Note:Thanks for the reviews. Well here is another chapter, I hope you find it okay. I will finish the story, even if I kill it or it kills me, I am determined to finish this story. Happy reading and thanks to all who reads this.

"It seems to be my lot in live to be annoyed, I don't know why though…"

Excerpt from Alexandrea's Journal

We ride, I'm cold and completely out of ideas. What was I thinking when I let Conn take me away? I can't save myself. Words don't seem to have any effect on Conn. I sigh and think, half wishing that the knights would come after me and half wishing that they wouldn't, I am torn. I know that if Conn is caught by the knights he would fight to the death, and, as annoying as he has been, I don't want to see him die. My only choice than, is to save myself so that Conn will be able to get away safely and all will be well in the world. Finally, after a very long ride, we stop and make camp. Conn ties my hands and sets me where he can see me at all times.

" Conn, where are you taking me?" I start up conversation.

"I don't know," he confesses.

"Why take me? You know that knights will come after you and most likely kill you."

"I had to do something."

"No, you didn't."

"Alexa, I have to make you see."

"Make me see what?"

"See me." He looks so sad.

"But I do see you." I have no idea where this conversation is taking me, but I will go with it and pray that I will live through it.

"No, you don't. I have to..."

" Conn, shhhh... Let's talk."

Conn shakes his head. "I will make you seeeverything clearly again. It was the knightsthat had you confused. It is only natural for young women such as yourself to get confusedwhen surrounded by men. I will make you realize your true feelings."

I want to scream. Why can't Conn understand that no one made me change my feelings, they changed on their own. I take a few minutes to catch my temper before I speak again. "Do you not understand anything I say? I told you that we are over. I mean it, and it is not because of the knights that make me change my mind, it is time. Once, we were something, it was special, but time changes everything and that's the way life goes. You have to realize that and move on."

He shakes his head. "No, no, no. We made promises."

"We made promises, and we unmade them. Things like that do happen in real life. It was nice to live in our little world for the brief time that we did, but things rarely turn out as we wish them to be."

"No, no, no." I watch Conn. His voice trembles and he paces. The look in his eyes brings to mind a wild creature that could pounce any moment. I watch him closely and prepare to defend myself if he decides to strike. He doesn't.

"Listen, Conn," I start again. I try to make my voice as calm as possible and hope I can charm him like one does a frighten horse. "Everything will be fine. Let's go back to the main group and we will fix everything once we get back to the wall." I feel very repetitive, but whatever it takes to get Conn to understand my wishes.

"No, we're not going back to the knights. We will go off on our own and live happily like we always dreamed of."

I stare at him. Something is seriously wrong with Conn. We never dreamed of that. There was the fairy-tale fantasy of being together, but we didn't always have that. We were only engaged for three months before Conn rode away. And I didn't even know of his affections towards me until that time. I don't understand why he is holding to this so much. "Why Conn, why do you refuse to let go?"

"I'm sorry," he suddenly blurts out.

"For what?"

"I can't take it anymore. I can't. I should never have left you. I should never have left you."

I'm not sure which he meant. Leaving me the first time or leaving me to Marius. "It's okay," I say, hoping that he would take it for both.

"I should have been there. I should have saved you." I stare at Conn. He has completely changed. He looks so different that I'm not sure who he is. What could tear at him so? I look at him, but he does not seem to see me.

"What should you have done?" I ask gently.

"I should have been there to save you. I shouldn't have gone off to find my fortune. If I were there, you would never have been put through all you have gone through." I blink. He's blaming everything that has happened on himself.

" Conn, it wasn't your fault. None of it is."

"Yes, it is. I knew what has happening to you at Marius's but I didn't do anything to save you. I led you back and placed you in your prison. I should have let you go when I ran into you in the garden. I should have done something other than obey my orders which were wrong. Even when we were being evacuated, I would have left you there because his lordship ordered it. I should have..." his voice falters and he collapses.

All of the pieces fall into place, and I understand Conn's persistence in winning my affections. It was guilt. He felt guilty and he wanted to do something to fix it; to maintain forgiveness. His jealousy towards Gawain also made more sense. Where he would have left me because of orders, Gawain sought me out and saved me. " Conn, it wasn't your fault. I don't blame you." I smile. I did blame him, I must admit, but I can see that he is worse off for it than I am. He looks up at me, somewhat happier.

"Really?"

"Yes, really. Now let me go." Conn blinks than the slight softness in his eyes melt away.

"No. I told you I would make you sorry." I stare. There had to be something wrong with Conn. One minute he's the old Conn and the next he's the stranger Conn.

" Conn, what's wrong?"

"I always keep my word." Connis insane.I back away from him. I don't know what happened to him, but something changed him more than I could everhave. Therewas still the old Conn in there somewhere. The same old sweet Conn thatI fell in love with many years ago, but another Conn has developed and overtaken theold Conn.The new Conn scares me.

" Conn, calm down. Let's talk about the old days." Iam loosing him fast.

"Poor little Alexa, completely clueless." He mutters other things, but I can't understand him. It is almost asif he doesn't see me. I glance around me. I had to get away. The horse stands not to far from me and my hands are tied in the front of me so I have some use of them. I think of what Father would do. He would try to help Conn, but I'm not sure I can be as forgiving as Father. Conn needs help, but I don't know how to help him. I got through to him before, but I cannot put to much trust in that. What if he doesn't come around and he gets violent? What am I to do than? There is no way I can defend myself from him. I suppose the knights are probably tracking us at this very moment, but if Conn and the knights meet again, he will be dead. Looking at the broken man before me, I wonder if it was I who made him so. If so, I cannot let him be killed for purposes beyond his recognition.

" Conn, you have to go," I say. "Go before the knights find us and kill you."

He glances at me, confused. "Who?"

"The knights. The knights."

His pupils are large, and his eyes do not focus on anything in particular. "I love you. I love you and want you to be my wife, but I have to prove myself first." I stare at him. He is lost in time again. I sigh and go along with him. Perhaps I can get through to him this way.

"No, no you don't."

He put his hand over my mouth, "Yes, I do. That is why I have to go away for a while. I'm joining the army and make my fortune that way." He looks into my eyes, and I see the Conn I loved.

"No, don't you dare!" I cry when he let me speak. "You'll get killed. It could take years for you to come back. I won't let you."

"Alexa, I have too." He kisses me. "You must understand." He looks at me. I am lost. I forgot how much I enjoyed his kisses. Play acting wasn't good. It only confuses me more. If I'm done with Conn, how can his kisses still make me feel like I'm on fire? I shake off my thoughts and continue on with the scene.

"Why? I don't want you to go."

"I will be back. I promise you. I love you and not even Hell can separate us."

He kisses me again. "Please don't go," I whisper, tears leak from my eyes and trickle down my cheeks. The pain feels as real as it did when he really left me. "Please." He says nothing; he just holds me in his arms. I sigh and lean into him. How I wish I could go back. Back to the time when we were happy and when the world seemed like a beautiful place. The naivety of childhood has its uses, and I wish I had never lost it. Everything gets so confusing when one grows up.

"Alexa," Conn whispers. "Marry me." He holds me tightly in his arms. He is back in the present and looking at me, seeing me. I stay in his arms, afraid that if I moved away, I would loose him.

" Conn…" I look up at him. It is my Conn staring back at me. I close my eyes and wish that everything would just go away, but I know it can't and I sigh. "I can't Conn. Can't you see? We had our chance and we lost it. Time to let it go now. Time to let it go and get on with our lives." I say these words slowly and pray that he will understand them and see the truth of them. He blinks and backs away.

"Don't you love me?"

"I did, but that was a long time ago and we are changed. Changed for the better. I think that is why Father advised us to marry later than we wanted because we were not quite grown up yet." I feel like a parrot repeating myself over and over again, but that seems to be the only way to get anything across to anyone these days.

"I…" Conn stops. He is at a lost for words. I see something move behind him and I see Tristan and Gawain. I shake my head slightly, telling them to stop. Tristan sees and stops. Gawain looks at me and than at Conn. I see something in his eyes that I've seen so many times in Conn's, jealousy. It is then that I wonder if they had been there for the entire reenactment of Conn's departure so very long ago. Gawain pulls his bow. He had.

"No!" I cry and throw Conn out of the way. God help me, I will kill them, I will kill them all.