Note: Hey look an update. I know, bad me. I've been really slow. Sorry. Well I hope you like the chapter. What is going to happen? Hold your breath.

"I must speak with them. There is no other way to resolve this. But I do not look forward to it. Not one bit..."

Excerpt from Alexandrea's journal

I sit and ponder what to do. Conn has made me very angry. I can't believe him. He's holding me to a pledge I made years ago when we were different people at a different time. I just want to slap him. He goes on talking about our future together. He thinks we can just go on as if things have never changed. I don't know what to say to make him go away. I can't believe I used to be such a romantic. There was a time when I would have loved to be in the middle of a love triangle, but it's not really all too fun. Actually, can it even be considered a love triangle? It's more like I don't really know what it is. Things are getting out of control and there is nothing I can do about it.

I sit and chat with Guinevere for a while; she is a very interesting person once you get to know her. She tells me that her people have women warriors and are on and equal standing with men. That fascinates me. I have never heard of a society that has women warriors. Perhaps I should go live with Guinevere's people; I could learn how to be a warrior. That way I would not need men to take care of my, I could protect myself. But then again, Guinevere is a warrior and she still fell prey to Marius. Knowing Marius, he probably had all of his guards with him to catch Guinevere. I smile at the mental image of Marius hiding behind on of his guards as they try to capture the wild warrior woman.

"Are outsiders welcome among your people?" I ask her.

"Yes," she replies. "So long as you are not trying to kill, dominate, or destroy us."

"Would I be welcomed?"

She smiles. "Yes, I would welcome you as my sister."

I smile back. I would not go so far as to become sisters with Guinevere, but I did like her, and if she would accept me among her people, perhaps I could go live with them and leave Conn and Gawain behind. I bet they would not force their daughters into marriage, and women would not be expected to marry the first man that came her way.

"Are you thinking of running away?" she asks.

"What makes you think that?"

"Two men outside that seem to be fighting for your affections."

"Perhaps."

"Do you love them?" she looks serious now.

"Why does everyone always ask me that? I don't know."

"Perhaps you should take the time to find out."

I think that over. It does make sense, finding out if I actually love one or the other, but that would take time and effort and headaches. "Is there no other way?"

She laughs, "You could become a nun."

"Even better," I remark sarcastically. A nun or a married woman. Not a very good choice either way. "And, how do you propose I accomplish this without having them kill each other?"

"Tell them. They are not completely stupid."

Before I have a chance to answer, Tristan rides up behind us. "Care for a ride?" he asks me. Behind him, he leads a horse I didn't see before.

"Yes, thank you." I smile and excuse myself to Guinevere climb out of the cart and unto the horse. It feels good to be riding.

"There, see, you can smile after all."

"Shut up, Tristan."

"You've been a bit down. You didn't have a very good conversation with your guard did you?"

I glare at him. Why did he always have to see everything? "You notice everything don't you."

"That's my job, the silent and observant scout."

"Sometimes I wish you didn't."

"Ah, but then where would you be without my unattached perspective on your problem? You would be going insane right about now."

"You think highly of yourself, too highly in my opinion."

He laughs. "You need me, admit it."

"I do not."

"Yes you do. Who would talk sense into you?"

"I don't need someone to do that for me." I laugh. I don't know what I would ever do without Tristan. I probably go insane.

"See, I knew you needed me." We ride in silence. I think I have a plan worked out. I will do as everyone seems to be suggesting, talk with Conn and Gawain, it's just I hate to do so, I don't know why. I feel like I'm consenting to something that I don't want to consent to, I just don't know what it is.

"Look how's coming," Tristan remarks. "What a perfect chance to talk." I look up and see Gawain coming towards us. I glare at Tristan. He set it up, he had to have.

"Traitor!" I hiss. He grins.

"Someone had to do something. You're being a little testy about the subject. Left on your own, you'll probably runaway or something just to avoid the confrontation. Trust me, you'll thank me later."

"I doubt it." Tristan only laughs and pulls back as Gawain approaches me.

"Hello," Gawain says.

"Hello."

"Forgive me, but I must speak with you. Don't hold it against Tristan; he did it on my behalf."

I glare back at Tristan, he's still laughing. "It's okay. What do you need to speak to me about?"

"I know you do not love me, and I do not expect you too. I just want to let you know that my feelings are unchanged. I know I cannot make you love me; I just want you to be happy. If you choose me, I will love you. If you don't, I will respect your wishes and back off. No matter what you choose, I will love you, always."

I blink. This is unexpected. So completely different from Conn. Conn wanted to force me to love him, Gawain wanted me to do what I wanted. "Thank you," I manage to say. "It's a comfort to know that you don't pressure me into a decision." For a minute, I let my mind wander and I imagine what life would be with Gawain. He would let me be me; he would let me make my own choices. I shake off the day dream.

"You've chosen, haven't you?" Gawain asks.

"What?"

"I saw you with the guard yesterday. You've chosen him then?"

I'm speechless. "What? No, he… we just talked."

"He says that you two are betrothed."

"We are… were… we once were, it was a long time ago. I was young and he was young. He was my first love and I thought love could solve everything, it didn't and he left. We've grown apart, he just doesn't see it."

Gawain looks hopeful, "So you are still deciding?"

It nearly breaks my heart to break his. "There will be no decision. I don't wish to marry at the moment. I don't think I shall ever marry, but I do need a good friend. Will that do?"

Gawain thinks for a few minutes than says, "Friends will do. There is time, perhaps with time your feelings will change, but I won't press you to change them. I will respect your wishes." He bows. I am relieved. I had expected a larger reaction from him.

"Thank you," I smile. "I appreciate it."

He smiles back. I know he wants more, but he will not push me and will accept what I am willing to give. So unlike Conn. Conn wants an answer now and will not wait. I must talk to him next and I dread it. Conn will not be as understanding as Gawain. I ride with Gawain for the rest of the day. We have a fun time, like when we first met. Friendly, fun, and romantically unattached, I must admit that Gawain is very self controlled and honorable. At the end of the day, we break camp and I give thank Gawain for the lovely time. Gawain smiles and rides off for scouting duty.

Once Gawain is gone, Tristan appears again. He has a knack for appearing unnoticed and it is kind of unnerving. "So, it went well." There's a devilish twinkle in his eyes.

"We talked and I told him that we could be friends. He accepted it."

Tristan laughs, "Friends? That won't last for long."

"He will honor it."

"He might, but things have a funny way of turning out differently from what you expected. What about the guard? Have you talked to him?"

"No, why?"

"I saw him and he looked mad."

I sigh. He must have seen us. "Where is he?"

"I think he was riding out eastward." Gawain went that way.

"We have to get him."

"Why?" Tristan looks a bit puzzled. A first, but I don't have the time to enjoy it.

"Gawain went that way to scout. Conn probably went after him to have a talk."

Tristan begins to grasp what I'm saying. "By talk, you mean fight?"

"Yes."

"Let's go."

"Should we tell Arthur?"

"Later, we have to get there before your lovers meet." I can't believe that Tristan can joke at a time like this.

"Fine, go." I mount my horse and we ride off after Conn and Gawain. I pray that we get there before they kill each other. We ride out, Arthur notices and follows us. So much for the quite approach. We don't have to go far. Conn has Gawain cornered and unhorsed. Gawain has no weapon drawn and he stands silently, staring at Conn.

"Stay away from Alexa. She's mine."

"She's no ones," Gawain replies.

"Stay away from her."

"I think that's for her to say, not you," Gawain retorts.

"This is your final warning." Conn raises his weapon and prepares to strike.

"Stop!" Arthur shouts. They both freeze. "What is the meaning of this?"

The man I see before me frightens me. He's no longer the sweet, lovable Conn of my memories, but a stranger. "We were just…"

"Enough!" I cry. Everyone turns and looks at me. "Enough Conn. I don't even recognize you. What has happened? You would never have raised your weapon to an unarmed man."

"I've changed for you. Can't you see Alexa, I've changed so that I can be worthy of you." He turns and looks at me, darkness stares out at me through his eyes. Slowly, little by little, my memories that I've held so fond of Conn begin to melt and I am left with nothing but the ugly picture before me.

"I never asked you to. I loved you the way you were. I loved you when you were my Conn. Now, I don't think you even know who you are."

"Alexa, the boy I was would never have made it in this world. The boy I was never could have taken care of you. I needed to change to survive and make it so that I could take care of you. Can't you see?"

I look at Gawain, Tristan, and Arthur. They stare back at me. What do they want from me? "No, I can't. These men here didn't have to become like you to survive. They became themselves and they are fine."

"I did it for you."

I remember the first time he said he loved me. I remember how I felt like I could fly. I remember our first kiss, the shock and excitement. I remember and wonder how I could have felt any of this for the Conn before me. Everything I loved about him is gone and he cannot accept that. He blames it all on me. "Don't you dare blame this on me. I never asked you to change. I wanted you to stay with me, but you insisted on going away."

"Alexa, we're meant for each other. Can't you see that?" He turns all his attentions on me, a desperate plea in his eyes, a dangerous plea.

"We're through," I say. "We had a past, but there is no future for us."

"No," Conn shouts. "No!"

"Please, understand," I cry. How could it hurt so much to tell the truth and realize reality?

"No, you don't understand. We're meant for each other. We have to be together."

"No, we don't have to. We make our own choices. We change, we grow as people. People grow together and grow apart. We have grown apart. We will still have the past and we can still be friends but that's all."

"No!" Conn cries. "You don't get it."

"There's nothing to get. It's over Conn. Over."

Conn stares at me as if I've stolen his soul. "It can't be."

"I'm sorry," I say as I remove his bracelet. "Give this to the woman who deserves you." I hand it to him.

He says nothing, just stares at the bracelet. "I'm sorry." Conn looks defeated and I cry. I never wanted any of this.

"You'll be sorry," he finally mutters.

"Excuse me?"

"I'll make you regret this!" he yells at me. "I'll make all of you regret this." He snatches the bracelet from my hand and mounts his horse. "You'll regret this. I promise you that!" He kicks off and rides away into the forest. I stare after him. How could he be so mad?

"You did the right thing," Tristan says as he comes up beside me. "He'll get over it."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, broken hearts heal. Every wound heals."