," he said. "I just need to think."

"Well that's a brilliant way of articulating yourself," I scoffed. "Telling your mom you're 'not hungry' and then slamming the door when you leave. How about just telling her you need some space and then peacing out."

"She'll want to know why I want space." Percy pointed out. Irritation made him claw his hand through his raven hair.

"And what's so bad about that?" I asked.

It was a question that resonated with him. I could tell by the way he was scanning the street. Counting the cars parked on driveways, and following the banks of dirty snow with his eyes. In the dim light it was hard to make out, but I'm pretty sure I saw fear on his face.

"She… she doesn't know about Rachel yet."

Okay, that was a kick to the gut.

"I'm sorry, come again?"

"She doesn't know about Rachel, okay? And it's a really bad time to tell her and I don't know when I'm going to tell her-"

"Does she at least know you have a soulmate?"

"No."
"What?! What the hell do you think you're doing? Hiding such a huge piece of your life from your family?! JACKSON!"

"I know. I know. It's just a bad time, okay?"

"Uh, no? Not okay? When's a good time for you huh? Your wedding day? Your golden anniversary?!"
"I'll tell her! Just not now."

"Not now? You realize the longer you draw this out the more hurt she'll be that you've kept back the truth for months."

"Yeah, I know but-"

"Also she'll try and hide how hurt she is by that and do her own little spiral for a while."

"Yes-"

"And that you'll have to work twice as hard to patch up the mistakes you've been making because reaching a person you've hurt is a lot harder than those stupid movies make it out to be!?"

"I know!" Percy hissed brokenly. Finally snapping from my nags. "I know. I know. I know! Don't you think I've already figured all this out?"

"Then why are you still keeping your damn secrets?" I put my hands on my hips. Fighting back a sneeze that wiggled around my nose.

"Because Rachel and I are kind of in the middle of a fight involving my family. She wants me to fly out to some fancy New York shebang with her parents for Christmas, and I thought I should stay home and actually try and get to know Paul more. But no, she's convinced going to New York with her would be the better option!"

Percy was charged with tension. Emblazed, he glared at the icy concrete under our boots and clenched his jaw so tightly that marble would be jealous. But his words didn't match his expression. He sounded like his fight with Rachel was a thorn in his side, but looked like he had been stabbed.

I realized then that I had just messed up there too. I shouldn't've gone at him so intensely. Percy was allowed to screw up, he was allowed to be stupid. So long as he kept trying. I should've been talking to him instead of chastising him. I should've tried to listen to him instead of offloading why I was frustrated with him.

Okay. Let's try this again.

Just as I was searching his face more, trying to understand the gaps, Percy turned on the heel of his boot and walked six paces away from me. Hiding behind his own back.

"Just leave me alone Chase. I need to think," he croaked, a tremor lacing his tone.

I glanced back in the direction of the house hidden behind some snow laden shrubbery. Sally would probably be waiting with one hand on the kettle and the other on a pouch of tea. Expecting me back freezing.

Truth be told, I was cold. Going back was tempting, but there was a tug within me. A twisted lump that had formed with every emotion packed word Percy delivered.

I squared my shoulders and released my breath of vapor into the chilly night air.

"That's not what's really bothering you… is it." I said softly. "It's not your fight with Rachel."

Percy stiffened. From behind, I could see that his black hair was now freckled with snow crystals. Shimmering as he twisted around slowly. Shimmering like the lines of tears already zig zagged down his cheeks.

My heart lurched.

"Percy…" My words caught in my throat. The sadness in his eyes, the pain in his expression- it was suffocating. "Percy, what…?"

Percy shook his head. "Just go, Annabeth. I'm alright."

"No. No you're not. What's wrong?" I took a step towards him. Wary that if I moved too fast, if I moved wrong I might push him away. "Perce?"

He broke.

"I yelled at her," he mumbled. Ashamed. "I yelled at her. I've never… I thought…"

I took another step towards him. "People yell. It's what happens when you get so frustrated-"

"No. No, that's how it started. That's how he started."

I could see the scars in his eyes. Pulling him apart with fear and pain enough to hollow out his gaze into something I couldn't recognize. Again, if I ever met Gabriel Ugliano, I'd break his nose.

It took me four steps across the crunching snowing collecting in our winter world to reach him. Tenderly, I clasped his face with my hands and wiped away his searing tears. That lump in my chest throbbed, wanting to stop the hurt inside him. That's all I wanted. I wanted him to stop hurting.

"What if I turn into him?" he whispered, broken. My heart throbbed. "What if I-"
"No." I shushed him while shaking my head. Then I grazed my thumb under his left eye once more, smearing away another hot tear. "Don't. Don't think like that because it's just not possible. You're too kind to be even remotely similar to that man."

Percy reached up and slipped his fingers around my wrists. I thought he was going to pry my hands away from his face, but instead he nuzzled in closer to my palm. His lips lingered just shy of the skin of my hand.

"I told myself when I was a kid that I'd never yell at my girlfriend. I'd never hit her, or say things that would-"

"You only yelled," I soothed. Drawing my fingers up the side of his temple to push some of his hair out of his face.

Percy shivered. "It starts as yelling. It always starts as-"

"You didn't call her any bad names? Did you hit her? Did you compare her to a less than flattering animal? No? Then it's not abuse. Not even verbal abuse. Not unless you start yelling at her constantly. Yelling at other people when you're frustrated is natural Percy. Sure there are better ways to communicate but… there's no need to push yourself into being perfect. Not when you're fighting for normalcy."

Percy had his intense green eyes locked on me. Solely me. I could scarcely breathe from the frantic flutterings ripping up the inside of my stomach.

"Besides, I think Rachel was probably the one who started yelling," I laughed weakly. "She's a fire-sprite that one."

Percy didn't laugh with me. He still looked hollow. Beaten down. I wondered how many more scars lay hidden in his soul waiting to show themselves as time wore on. What little triggers would grab him by the neck and force him into the street. Isolate him from his loved ones.

I pulled away. "We all do things we regret, Percy. Like just now? I chased you out here and basically verbally assaulted you when I really should've given you your space. I should've talked about this later when I cooled down and you had an opportunity to reflect. I'm… I'm sorry."

Percy used the butt of his palm to wipe away the rest of his tears with a shaky, and somewhat fake chortle on his breath. "Don't apologize for that-"

"No I will." I said sternly. Locking eyes with him. "I will. Because I was wrong and I want to be better. And I know you want the same things. And… I'm not going to pretend to know what that man did to you, Percy. But I know that if the thought turning into him scares you so much then he was bad. Very bad. So by reason of deduction I know you aren't him. And you will never be him. Because you are so much kinder and so much more thoughtful than you give yourself credit for. So slipping up a bit? That doesn't make you him. It just makes you human."

After I said it, I felt the silence burning my ears. There's nothing like being genuine. It makes you feel exposed and raw and strangely breathless as you sit there in anticipation of someone else's reactions. As if you need someone else to validate what you said as the truth.

Or at least, that's what it always felt like to me. Hence the reason why I was rarely genuine.

Percy wasn't giving me much of anything in terms of a response. In silence, he stood there. Staring at me with this empty ache in his eyes. A listless expression on his features.

I started to turn away. "Your mom will be waiting-" But I didn't get to finish my sentence.

Percy looped his arms around me and crushed me close. I was going to yank away, warn him that he'd get sick too but his shoulders started shuddering. My heart cracked for him one final time.

"It's okay," I whispered. Pulling my arms up and around his body. I don't know why he felt so small at that moment, he always seemed so much larger. But the harder I held him, the smaller he felt. "Hey, it's okay."

Silently, he cried.

.oOo.

Eyes rimmed with red and downcast, Percy walked back to his house with me. Holding my hand like it was his last rope to the happy world he once knew.

Sally was pacing back and forth in the halls clinging to a sleeping Estelle. Paul was on the sofa.

I stood back when they both rushed forward, confused, perturbed and with a slight irritation (coming from Paul).

Percy wouldn't look at his mom. I thought he might rush back into the streets, but he stood his ground.
"I'm sorry for leaving rudely," he said. "I just… I need some space right now."

"Oh Percy honey-"

"Please don't. I'm…"

Tired, lost, angry, sad, lonely, frustrated. A spill of words entered my mind at his gaping tail of a sentence. It was like I could look at his face and fill in any blanks all on my own.

With soft eyes, Sally stepped forward and threw her free arm around Percy. Fighting back tears as she squeezed him lovingly.

"I understand," she sniffled. "I'm always here to talk sweetheart. Remember that."

Percy grunted a response and slipped by her. Disappearing into the basement after glancing at me once and giving a half hearted wave. I didn't look for gratitude in his eyes but I could tell he was feeling a touch of it.

"How did you do that?" Paul asked after the silence had seeped into the house again. He was looking at me like I was a miracle worker. They both were. I shuffled my feet uncomfortably.

"I had a step-parent once," I said in place of any secrets. "It's rough."

That was an acceptable answer apparently.

.oOo.

I was a weakling.

There I said it. The more time Percy spent with Rachel, the weaker I got. Naturally, that was only a hypothesis but it was one that was well supported.

The cold I had kept getting worse and worse as the week progressed. All I knew was that I couldn't go to a clinic because they'd probably admit me into a hospital and that meant a phone call to my father.

My life became survivor mode. Just get through school and then go to bed with my books. However, my grades fell dramatically anyway. It made my already weak heart whimper and crack more. No matter how hard I tried I was always too tired, too weak, too achy to get anything to stick in my brain. Taking quizzes and tests made me feel one baseball cap away from stupid.

University application season arrived that week as well.

I told everyone who asked that I had applied for Harvard and NYU as my top schools. The reality was the application papers were in the bottom drawer of my desk, right underneath my unfinished will. I tried not to think about it. I was also trying to get Rachel to apply to The Royal College of Art in the UK. It was her dream school but she heard I wasn't applying to any European schools so she pretended like she didn't care anymore. I tried lying, saying I actually did apply to some overseas schools but she asked me to prove it. The only lie she ever saw through. What a twerp.

Although, not as much as a twerp as I am apparently. Finding time to tell my dad got harder and harder. It seemed as if he was never mentally prepared to see me. Every time he'd come out of his office, and I'd be at the counter, he'd flinch. Desperately, I tried not to feel bitter about how he hadn't noticed my declining health yet. Him, a doctor.

It was hard.

Harder still was the day he came into the kitchen and spotted my history quiz on the counter. Fifty six percent was written in big red ink on the top along with a little frowny face. For the first time in years my father showed me emotion, and it was disappointment. He scurried back into his office after his steeped look and I didn't see him the next two days.

Percy was coming to my house almost everyday after school to swim. He'd already competed in two swim meets (won both) and had four more. No matter where I hid myself in the house he'd always seemed to find me just to check up on me.

When he found me in the Great Below, sitting on the couch crunching down on pistachio nuts and staring at the empty pool he got that cockiness no boy with a girlfriend should get.

"Sitting down here to ogle me as I swim?" he asked with a smirk.

"Yeah. I'm trying to find a way to vomit so I have an excuse to not go to school tomorrow."

(On an unrelated note, Percy does swim very gracefully. Like ballet underwater.)

My ray of light during that week was surprisingly Piper and Hazel. They'd show up after Percy left and if Rachel wasn't hanging around.

I know, I know, I said I wasn't going to make any friends but they needed me too. Needed an escape at least.

"I can't go home," Hazel said as she served me a second helping of lasagna. "My mom was just reinstitutionalized. And my dad is being strict on me to try and train any inherited 'crazy' out of my blood. My home is a battleground right now."

"-And my Dad is away for work." Piper chipped in. "So my mom's been bringing home lovers non-stop. They're so loud I wanna shred my ears with a staple gun. You're place is just so quiet it's-"

"-Heaven," Hazel finished.

So as long as they were being friends with me for my house and not my declining state, I was cool with it. Plus, Hazel cooks when she's upset. Every night that week I'd answer the door with her gripping chicken pot pies, or shepherds pie, or pasta casserole, or stuffed peppers. Not to mention desserts; cakes, custards, pies, apple crisps and peach cobblers.

Looking back… I'm slowly coming to the realization that all they did was Pavlov me with food and manipulate me with sob stories in order to befriend me…

I don't know what's more disturbing; the fact that it worked and I'm fine with it or the fact I never saw through their clever guise….

Whatever.

At the time I found myself looking forward to when the doorbell rang and those two goons were behind it. They were helping me devise a plan to get Grover at least one more friend. Hazel was trying to see if she could fit him into any clubs while Piper was insistent that if he just hung out with Leo, they would become chums.

I liked to watch them bicker. It was like I was a frail granny in the corner with her rocking chair, remembering life when I had energy.

All came to a halt though after my cold suddenly engulfed me. I crashed hard, that was for sure.

I was groggy. From the heart stone separation or just being sick I didn't know. Opening my eyes felt like I was battling gravity itself. Beneath me was my one comfort; the cold, cold tile of the kitchen floor.

Breathing was like trying to dislodge wet sand in my lungs and throat. Braising across my esophagus, and making my chest hurt more and more. Don't even get me started on the condition of my nose. It was like a sewage pipe after a circus of clowns got drunk, ate Mexican food and all used the same john.

Looking back, I don't exactly remember how I got to the kitchen floor. Probably food driven, maybe I was actually looking for water. One thing was for sure, and that was the floor felt good against my feverish skin. I wasn't moving. I was comfortable.

Only until I was moving. Shaking. Or rather, someone was shaking me by the shoulder. Saying my name over and over in my ear. I whimpered and tried to lie flatter against the floor. Praying that it would take me into its icy haven and dip me into a casket of water. Whoever was shaking me sounded like they were at the end of a very long tunnel. Somewhere under a mountain with a smooth dark road running right down the center. So long that your voice took a few long seconds before it echoed back stronger than it left.

Maybe a few warm lights guiding the way as you drive down the length of the…

Then I was dreaming about a tunnel. Feeling the bumps in the road and the movement of the car. Really, I knew I was being carried but I was too sick to truly do anything about it.

Suddenly the tunnel dispersed and I was among the clouds. Things shifted, things warped. I was too hot.

It wasn't clouds, it was steam. Steam from volcanoes billowing air up into the atmosphere below me. Engulfing me. Claiming me. I fell.

But it wasn't me. It was my mom. Her 2002 Lexus crashed over a barrier, screeching down a rocky slope. Ear shattering screams of crumbling metal and breaking glass ripped over my mind before her car was sinking in a vat of lava. Her golden hair was the last thing I saw.

I don't know how long I sat there with my eyes open, staring up at the canopy to my fake room bed, but when I came to my eyes were already open. I just focused in on reality like switching to the right channel. Weirded out by how my sick head was tying me in knots like a magician's shoelace, I sat up.

Instantly a pulse throbbed through my brain, and something dribbled down from my nose. A rectangular piece of cloth, warm and wet, peeled off my forehead and landed in my lap.

A cold compress. Or at least it must've been cold a few minutes ago.

Percy was slumped over in a chair next to me. Slightly snoring with his lips parted, and a severe bed head stuck up in all sorts of odds and ends.

Without thinking, I smoothed his hair down. Half astounded by how soft it was and half wondering if I was still in a dream, not yet woken up.

Flinching, he grabbed my arm and sat up. Blearily blinking the sleep out of his eyes, he squinted at me through the darkness.

"Oh thank Styx," he breathed, gripping my arm tighter. "You know how close I was to calling an ambulance?"

"What happened? Whazza time? Why're you here?" I rubbed my dreary eyes while a sputter of coughs wracked my lungs. It still felt like I was trying to dislodge sand from my two stupid internal airbags.

Gently, Percy pushed me back into the bed. Concern was knotted up his dark eyebrows. "It's okay. You're just really sick. It's almost four in the morning-"

"Four in the morning?" I sat up. Staring Percy down. My fuzzy fuzzy head made spots dance in my vision "Your mom will be worried! It's too late for you to- AAAChoo- to- to be here."

Percy took his phone off the nightstand and waved it. "I've been texting my mom. She's the one who told me what to do. She wanted to come out here herself, but Paul was dead asleep and she couldn't leave Estelle."

Slowly I started to register more things. The pile of blankets on top of me, the smell and tingle of vicks vapo rub on my neck and collarbone, a veritable mountain of pillows that propped me upright, a metal mixing bowl on my nightstand that was sweating with condensation and filled with ice cubes floating in chilled water. Even my hair had been pulled back off my sticky neck and sloppily tied up in a bun.

Percy had dark crescents under his eyes. Clearly he hadn't been asleep next to me for long.

"Here." He had a wide spoon filled with some dark liquid. "Drink this."

I was skeptical but before I could reject anything Percy was moving the spoon towards my face. Either I drank the stupid stuff, or I spilt it on my blankets. I chose to drink it.

Wrong choice. If you could milk gerbils of their pee and leave it in a dark damp corner for six days before drinking it, I'm pretty sure it would taste identical to that cough medicine.

I made an unholy face Percy chuckled at.

"And this too." He was still smiling, holding a glass of water with a straw. Just from the corner of my eye I could see his dimples surface. After taking care of me all night he was still smiling.

I couldn't stop the cup of air growling up my throat and leaving two little hearts on my tongue.

Percy nudged the cup of water in my direction again. "Come on Chase. You need fluids."

Option A: Drink water with hearts in mouth, risk choking/ spitting hearts out for air.

Option B: Pull blankets over self and spit them out into the sheets. Risk Percy being suspicious because of clearly suspicious behavior.

Option C: Feign throwing up and run to the bathroom. Risk Percy following.

Option D: Idk. Wing it man.

Maybe it was the cold at work in my foggy brain, but all I did was reach out and cover Percy's eyes with one hand and spat my hearts into the other.

By the time he scraped off my sweaty palm from his eyes, I had my hearts tucked under the pile of pillows.

"What was that about?" Percy snuffed. He'd spilled some water on his knee.

"Your eyes are too green." I bullshitted. "And you know the saying 'Never let octopus's watch you drink."

"I think it's time you took some heavy drugs," Percy deadpanned. "And not just for the cold."

"Just give me the water Jackson. Save the sass."

That would've sounded cooler if my nose wasn't making a sound like Donald Duck on a bad day. I finished the water in five long gulps and thrusted the cup back.

I was going to make another jibe at Percy, but he was in carer mode. Before words were even formed on my tongue he brushed his knuckles over my forehead, clearing away my hair.

I didn't know your knees could get weak while you were lying down.

"You still have a fever," he mumbled, squeezing out water from a fresh cold compress and laying it on my forehead. The icy water trickled against my temple and into my scalp, feeling heavenly.

I don't think he meant to do it, but his fingers caressed down the side of my cheek as he drew back his hand. Almost tenderly.

I thanked the fever for hiding my blush.

Unpredictably, Percy shifted. "I didn't know if I should tell your dad you were sick or not."

"Wouldn't've of mattered," I croaked. Forcing my gaze away from him to stop the spinning thoughts. I focused on the canopy of my bed. I couldn't remember the last time I lay in it, much less slept in it. I'd been a closet gremlin for almost as long as we'd lived in that house.

"Why not?"

"He'd just be a different kind of unreachable. On usual days he's unreachable father, on sick days he's unreachable doctor."

"Do you ever think that'll change?" Percy asked quietly. "Is there any way you could… fix things?"

I glanced at him momentarily. Thinking about the plot of ground I still had to buy to rest my crumbling bones.

"No," I said. "It's too late."

"I don't think it's too late," Percy said. "There has to be a way."

I shook my head solemnly. "I took everything from him."

"If he was a good father, you would be everything to him," Percy said sharply. A glint of anger in his heavy green eyes.

I didn't know what to say to that because I didn't know how to feel towards my father sometimes. There was no way of telling if he was wringing his hands in silence over our lack of relationship like me, or if he was in quiet bliss that I hadn't tried to bother him in over five years. I tried believing it was the first one, but on some days it just felt like my presence was a burden on the old guy.

My face must've looked troubled because Percy slipped his hand on my cheek. Not feeling for my temperature, but to cradle my face. Worry in the way he brushed his thumb against my skin.

Rachel rachel rachel rachel.

I wanted to pull away but I was frozen. Caught in between a sudden feeling of weightlessness and guilt. My heart sputtered in my chest like an out of control helicopter.

I don't think Percy realized how close he was to me. All he did was examine my face with those caring green eyes of his. Then his eyes dipped to my lips for a second.

"You were crying in your sleep," he whispered as if it made him sad. "What were you dreaming about?"

An image flashed of my mom, lost to a volcano of all things. Finally, I pulled my head back out of Percy's reach. My shuttering heart seemed to gasp with a sharp pain.

"Nothing." I was wincing. Hiding it, I turned over to my other side.

For a few minutes Percy didn't say anything. I found myself wishing hard that he would just leave me. The only thing interrupting the thick silence was my wheezy breathing and rattling coughs.

"You've seemed really depressed this week," Percy said instead of getting out of my hair.

I snorted back a huge plug of snot, hoping to disgust him away.

Percy didn't even flinch. In fact he brushed his thumb against my cheek bone.

"Is that why you sought me out every day after school?" I asked. Slightly on edge.

"Yeah."

Another quietness leaked between us. I didn't know why there was any pressure at all to make conversation. It was four in the morning on a school night. If anything, Percy should've been leaving and I should've been sleeping.

"Do you… wanna talk about your dream?" Percy asked.

"Not really," I said.

"So you did have a bad dream," he confirmed.

I let myself fall onto my back again. Without a second word, Percy changed the cold compress on my forehead. For the first time I could see a streak of Sally in him.

"Yeah… just a bad dream."

I hadn't dreamt about my mom in a long time. Not like that at least. All I could think about was that the lava was the same shade of red the marks on my failing quizzes and tests were. Red was starting to overpower my life in such little ways.

"Looks like it really rattled you," Percy said.

I fought my expression into a neutral look. Like I didn't care that my head was ripe with thoughts, and my insides were all twisty by the red marked pages tucked in my binder.

"Yeah… well… nightmares are especially scary because it's your own brain tormenting you."

Stretching, Percy chortled semi-bitterly. "Don't I know it."

"You get nightmares a lot?" I asked.

Percy rubbed his shoulders, a slight wince on his face as he appeared to be thinking of a response.

Unconsciously, I shifted over on the mattress and patted the space where I once was. Only after did I realize that I'd invited him into my bed simply because it looked like his back hurt.

Whatever. Percy willingly crawled in and flopped a foot away from me. Far enough that it was respectful, but close enough that I was hyper aware of his every action. The hair falling onto his forehead, the slight twist of his eyebrows, the steady rise and fall of his chest, how the dim light from the hallway brought out the contours of his face and neck, the way he moistened his lips, and the intensity of his green eyes sharp with depth.

"Not a lot. '' he finally answered with a quietness in his voice I didn't like. "But… enough. And always about the same period in my life."

He looked so strained. I didn't want to confirm the worst but before I could stop myself I said; "Gabe?"

Hollowly, Percy nodded. A slight purse in his lips, and a vacancy in his eyes that I hated, hated, hated.

"My bad dreams are always about my mom."

Maybe I shared that because it felt unfair. Maybe I was just trying to fill the silence with something worth saying. Or maybe I just genuinely wanted to share it. Maybe I was tired of hiding everything that burned me simply so others wouldn't be concerned with dressing my wounds.

Percy rolled on his side to look at me. A softness in his eyes that spun gentle bursts of warmth throughout my chest. Gently, he lifted his hand to brush one of my unruly curls off my forehead. Releasing a million butterflies in my stomach in the process. "Like the one you just had?"

Numbly, I nodded.

Percy chortled. "I thought you said you didn't want to talk about it."

I blushed. "I don't."

"Okay then."

He was looking at me. Examining my face. Trailing his gaze over my cheeks, my nose, my eyebrows, my lips. He faltered at my lips. I didn't know what was going on with him but it was making me melt, whatever it was. Maybe this was his caretaker mode going rogue, or maybe he was just over tired. But the way he was looking at me was tying my innards into a million knots and forcing more colour into my face that couldn't be reasonably attributed to a fever.

"How's Rachel?" I covered up weakly. Trying to focus on the material of the fabric instead of his steady gaze. I hadn't seen her without him around in… well a really long time.

"She's… still fighting with me," Percy said softly. "She really really thinks we should spend Christmas together."

"Really?"

"Yeah… And, I mean, I've tried explaining to her that I don't exactly have the best family relationship right now but she doesn't seem to get it. How do I make her get it?" Percy glanced at me. I don't know why he thought I had all the answers.

Because maybe I've always answered when he's asked?

As I was thinking of the years of contact I've had with the Dare family, a sigh built up in my throat.

Rachel was one of a kind, and was dealt a pair of parents that should never have been parents. Emotions were frowned upon in the Dare household so up until middle school she would only express herself through art. I thank the heavens every day that she broke out of her expressionless prison and became that fire cracker her parents failed to bottle again.

"You have to remember that Rachel comes from a distant family, not a broken one. There's no hope for her to ever mend or change her relationship with her parents because distance is all she's ever known and all they've ever been. So telling her you want to spend time with your parents to help heal a wound is a bit of an abstract thought for her."

"What's the difference between a broken family and a distant family?" Percy asked. He was playing with a thread jutting out of my duvet. Maybe to avoid looking at me as much as I was avoiding looking at him.

"Broken is like a piece of the family is missing or lives separate. Distant is just a lack of attachment within the family."

Percy twisted his lips at this. Momentarily he flickered his eyes up at me. "Is that why you get along with both Rachel and I so great? Because your family is broken and distant?"

Dude. Ouch.

"I'm not talking about my family right now," I humphed. "You just need to know that Rachel doesn't really get trying to fix things. She makes new things instead. That's what you are to her. A new chance at 'family'. One that's not distant. So you pulling away at her offer of Christmas with her scares her. She thinks you're being distant."

"So what you're trying to say is that I'm doomed and she'll never listen." Percy scowled.

"What I'm saying is, dork-" I flicked him. "-You have to try even harder to talk to her about this. None of your grunting caveman habits."

Percy chuckled at me and shook his head. "You have a way with words."

"You have a way of avoiding words," I pointed out. "Your communication abilities are abysmal."

"Okay, I think it's time to go back to sleep," Percy said while playfully poking me in the gut. I squirmed. "You're still sick."

"Gladly," I jibed with a small smile. I blamed the cold for the flutters tickling up my chest. I blamed my cold for it all.

In the morning you'll forget it all. All these weird feelings. Forget it all.

I bunched together a few blankets and crawled out of bed. Ignoring Percy's confused eyes as I hobbled over to my walk-in closet and opened the door.

I had left the twinkle lights on, so a warm glow fell from the threshold.

"What's all this?" Percy asked hesitantly. He came to the door but didn't step inside.

"This is where I normally sleep." I collapsed on the futon.
"But- what? You have an entire room out there."

I ruffled the blankets and sunk into a cozy position. Swathed in warmth already dopey from whatever cold medicine Percy had given me earlier. "Think of that room as a giant closet."

"But-"

"Jackson, I'm an oddball. Do you really need to know anything else?"

Percy looked back into the darkness of my room. I could see my other bed from where I lay, blue and grand and looking totally stiff and uncomfortable. Totally different from this glowing haven I had created.

"Your room did seem kind of empty…" Percy's green eyes ate up my walk-in closet. A precious ghost smile on his lips as he trailed his fingers over some of Rachel's illustrations that lined the walls. "This seems more like you."

"Go ahead. Do it. Call me a closet hobo." I snorted back some snot.

Percy shook his head. "No… it's more like… radiant."

I couldn't tell if he was complimenting the room, or me so I hid my blush under my blankets and held a hand to my throat to stop the burp from coming.

"Goodnight Jackson" I said weakly.

"Goodnight Chase."

.oOo.

Don't freak out, but the next morning I was magically better. I dismissed it as a freak occurrence but I think I knew deep down what the true answer was.

Percy taking care of me kicked some of my love triangle symptoms butts.

.oOo.

"You did not!" I laughed.

"I totally did." Piper's face was peeled back in her largest smile yet. "You should've seen Mr. Grace's face!"

Jason was trying not to smile. He sat stoically on the other sofa next to Frank. Illuminated by the pale blue light zipping off the swimming pool.

"It was kind of hard to take him seriously while he was covered in that pink whipped cream." Jason relented with the tiniest of chuckles.

"And the way it settled on his mustache! Oh my land, it was like something out of a cartoon." Hazel added from over by the sundae bar. She was a food devil, that one.

I hadn't been expecting them, but Jason came to drop off debate club materials. We had a big debate coming up. Piper and Hazel tagged along to say hi to me as I was just getting over my cold and hadn't been at school for a while. Frank was invited by Hazel (I thought).

I also vaguely saw Leo but he had taken off a moment after I greeted him to dig up trouble in some other cranny in the mansion. Rachel was off on a date with Percy so I didn't really have anything else to do that night but study and mope.

Piper had suggested we all study together, but that fell apart the moment I took them to the great below. Damn that space for being simultaneously awesome and distracting.

"Wasn't he mad?" Frank asked softly.

"Mad? He was FURIOUS!" Piper bellowed proudly. "But what could he do about it? I'm Jason's soulmate. It's not like he could just command Jason to break up with me."

"Oh, he tried," Jason chortled. "But even he can't mess with soulmate magic."

"So what will he do when you two get married?" I asked.

"Probably sulk for eight years, then try to convince everyone that he liked Piper the whole time." Jason was still focused on his textbook.

"I'll overthrow him before then!" Piper proclaimed.

"Overthrow him?!" Hazel scoffed. "You can't even keep your own room clean. How do you expect to overthrow a multi-billionaire?"

"Because I am Piper Mclean?"

"More like Piper Mcdirty if what Hazel says is true," I said.

"Don't make me chase you, Annabeth," Piper said with a gleam in her eye.

"You're not very good at this pun thing, are you," Frank said. Jason smirked at that.

Piper planted her hands on her hips and gave him a steeped look. "Frank Zhang, that's the boldest thing you've ever said to me. Are you finally warming up to my addictive personality?"

"Welcome to barf-ville. Population: Me," Hazel said as she sashayed over. Two fudge sundaes her hands. So buried in multicolored candies and gummies that it was hard to see the actual ice cream. Daintily, she set both on the coffee-table, one in front of Frank, and one in front of me.

"Don't mind Piper. She gets a bit forward when she's on an attention high." She said to Frank with kind eyes. Wiping the remains of some sour sugar dust on her high waisted jeans she grinned shyly. Endeared, I would say.

Frank was too busy staring at the cavity concoction. Lost. "My grandmother would kill me if she knew I had this much sugar at once."

Hazel shrugged, not even looking back as she pulled out a new glass bowl to start making another monster. "That's why I made it for you."

Call me a romantic but I thought I saw a bit of potential between those two.

"Annabeth, are you down here?" The basement door creaked open at the top of the stairs. I could hear Rachel's steady gait down the steps and pause with a jolt when she saw all the people.

"Uhhhh…" She looked at me. Floundering. What's all this?

I didn't exactly know what to say. I was supposed to be indisposed with a highly contagious cold. Or at least, I told her that much when she called asking for outfit advice. (I just didn't want Percy to pick her up again from my house. Is that a crime?)

Maybe I should've complimented her outfit? She did well without my advice. Dark jeans, a cream cardigan and some tall black boots that were more cute than sexy.

"Rachel!" Piper greeted with a giant smile and saved me. "Wanna study with us?"

"If you can indeed call it studying," Jason muttered into his notes while poking his glasses up the edge of his nose.

"I'll make you a sundae!" Hazel called from behind the candy bar.

"Or maybe you should try and find Leo?" Frank glanced around as if the latino would pop up like a demonic jack-in-the-box. "That guy scares me."

"No thank you." Rachel seemed flustered. No. Rattled? She was kneading her handbag under her gloved fingers and refused to pick her eyes up off the carpeted floor. A faint sweat of tears sheened her gaze.

"You guys sundae study, I need to… get Rachel that book I promised I'd lend her," I said as I climbed to my feet. "Rach, why don't you go up to my room first and I'll just collect the binders I'm done studying with."

Rachel nodded in understanding and a moment later, she was gone. The click of her boots faded up the stairs.

When the door was firmly shut behind her, I turned to Piper. "Could you maybe keep the party down here for like twenty minutes?"

Piper glanced at the stairway. "Something wrong?"

"I'm about to find out." I straightened my shirt. "And can someone find Leo please? He really shouldn't be unsupervised."

"Amen." Frank said.

"On it." Jason said.

I collected my things and went up the stairs. Clasping the binders so tightly to my chest that I could scarcely breathe. A large portion of my worries were spiraling around the night Percy took care of me. What if Rachel had learned about that? What if she was angry about it?

Shaking my head, I stepped into my room.

The blood drained from my face. A wash of cold slid over my body.

Rachel was sitting on my trunk. The trunk. The old wooden one at the base of my fake bed in my fake room. The one that contained all my hearts. All my secrets. And the lock was off of it. I'd forgotten to relock it the last time I spilled my hearts in there.

For a moment, I stood there petrified. Not an ounce of air in my lungs to form any words.

But when Rachel looked at me, she looked upset, yes. But not world-ending, crisis levels of upset.

She doesn't know. Calm down. I told myself as I plopped my binders onto the bed nonchalantly.

"Is something wrong?" I asked finally, edging up to stand next to her.

Rachel glanced over my shoulder, twisting her lips. "It's fine. I wouldn't have come if I knew you had guests over-"

"Rach."

She bit the corner of her lip. A deep achy sigh deflated her chest. "It's just…"

"Yeah?"

"It's Percy. He's being so weird. I thought we would've at least admitted that we were soulmates by now but nothing has happened. So I thought that maybe if he spent Christmas with me I'd really have a chance to build up the courage and show him one of my hearts at least."

Getting up off the trunk, she paced away from me. Wringing her hands.

"But he says he won't go with me to New York."

"He has a family." The words spilled out automatically. "He probably wants to spend Christmas with them."

"But I'm his soulmate!" Rachel snapped. An exhausted anger stiffened her figure. "They've had him for every Christmas his entire life! All I want is to spend a Christmas with him so I can… I don't know... Tell him how I really feel. That he's everything to me, that I'm worried about him being so… off, that I love him…"

My gut clenched. I leaned against one of the posts of my bed. Trying desperately to keep my expression neutral. A splinter of pain was wedged right in my core.

"You… you love him?"

"So much Annabeth. So much I feel like I can't breathe around him," Rachel said without hesitancy. A hand went to her pocket. Probably to grip one of her little hearts. "It's because I love him that I want to start already. Our life together. I want to be bonded. I want to dream about our future. I want to start making holiday traditions with him. Just us."

"Rach, you're going to be with him every Christmas for the rest of his life. One day his parents will die and his sister will have her own life. Can't he have one more Christmas with his family?"

Rachel had her mouth twisted to one side again. Staring at the floor with semi bitter eyes.

"I don't even think his family knows about me," she mumbled. Broken hearted. Then her gaze set on me. "Do they?"

I couldn't escape.

I shook my head solemnly. "But I've already yelled at him over that."

"You have?"

"Oh yeah. And in the middle of the street too."

"What… In the street?! Augh nevermind. What was his… reason for not telling his family he has a soulmate?"

I played with my fingers. "That it just wasn't the right time?"

"Bullshit."

"I said the same thing!" I sympathized. "But Rachel you haven't seen his family dynamic yet so please don't judge."

Rachel threw up her hands. "Why!? What could he possibly have that's worse than Mr. and Mrs. Freeze-em-out Dare?" her voice quavered. Finally she was starting to show her deep rotting anger. It thickened her breathing and made her clench her jaw to hold back the tears.

You have no idea.

I thought of Gabe. Of Percy's sorrow-stricken eyes. The way he cried against me in the cold. I had to swallow back a bitter mouthful of savage words I would regret.

"Rach, imagine me trying to reach out to Helen."

"Why would you ever want to-"

"Just imagine it," I urged. "Can you see it would maybe be difficult for me?"

"Sure."

"Just assume that's how difficult it is for Percy to talk to his parents right now. Okay?"

"Why? What's so bad about his family? What are you not telling me?" Rachel stepped towards me. Simultaneously probing my eyes for any answers I might betray.

"It's… it's not for me to tell."

"And why do you know and I don't?"

"I know his mom pretty well. She told me a few things that's all-"

"It still hurts Annabeth. It hurts that he's keeping me away like this."

"Then talk to him!" I scowled. Brimming with more and more agitation that skittered under my skin as she talked. "Tell him your concerns, and your fears and your expectations and your boundaries. He's your soulmate for crying out loud, you're supposed to talk! Holy Styx, everything would be better if you two blockheads just had a jot of communication skills!"

Rachel paused at my outburst. Her lower lip disappeared under a row of teeth. I thought she might get angry at me but instead she rubbed the crown of her head and let her shoulders drop.

"Okay. No. You're right," she sighed. Dropping down, she sat on my trunk again. "You're right."

"Well, at least you're saying my favorite words."

Rachel chortled and rolled her eyes. "You're right. You're right. You're riiiggghhht."

"And more should know it." I put up a facade of bravado. "Let's go tell the others of my great rightness."

Laughing at me quietly, Rachel rose to her feet and started towards the door with me. But like a curse, she paused and glanced back. Staring at the one thing I was trying to diverge her attention away from. Cocking her head at my trunk as she circled back to stand in front of it.

My pulse was jumping in my veins.

"This is new, isn't it?" she ran her fingers over the top thoughtfully.

Swallowing, I shrugged. "It used to be in the guest room. I kinda just commandeered it."

Breathlessly, I watched her examine it a bit more. My skin prickled with sweat when her fingers swept over the latch as if she was thinking about opening it.

"What's it for?"

"Scarves."

Rachel gave me a funny expression. "You've got like two scarves ya doofus. Why do you need a whole trunk to store them?"

I evened my breathing out and tried to appear aloof about it all. But I could feel the sweat on my brow. My panic was starting to show and I was pretty sure Rachel was starting to see it because she tilted her head at me.

She reached for the latch again.

"Rachel, Leo's really intent on taking apart and putting back together your car. I tried to stop him but… he's already collecting tools." Jason poked his head into my room.

Just in time.

Rachel looked like she'd been stabbed with a live wire. "What?!"

Seconds later, she was gone. Thundering down the stairs and cursing out Leo so loudly that her voice echoed back to me.

I shot Jason a grateful look, "You're quite the damsel savior."

"Eh, Piper gave me lessons on chivalry."

"Dragon slaying too?"

"Nah, that lesson was for premium members only. Along with sword fighting and jousting."

"Whatta girl."

"Tell me about it."

I thought that it was it. He'd seen the trunk, he knew the peril, he saved my sorry ass now all I had to do was go downstairs and sooth Leo who undoubtedly just got beat up for a lie.

But before I could make it to my door, Jason stopped me with a steady hand and an even more unwavering look in his eye.

"Annabeth… I don't want to pry."

"Clearly you do." I raised an eyebrow to his hand on my elbow.

Sheepishly, he released me. "It's just… Percy. I know he puts up this whole asshole front but… he's a good guy Annabeth."

I straightened my shoulders. "What are you trying to say, Jason?"

"Don't break his heart." he said it in one breath. Like he was afraid I could deny such a request.

I blinked back my surprise. "What do you think I've been trying to do this whole time?"

Jason was shifting in place. Replanting his feet on the floor as if he were gearing up for a fight or a wrestling match. Then, he anchored his eyes to me and wouldn't let me out from underneath his blue gaze.

"You have good intentions, but you're going about it wrong." Jason said firmly. "You're already in Percy's life, whether you like it or not he will mourn for you. He cares about you as your friend."

I stiffened. "So? What, I should just tell him?"

"Yes." Jason said. Semi-exasperated. But he corrected himself. Slipped back into that gentle business like nature he presented so flawlessly in debate club. "Give him closure Annabeth. Please. Don't be another loose strand in his life."

I gripped my fists. Eyeing Jason cautiously as I purged any doubts from my mind. I could admire him for trying to stick up for his best friend, but I also felt slightly insulted at how blatantly ignorant his wishes were to my situation.

"No. It's not worth the risk." I said quietly. "Percy knowing about… this?-" I gestured to the trunk. "I think it will do the opposite of closure."

.oOo.

Three days later Rachel came flying in a rage to my house. I thought the worst had happened. That she knew about the triangle or that she'd broken up with Percy or that the air fryer she ordered hadn't been delivered yet.

No.

It was about my dad oddly enough. My father. He had called her mother and nonchalantly told her that we (my father and I) would not be joining any festivities in New York this year other than New Years.

Rachel was completely and totally shocked that I could fail to mention something like that to her. That she had to speak with her mother to learn such an update about me.

I, on the other hand, was completely and totally shocked that my father had failed to mention any of this to me. I had my suitcase packed and everything. Even bought a dress with Rachel.

And so, dear readers, I finally took a stand against my father. I finally put my foot down and decided to crumble his world.

I took his leftover chicken burger out of the fridge, and I replaced the mayonnaise with toothpaste.

Oh yeah. I'm devious.

.oOo.

The last thing you want to hear in the middle of the night is your bloody phone ringing so hard that it falls off your futon and clatters against a bunch of CD cases you didn't put away. The second last thing you want is to finally snatch up the phone, realize that its three in the morning and that your best friend's boyfriend is calling you.

No sorry. You're best friend's soulmate.

"What." I answered very ladylike and delicately.
"Hey." Percy sounded breathless. A little dizzy. "I know it's three a.m.-"

"Oh you knew that, did you?" I growled, pulling the duvet back over my body. "So your caveman brain hasn't reverted to using a sundial, now has it?"

"... bad time?"

"Think long and hard about that question, Percy." I said sweetly. "Cuz I think you have the answer already."

"You're right. I'll call back later-"

"Augh. Nooo. You already woke me up." I squinted into the darkness of my closet room. Feeling for the switch that blinked the twinkle lights back to life. "What is it, why are you calling?"

For a moment he was silent. Thinking about which words to use. Turning over his problem in his mind on repeat.

"I couldn't stop thinking about what you said. About families?" he finally said. Sounding so lost and confused and hopeless I couldn't help but stay fully committed to his problem.

"You've been thinking about that all week and you call in the middle of the freaking night?"

"... sorry. I'll be quick."

"Augh. It's fine. Rachel's sleeping in the next room so I can't exactly talk loudly." I rolled into an upright sitting position. Rubbing my eyes with the heel of my left hand. "Tell me what's bothering you."

"You said that I was Rachel's new chance at family…"

"And?"

"I don't know… it just feels wrong." Percy muttered. I could picture him in his dark room. Staring up at his stars. Mindlessly running a hand through his raven hair. "When I look at Rachel I don't think of family… I think… I think I might be doing this 'soulmate' thing wrong."

I rolled my eyes. "You two are still fighting, yeah?"

"Yeah."

"So of course you're not going to see her as family right now. These things just take time."

"But I thought it would be easier." Percy continued quietly.

"Easier, how?"
"I don't know. Everything really. I thought it would just be easier to be with her, y'know? Easier to talk to her about difficult things, or past experiences or insecurities. You say our problem is that we don't communicate with each other but it's so hard to talk to her."

"Why?" I glanced at my door. If Rachel heard any part of this conversation, she'd be livid with me. I was trespassing. I knew I was but… I couldn't let Percy feel so lost. So alone.

He sighed into the phone. "I… honestly have no clue. Maybe it's because she has these expectations of me? Maybe I'm just not assertive enough. Maybe… I'm just bad at being a soulmate."

"Percy Jackson you are no such thing," I scoffed. "Do you know that when you two started going out Rachel was on air? She would talk about you nonstop and still does sometimes. You are her everything because you are her perfect other. There's no such thing as being bad at being a soulmate because you're literally the best fit for her in the entire world."

"I know… I just can't help thinking that I'm doing something wrong."

"Like what?"

"No idea." He sounded so sullen. So beaten down.

I shook my head. A sigh welled in the back of my throat. I knew exactly what he was missing. But how could I possibly tell him? Jason was wrong. He wouldn't get closure, he'd get guilt. "It's probably just the first slump in a new relationship. Okay?"

"It… it feels deeper than that. It feels like I don't connect with her at all. At first it was so wonderful just because… she was new y'know? But now that I'm really getting to know her…"

"That's the fight talking," I added quickly. Slightly panicked. "I'm sure it will all even out eventually."

"Are all soulmate connections this difficult?"

"I… I wouldn't know. But I guess being a soulmate takes just as much effort, communication and trust as any other relationship."

Percy sighed. Judging by the intensity of it, he was probably rubbing the back of his neck. That was his little stress quirk. He also had the habit of chewing the corner of his mouth which gave him a semi-adorable pout. Then he'd squash his brows together in that worrisome way and stare off into space in a soulful manner as he tried to figure out whatever issue was in front of him. Just picturing it… my chest started to flutter.

I flinched.

NO! NO thoughts like that!

Miserably, I turned over to push my burning face into the squishiest part of my pillow. Still waiting on Percy to reply. He seemed to be deep in thought, and it was as if he'd forgotten I was even on the line. Perhaps he'd fallen asleep? No, I could hear his breathing. Too fast compared to how he breathed when he slept on the desks at school.

"I'm scared," he muttered after what felt like an eternity. There was such a quiet heart in his tone, as if he'd placed all of his worries on those two words. And yes, just the way he said it told me one thing: He'd never confess something like that to anyone else. I was his most trusted confidant. His secret keeper.

It strangled me with so many feelings, I had to bite my lip to stop the pained groan.

You need to shut this down.

"Scared of what?"

"Scared that I'm not good enough for Rachel," he said quietly. As if he'd been humbled.

I glanced at the door again. Semi-accusatory. Was Rachel at fault here? Was she the one making Percy feel unqualified? But then my eyes wandered to the illustrations on the walls. Rocket ships, and fields of flowers, and bubbles and skyscrapers. She spent days working on my walls because she knew I was feeling low about her leaving for a fancy summer art program. She would never knowingly hurt anyone.

It was just the triangle messing with minds.

"Look, this is hard for me to say because I used to think you were such an ass, but you're an amazing guy Percy. One of the best, if you're desperate for my stunningly candid opinion."

Percy chortled into the phone. Breathy and light and in a way that told he was definitely smiling with his handsome dimples flanking his lips.

"Do you mind saying that again but slower? I need to record this for proof."

"Ugh, Seaweed Brain."

"What? I think I deserve it, especially after that glitter mess shirt you put me in."

"I seem to recall you putting that on yourself. Rather willingly might I add."

"If that was only the worst of it." Percy lamented. "But I ran into your dad on my way out."

"No!" I barked a laugh. Then slapped a hand over my mouth. Grover and Rachel were still asleep one room over.
"Yuup. I'm scared to find out what he thinks of me."

"Did he say anything?"

"He made kind of a strangled noise then backed into the room he came out of and shut the door."

"Oh heavens, I wish I'd seen it."

"With one bedazzled shirt I could recreate what happened for you." Percy joked.

Laughing, I rolled onto my back. Smiling up at the ceiling for no particular reason. Wondering if maybe I should get my own plastic glow in the dark stars.

From the other room, I heard a sigh. Then a movement of fabric. Someone was rolling over.

My grin faded. Memories of arguments, rants, and concerns flooded my mind again. Jason's stoic look, Rachel's frustrations, Piper and Hazel being chipper but flat out at the same time.

It was getting more and more tangled, all these feelings and all these problems. The more I thought about it, the more knotted it became.

I just wished there was an easy answer. I wished I knew everything, then maybe I could silence some of the screaming uncertainty. Jason's direct disapproval of my current path had definitely knocked me down a few pegs in confidence.

I just wanted to know I was right. Was that such a crime?

"Percy…" I said quietly. "Can I ask you something a little personal?"

He must've heard the slight shrillness in my voice, because his response was unquestionable and hard. "Yes."

"Do you… do you love her?"

"Rachel?"

"No, Miss Piggy from the muppets." I rolled my eyes. "OF COURSE-"

There was a thump from the other room. More shushing of fabric moving around. Then a deep heavy sigh. I held a hand over my mouth until it was safe. Until I heard the deep rhythmic breathing of my friends going deeper into sleep again.

"Yes. Rachel." I cleared up on a whisper.

I was sorry I asked. The other line rang with silence. The kind that spoke of doubt and concern and fear. I just had a question that should've been answered very quickly very clearly but… was met with an intolerable absence. It shook me more than Jason's words ever could.

Stressed, I gripped my phone tighter. Hoping that maybe we just got cut off, or he accidentally hung up or-

"I can't say," he finally murmured. "I… I'm not sure I know what love is anymore."

My lips were shaking. I felt like I was going to vomit.

He had to love her. He had to.

"Explain." I said on the tail end of a breath.

Percy's voice was weak. "I just… people keep telling me that what I have is love. The best kind of love. But… I just don't know. I don't know anything anymore."

"I guess confusion comes with first relationships too." I covered my panic with an easy lighthearted tone. "I wouldn't worry about it. You'll figure it out."

"You think so?"

"Obviously. I just said so, you Seaweed Brain."

Percy chortled into the phone. Relieved at my words. I could practically feel the stress coming off of him. Meanwhile, I was in stress purgatory wondering if I shouldn't just go and dig myself a grave then cover up spongebob style.

It's okay. He's just confused because he's new at this. I eased myself. He'll be ga-ga over her in no time. It's just his caveman brain doing caveman things.

My little retro clock on the floor by my mattress was winking at me. It was already four in the morning.

Reluctantly, I squeezed the phone. "Now I should really be sleeping. I'm going to wake Rachel up with all this chatter."

"Yeah. Of course." Percy relented. Apologetic almost. "Sorry about… all this… goodnight?"

"Goodnight-"

"Wait. Annabeth?"

"Yeah?"

He hesitated for a soft second. I could hear the tone of his breathing change over the phone. Uncertain.

"I'm… actually sorry for being an ass to you all these years. You are…"-he sighed. Searching for words. "-You're one of my favourite people now. Just thought you should know that."

I snorted a laugh. My heart was fizzing out a beat in my throat. "That's the sleep deprivation talking, Jackson."

Percy chortled. "Perhaps."

"Goodnight for real this time?"

"Yeah… Goodnight Chase."

"Night Jackson."

With one press of a button, his presence was gone. His voice still echoed in my head, drawing constellations in my mind.

I tossed my phone onto the top of the old tube TV glittering with static and settled into my bed. For the millionth time, admiring Rachel's beautiful illustrations on the walls. Gentle, childish almost. They had no hard lines or sharp corners. And they were composed of soft colours as if she hoped my dreams would be fabricated by the hues of her paintbrush. I wondered if she'd paint similar murals on the walls of the home she'd have with Percy.

The life they'll have while you…

My heart sank deep into the cavern of my chest. Like a shell of lead had encased each artery, each wall. The twinkle lights lining the edges of my small room started to melt and folded together when my eyes burned full of tears. They ran back through my lashes, down my temples and dispersed in my hair.

Why was I crying? What was wrong?

Was it because I was dying? Was it because I didn't want to leave Rachel? Or Grover? Or Percy? Or any of that goofy gang that had suddenly rallied behind me? Or perhaps it was my sinking grades that were tearing the holes in my core.

Was it because I felt things that I was too afraid to admit? The way my heart spun when Percy's eyes landed on me? That lighthearted dizziness the moment he said something even remotely good about me? The throb in my chest when our hands brushed?

Or was it that fear. That terror of Percy pulling away from Rachel, of letting her die. The fact he was so confused, so disoriented when the correct answer was right in front of his nose with flaming red hair and paint stained clothes.

Or maybe it was my Dad. The fact that he couldn't even hold a needed conversation with me?

All of it. I decided. It all hurts.

I flipped on my side to rub the wet off my eyes and into my pillow. Breathing away the tightness in deep heavy rasps that pulsed warmth into my sheets.

I could see my laptop lying next to the futon.

I thought of Helen one more time, thought of calling her. I thought of Sally next, and her big warm smile.

I thought of my mom. Particularly of the early nights I would sit on the counter of our kitchen, swinging my feet over the edge. She'd have over fifty hot pink cue cards laid out right next to the sink. Each with a simple word or letter on it.

"Now again honey. What does this say?"

I could remember her smell. Like lavender but sweeter. I could remember the love in her eyes. I could remember how much she believed in me.

But that was pretty much all I could remember of her. Her personality, her laugh, the way she moved, it all escaped me over time. Would I see her again when I died?

The tears swelled up again. My lungs stitched together.

I missed her. I didn't even know her anymore, but I missed her.

She'd know how to talk to my Dad. She'd know how to break the news that I wasn't going to make it past seventeen, that I wasn't going to be anything more than a teenager lost to a tragic circumstance.

Furiously, I rubbed my eyes dry again. Gritting my teeth to shove down even the most rotten of feelings. Fighting away any sobs that might've woken Rachel up.

No. I was going to tell him. I was going to tell him soon. As soon as he came to me to tell me about the change in Christmas plans I was going to sit him down and warn him of exactly what was going to happen next. I wasn't going to fail at this too!

I clicked off the TV, I shut off the twinkle lights, I didn't let myself cry again. I had a plan for him.

Only it never happened.

My Dad never talked to me.

.oOo.

Christmas Day.

I had no idea how I ended up where I was.

When I woke up at six my Dad had already left for an early shift at the hospital. There were toaster waffles in the freezer. It's a Wonderful Life was playing in reruns on TV with Spanish subtitles. I studied for exams. I sat down in the great below and watched the empty pool for a few hours. I played a few games on my phone while waiting for Rachel to text.

She didn't text. (I didn't blame her. Christmas in New York City was a flurry of parties, preparations and insufferable relatives. She probably had her phone confiscated by her father anyways.) Then I tried not to cry again because crying alone on Christmas is pathetic and lame.

I was just observing the fact that we had an abysmal lack of Christmas decor and that our house was a stale and dead nub in a sea of festive lights and garnished trees when a car screeched into my driveway.

Percy burst into my room a moment later and kidnapped me. Full out carrying me over his shoulder, shouting that he couldn't hear my protests, forcing me into his car and driving off into the pink peach glow sunset that had painted the world outside. It was like a cowboy movie but instead of a white stallion, he rode a run down grey prius that was covered in salt stains and rusty edges. Driving like a drunk who just watched Fast and Furious, might I add.

Briefly, he explained that Rachel had been texting him, and that she'd casually mentioned that I was alone on Christmas, (She'd been texting him?! Where were my texts?)

"We cleared up our fight!" He exclaimed with a glorious smile thrown over his shoulder. Dimples ignited. My heart pulsed an unholy beat. "I'm going to fly out to spend New Years with her."

A pocket of unrest bubbled in my chest. I knotted my fingers together on my lap unconsciously. "I guess I'll see you there then."

And then there I was. Seated at the Blofis family Christmas dinner table. Percy to my left, Sally to my right, and my English teacher right across from me.

Between the four of us were four hand painted china plates piled thick with mashed potatoes, gravy, peas, carrots, turkey, fresh buns, cranberry sauce, dressing, and bacon.

"My wife knows how to cook the best turkey this side of the east coast," Paul said pleasantly as he dished himself a hearty serving of gravy.
"Oh stop," Sally beamed.

"I thought we agreed no flirting at the table," Percy said unenthusiastically.

"Just wait until you get a girlfriend, Percy. You may look at life a little more differently," Paul said.

"Yeah," I chimed in with a sharp look in Percy's direction. "Just wait."

Sally giggled at that. "You wouldn't happen to know of any girls Percy likes, would you Annabeth?"

"Mom-!"
"Oh yes, one in particular," I said, giving Percy the side eye. "Who I know very well."

"Oooh, is that so?" Sally leaned forward over her dinner.

"She's pretty too. She looks like an Irish fairy made of fresh dew and morning mist."

"Okay," Percy had his head in his hands. "Can we change the subject please?"

"Who is this?" Paul had his arms crossed. He appeared amused. "Do I know her?"

"I think you could cook up a name if you really tried," I hinted to him.

"Mmmmmh Amanda?" We didn't even have an Amanda in our grade but A+ for effort I guess.

"I'm starting to regret kidnapping you," Percy grumbled, glowering at me through a raging blush as he shoveled in a mouthful of food.

"As a hostage I need to keep on my toes and hopefully turn my abductors against each other," I said.

"Have… have I met her before?" Sally asked timidly. An eagerness in her eyes which was so easy to discern it made my skin prickle at the realization.

She's hoping it's me. She's hoping I'm talking about myself.

"Not to my knowledge," I laughed off. "Unless Percy's brought around a redhead at any point?"

"A redhead?" Sally's eyebrows turned up. Disappointment.

I stuffed my face with peas hoping to calm the desperate rattling of my heart. Maybe allowing myself to be kidnapped was a bad idea.

"Hey, would you look at that? It's snowing again!" Percy said while giving me a very strangled look. It almost made me laugh.

"Oh alright. We'll change the subject," Sally abated. "Would you like to see some of Percy's baby pictures Annabeth? I have a full album."

"Oh yes please!"

"NOooOOoo!"

"Okay you two, enough torturing Percy," Paul waved us down with a chortle. "He needs to survive dinner to enjoy it."

"Finally, someone is on my side!"

"GUuuahh!" Stella agreed wholeheartedly.

"Two people are on my side," Percy corrected.

Nudging him under the table with my foot, I scoffed at him. "If I wasn't on your side I would have supplied names and facts mister."

"If you were fully on my side you wouldn't have supplied anything," Percy retorted, smirking.

Lightly, he settled his dazzling green gaze on me alone. Locked in.

A wave of symptoms overcame me. Weak knees, a rocketship heart rate, and then my lungs refused to work. All I could do was stare back at him helplessly lost.

Sally snortled into her food. "I thought we agreed to no flirting at the table."

"Mom!"

"Okay, okay. I'll stop."

Blushing, I found the strength to take in a calming breath and resolved to staring at nothing but my food for the rest of the evening.

Naturally I couldn't.

Eventually my food was gone, then my plate, and then we moved into the living room.

Homemade streamers. I noticed up on the wall. Red and green and cut out of construction paper. Estelle had scribbled a few random blobs on each one with crayon.

I had a faint memory of stringing popcorn with my mom playing in the back of my head. Counting each one like it was a precious soldier off to battle. Adding a walnut to the string after we reached four each time.

My heart ached.

"Percy made those with Stella." Sally stood next to me. Percy and Paul had volunteered to do the dishes. I could hear them squabbling from where I stood. "Did he tell you she said his name yesterday? A little loose on the 'cy' part but she mostly got it."

"He didn't," I hadn't talked to him since his phone call last week. I'd been trying to avoid him.

Sally tilted her head at me. That warm smile that oozed radiance quipped up on her lips.

"I wanna thank you," she said.

"For betaing?" I swatted the idea away. "Don't be. You've written a brilliant book. It was a pleasure to read it and go over it with you."

"No, for Percy," she said softly.

I paused. Confused. Tilting an eyebrow at her in an unspoken question.

"You've been such a positive influence on Percy. I know you're the reason he's come out of his shell, opened up again. So as a Christmas present I want to take you up to Montauk in late February. It's beautiful that time of year and I know it maybe duller than what you're-"

"Montauk?" I stuttered. Thinking of the plastic stars on Percy's roof.

"Is there a problem with Montauk?" Sally asked timidly.
I shook my head quickly. "No no, it's just I thought it was a personal… place… for you guys."

Sally's face brightened. "So Percy told you."

"Yeah but it's not that big of a deal. I mean I-" I was fumbling over my words.

"Then you'll go?"

"Of course! As long as it doesn't interfere with exams-"

"Oh wonderful! I knew it'd be a present you'd like."

Guilt prickled my midriff. "But I didn't get you anything."

"You got my son back." Sally murmured. Her eyes glossy. "What better present could you possibly try and get?"

Rachel.

It wasn't me. It wasn't me. Rachel brought him out. Rachel made him happy. Rachel filled his heart.

I dragged him out in the middle of the night and forced him to commit private property damage. I risked him throwing his life away just for a few minutes of satisfaction. I egged him on, and pulled at his decisions, and chastised him instead of offering any form of help.

I didn't deserve her glowing praise or her admiration. I didn't deserve to see the personal 'Montauk' Percy talked of. I was a cuckoo bird. An egg in the wrong nest. A fake.

A sheen of heat rinsed over my eyes. I shook the tears away before they could make a dramatic entrance and quicked up a small smile.

Sally didn't buy it.

"Do you not want to go? Are you okay? What's the matter?"

"It's nothing- it's… it's… I just…" I glanced up. Back at the string of homemade streamers. Then I semi-lied. "I just miss my mom."

"Oh honey." Sally soothed and rubbed my back.

"It's weird to miss her when I don't even know her. I can't remember who she was." I tried taking the topic in a different direction.

Before I could convince her I was fine, Sally latched on to me in a tight hug. Holding me in such a way that I felt like bawling like a little baby. A way that made me feel safe to open up.

"You miss her," Sally said into my hair. "Don't try and devalue the fact that you miss her. Because honey, you can't logic away feelings."

Some of us have to try. I thought quietly. Some of us can't afford to keep feelings.

I relented and gave into the hug. Looping my arms around her small body and squeezing once so she knew I meant it. As we hugged my eyes found Percy standing behind his mom. Two mugs of hot chocolate gripped in his hands. A thin lipped smile softening his face.

I don't know how long he'd been standing there, but there was no longer steam rolling off the mugs.

Anyways, I'm glad to report that for my last Christmas I felt warm. Loved.

As the night wound down I sat next to Percy on the sofa in the living room listening to Bing Crosby sing in his velvet voice and watched as Estelle was overjoyed with the amount of red and gold paper she got to rip.

I drank the peppermint hot chocolate he brought me, and ate some blue gingerbread cookies. Paul lit a fire in the fireplace, filling the room with the hearty crackle and deep warmth. The scent of woodsmoke mixed with the airy smell of pine needles perfumed the room into a dreamy state. Paul and Sally exchanged presents like two new lovers still shy of each other which made me melt a bit. Then Percy nearly exploded and hugged his mom to death when he opened a brand new skateboard. Estelles giggles followed every sign of joy as she threw around colourful wrapping paper.

Dreamily, I watched their little christmas tree twinkle with lights and was just enjoying the view of every member of the blofis family revel at their gifts when Percy handed me a stout green and white package tied with a bow.

"For you," he said lowly.

"But I didn't get you anything."

"You think that matters to me?"

Unsure, I glanced around at the others but Sally and Paul weren't paying attention to us. Trapped in their own world.

Carefully, I pulled down the ribbon and methodically ripped off the paper. It left me holding a box, its name scrambled together. I couldn't read in this light. (Firelight is pretty and all with its orange dance but HOLY HELL does it make it hard to jigsaw puzzle my way into a sentence) Determined, I squinted at the title.

Percy chuckled at me softly. "It's a translator scanner. You simply put this on a page you're trying to read and it downloads the words to your phone. Then you can do anything from changing the fonts of the text, to having the device read out the words itself. It's to help with your-"

"Dyslexia." I finished breathlessly.

It wasn't cheap. I knew that much.

Suddenly I was thinking about all the times Percy had picked up shifts at Frank's grandma's restaurant. How many hours had he toiled away in order to get me this?

"Jackson..." I said. "I… You shouldn't've. This is too much."

Percy leaned closer. That gentle smile on his lips was threading knots through my chest. The way the firelight danced over his cheek bones, his eyes, I felt my lungs give out again.

"You needed it," he hummed quietly. "I wanted to get it for you."

I was suffocating. I needed him to kiss me. That was all I knew.

I wanted him to kiss me.

"Thank you," I forced my gaze away. Biting the inside of my cheek.

Percy didn't make it easy for me. With a deep chuckle he rounded his arms around me and pulled me closer, dragging me into a hug. I'm ashamed to say I melted into his warmth. I succumbed. I hugged him back.

And maybe that's what made it the greatest Christmas ever.

.oOo.

Going home was quiet, peaceful. Between the time we got into the car and when we hit the main road it had started to snow thick pom pom snowflakes. Ones that shattered when they hit the windshield.

A heavy warmth had surrounded every part of me. Forcing my eyes to sag and my chest to glow. I could barely watch the stretch and shrink of the honey coloured streetlight play against the car's dashboard. Not because I was tired, which I was slightly, but because I was trying to commit every little detail of my last Christmas to memory. My last Christmas. My best Christmas.

I must've been making a drunken expression because Percy glanced over at me and chortled.

"Still on planet earth Chase?" I liked the way he looked when he drove me places. Relaxed. Committed. One sloping arm hanging on the wheel, the other placed between the gear shift and my seat. His fingers spread wide as if he were trying to up the chances that I'd brush his hand. One side of his lips was always perched upwards in a lasting lopsided smile. Eternally dimpled.

"Shut up. I'm not sleeping," I said.

"You look it."

"It's eleven forty six at night. Of course I look ready for sleep. Don't you feel tired?"

"Nah."

"Don't you ever run out of energy?"

"Well if I did, you'd be stranded at my house with no one to drive you home."

"If you hadn't kidnapped me it wouldn't have been a problem."

"Hey. Temporarily kidnapped. See? We're already at your house."

Percy parked more elegantly than he had the first time. All the way up our trackless drive, coated in a pristine white of snow. My unlit home was framed in the windshield.

I gripped my bag a little tighter. "He… he's not home."

He really was determined to spend all of Christmas as far away from me as possible.

"What?"

"Nothing." I popped open the door. "Thanks for the ride home. And tell your mom that dinner was delicious for the thousandth time, okay?"

Snow brushed against my nose and eyes the moment I stepped out of the vehicle and the world filled me with cold. I made the first footprints up to my front door, a stone in my chest. Knowing the emptiness that lay behind the elegant french doors, and knowing how deeply it affected me, I stalled.

Although I'd never admit it out loud.

My fingers were just grazing over the handle when a loose thump exploded against my back and the sensation of snow crystal glittered over my jeans. Pertly, I set my bag against the door and turned to face Percy. A challenge in my eyes.

Percy was forming another snowball, smirking like he invented the game himself.

"Lighten up Chase! It's Christmas!"

"You are so going to regret that!" I charged, scooping up snow as I went.

Percy vaulted another one at me but I dodged and chased him into the street. Sliding through the foot of snow that still had to be scraped off the road. Glorying in the darkness and faint christmas lights strung on every eave. Adding magic to every floating snowflake.

"Weak arm?" Percy taunted.

I nailed his hiney with a big one then blew a raspberry at him. "Just a girl who knows when to strike!"

Percy gathered a mountain of snow and pushed it together into a head sized snowball. He held it above him like the world's worst threat.

"Come receive your second Christmas gift Chase!" His eyes danced while he bouldered forward.

"Gladly!" I retorted, crunching snow between my fingers. The cold was already burning my cheeks.

My first shot missed and panic raced my throat. Thankfully my second shot nailed his face and for a beautiful second he was blinded. Seeing my chance, I dove beside him and knocked him in the knees.

Percy collapsed in the glistening snow. His gigantic snowball landed on his own head with a satisfying clumff. I nearly collapsed next to him. Dying of laughter and choking for air.

I looked over at him, teasing him with a playful smile. "You should've picked your fights more wisely Jackson."

Percy was grinning up at me. "Sure about that Chase?"

Lightning fast, he threw a handful of snow up into my face. Dappling my skin with freezing cold and prickling my eyes into closing. I swiped at them to clear my vision and only opened my eyes in time to see Percy charge forward. Football style.

Gracefully, he body-slammed into me and drove me into a snowbank. My world turned sideways, and I registered the cold against my back and butt. Percy was pinning me there with one hand and using the other to pile snow onto the crevices of my coat.

"Ah!" I squealed and tried to squirm away. Snow was burning away my warmth under my clothes. Successfully I thrashed once more and knocked Percy's hand loose, forcing him to come crashing down on top of me.

"Oohh. Felt that in the ribs," I joked. Still rippling with loose giggles.

Percy had a happy drunk expression on his face. Curling his lips up and setting his eyes on a slow sparkle. "You shouldn't have messed with me. I'm the snow fight champion."

"Oh? Where do you keep all your trophies then?"
"Eh, they melt every year. They're made of snow naturally."

"Naturally," I chortled.

He reached over and wiped some of my hair off my cheeks just then. He forced me to realize how close we were. How all I could see was him and the flying snow. His deep green eyes, his gorgeous dimples, his raven hair speckled with white. Smelling of peppermint and chocolate.

I guess he realized it too because his smile slowly faded.
Swallowing, he glanced at my lips.

I glanced at his. A million flutters in my stomach.

It was as if he were magnatized. Percy dipped forward. His eyes glazed over with need.

Tenderly, airily, our lips brushed. Volting a thousand static shocks through my body and dragging my eyes closed.

Kiss me.

Percy tilted his head. Testing the waters. Still dancing over my ready mouth.

Pulses of heat scattered up my face and down passed my ankles. Entranced, I snaked a hand up to the warmth of his hair. Cradling his head.

Kiss me.

When he settled a hand to grip my waist all sense came crashing back to me in one razor sharp stab of reality.

RACHEL! My brain screamed. RACHEL!

I jolted. Forcing Percy off me with one push that sent him backwards into the snow. Bewildered, I clambered to my feet. First just to stand there, processing. Then I stumbled into a panicked gait towards the house. Then back. Then to the house. Pacing back and forth, gripping my hair. Shocked.

"What are we doing?!" I asked no one in particular. My voice was quiet. Quivering. So fragile that it felt like it was being lost to the wind and snow. "What the hell are we doing?"

Percy was still seated in the snow, staring off into space. Empty minded. I felt like throttling him, I felt like burning him, I felt like finishing whatever that just was. "What were you doing? You're dating my best friend!"

Percy stumbled to his feet. Shaking off the snow. "I don't know. I… it just… then…"

"Styx, that was close." My hands were shaking. I'd nearly lost my best friend. "What the hell were we doing?"

I was making my own trench now. Lacing and unlacing my fingers as I moved back and forth without thinking. Trying to find a desperate path to rectify what just happened. A way to patch it so that Percy wouldn't put any merit in it and Rachel would never find out.

"This is bad. This is really really bad." I pressed on my skull with two hands on each side of my head. "Auugh what were you thinking?!"

Percy was silent. Staring into nowhere with a complex expression on his face. Lost in another universe of thought.

"Percy! What the hell?" I prodded his arm.

Slowly, Percy zoned back in. Like a robot waking up from hypersleep or a fish who'd just found water again. His eyes focused in on me. Only me. For a soul sucking moment I was lost to the greens of his eyes. Breathless just by the feelings I could see through his gaze.

"I knew exactly what I was doing." His expression steepened. "I know what I'm doing."

With that he stepped forward, into me. Winding his arms around my waist and drawing me in so tightly that my lungs jumped into a tight knot.

He caught my lips with his. Scorching the sense right out of my head again. Driving my heart into a licked up frenzy of beats. My knees wobbled back so I had no choice but to lean on him. Eyes closed. Suffocated with warmth and giddiness and tenderness.

I was a mess. Swarming with butterflies and heat. Stuck in a guilty bliss because styx Percy knew how to kiss. Fireworks in a pressure chamber level.

Just when my melted brain started to reform, a liquid hot chasm was opened in my chest one paper thin layer at a time. Drawing in, welcoming, burning with joy. When Percy tilted his head, deepening the kiss, it started flying open like a book in the wind. Searching for the right page. He clenched his arms tighter around me.

We fell apart right before it did. Breathing clouds into the night air. Foreheads pressed against each other's. The green of his eyes dropped my heart beat right out of my ribcage.

I was soaring.

"Annabeth," Percy murmured against my lips. Happy, fulfilled, in love. My skin prickled.

He kissed me again. Short. Sweet. Lasting. The chasm yawned hopefully. I wanted it to never end.

But it did.

I was crumbling.

Dawning with the realization of what I had just done.

"No," I hissed. Pushing Percy back again. But gently, emotion absent. I was numb. "No. What have you done?! Styx. What have you done."

"Annabeth-" Percy's reached out to me but I fell away from his grasp.

Stumbling over the snow, I managed to make it to the front door. To my house. Pushing aside his confused callings, I crashed in through the threshold. The door clicked behind me.

I collapsed on the tile. More hearts splurging from my tainted lips than I could count. Blood dribbled down my chin and splattered with the tinkle. One thought was pulsing in my head. One sole thought beat rhythmically into my mind until I could feel nothing else. Until I was aware of nothing else.

I just killed her.

I just killed her.

I just killed Rachel Elizabeth Dare.

---

Sorry, not sorry about the cliffhanger. When I got halfway through writing this I decided to diverge from the classic 'they got together in the last possible second of the novel'.

So yeah…. Kish happened early.

The next part of this will be published January 22nd. Just a heads up, things get real depressing in the next chapter. So have fun waiting for that.

Since we are officially halfway through; what are your predictions? What are we feeling here? Good vibes? Bad vibes?

Can't wait for the next part. It's got all the feels :)

ALSO A REMINDER: requires you now go into your account and turn on email notifications if you want emails when stories update. Sucks but, if you want an email when this updates you gotta have that option in your account settings put to 'yes'.)