Note: Sorry for the slow updates. I am trying my best to finish the story. Well here's yet another poor chapter. Please read, and I hope it's not too bad. Thanks.

"I have to fix it. I have to fix everything. I just don't know how…"

Excerpt from Alexandra's Journal

I sit in the carriage again, thinking about Conn again. I feel so bad, almost as if I crushed him. I never pictured things turning out like this. I always thought that Conn would accept it and still be around and perhaps things could be somewhat like they were before the entire love proclamations. Tristan would tell me that that could never happen and tell me the reality of the situation, and I know he would be right, as he always is. I really dislike it when Tristan is right. I need to talk with someone, but not Tristan, someone more sympathetic.

"Good evening," I say to Arthur who is standing off by himself.

He nods at me. "How are you?"

"Fine."

"I have been neglecting you through this journey, I apologize."

"No you haven't. Besides, you have more things to worry about than talking to me. I have enough people to talk too."

"Tristan."

"Yes. He's more than sufficient to quench my conversational needs." I smile.

"Yes, you seem to have a way with most of my knights," he remarks.

I blush. "I don't intend too. I don't know what I did to attract their attention, but I really wish it would all stop."

"Perhaps escorting you should have been a solitary mission," Arthur jests.

"That would have been helpful."

"What's done is done. We can't change the past."

"No, unfortunately we can't." I remember Father, Mother, and everyone else. I would give anything to go back to that time where I was innocent and happy. The more I discover of the world, the more it saddens me.

"What are you thinking?" Arthur interrupts my thoughts.

"About the past. It seems like a lifetime ago. The person I was then was so happy and carefree, what happened to her? I don't even recognize myself any more."

"Things happen in life that changes us. When I was a boy, my life altering event was when the Woads attacked my village and burned everything. My mother was trapped in our house and she burned to death. I tried to save her, but I couldn't. I failed her like I've failed most of my knights. "

"We are a like, you and I. Both blaming ourselves for everything that happens. We must learn how to get over this flaw before we drown ourselves in guilt."

Arthur smiles. "Perhaps it is our education that we should blame. After all, we both had the same teacher."

"Perhaps, then again, do we really need to blame something?"

"No, but its human nature to place blame on something."

"I suppose you're right." We sit in silence. It is nice to just sit in companionable silence. We both know what we're thinking about and we both know that there is no need to say more. Father trained us both well. After a while, Arthur escorts me back to the carriage where Guinevere meets him and they go off together. I watch them go. They both are trying not to admit their attraction to each other, but anyone could see that their affections towards one another were mutual. I am not the only one to see them leave; Lancelot sees them and looks as if he smelt something retched. It finally dawns on me what's wrong with Lancelot, he is jealous. I stare at him. I never took him for the type to fall in love, but than he could be jealous that Arthur had found someone instead of jealous that Guinevere liked Arthur. He notices me watching him and he glares at me and stalks away. I have never in my life seen such a moody person. I shake my head and decide to go for a walk.

Conn crowds my mind again as I slip through the trees. His last declaration makes me feel uneasy. What did he mean by regret? I can only pray that he won't do something drastic. Fortunately, I am not left to my thoughts for long for Gawain finds me. "Good evening," I say.

"I'm sorry about your guard," he says.

"It's not your fault. He's just changed that's all. I had to finalize everything between us sooner or later; at least it's done now."

"I know how much you loved him."

I stare at Gawain. "You do?"

"Yes, it was obvious by the way you looked at him."

"Well, I may have loved him once, but those memories are just that, memories. They are sweet to remember, but the past eventually fades away."

"It's my fault."

I roll my eyes. Not another guilt claiming session. "Stop. It's no ones fault. It just happened."

"Do you regret your decision?"

"Which one? The one to let Conn know that there was no hope? No. I couldn't lead him on, it's not my nature."

"Is there any hope for us?" Gawain asks hopefully.

"Not right now," I reply. Not ever, there is no future for Gawain and I. That is something he just has to learn to accept. We come back to the camp. "Thank you for the company. Well, goodnight." I retreat back into the carriage. Guinevere isn't back yet, but I didn't expect her to be. At least someone was happy. The little boy isn't in there either. I look around and see him sleeping next to Dagonet; the large knight has his arms protectively drawn around the small boy. I smile, it is a sweet image. One wouldn't think by the look of Dagonet that he would be capable of such gentleness. He really is a gentle giant. I sigh and lay down in the wagon bed. I close my eyes and wait for sleep to come. It has been a very interesting day.

I'm awake suddenly by a cry. I peak out to see what it is. Marius has the boy in his arms with a knife to his neck. "Don't move," Marius says. "You do and the boy dies." Marius's guards surround him and a few have Dagonet pinned to the ground. Fulcinia tries to make Marius let the boy go, but he just beats her away. I hear Arthur say something, but I can't make out the words. Marius just laughs and backs away. "Anyone move, the boy dies."

I hold my breath. What am I going to do? I can't just wait and watch as Marius kills the little boy. Guinevere isn't here, perhaps she will save him. Marius walks back, his guards falling back with him. The guards holding Dagonet down begin to move, and that's when I see him. Conn holds a blade to Dagonet's throat. "Conn?" I cry. He looks up and sees me. He turns from Dagonet and comes towards me.

"Get out," he growls, pointing his sword at me. I'm shocked, confused, and frightened.

"Conn, what are you doing?"

"Get out and come with me." Slowly, I climb out; keeping my eye on Conn like one would do with a wild animal.

"What's wrong, Conn?"

"Come with me," he grabs my arm and pulls me after him. "I got her, milord."

Marius grins. "Good, now come with me. I do believe it is time we left." He turns to Fulcinia. "I'm sorry my dear, but I do believe it's time that we part ways." He pulls the boy after him.

"Let the boy go," I cry. "Take me, just leave the boy."

Marius smiles. "So selfless, like your idiotic father. You will do I suppose." With that, he drops the boy and pushes him towards Fulcinia. "Come one, Alecto." Alecto stares at his father. "Alecto, I said come."

"No, I won't come."

Marius growls. "Alecto, come."

"I'm staying here."

"Fine, have it your way." Marius turns and walks towards a group of horses.

"Marius," a voice cries. We all turn around to look. Guinevere is the owner of the voice, and she stands with a bow drawn, her hair dancing around her like snakes. She let loose a bolt, which cuts through the air, embedding itself into her target. Marius falls, gasping, surprised, and shocked that a woman had killed him. Marius's guards stare at him.

"You have a choice," Arthur says. "Join us or join him." Slowly, one by one, the guards put down their weapons, all except Conn. "I said put down your weapons," Arthur demands.

Conn tightens his grip. "Conn, let me go," I tell him.

"I have to make you see," he says. "See how much you need me."

I sigh, here we go yet again. For some strange reason, I think about asking Arthur for self defense lessons, which would really save me a lot of time and effort and damsel-in-distress issues. "Let me go. We can work this out," I say. All I have are words; there must be some way to use them. "We can talk about this like mature adults." He ignores me. Okay the reasonable approach wasn't going to work. "What about your mother? Would she really condone this action? What would she be telling you right now if she were here?" He hesitates for moment. I have to get to him, some how. "She would be very ashamed of you. She would want you to remember what she taught you. She taught you to respect other people and do accept decisions made." That doesn't work, he tightens his grip.

I see the knights closing in on us. I shake my head. They stop. Arthur looks at me, asking what I was doing. I have to get through to Conn, I have to. I couldn't live know that I caused him to turn into such a person. I have to fix it some how. I try to tell them this with a look. They don't understand, but they back off, respecting my, somewhat, suicidal-like wish. Conn backs up and throws me up on a horse. He climbs up behind me and we ride away. I glance back to see the knights standing where I stopped them. Please don't follow, I will to them. Let me save myself. Conn grips my waist and we go flying off into the shadows.