Vincent called me today. That man is not one for phones but then again, neither was I. He said he would come by today, mainly to see me and Toi, but he would visit the others as well. My son seemed excited about the news but it's still hard to tell. He was so withdrawn it was hard to know anything about him.

It was a challenge I willingly accepted. Getting to know him, making him happy, those were things I would do to try and ease some of my own quilt. I'm not sure if that makes me selfish or not. But is it really selfish of me to want Toi to be happy? By doing so much for him now I'm trying to make him forget the time when I wasn't there. At this point though I don't really care about being selfish. I have my son, he has me, and hopefully…one day, I'll have Vincent Valentine too. I feel a pang of quilt and pain when I think of that.

Toi had been through hell and back and all I often found myself thinking of Vincent after catching sight of his hair. It was black, and Toi was stuck in a coffin under suspended animation, that counts for something? No, I guess it doesn't, Vincent is a man and so am I. That leaves no reasonable explanation for me to give Toi. His life had begun on broken roads; I didn't need my love for another man to make it worse.

Right now he's playing with a moogle doll. Its old, something of Marlene's actually. She had given it to him just to prove she forgave him. The look in his eyes at that moment brought a smile to my face. He looked content, but not just that, he looked like a normal three year old. "Toi, Vincent will be here soon, do you want to take a nap first?" My son nodded and lifted himself off the floor and into my arms. I carried him over to radio, which he turned off for me, then to the couch and we laid down on it. He was snuggled firmly on top of me, his ear pressed against my chest, right where my heart was. I don't know how long I just let myself lie there and stroke his soft locks while he slept but eventually I feel asleep too.

I woke in the most pleasant of ways. Vincent was looming over me, his face mere inches from my own. "Cloud…" I took a deep breath and tore my eyes away from my…crush…to look back at my still slumbering son. His breath came out in slow even measures, his face relaxed, his body rising ever so slightly each time I took a breath. He was the cutest thing I had ever laid my eyes on. Vincent wasn't offended by my lack of response, or the fact that I was inadvertently ignoring him; instead he took a seat in my worn out relaxing chair.

"He was happy to hear you were coming." Vincent nodded and began staring at my son just as I was. He was hard to look away from, quite the adorable little boy. He had a mixed charm. It was another silly thing I thought of while he was spooned against me a night not so many days ago. He was a tad gothic looking, like Vincent, he was afraid of the world but it still had his curiosity, like me, and he looked beautiful but beneath that lays danger, like both of us. It was another way I had invented to make it seem as if Vincent was the father, I say father because I've always been so feminine even when I was acting masculine.

Toi's body shifted slightly and his eyes fluttered open. If I had closed my eyes at that moment I would see our first encounter. He brought a small hand to his mouth as he yawned and stretched above me. Even with his knees digging into my lower belly I barely felt a thing. He really was small, slightly smaller than he should be, but that was a trait the Strife's always had.

"Vincent…" Toi allowed me to kiss him on the forehead before he stumbled over to see the ex-Turk. Said man helped my son climb onto his lap before he curled up like a cat and closed his eyes again. I hadn't gotten around to sitting up yet, even though my neck was sore; I was in a lazy mood. At the moment my house just had that sluggish feel to it and it made me want to mimic my son and throw dignity to the wind.

I leaned my head to the side to watch my son, and the man he was resting on. Vincent seemed oddly at ease today. He was slouched back comfortably and was devoid of his red headband. His hair clung to his face and blocked out his eyes after he looked down to stroke Toi's hair. They really did seem to fit together. I can see it now: Vincent picking up Toi's scattered toys while I brought out something to eat and my…well in my fantasy…our son played with a moogle doll. It brought a smile to my lips and I closed my eyes to deepen the illusion. It seemed perfect, but that wasn't right. Nothing about us was perfect, far from it actually. All three of us were reject experiments made by the crazed Hojo. He had, in a way, brought us together.

I guess that's another thing Hojo gave me. He gave me a love interest. I was so wound up in my thoughts that I didn't notice Vincent's gaze had moved from my son to me. I didn't know that at the same time I was thinking of a life with him he was thinking about one with me. Right then Vincent Valentine was spinning his own fantasy that seemed, as my own was, too perfect. Or maybe it wasn't. I never really stopped to take into account that we were both men, that homosexuality could be the wrench in our lives together. I was too focused on the good in my fantasies that I saw past that…but maybe if we gave it a shot, if by some miracle, we got together maybe we could look past it in real life.

But that's me being selfish again isn't it. I don't take into account what Toi could go through or even if Vincent it gay or at least bisexual. No, I'm just caught up in my dreams like I was in SOLDIER. Zack…that was another man I dreamed about. I guess I have it hard for men with black hair. Sure Sephiroth intrigued me but he had that affect on everyone, or so I thought…still think actually. Zack was going to be my first. After he saved me from Hojo, when he was taking me away, he said something to me. I was in such a lulled state I must've appeared to be unconscious or I doubt he would've said it. The reason I remember it, I think it has something to do with that subliminal messaging thing…when a person is asleep, something like that. He told me, and I quote, "Cloud…we're going to Midgar. When we do I'll fix you up…and then I'll ask you how you feel. I love you so much Cloud…love you so much…" It made me so sad, but happy too.

For so long I loved that man in secret and then I found out he loved me too. But I never told him; I never got to tell him how I felt. Instead he died and I stole his life, and then lied to Aerith. To this day it feels as if my heart is being ripped out when I realize what I could've had with that man. And now, now I'm crying. I feel a warm tear slip from the corner of my eye onto the couch but I do nothing to stop it, or even hide that I'm crying. It just hurts too much to move. I keep crying, silently, until I feel a small hand on my cheek. "Daddy?" That makes me want to cry more, and I do. I pull him onto me again and keep crying, never wanting to let go of his lean frame.

He just holds me in return and I try to apologize. "Its okay Toi. Daddy's okay he's just not feeling well alright. I'm okay, don't be sad." I felt his nod against my chin and chest but I still wasn't convinced. I knew all to well how his mind worked, I had been in that place myself once. "Really Toi, Daddy's okay. I just…had a bad thought. Nothing to worry about okay." He nodded again and his fingers, which had previously been knotted in my shirt, relaxed. Vincent had moved over to me as well. I could feel his presence, even in my faltered state. To be truthful, I was afraid to open my eyes and face him. He never let his calm façade be broken, I did. Here I was crying over thoughts of what could have been. He would never do that…I'm almost sure that he never would.

"Little one, your father is fine, he's telling the truth." Toi had enough trust between the both of us to relax completely and forgive himself, that's what I've taken to calling it, forgiveness. Hojo's conditioning gave people delusions about themselves and what they should be blamed for. Vincent claimed he had sins to atone for, as have I, and now my precious son is following in the footsteps of two unsteady men. He sat up, still seated firmly on my lower stomach, and wiped away some of my tears. They were still issuing forth quietly, but it the new tears were far and few between. They would stop completely soon.

This boy, he's more than I think I deserve, and Vincent too. He's still next to me and for just a moment I thought he was going to reach out for my hand. Maybe it was just my selfish imagination or maybe he actually was showing concern for me. But was it deep-rooted concern or just a fleeting thought because I treated him as if he were human, not some vampire-like freak? I don't think it could be deep-rooted if he pulled away before even getting within inches of me.

"Little one, do you want to play on the patio?" I saw him nod through blurry eyes and regretfully let go of him as Vincent picked him up and lead him to the glass doors. It was a very small closed in patio, but Toi seemed to enjoy it well enough. He could venture outside of the house and still remain completely safe…well as safe as he could be in a place like this. Not to my surprise, Vincent did not stay with him; instead he sat the moogle outside and pulled out some blocks before returning to me. I sat up and stared at the carpet, not willing to look him in the eye just yet. He took a seat next to me, rather close I might add.

I knew what he would ask so I took a deep breath and began talking. "Sephiroth, he was my idol, so I joined SOLDIER to be just like him. Stupid huh? Not to me, and not to Zack either. Instead of being cruel Zack…"

.o0()0o.

Well that makes chapter two you guys. Some of you wanted it to go on and so do I. On in the future there will be lemon, I almost never write a story without it, I'm just weird like that I guess.

I really think Zack was an awesome character and I'm pulling references from Last Order (anime made about ff7) and Advent Children (the movie, duh). You might not notice the Last Order references because they're settle and all that jazz.