Note: Thanks for the reviews! Sorry it took so long, I have been rather lazy and then I have been battling the ever annoying, Writer's Block. I hope you like it. Happy Reading!

"I am in trouble yet again. Conn and Gawain will be trouble. I just know it..."

Written by Alexandrea in her journal

When I am tired, Tristan puts me back into the cart. I peer outside to find Tristan and Lancelot still outside. I wonder at that. It is almost as if they were there to protect me. From who? I stick my head out to talk with them. "Why are you hovering around me?"

"Strictly business," Tristan says with a grin. "Arthur said to watch you, and so we are watching you."

"Why?"

"Many reasons," interjects Lancelot.

"Such as?" I prod when it is clear that he will not say any more.

"The two love struck fools," he replies.

"Oh, so there is more danger to fear from them than any other danger?" I smile.

"Well there are the usual dangers, the Roman lord, and the love struck fools," Tristan says.

"And what did I ever do to deserve such an honor?"

"We have no idea," Tristan supplies.

"Well, will it always be you two on watch or will it alternate?"

"Probably rotate between us and Bors, can't trust the young ones, they are easily swayed by pretty face," Tristan jests.

"I don't see a pretty face, except for her ladyship and Guinevere, perhaps it would be best that they have the guard and I get left alone in peace."

"Perhaps," is all of a reaction I receive from them.

I lean back against the cart and sigh. It is obvious that I will not receive any more information from them. I will have to go to Arthur. We talk for a while longer and then I turn back into the cart. Guinevere is sitting across from me, looking at me.

"What?" I ask her.

"Nothing," she smiles.

"What is with everyone and secrets?" I ask, getting very annoyed with people in general. Perhaps that is what happens when one is locked away for long periods of time alone with no one to converse with. I really must work on my social skills for further use.

We continue on in silence. Fulcinia tends to Guinevere and then me. "I'm fine," I tell her. She does not believe me and continues to inspect me. Annoyed, I climb out of the cart to walk. There is only so much fussing I can take. As I emerge, I find Arthur riding beside the cart. "Good day," I say. He nods his reply.

"You seem better," he remarks.

"Yes," I say. "Much. It was the light that dazed me."

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault. No one could have known why I was being brought here," I tell him. "You feel guilty but there is no one to blame. It was fate." I try to convince him, yet again; that it was not is fault. As I am it dawns on me to why he is having me guarded. It was his guilt. He had failed me once and did not wish to do so again. Flattered and angered by the gesture, I turn to him and say, "Is that why you're having me guarded?"

He looks at me, not sure of what to say. "No, yes, I don't know. I just don't think it is safe to leave you alone."

I shake my head. "What about everyone else? Do they have guards as well?"

He shakes his head. "I feel responsible. Your father took care of me when I was fatherless, and when I can return the gesture, I fail in protecting his daughter."

"I thought we had come to the understanding that it was not your fault?"

"I just…"

"Arthur, it is not your responsibility to protect me," I start. "I can take care of myself, although it seems like I can't, I can. I am honored that you feel like you should, but you have to learn the fact that everyone you come across is not yours to protect. The sense to protect is a good trait, but you tend to take it far too seriously. Keep your goals in mind. Stay focus on what is most important. I do not need a guard, and I believe in supplying me with one leaves you short on scouts. Let it rest, Arthur. What has happened happened, and there is nothing we can do to change that, so why don't we leave it in the past. Father always said not to dwell in the past because it made one loose sight of the future. Do not forget the past, for it teaches us lessons, but do not dwell on it for it prohibits one's life." I look at Arthur. He looks at me.

"I understand, it's just that…"

"Arthur, even though we have not known each other for very long, with all Father has told me about you, I feel as if you were the brother I never had. There is a time in people's lives when they must realize that they cannot protect everyone. There are times when people must go their own ways to learn the lessons that they need to live their lives. Think of what has happened as a necessary evil and let it be."

"I just don't see why people have to suffer as they do," Arthur admits. "You, the prisoners in the prison, I don't understand why God makes people suffer."

"God does not make people suffer, people make people suffer," I reply bitterly. "A whole group of people are never completely bad; there are just a few evil men that control them."

"But why would God permit it?"

"Arthur, God is not behind this. It may be under his name, but the Roman god is not the god I was raised to believe in. If the Roman god is the God, no one will make it to Heaven except for the fat, hypocritical men that call themselves spokesmen of god. Father taught you to believe in a merciful god, believe in him but do not mistake him for the same god as the rest of Rome."

"I just can't believe that people would treat people so. It seems wrong."

"Welcome to reality. This is the way of Rome. Men were born to serve the privileged few. Your knights, you, me, everyone. It is a vicious cycle that gets worse with each round. We have but two choices, to go with the cycle or to oppose it. Father opposed it, and he sacrificed everything. What do you choose, Arthur?"

"All of Rome cannot believe the way Marius does."

"They do. When one spends much time among them, one sees it. I admit that I never really truly realized it until they arrested my family, but then I lived on Father's land where things were not the same as things everywhere else."

"It's hard to believe."

"I know the realization that everything you fought for did not exist must be hard. Rome is full of swindlers and hypocrites. All they care about is their own comfort. That is what Father had the hardest time with. He believed in the good of all men, but sometimes there were lords that even tested his faith in human goodness." I look at Arthur, he looks upset. "Dreams and fantasies die hard," I say. "I know the feeling." I think of how I felt when I discovered Conn at Marius's estate. All I thought I knew of him diminished and I am left with a broken heart and frayed trust. "There is nothing we can do but continue on. I intend to do such, and I hope you will as well. Release the guard and concentrate on getting us all back to Hadrian's Wall alive and safe." We look into each other's eyes. He looks at me as if to say something, but decides against it.

"Very well," he says.

I smile at him. "We shall have to work on your instinct to over-protect," I jest.

"Perhaps," he mutters as he looks ahead. He is silent, so I follow his gaze to where it lay. Guinevere is sitting on the edge of the cart. Half in, half out. Her hair falls loosely around her. She is still sickly looking, but a defiant light shines from her eyes. I look back at Arthur. There is a look on his face that I have never seen on it before. I look back at Guinevere and smile. Arthur is taking a liking to this Woad woman. Shaking my head, I fall back behind Arthur and watch from a distance as Guinevere engages him in a conversation.

"Bah," a gruff voice says. "Is there not a soul around here who isn't smitten with one thing or another?" I look behind me to find Bors riding up. "Love, I don't get it."

I smile up at him. "It does seem pointless doesn't it?"

"I don't know. Myself, I have a woman back at the fort and about twelve kids. Don't know about love though. It just seems that people are falling in love a lot lately."

"I think Arthur and Guinevere are well suited."

"Don't really care, to each his own."

"You are strange sir knight," I shake my head.

"That I am." He smiles as if I paid him the greatest of all compliments.

"Alexa," another voice calls. To my left, Gawain falls in beside me. "You're doing better."

"Yes, that I am," I look at Bors. He chuckles and rides off.

"So…" Gawain stops.

"It was very kind of you to retrieve me," I say politely.

"It was nothing," he replies. He looks at me, as if he wants to say something. From the look in his eyes, I know along what subject he wishes to breach.

"Alexa," Conn calls. Great, exactly what I need, Conn and Gawain, together talking to me.

"Conn," I smile. Right about now, I am very thankful to Mother for making me learn how to at least pretend to be a lady, if I hadn't, I fear I would be doing awful things right about now, such as running away or slapping them. I really do not see what they see in me. My hopes that they both would have forgotten about me with time were obviously in vain.

Conn and Gawain stare at each other. "What is he doing here?" Conn asks me.

"Excuse me; I was having a private conversation with her." Their eyes meet and I feel a hidden struggle going on between them. I look at one man and then the other. Slowly, as to not startle them, I walk between them.

"It is alright, Gawain, we can finish what we were talking about later. I am tired and think it best that I go back to the cart now. Good day." Before another word can be said, I hurry back to the cart and climb in. Arthur and Guinevere are still talking, but I do not have the aptitude to listen. I have my own problems at the moment, and they are about the kill each other. I look back at Gawain and Conn. They are still where I left them and they are still staring each other down. Their jaws are set and they both bear stubborn looks. I shake my head and look away. I do not want any of them to be infatuated with me. Conn probably thinks that we still have something, but things have changed. I have grown and changed, as has he. It was over four years since he left to make is fortune. I was fourteen when he asked me to wait for him. I was young and foolishly in love. At fourteen, love seems like an ever lasting thing, but I know better. Love is nothing but a heartbreak waiting to happen and I will not let it happen to me again. First Conn, then Mother and Father, and then Conn again, life would be much more simple if I just didn't love.