Harry: Now don't go all Michael Jackson on me, Voldy.
Harry: Shes with me!
Ron: No, shess with me!
Hermione: Guys! I jus wanted 2 tll u 2 that Im pregnant.
(Boys backin away from her)
Harry: I don't know her.
Ron: Never seen her before in my life
Harry: The name's Potter, Harry Potter.
Draco: Potter, can I borrow your invisibility cloak? Harry: Wat 4? Draco: I want 2 go spy on the girls who play Quidditch changin into their robes. Harry: Im coming wid u!
(Dumbledore brings a wardrobe in front of Voldemort and opens it for a boggart to come out, the boggart is a pink bunny rabbit. Dumbledore looks confused)
Dumbledore: I thought the thing i feared the most was me?
Voldemort: No, that was jus an act. Wen I was 3, I got bitten by a cuddly pink bunny. They creep me out soooooo bad. Shivers.
The Sorting Hat: "You know wat? I am sick of sorting student after student year after year. Wat is it worth really?" Harry: "Okay Sorting Hat thats enough!" The Sorting Hat: "DIDN'T I TELL YOU NOT TO BACK SASS ME WIZARD BOY. I AM THE SORTING HAT AND NO ONE WOULD EVER DARE TEST ME BIACH!" Hagrid: (Grabbs the hat and starts wrestling with it) Mcgonigal: "The Hat's gone MAD!" Hagrid: "Blimy! The hat's too strong fer me...can't...hold...on" The Sorting Hat: "You won't take me alive! I'm The Sorting Hat I tell you! THE SORTING HAT! The Daily Prophet: SORTING HAT HAS GONE RAVING MAD AND IS OUT OF HOGWARTS! VOLDEMORT RETURNS... BUT FOLLOWS ORDERS OF THE HAT!
(My fav) Draco: Hav u eva been mistaken for a man? Millicent: No, hav you?
Dumbledore:Harry I'm afraid that this problem is out of my hands.
Harry:Thn wat r we supposed to do sir. Voldemort is out there and he's-
Dumbledore:I kno...I kno."
Harry: Well we cant jus do ntn
Dumbledore: There is one thing we cud do...
Harry: Well wat is it?
Dumbledore:We must contact Gandalf
Ron: If you want 2 kill Harry, ull hav 2 kill us 2. Hermione: Damn it Ron, I wanted 2 say that! Ron: Well, maybe one day theyll make the movie 2 this, and u can say it!
Harry: Guys, guess wat? Hermione: We know! Ron: Ur back on the Quidditch team! Harry: No, I jus saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching 2 Geico.
Ron: This new cereal is trying to tell me something. It sez ooooooo. Harry: Uh, Ron, those are cheerios.
Ron: You're so hot! Hermione: Thanks, Ron. Ron: I was talking to Harry.
Dumbledore: Ah, Harry, Voldemort, it is finally down to you two. There is only one way now for you to settle this score... Harry: With our wands? Voldemort: With our fists? Dumbledore: No... Harry and Voldemort together: Then how? Dumbledore: Two words...RAP BATTLE!
Harry: Ron stole cookies from the cookie jar!
Ron: Who? Me?
Harry: Yes, you.
Ron: Couldn't be.
Harry: Then who?
Ron: Hermione stole cookies from the cookie jar!
Hermione: Who? Me?
Ron: Yes, you.
Hermione: Couldn't be.
Ron: Then who?
Hermione: Seamus stole cookies from the cookie jar!
Seamus: Who? Me?
Hermione: Yes, you.
Seamus: Couldn't be.
Hermione: Then who?
Harry: Snape stole cookies from the cookie jar!
Snape: POTTER! HOW DID YOU FOUND OUT!
Dumbledore: Students, we have some very shocking news. Voldemort was really Michael Jackson. Ron: I should've known! Why else would he be after Harry?
Wormtail: Shake yo ass. Watch yourself!
(When the boys in the dormitory eat the candy and have a pillowfight) Dementor: I think I saw a porno like this once
(After finding out that Sirius was in the castle) Dumbledore: Okay, students, to the Great Hall for a sleepover. Filch: I think I saw a porno like this once
Ron: Good god Harry, are you drinking? Harry: hich NO! Fillus Vodkadus. taks a shot Ron: Oh my god Harry, how many shots have you had? Harry: Umm, I dont know. I lost count after...this many. holds up 7 fingers Ron: Your killing yourself Harry, you need to stop now. Harry: Hey, I can stop now if I want...fillus vodkadus. takes a shot Ron: Do you even know what day it is? Harry: Sunday? Ron: Its Wednesday!
Hermione: Harry, Ron, I have something to say. Harry: What is it? Hermione: Im gay. Harry and Ron: WHAT? Hermione: Well actualy im Bi. Harry and Ron: JACKPOT! high fives each other Hermione: Ginny is gay though, and I have been sleeping with her. Ron: AHH GOD DAMN IT!
Harry: Professor, u knew my mother. What was she like? Lupin: She was beautiful, nice silky blonde hair, baby blue eyes, gorgeous figure,...she had a nice rack too. Harry: ...Thats great, what about my father? Lupin: She would do this thing with her eyes that would talk to as to say, "Come, take me now, and give it to me." So, I did. Ohh man, I will never forget that wonderful nigh; our bodys gleaming in sweat Harry: Professor Lupin? Lupin: Her moaning softly into my ear. Harry: Professor LUPIN? Lupin: The motion of up, down, up, down Harry: PROFESSOR LUPIN? Lupin: Im the one that actualy took her virginity, not your father. Harry: OHH MY GOD! I DIDNT EVEN NEED TO HEAR THAT, IM OUT OF HERE!
Malfoy: The truth must come out! Im a closet drag queen... Neville: I KNEW IT