-145 - Exculpation
Harry had been at the camp for approximately two weeks. The first week he fought against everything Moody forced him to do. That had only brought about bruises and harder tasks to complete. The second week a thought occurred to him, the thought formed into a vision: he was being trained into a soldier … by Aurors. He would eventually be proficient in spells, hexes, blocks, transfigurations and so much more, all taught by real Aurors. He just might end up being strong enough to defend his friends if it ever became necessary again. And the most important thought: he could prove to Severus that he was worth keeping by succeeding.
Harry knew that last thought was completely pathetic but it ruled his existence. It ruled his every waking moment. So, it was with this new vision in mind that Harry put all his efforts into succeeding. He took every lesson to heart and shut down his emotions. He became the soldier in training that everyone desired him to be. If there was one thing Harry had a lot of practice in, it was closing off a part of himself, hiding his emotions. It would help him to survive if Severus decided he was not worthy to be kept.
With Harry's past record of family, the thought of being rejected was one he had already lived. He knew it would hurt but he also knew he would survive it if his father decided not to forgive him, just as long as he kept his emotions in check.
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As week two came to a close, Harry joined the Aurors for dinner around the fire pit. Moody was talking to Tonks about the upcoming Order meeting that he would be attending the next evening. Harry thought that if he could just talk with Severus for a few minutes he could make the Professor understand how betrayed he felt over being sent away but that he had accepted the decision his father made. He couldn't shake the part of him that feared Severus was in the midst of abandoning him. He just had to know!
"Sir, may I make a request?" Harry asked in his official voice that Moody seemed to approve of.
"What is it?"
"Would it be possible for me to attend the meeting with you, sir?" Harry asked as he dug into the bowl of magical porridge.
Moody shook his head and looked at the Gryffindor, "No, I don't think that would be such a good idea."
"But, I need to talk with Severus," Harry honestly confessed before reverting to his strong voice once more. "It would be helpful if I could communicate with my father sir."
"Yeah well your father said he doesn't want to see you till you catch up on all your homework and get better at your blocks," Moody said matter of factly. Harry didn't see the look of incredulity on Tonk's face.
The stoic teen sat frozen on the spot. He had been working on his spells but his blocks did need more work and he hadn't yet caught up on his homework. He had to force himself to swallow the lump of food in his mouth.
"Sir, could I at least send him a message?" this time his voice was more pleading than anything else. Tonks looked at him with pity and Harry had to look away.
Moody glanced at the boy before answering, "Tomorrow we begin combat training." He reached into his satchel and threw a book down next to Harry, "Read up to chapter three."
Harry picked up the book and looked at the title 'Official Auror Guide Book For Blocks' under the title was an official magical seal with waving wands.
"Thank you sir," Harry said with awe as he tucked the book in his cape.
"Catch up on all your homework and do well in combat training, then we'll talk about getting a note to your dad."
Harry finished his meal and went into his tent to begin his homework. He worked well into the night with a motivation he never had before.
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The next day Moody took Potter out to the edge of the forest to begin his combat training. Harry knew there would be traps set so he was cautious not to set any off. Moody gave him a run down of what was expected of him before sending him out on his own. There were strict rules to stay out of the forest on the other side of the mountain. It was filled with all sorts of evil creatures and deadly spiders. Harry gulped over hearing that and made a mental note not to go exploring anytime soon.
Harry's goal was to bring back a silver wand, hidden somewhere in the vicinity. He set off and was immediately attacked by an angry tree with sharp roots. One of the roots wrapped around his legs and began pulling him under the ground. Harry instantly shot out a round of reducto curses, forcing the root to release him. He ran away from that tree only to find that he fell right into Moody's next trap.
The next thing Harry knew he was trapped in a deep hole filled with snakes. The only way out was to transfigure the walls into stairs. It was way beyond the capabilities of a sixth year student but Harry knew it had to be done. With his new found knowledge and training he concentrated with every bit of energy he had. He could feel the energy leave him as the walls of the pit began to transform. He quickly scrambled up and out of the pit while holding up a block in case Moody shot at him.
After fighting his way through rough terrain and magical fog he finally spotted the silver wand. He could see the shining wand on the other side of the ravine and made his way over while holding up a block.
Moody watched with delight as the raven haired teen stepped out of the forest. He hadn't thought the kid would get away so quickly. He decided to turn up the heat and began attacking the boy when he was in the middle of open terrain. He shot the most powerful hexes he could think of without causing serious injury. But the boy was not faltering yet. He quickly called on Shacklebolt and Tupin and signaled them to attack from the other side.
Harry could see the other two Aurors sneaking up behind him. He was ready with a Warrior Blast and one of the new blocks he had read about last night. Tupin fell first but Shacklebolt was tough. Harry saw Shacklebolt, Tupin and Moody with wands trained on him and began to feel nervous. He had to use every bit of knowledge he had gathered from the Auror training manual to get out of this tight spot. He stumbled back and was almost hit with a full body bind but bounced it back towards Shacklebolt. Shacklebolt actually looked flummoxed over getting hit.
Harry's blocks had improved ten fold, much to Moody's delight. Moody shot out a rapid succession of hexes then changed them up with binding curses.
All three Aurors shot out various hexes and curses with Harry blocking most of them. Moody was beginning to think Potter was more advanced than most Aurors with those blocks. The Aurors were amazed at the range of motion and strength the boy had.
After an exhaustive fight Harry had finally managed to get across the ravine and was just about to grasp the silver wand when he remembered the hex that had been placed on Severus' father's wand. He checked to make sure this wand didn't have anything evil and was not surprised when he found that it was cursed. He levitated the wand out in front of him as Moody, Shacklebolt and Tupin made their way over. He had done it, he had completed the task!
"That's right boy, constant vigilance!" Moody shouted with delight. "How did you know to check the wand for curses?"
Harry shrugged not wanting to reveal anything to Moody.
Shacklebolt gave Harry a rare smile.
Harry was sweating and bone tired but happy he had succeeded. He hadn't known he had possessed that sort of power. He had actually felt the magic crackle around him as he called it forth. Something was definitely starting to happen to him, it was palpable. He wished Severus was here to talk to about it.
Harry looked at Moody expectantly, "Sir, do you think I can send that message now?"
"I suppose, as long as you get it to me within the next hour," Moody replied he got rid of the cursed wand. "You understand that I need to read it before I take it out of the secret location."
Harry didn't think that was necessary but he didn't want to complain, "Yes sir."
The bone tired teen went back into his tent to compose the letter. He pulled out fresh parchment and a quill. It took him several moments to figure out how to begin. As the end of the hour drew near he folded up the completed letter and brought it out for Moody to approve.
The ex-Auror read through the letter and satisfied that it didn't give anything away he stuck it in his pocket, still undecided whether he would actually pass it on to Severus or not.
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The Order meeting was to take place in Severus' dungeon quarters. The Order members arrived through the floo. Everyone was anxious to hear how Harry was progressing and the latest details of what Voldemort was up to. Severus was most anxious to hear news of his son.
The meeting began with a weak and tired Dumbledore discussing Voldemort's latest antics.
"Voldemort has acquired several new members to his side. He is still desperate to get his hands on Mr. Potter and it seems that he has been trying to recruit members from the house of Slytherin," Dumbledore said in a tired voice.
Everyone turned to look at Severus expectantly.
"I have been questioning the students in my house and have not found any who have taken the dark mark as of yet," The Potion Master informed.
After a few more questions the subject of Harry's training was addressed. Moody stood up and boasted like a proud father, "Potter is an amazing specimen. Just when I feel he cannot improve he surprises me with better results. He has been following the training program without complaint and is much stronger both physically and mentally than when he began. It seems that the uncontrolled magic cannot be called at will but I feel Potter has much more control of his emotions now."
Severus was pleased his son was doing so well. It seemed the boy did need a stricter environment after all. He would never admit that he felt somewhat jealous that Moody had brought out the best from his son.
Moody continued his report; "Potter has been growing muscle mass at a shocking rate. The magical porridge may have cost you a year's salary but it is working magnificently, Severus! If he continues at this rate he'll be needing a new set of school robes before long," Moody claimed with amusement as he looked towards the Potion Master. The magical porridge was very rare and hard to come by. It enhanced muscle mass and height in a very efficient way.
Ms. Fairchild spoke up next, "Exactly how long will he need to be in the secret location? Could he not train here at school at some point?"
Moody grumbled under his breath before saying, "The boy would have too many distractions here at school. That much was quite apparent before we took him. I think at least three months of training would do him well."
Severus was dismayed over hearing that. He had understood that Harry would only be gone for a matter of weeks, maybe a month at the very most. "I have not agreed to that length of time, Moody," Severus stated flatly.
"Severus the boy is flourishing under my training. Do you really want him back here before he can defend himself?" Moody asked in an accusing tone.
Severus sat up straighter, looking Moody in the eye, "He is my son and I will decide when he comes home."
Moody glared back at the Potion Master, "Yes, but he is thriving where he is at. Can you say the same when he was with you?" It was a low blow but Moody was desperate to keep Potter in the secret location. It was the only way he would have total control over his student.
Severus kept his face impassive but he was seething inside over the cutting remark. "Harry's needs are quite complicated. Defence is not the only facet that needs attention," Severus stated acerbically.
"Obviously he was troubled while he was at the school but he seems fine now," Moody growled out.
Dumbledore cut in before the men began a duel, "Severus has the final say over everything concerning Mr. Potter. I should think the two of you could work together … for the boy's sake."
Moody shrugged off the reprimand.
The meeting ended after another hour of discussions.
Before Moody left Severus stopped him and handed over a thick envelope. "This is a message for my son. Would you see that he gets it?"
Moody had made up his mind not to hand over Harry's note to Severus. He was mad at Snape over being questioned about the training program and length of time it would require. He took the envelope from Severus, with Harry's note still in his pocket.
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Once he was back in the secret location Moody opened the package from Severus and read the letter in the privacy of his tent.
Dear Son,
I know you must be angry with me for sending you away but please understand I felt there was no other option. My first priority is you and always will be. I could not keep you with me knowing that I wouldn't be able to monitor you closely. I was far too weak to see that your needs were met. I take the responsibility for you consuming the pain potion upon my own shoulders. I should have been more diligent in addressing all the abuse you have suffered, forcing you to deal with your emotions instead of masking them. I have failed greatly as a father and plead your forgiveness.
I would like to join you in your training program but will only do so if it is what you desire. The reports coming daily are filled with your success. I am very proud of your accomplishments. On that note, I also do not want to interrupt the environment that you seem to be thriving in. I am sending a mirror; much like the one Sirius sent you. You need only to say my name and I will be available at any time to talk. Please use this mirror as soon as you feel you have reached a decision.
Dad
Moody snorted over the emotional plea. There was absolutely no way he was going to have Severus Snape monitoring the training program and living on base. He could only imagine how upset the Potion Master would be over the strict environment Potter needed. No, the letter would definitely not be given to the boy.
He stuffed the letter and mirror under a pile of blankets and added Harry's letter to his father's. The boy had magic that was yet to be tapped into and Moody wasn't going to let up until it was brought about. He had to remain diligent in order to prepare the boy. After all it was for the boy's sake that he was doing this.
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It was another two days before Potter approached Moody regarding a response from Severus.
"Sir, has my dad sent a letter back yet?" Harry asked impatient to hear a reply.
"No son, he didn't seem very keen on contacting you yet. I think he's waiting for you to try harder before he forgives you," Moody said feeling a twinge of guilt. He pushed the guilt away knowing that this small lie would serve the boy well in the end.
Harry's heart tightened on hearing that. He had to try harder. His focus was changing to just getting Severus to forgive him. He began to obsess on that one fact, driving himself harder than ever.
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Another week passed with Harry trying more relentlessly than ever before to do everything right. He pushed himself to the point of exhaustion. Running faster, blocking quicker and putting as much power behind his spells as possible. He was pushing himself beyond measure, enough so that a few of the Aurors were becoming concerned.
Tonks was disturbed for his safety after he collapsed during a routine combat drill. When Harry came to, he quickly stood up and brushed himself off.
"Come on let's try that again," Harry said with determination ignoring the vicious bruise forming on the back of his head.
Tonks walked up to the tired teen and placed a hand on his shoulder, "Harry, you've been doing great. Why are you pushing yourself like this? It's okay to take a break when you're exhausted."
Harry pulled away from Tonks abruptly, "No! It's not okay to take a break! It's not okay to fail! Don't you see Tonks, if I don't get everything right then Severus will find out?"
Tonks furrowed her brow, "What does Severus have to do with this?"
Harry shook his head, "Let's just do this again, alright." He became desperate to get this down, "Please Tonks don't tell my dad I failed. Let's do it again and I'll prove to you that I can do it."
Tonks squeezed Harry's shoulder again, "Harry, calm down. We've had enough for today."
"No, please give me another chance. Please!" Harry begged in desperation.
Tonks was really worried now. She had been watching Harry drive himself mercilessly. She couldn't help herself when she pulled the teen into a tight embrace.
"It's okay Harry, everything is going to be fine," Tonks said soothingly as she held the stiff teen in her arms. She felt him relax a little, leaning into her. Tonks knew Harry wouldn't normally let his guard down like this but he was emotionally spent after weeks of hard training.
Harry didn't want to be held, coddled like a child but … it had been so long since anyone had offered him a friendly word of encouragement. He couldn't help himself as he opened up to the one person who had treated him with respect during the training.
"Tonks, he hasn't forgiven me yet. He doesn't want me back. I hate him," Harry said in a soft voice as he placed a hand around her waist and dropped his head on her shoulder.
"Harry how can you say that? Severus needs you as much as you need him," Tonks said in a reassuring voice. Actually Tonks had been quite disappointed that Snape had not written to Harry. In fact she was rather angry at the Potion Master for putting so much pressure on the teen.
"I can't blame him. He's been a really good father and I blew it. I blew my last chance of family," Harry said in a tight voice, wavering on losing it but knowing he wasn't permitted to cry.
"What's goin on here!" Moody roared as he walked up to them.
Harry immediately pushed away from Tonks and stood up straighter. "Sorry sir," he said quickly in a misleadingly strong voice.
Tonks looked at Moody with a fury she didn't know she had been harboring. "Nothings going on Moody. Harry's been pushing himself too hard and you know it!"
"Potter has a job to do and needs to push himself. Don't be fussing over him like a child Tonks or you'll be out of the training program so fast your head will spin!" Moody's voice was filled with intensity.
"Don't you dare threaten me Moody! I know how you're manipulating Harry! He's been trying his best and that's not good enough for you. If you keep pushing him he's going to run himself into the ground. I know exactly how you're trying to manipulate him," bellowed the young Auror. Tonks pushed past Moody and stormed away to gather her emotions.
Moody rounded on Harry, "What happened here Potter?"
Harry stood at attention, "I failed a block sir. I can do better sir."
"Your father will hear about this," Moody said and began to walk away.
"No! I mean … please sir, give me one more chance," Harry begged. "I know I can do better."
"Stop begging Potter and pick up your wand," Moody waited until Potter had hold of his wand before he surprised the boy with one hex after another. Potter responded with a block that shot the curse back at the old Auror, pushing him back with force. The duel lasted for a good twenty minutes before Moody called an end to it. He would never confess that Potter was actually becoming more powerful than himself.
Potter looked a little too sure of himself so Moody shot him a surprise, "Acerbitas!"
Before Harry knew what was happening he was hit with the powerful curse. He fell to the ground and had to be woken up by Moody.
"Ennervate!" the old Auror said. He watched as the boy barely moved. He said it once more, "Ennervate!"
Harry woke up with a roaring headache. He rolled onto his stomach and used his arms to push himself up. He stood trying to catch his breath and held his head as it throbbed. He knew better than to get angry at Moody. In Moody's mind he should have been ready for an attack at all times.
Moody grumbled out, "Constant vigilance boy! Now get to your studies." He walked past the exhausted teen and headed back to his tent.
Harry wasn't sure if Moody was sending his most recent failure in the report to Severus.
"Excuse me sir," Harry spoke up. "Are you writing to Severus now?"
Moody ignored the boy and went into his tent.
Tonks stood at her tent door, taking in the entire scene as it happened.
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It wasn't long before Harry once again asked Moody if he had heard anything from Severus. The ex-Auror answered in the same way, "Not yet, but you get that Acerbitas block and hex down and then I'm sure he'll know you're trying your best."
Moody knew it was cruel to keep the letter away from Potter but the boy was turning into a true soldier. By the time he was through training the boy he would gain back all the respect he had lost over the Polyjuice fiasco a few years back. It bugged Moody to no end that he had been captured and held prisoner for months. It had ruined his reputation and now he planned on getting it back by showing the ministry and Dumbledore that a sixteen year old boy could be trained into a mighty weapon by him.
Harry knew he wouldn't be doing the Acerbitas spell or block. They called for anger and hate. There was no way he was going to fuel those feelings and use them in a spell. He'd have to excel in everything else to make his father realize that he was doing his best. If anyone would understand his reasoning, it would be Severus.
Harry began to stay up later and later to catch up on his studies. By the end of the fourth week he had not only caught up on his school work but was slightly ahead of his schoolmates. He hoped Severus would realize his efforts and forgive him now. All thoughts of his friends and even Ginny paled in comparison with gaining his father's forgiveness. It was becoming more apparent that Severus had indeed abandoned him. Harry was beginning to hate Severus for all the lies he had promised of never leaving. The loneliness and betrayal sat like a heavy weight on his shoulders. But he vowed not to give up yet. Maybe if he just tried harder then Severus would see that he was worth keeping. That dreaded feeling of abandonment crept into his thoughts once again.
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Harry and Tonks had been working on Transfiguration spells and this time the lesson was actually fun. Tonks was trying to teach him how to transfigure a pile of rocks into a bed. They were laughing at the bed Harry made because it looked more like a birds nest.
Moody walked up and shot a bolt of lightening at Harry's leg. The ex-Auror had a stern expression, "You think this is funny Potter? You think watching your friends get killed is funny? We're not here to laugh and make jokes; we're here to keep you alive when you come face to face with Voldemort!" He shot Harry on the arm one more time for good measure.
Harry flinched but held back from even touching the angry red bruise forming under his sleeve. Moody's punishments were getting more powerful, often leaving swollen red bruises that hurt to touch. Harry had become quite proficient at brewing healing balm.
Tonk's hair was a vivid shade of purple indicating a fury in the young Auror. She stood in front of Harry, blocking him from Moody. "How dare you treat him with such disrespect. Harry is not an animal that needs to be manipulated into learning. I've stood by watching you hit him with painful hexes, watching you manipulate his emotions and watching you train him like a soldier! But, I'm not going to be a part of this training anymore!"
Tonks strode away without a backward glance.
Moody turned towards Harry and grumbled out, "Get to your studies boy."
Harry slowly walked back to his tent. He watched as Moody walked over to talk with Tonks. He wished he could hear what they were saying.
"Tonks, you're not thinking of going back are you?" Moody asked in a calm voice.
"Moody, I'm tired of watching the way you treat Harry. I'm going back and if you don't take Harry back right now then I'm telling Severus how you've been training him," Tonks said in a very composed and serious voice.
"Tonks, you've seen how much the boy has improved since he came here. You know what he's up against. Do you really want to deny him the best training he's ever likely to get?" came Moody's compelling voice.
"I'm leaving in a half hour, in time for supper at Hogwarts. Either you come with me or I'm going straight to Severus." Tonks strode away with an objective that felt spot on.
Harry was back in his tent rummaging through his potions. He was clean out of healing balm and the ingredients it took to make more. He took off his shirt and held his arms out to inspect them. They were littered with heavy red bruising along with older more colorful bruises. The worst one being the Moody had just shot at him. It was raised and looked ready to rupture.
Harry was interrupted from his assessment when Moody came storming into his tent, "Pack your trunk Potter, we're outta here." The ex-Auror glanced at Harry's arms but didn't make any comments.
Harry nodded his head, "Yes sir."
Harry's heart was beating wildly. He couldn't believe he was finally getting away from this place. But then he remembered that his father had yet to forgive him and probably wouldn't be happy to see him. Severus might even think he was the cause for them going back early. He had tried so hard, giving everything he had to succeed but obviously Severus didn't see it that way. He hated him so much. What the hell else did his father want from him?
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Moody sat down at his desk completely outraged over the ultimatum Tonks had forced him into. He was so close to forcing Potter into using his uncontrolled magic. Now he was going back to that school and had still not accomplished his goal. Damn it!
He contacted the Order by writing on the magical pad to ask for an escort back to Hogwarts. He wasn't through training Potter and didn't want Voldemort getting a hold of him before the boy was ready. He immediately received a note back letting him know that a group of Order members would be here within an hour to escort them back to the school.
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Severus was in his dungeon quarters when his floo turned green and Dumbledore slowly made his way out of the fireplace.
"Severus, good news my son. Harry is coming home tonight!" The headmaster said with delight.
Severus quickly stood up and walked towards Dumbledore, "Is he hurt?"
"No, no my boy, nothing like that. Moody wrote to say he would continue the training here at school."
Severus was rather taken aback over the sudden return of his son. He missed him terribly but was also hurt that Harry had never tried to contact him while he was away. He had sent several letters and had really wanted to help with the training. The Potion Master wanted to be there for his son but it was obvious the boy wanted nothing to do with him. Harry must still be upset about being sent away. If the reports coming back hadn't been filled with so much success he would have just went to see his son whether the boy wanted him to or not. But since the boy was clearly trying his best, Severus didn't want to interfere. Evidently Moody knew how to get Harry to succeed.
"What time are they coming?" Severus asked anxiously.
Dumbledore smiled over the Potion Masters palpable nervousness, "Harry will return during supper. I told Moody to bring him directly to me when they arrive."
After the Headmaster left, Severus walked into his son's bedroom. He looked at Harry's things spread throughout the room. He remembered the last time they were in here, the day he had sent Harry away. He sat down in the chair by the fire and dropped his head into his hands. Had he done the right thing by sending Harry away or had he pushed the boy away forever?
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TBC
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